Category: Review

The Gay UK Motoring Hounours list of 2016

What a year 2016 was. Over 30 new cars reviewed ranging from city cars, hatchbacks, pick-up trucks and big and small SUVs.

In the last year I have enjoyed what I have been given, been dismayed at what I had been given, annoyed and elated all at the same time. Well sort of. Some cars annoyed me in their stupidity of things while some I was full of admiration for how they did things. Sometimes it was because they didn’t do things that made me enjoy them all the more.

I have sat down and whittled it down to my top 3 of 2016. Let me know if you agree in the comments below.

3) Nissan Navara NP300 Tekna

Despite my local authority not liking the Navara as I was prevented from entering the dump with garden waste in it, I happened to love the Navara. Its sheer size and car like cabin made it a joy to be in. The fact that with its 360 degree camera made parking a breeze, it was really easy to live with. And you wouldn’t want to damage the Navara. It’s one ruddy handsome bastard.

Admittedly I did find it a bit wayward in 2 wheel drive mode because I was always unladen. Inner rear wheel spin was always there in the wet. Put it into 4 wheel drive and its manners became impeccable.

The interior was well thought out and well put together. The price was also enticing and possibly one of the many reasons as to why there are so many on the road. For wall that you get in the Tekna double cab package, it is so very cheap in price.

On the road it was smoother than an empty pick-up should be. It was also surprisingly quick. Apart from some vocalised engine noise, overall it was never harsh even over poor roads and it was macho. All that was missing on the options list was a testosterone package to make the interior smell of sweat and hard graft. That might have just elevated it to second place.

2) Peugeot 208 GTi Sport

Second places goes to a car that did nothing to annoy me. The simple fact that I could pull away without my seatbelt on was refreshingly nice. I know that sounds quite bad and is illegal, but when you want to move the car off the drive way it was so simple to do. The 208 put YOU back in control of decision making. If you so wanted you could also start the engine with it in gear. None of this foot on clutch or brake pedal nonsense.

What the 208 lacked in niceties and overall refinement it more than made up for it with its sheer brilliant chassis packaging and entertainment ability. A Peugeot this good as a road going go-kart has been a long time coming. The 206 and 207 lacked so much that l thought Peugeot had given up on making fun cars.

The point and squirt ability of the car made it a hoot to drive fast. It would get a bit hair raising if you pushed it to within an inch of its incredible abilities with a touch of over steer though unlike its great ancestor, the 205, it was all so much more easy to control.

Yes refinement over long journeys was an after thought in some ways. However if you want comfort in a GTi then don’t buy the Sport edition. And don’t buy it either if you want to carry people in the rear. Personally l don’t really care about rear leg room. I loved the 208.

1) Jeep Renegade Trialhawk

If I am honest I didn’t hold out much hope for the Jeep. In the past they had always been a bit hit and miss. Poor build quality and road going dynamics were sometimes in short supply. Enter Fiat who quickly changed that. The Renegade looked good, was well specced and throughly enjoyable.

There were a few things I didn’t like. Well 2 if I am honest. It didn’t look good in red and the mud splatter on the rev counter still haunts me probably more because it looked like poop and reminded me too much of my day job.

On the plus side the other little touches and attention to fine details were rewarding and pleasant. It was logical. It is big enough for what you need and yet small enough to make it easy to park. The long drive to Birmingham was a walk in the park and it handled a sudden lane change at speed like a sports car. Something I didn’t expect it to do.

At first I thought it wasn’t cheap at £31,765 (then) however when compared to its Fiat 500x sibling at £25,935, that extra £6 grand doesn’t seem a lot for what you got. Go the other way and spend another £6000 and you get the Cherokee M Jet we also tested. Suddenly for what you get it all starts looking like really good value.

And the fact that this has won “Best small 4×4” by 4×4 Magazine for two years in a row says it all. I wasn’t able to test its 4×4 ability but I won’t argue with 4×4 Magazines decision on this one. They know a few things about off roading.

So there you have it, my top three of 2016. There were some that were close to coming into my top 3 but they just missed it. If I were allowed a 3.5 then l would award that to ‘Giggles” the Renault Twingo. I grinned from ear to ear like a Cheshire cat with that one. That was one car I was very sad to see go back.

9th January 2017
FILM REVIEW | Retake

★★★ | Retake

An unusual love story takes place in the new film ‘Retake.’

But is it really a love story? Handsome businessman Jonathan (Tuc Watkins) has returned to San Francisco to relive a trip from his past – a trip that was with his late lover Brandon. So Jonathan picks up hustlers on the streets and pays them to play the role of Brandon by adding a few squirts of cologne and a black wig. One of the hustlers fails miserably at the task, however, another one, Adam (Devon Graye), who looks a bit like Brandon, easily settles into the role, enough so that Jonathan takes him on a car ride to the Grand Canyon, a trip that Jonathan and Brandon were never able to complete because of Brandon’s death from a drug overdose on the trip.

Jonathan has Adam totally re-enact Brandon’s persona – from having him wear his actual clothes to making sure he drinks Brandon’s favorite drink – and Jonathan also has Adam copy Brandon’s gestures. Lines are blurred when Adam starts acting like himself and Jonathan appears to be falling for Adam and not Adam’s Brandon. But will their relationship survive the road trip after Adam confronts Jonathan about photos he has found in his briefcase that all too weirdly mirrors the exact places and poses Jonathan had Brandon pose for on their ill-fated trip?

‘Retake,’ aptly named because of the re-staged photos with Adam, literally takes us on a journey of a man who tries to relive his past. Watkins is a bit stiff as Jonathan, however, Graye is everything you would want him to be; sexy, charming, flirty, fun, and after he cuts his hair to look like Brandon, handsome.

Writer and Director Nick Corporon brings us an original story that, though at times falls flat and and is a bit unbelievable, ultimately win our hearts and becomes one we can identify with for those of us who have suddenly lost a partner.

VOD/DVD release is on Jan. 10th

8th January 2017
60 SECOND FILM REVIEW | Star Wars Rogue One

ROGUE ONE: A STAR WARS STORY – Completely separate stand-alone Star Wars movie with all new characters telling the story that leads right up to the split second the original classic started back in 1977 when Leia leads the plans into R2D2 and Darth bursts through that door.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story..L to R: Jyn Erso (Felicity Jones) and Cassian Andor (Diego Luna)..Ph: Jonathan Olley..© 2016 Lucasfilm Ltd. All Rights Reserved.

Nutshell – The Empire is developing an ultimate weapon thought to be a planet killer which we of course we know becomes the Death Star. The Rebels have a plan to stop it which involves stealing its original plans which all goes well until Darth Vader turns up and then people start dying… an awful lot of people.

Running Time – 133 minutes; Certificate – 12A

Tagline – ‘Save The Rebellion, Save The Dream’

The Gay UK Factor – Loads of hot guys in uniforms makes for a good starting place. The second Star Wars in a row to have a female lead but this time we have a very sexy guy at her side in the form of the hottest Mexican you have ever seen Diego Luna playing Cassian Andor and boy does that tight rebel uniform sticks to him in all the right places – we wonder if all the other stormtroopers & rebels are also horse-hung as he appears to be.

Cast – Felicity Jones, Diego Luna, Adam Tudyk plus some major stars like Forest Whitaker, Mads Mikkelsen, Jimmy Smits and the very f**kable Ben Mendelsohn plus Peter Cushing and others photoshopped in for Seventies memory jerks.

Key Player – The Star Wars saga has produced the best three robots in cinema history – time to meet number Four. K2SO is a Seven-foot new favourite and this robot seems as though he has been a regular performer down the Comedy Store for ages – you will laugh a lot.

Budget – $200 Million the second biggest of the year and it is expected to make four times that back at least as there is little competition in theatres at present and it is only 11 months until the next one….Kerching !

Best Bit – 1.50 mins; Two of the main characters have to climb up a giant indoor tower in a control room under fire in the best action sequence in the movie – all very exciting, time is running out fast and will they both survive?

Worst Bit – 0.31 mins; With all new characters, it takes a bit of time to get going and there is a lot of introductions and expositions required. This is most apparent in a drawn out prison scene when you have really come to see lazer duels and starship battles.

Little Secret – The inside of the Death Star was filmed at Canary Wharf underground station outside of normal hours. The most famous scene in the trailer where the lead female character on a platform comes face to face with a Tie fighter is not in the movie at all surprisingly but will be on the DVD release in 2017

Further Viewing – Star Wars 1 – 7 are basic canon for the enjoyment of this also try Star Trek 1-13, Battlestar Galactica, Independence Day, The Black Hole and a million other spaceship battle movies that have become big-screen staples or anything with loads of sword battles like say Game of Thrones before it became repetitive.

Any Good – This is very impressive stuff and with a tonne of surprises linked with a multitude of nostalgia and throwbacks to earlier (or later) films. The British director breaks a lot of rules here yet sticks to the standard plot build up of the recent SW movies. This will make megabucks and deservedly so and now we head into the Fortieth Anniversary year with the biggest movie yet on the horizon and one a year guaranteed from now on so it’s good times if you feel the force and bad news if you prefer Poldark, Grantchester and Downton type snore bores.

Rating – 86% out of a hundred (That’s 10% up from the Force Awakens)

30th December 2016
CLASSIC CAR REVIEW | Volvo 265 GLE

Volvo 265 GLE | Luxury Load Lugger

When someone says “think Volvo” there are many things that you think of. If you are mechanically minded you might think of extreme safety. If you are a gentleman with a liking of old things, you think of cavernous boots and the ability to carry grandfather clocks.

If you are gay you think of uber-posh socialite Margo Leadbetter and her much put-upon husband Jerry. You also think of Felicity Kendal too. Before you came out you had a bit of a thing for her doe-eyed good looks. Anyway, I digress about myself, we are talking Volvo, not vulva.

The 1974 Volvo 200 series from front bumper to the bulkhead was all new. From front screen and beyond it was the same as the 100 series it replaced, give or take, a bit of trim here and there. The frontal area was treated to a sloping wedge as first seen in 1972 with the VESC (Volvo Experimental Safety Car) Other important changes related to the brakes that were discs all-round and rack and pinion steering with power assistance available on higher specification models.

To differentiate the 260 model with its V6 engine over the 240 4-cylinder was the grill being enlarged and upright while the bonnet had a protruding ledge that sat over the grill. They also gave it square headlights and some chrome brightwork trim. You couldn’t say it made it look a million dollars compared to the lesser 240s but it added a visual difference to let those out there know that you had bought a flagship model from Sweden.

What did try to look like a million dollars was when Volvo asked Italian coachbuilder Bertone to build the 262C coupe version. A two2 door low-roofed version built between 1977 to 1981. It wasn’t money well spent. The 200 didn’t have sex appeal and removing two doors and having an elephant sit on the roof did nothing to further its appeal.

The Volvo 265 GLE estate was an expensive car. As is the example here, in 1978 it cost £7800. For that money, you did, however, get the PRV V6 from Peugeot, Renault, Volvo (hence the name) and leather luxury. It also came with air-conditioning, all-round electric windows, electric door mirrors and headlight wipers. In an estate, this was top-notch luxury.

Estate car drivers in the 70s and through most of the 80s were treated as second-rate motorists. Very few offered luxury to the carryall estate.

Ford offered luxury options on their estate versions. In comparison to price, the Ford Granada Ghia was available with a better V6 option and cheaper too. Datsun offered the generously appointed wooden clad 280C for less. If you were not after such luxury but instead favoured sheer carrying capacity and technical advancements, then you could have the Citroën CX Safari.

It’s not that the Volvo 200 series was without its technical advancements. It’s just that they were all pretty much hidden under the skin. Unlike the bumpers that were there to remove your skin should you walk into them. Big bumpers were a thing of Volvo styling. Mostly born out of American legislation for 5mph impact bumpers, Volvo fitted them to everything they imported into Europe too. Toymaker Matchbox even got in on the act and fitted an impact bumper to there Superking Volvo 245 model.

This big bold bumper took on a form of styling cue that Volvo then used when redesigning the 100 series to the 200 and the square bumper resulted in keeping the square styling. And this went onto became the new design language used by Volvo until they learnt that they could blend them into the bodywork.

The legendary bumpers that were sometimes fitted with reflective stripes across them were not the only visual things you could see. A Swedish trick was that the side lights illuminated all the time. Better to be seen with a 5-watt bulb glowing then none at all. Swedish regulations also stated that a headlight wash system was available too.

Under the skin, the engineering department of Volvo was busy bringing collapsible steering columns and crumple zones into the main arena of car design and brochure print. Volvo was sold as a safe car. The 200 series also had door bars.

This was in 1974. It took the rest of the world over 20 years to catch up.

Indeed Volvo had a bit of an obsession with crashing their cars. In their home country, word was that if a Volvo was involved in an accident they would study the crashed car, makes notes and use it to further their enviable reputation for safety.

Owner Graeme has owned this example for two years. In that time he hasn’t had to do anything to 64,000 mile “Burt” except give it a good wash and wax and regular servicing. The car is totally original and comes with dealer fit options like tow bar and front fog lamps.

Riding in the 265 you are immersed in the then luxury of the 1970s. The leather has really stood the test of time. The general fit and feel of the car is as good as it was back in 1978. The doors shut with a hefty thud. Much to the annoyance of your neighbours, you can’t shut them quietly or they won’t shut at all. Not that you would care about waking them up.

The 265 was a car for the affluent man.

It all worked well. That V6 engine, however, did not. Fitted to the hopeless Borg-Warner automatic 3-speed box it makes a terrible mess of an engine that won praise in the Peugeot 604 and Renault 30.

Sadly according to the DVLA, there are only 7 265GLE estates left on the UK roads. It might look as soft around the edges as a fresh stack of post-it notes but this car revolutionised car safety and if you’ve ever been in an accident, chances are it was this car genetics that saved your life.

Thanks to Andrew Wood for the use of the Matchbox toy picture.

GCCG member Graeme for use of his Volvo.

20th December 2016
THEATRE REVIEW | Charming Dick

★★★ | Charming Dick

Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without a couple of cut-price synthetic-fibre-clad drag queens, a Eurovision medley, and a huge sack full of festive double entendres and innuendos – we at THEGAYUK can’t wait for Kris Kringle to cum down our chimney – falalalala la la la la.

Producer Catia Ciarico and The Royal Vauxhall Tavern’s production of Charming Dick has more puns than letters to Santa requesting penis pumps. If you’ve a penchant for musical theatre, know your way around a winklepicker-tapping Dolly Parton number and the melody to ‘Money Money Money’ sends your baubles into a figgy-pudding frenzy, then this should be right up your North Pole.

Charming Dick is a posing-pouch-packed with everything an adult yuletide panto should be, audience participation – “oh yes there is”. A Twankey (Tim McArthur), a wicked witch (Matthew Floyd), a prince (Stewart Briggs) a Little Red Riding Hood/blind mouse/chem-sex party fag-hag (Abigail Carter-Simpson) and of course, a Big Dick (Ali Frederick). Imagine Westminster City Council as the witch, then you’ve got the Noel narrative.

Not every scene was like skating around the rink at Somerset House, a few of the lines took the same route as the lemon does with the Turkey on the nut-cracking day, and the ‘Twelve Day Of Christmas’ almost got lost in a snow-hole – but it all added to the jingle-belling jollity. Any mince pie indulgence from the derrieres-on-seats would have been worked off with the continuous guffaws.

This is a stuffer for your stocking, a trimming for your tree, full of festive vulgarity – head to the Cockpit Theatre and we hope you ‘Oh Cum All Ye Faithful’.

If we gave halves – we’d give three-and-half.

The Cockpit Theatre, Gateforth Street, London NW8 8EH 6 – 23 December 2016 | Doors at 7pm, show at 8pm  £16 (adv), £18 (on the door), £12 (conc) | www.thecockpit.org.uk | | 020 7258 2925

14th December 2016
CAR REVIEW | Volvo S90 D4 Inscription

★★★★ | Volvo S90 D4 Inscription

For the sheer quantity of the steel, this is quite a cheap car but don’t let that put you off. List price for the Inscription starts at £35,555.

On first acquaintance, I thought “I can’t drive this. The seat is too low” So low that I couldn’t actually see over the bonnet. Thankfully the seat has many adjustments and the £350 premium for this, is, money well spent.

We have a problem in the UK when it comes to large executive cars. We buy German. The French, Italians, the Japanese – for all the manufacturers there are, don’t send their luxo barges here anymore. We are to blame. So Volvo is hoping to take a slice of the action with their new S90 model. This could be reflective in their very competitive pricing and realistic sales forecast of around 2000 units a year. So don’t expect to see many in the carparks.

That in itself is a shame. Even in its light metallic blue colour, it is a handsome car. Executive cars tend to look their best in darker shades. The S90 is a well-proportioned design. Something Volvo has done a great job on because the S90 is a big car.

Everything is large in the S90. A trip to the Swedish flat-pack store revealed just how big it was. There was no need to fold down the rear seat. I experienced being a passenger in two places. First in the boot. It’s big enough for 2 bodies. The floor is flat and below the floor is the spare wheel and tools.

Rear seat room is also more than generous. Probably over generous if I am honest. The low-slung body belies the amount of headroom in the rear too. The rear seat is sadly lacking in under-thigh support for long legs. That said, leg room with me as a driver is more than ample.

The weather turned cold during my test. What did surprise me was the lack of a heated front screen yet the sonar for the car’s secondary safety features within the screen does have a heated element. It is a big screen to scrape on a cold day. Thankfully the S90 comes equipped with heated seats and steering wheel.

While I enjoyed the auto brakes in traffic, the auto handbrake has one massive annoyance. Unless you clunk click on the seat belt, it won’t let you drive off. This caught me out several times. Just moving the car on the drive resorted in wheel spin and a dragging of rear wheels. It just wouldn’t let go. Switch that system off and it doesn’t bother you.

The startup was quick if a little noisy. The 1969cc 190bhp diesel made you aware when it was cold. Once warm the usual diesel noises became subdued. Thankfully they became very subdued. Switch the optional £3000 Bowers and Wilkins speakers off and any noise would become apparent. It was eerily quiet, just what you would expect for this type of car. A nice feature for the stereo is where it put the sound. For most of the time, I had it set for driver enjoyment.

Driving the S90 is a pleasure. I covered quite a few miles during my test and I have to say it is a nice place to be. The ambience has been well thought out. Gentle lights within the doors just add something special to it. The polished aluminium trim is nicely set off by the wood coverings. It’s not over the top. It’s just right. At night time it is rather beautiful.

The S90 belies its modest 2-litre engine. That 400Nm of torque is available within a short rev range low down from 1750rpm. There is no turbo lag and put into ‘dynamic’ mode it heightens the throttle response making a rapid car feel more wild and feral. On the go this is marvellous, however, it does flag up a problem when stationary. That low down torque arrives quickly meaning pulling out in traffic is safe albeit a little messy with sudden wheelspin which is then curtailed by the traction control system.

The ride and handling are worlds apart from one another yet they compliment. The ride is supple and soothing. Never too harsh and certainly not Germanic. That in itself is quite refreshing. The handling, however, is not poised or crisp. The S90 is not a sports saloon in the BMW M5 guise. Don’t be fooled into thinking it is despite its ability to cover miles very quickly. What you do get is an overall pleasantness that is like driving with your Zen turned up to the max. I liked it very much.

Parking the Swedish barge is not a problem. It comes with assisted parking, reverse camera or 360-degree camera. All very easy to operate. The park assist is a clever bit of wizardry. A tight space in my road was child’s play for it both getting in and out. Now for all its techno toys it comes with crash prevention in its various forms, what did surprise me was that it wouldn’t stop during these manoeuvres. You had to hit the brakes.

The touchscreen infotainment system also adds to the nice feeling. It does pretty much everything from heating, stereo and satnav. The problem some systems have is they are too small for everything they have to cover. The S90 has a screen almost as big as an iPad and very quickly you find yourself navigating it without taking your eyes off the road. If I could award the car five stars I would on this beautifully thought out piece of kit.

Sadly it all goes wrong with the tactility of one important item. The outer door trims. For this loaded to the max S90 at £47,380 I didn’t expect to feel a harsh moulding line within the door frame trim. Now if only a little bit more time was spent on this trim. Not that this is going to be too much of a problem for the S90. The Swedish police who are very strict about their choice of police cars are about to take delivery. Now if it’s good enough for them, it’s more than good enough for all of us.

Like

Ease of system
Ambience especially at night
Comfort

Dislike

Some trim finish
Reverse camera angle
Won’t let you drive off without a seatbelt on when auto handbrake is selected

The Lowdown

Car – Volvo S90 D4 Inscription
Price – £47,380 (as tested)
MPG – 64.2 (combined)
Power – 190 bhp
0-62mph – 8.2 seconds

13th December 2016
THEATRE REVIEW | Buried Child

✭✭✭ | Buried Child

CREDIT: Buried Child

If you want to see Ed Harris sitting on a couch for close to three hours, then Buried Child is the show for you.

Harris, film and television star, is excellent as Dodge, the father of two sons (dysfunctional doesn’t even come close to describing them). He lives in an old, ram shackled dilapidated house in Illinois with his wife Halie (Harris’ real-life wife Amy Madigan), who pops up in the first and third acts. Yes, this play has three acts, with two very quick ten-minute intervals between the acts. The last show I saw that had three acts, (The Intelligent Homosexual’s Guide to Capitalism and Socialism with a Key to the Scriptures), was very painful to sit through and felt a bit like Chinese water torture. Buried Child, playing at Trafalgar Studios, is not that bad but it still feels like a long show.

Harris does spend the whole time on centre stage, on the sofa, and he’s even on the sofa before the show even starts. Dodge and Halie share their home, unwillingly, with their two grown up sons. They’ve obviously missed the financial gravy train and are unfortunately tethered to their poor lot in life. One son, Bradley (Gary Shelford), never left home, and who continues to bring into the house freshly dug up vegetables from no one knows where because there’s not a garden anywhere near the house. Tilden (Barnaby Kay), who used to live in New Mexico, has returned to the family homestead because of an incident that happened there. It’s up to Halie to be the sane member of the family, this is until their grandson Vince (Jeremy Irvine), son of Tilden, arrives in town with his girlfriend Shelly (Charlotte Hope). Immediately Shelly is uncomfortable in the house full of Vince’s miserable and depressed and sick grandfather, father and uncle. But there is a family secret that’s slightly mentioned which peaks Charlotte’s curiosity, and she wants to find out more. Meanwhile, Vince goes to the grocery store to buy booze for his grandfather because the bottle he had under the couch is missing, and while Charlotte is speaking to Bradley and wanting to know more about this secret and starts nagging a bit too much, he puts his hand into her mouth (at this point if I were her I would’ve run out of that house). But the secret that has doomed this troubled family is literally, and eventually, out of the bag, but not before Vince goes missing for the rest of the night and Halie returns home with the family pastor who’s just as uncomfortable in the house as Charlotte is. But it’s not until the final scene that leaves you with an image that you won’t soon forget.

Buried Child is a very wordy play. perhaps a bit too wordy, but it being a Sam Shepard play, there is lots that is over dramatic, over the top, and bordering close to the unbelievable. Surely cutting out one act would’ve made this play more biting, sharper and dramatic instead of long-winded, but director Scott Elliott is able, just, to keep the drama and tension up, while maintaining, until the very end, the mystery of this family’s tragic existence on earth.

Buried Child is now playing at Trafalgar Studios until February 18, 2017.

11th December 2016
THEATRE REVIEW | Strictly Ballroom – The Musical – West Yorkshire Playhouse, Leeds

★★★★| Hunky dance champion, Scott Hastings throws the uptight world of the Australian Ballroom Federation into disarray when he strays from tradition and introduces his own steps onto the dance floor of the competition. Horrifying his mother, his coach, his friends and, most importantly, the federation’s chairman, his new moves ignite a spark in Fran, the dance school’s ugly duckling. As Scott rejects his potential new partners and routines, he secretly practices with Fran, falling in love as they do. But as they head to the Pan-Pacific Grand Prix Finals, not everything on the judging panel is ‘strictly ballroom’, and Scott is forced to choose between dancing from the approved moves and dancing from his heart.

In 1992, Baz Luhrmann opened his Red Curtain Trilogy of films with this offbeat satire on the world of ballroom dancing and the film quickly garnered critical praise and cult status. The show has come full circle, moving from stage to screen and back to stage in a production which is wildly vivacious, colourful and as camp as they come. Featuring songs from the film along with a number of new musical numbers, the camp factor is ramped up to the max, with the whole thing swishing around in a swirl of sequins, feathers, 80’s pastel shades and deliberately dodgy wigs.

Broadway veteran Sam Lips makes his UK theatre debut in the role of Scott, with his strengths primarily in his voice and his dancing; whilst Gemma Sutton relishes in a believable transformation from shy wall flower to leading lady, as Fran. Richard Grieve steals every scene he is in with his portrayal of the flamboyant Les Kendall and there are brilliantly understated performances from Tasmin Carroll and Stephen Matthews as Scott’s parents. Flesh out the cast with an ensemble of excellent dancers, including a plethora of perfect pecs and bulging biceps and you have a top notch cast who are clearly enjoying themselves as much as the audience.

The ingenious set design by Soutra Gilmour opened out into the key locations with remarkable versatility and comfortably accommodates Drew McOnie’s steady direction and thoroughly enjoyable choreography. The first act focuses primarily on the narrative, which never strays too far from the familiar film, whilst the second act opens up into a barrage of musical numbers which are unyielding from the opening number right up until the curtain falls, bringing the crown to their feet in thunderous approval.

With Strictly Come Dancing riding high in the public consciousness, the UK premiere of Strictly Ballroom is well timed, and proves just as undemanding but far more enjoyable than its nearest television counterpart. Whilst underneath the glitz, glam and gayness of it all, there is a rather corny Pygmalion-eque love story, this is one evening at the theatre that is more about the joy of the journey rather than the destination. Cheesy, tongue in cheek and with a distinct flavour of both irony and homage to the art form, it’s a smile inducing spectacle, and one can only hope that a national tour will follow.

Musicals really don’t come any gayer than this, and the show is a piece of unadulterated, joyous, feel-good theatre.

Strictly Ballroom is currently playing at West Yorkshire Playhouse, Leeds until 21st January 2017. For tickets, further information and details of their new season, visit their website at www.wyp.org.uk or call the box office on 0113 213 7700

8th December 2016
FILM REVIEW | The Pass

★★★★ | The Pass

CREDIT: Grapevine Digital

Two footballer players end up scoring with each other in Ben A. Williams feature film debut The Pass, which was recently featured at London’s BFI Film Festival.

The Pass take place in a ten-year time span which tracks the relationship between two Premiership football players. There’s always been some kind of chemistry and attraction between James (an electric and very good Russell Tovey) and Ade (Arinzé Kene – Hollyoaks – also very good). We meet both of them while they’re sharing a hotel room in 2006 in Bulgaria right before one of their first big matches. They’re both very young, and they’re also both very fit, masculine and extremely sexy, and they spend the first third of the movie in their tight white underwear.

James and Ade are talking lads stuff, having a laugh about other players, and watching a video that was taken of another player having sex. The sex talk continues, and the banter goes something like ‘getting as hard as your sister sitting on my face.’ They’re playing around with each other; it’s hot, it’s erotic, it gets brutal and homophobic, plus, we find out later, it leads to more than just talk.

The Pass takes us beyond the hotel room to tell us the story of the relationship between these two men, but especially about the relationship James has with himself. He’s all man, a star footballer, with all the trappings of stardom; money, women, celebrity, and eventually a wife with two kids. But he’s also battling with his sexuality, and even though he buys whatever, and whomever, he wants when he wants it, the thing he wants most is out of his reach. And when he’s questioned about his sexuality by a woman who has been paid to videotape having sex with him, he wants to go through with it, just to prove to the world (and obviously to himself) that he’s not gay. He’s a man who is not able to accept who he is and who he really wants to be with.

The Pass is 88 minutes of purely charged up adrenaline. It’s a movie that’s full of dialogue, dialogue that goes from playful banter to sexually-charged hi-jinks, up to and including the final third scene of the movie, which involves a hotel bellboy that’s a bit over the top. But it’s not to take away from a movie that brings up a real issue – that there is not one out gay football player in the game now.

Let’s hope this film opens up the dialogue that it’s fine for a player to come out of the closet. Originally produced for the Royal Court Theatre in 2014, The Pass makes an excellent transition to the big screen. Kene brings a real toughness kindled with a bit of softness to his role, but it’s Tovey who owns the movie. He’s never been better; his James is battling with his sexuality while at the same time trying to uphold his image. Tovey is electrifying and is at the top of his game. This is one pass that you have to catch.

The Pass is out in cinemas this Friday.

7th December 2016
THEATRE REVIEW | Thebes Land

★★★★ | Thebes Land

CREDIT: Alex Brenner

Our fascination with murder shows no sign of waning. Crime fiction, newspaper headlines and ‘true life’ series like Making a Murderer and Serial present tales that are still as grimly compelling to us as the story of Oedipus murdering his father was to the ancient Greeks. ‘Thebes Land’ promises us the story of Martin, a young man who has committed a particularly grisly act of patricide. Not only is documentary maker ‘T’ going to tell us about the story of how he met Martin in order to write this play but he’s also going to present the real Martin on stage. The audience are safe, though. Martin is contained in a 3-metre high wire cage, as per Home Office regulations. Or is he up on the balcony under armed guard? Or is he watching us watching him via video-link?

Daniel Goldman’s cleverly adapted version of this South American piece is a wily beast of a play. It beguiles, tricks and twists until the audience aren’t quite sure what to believe at any point. It starts innocuously enough and promises to be a slightly dry but nonetheless intriguing academic discourse on the nature of theatre-making and storytelling. That’s the first trick of many. It’s a whole lot more than that. What evolves is multifaceted with reflections on multiple issues including the father/son relationship, truth and ego.

It’s a lot more than that too. It’s a grisly crime story, it’s titillating (whilst making you feel perturbed that it’s titillating) and it has a disturbing undertone of sexual tension that crops up between the two men. Hell, it even has a weird little segment where there’s a Whitney Houston number. There’s so much contained here that it leaves you reeling at points and not sure what to think about next.

There is the odd discordant moment where the self-mocking misses the mark but these are few and far between and the two actors are entirely credible. There’s something impish, attractive and likeable about Trevor White’s ‘T’ and Alex Austin gives good vulnerable but terrifying disaffected youth. If you like to be toyed with and want an unconventional night at the theatre then head down to The Arcola and take a cage-side seat. You won’t regret it.

Thebes Land plays at the Arcola Theatre until 23rd December

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7th December 2016
THEATRE REVIEW | Beauty On The Piste

✭✭ | Beauty on the Piste

CREDIT: Above The Stag

It’s Panto season in case you’ve been hiding under a rock, and with that comes shows that are silly and campy, some good and more than a few not so good. But does it really matter?

This year’s panto at Above the Stag is Beauty on the Piste, a reimagining of Disney’s Beauty and the Beast, and it’s exactly what you would expect, but perhaps a bit less.

This is the plot, in a nutshell: Morag (David Moss) and her son Mac (an adorable Ross Tucker) own a tea house high up in the mountains in a town called Les De Nice (Les Dennis – cue laugh here).

Passing by the tea house is the young lithe and blond boy Beau (Joshua Oakes-Rogers) and his father Gustav (Andrew Truluck). Beau is eternally horny and always on Grindr (we’re getting tired of Grindr being in almost every gay play nowadays). But nearby is where The Beast (Jamie Coles) lives, behind huge gates in an old mansion, and he’s hardly ever seen.

One night Morag and Gustav decide to take a walk to get to know each other better, but they are kidnapped by The Beast, and it’s up to Morag and Beau to go looking for them. They find them in The Beast’s home, and Beau trades places with his father to let him free, and it’s only a matter of time before sparks fly between Beau and The Beast. But trouble lies on the horizon; the gay Sebastian St. Moritz (Simon Burr), who owns lots of the property in Les De Nice, wants to raise the rent of the tea house, so what’s the newly rescued Morag and her son going to do? Throw in Mabel the Fairy (a cute Briony Rawie), and The Beasts housekeeper – Heidi (Ellen Butler) – who keeps morphing into various items one finds in the house- and what you’ve got is a show, with a sing-a-long, that’s full of glitter and glee.

Does it matter that the songs are awful? No!

Does it matter that this production is not one of the Stag’s better shows? No!

And does it matter that most (if not all) of the cast can’t sing? Of course not!

Why?

Because you’re not going to see Beauty on the Piste because it is sold out for the rest of it’s run! So perhaps console (or congratulate) yourself and buy a ticket to their next production – Bitches Ahoy – a show that bills itself as a “gay holiday hilarity” – hopefully it’s a return to the Stag’s better quality shows. Just one month to go until Panto season ends, whew!

Just one month to go until Panto season ends, whew!

Beauty On the Piste plays at Above The Stag until 14th January 2017

6th December 2016