This month Aunty’s bag contains a letter from a reader who wants to be pornstar, but doesn’t quite have the right tools.

Dear Aunty,

I want to be a pornstar but have been told that I don’t have the right sized cock. What do you think?

Perry, Cardiff


Dear Perry,

Thank you for the picture you sent me. It took a while to work out what it was at first but after a good magnifying glass over I realised it was your wilting John Thomas. The good thing about pornography is that no matter what you look like or what fantasies you have, there will bound to be a market somewhere for someone like you to fit in. Remember it’s not always about the size you’ve got it’s where you, well, I guess in your case rub it. As you sent the front view only I would assume you see yourself as more of a top figure, however, I would recommend if you want to get into the business, bend over and start sitting on as many people and objects you can find. That’s how I started. I ended up with such good grip down there I could build myself a flatpack Ikea table in just five minutes! I was an internet hit with AuntyAssembles.com

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Aunts xxx

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Have you ever had your prostate massaged?