★★★ | Charming Dick

Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without a couple of cut-price synthetic-fibre-clad drag queens, a Eurovision medley, and a huge sack full of festive double entendres and innuendos – we at THEGAYUK can’t wait for Kris Kringle to cum down our chimney – falalalala la la la la.

Producer Catia Ciarico and The Royal Vauxhall Tavern’s production of Charming Dick has more puns than letters to Santa requesting penis pumps. If you’ve a penchant for musical theatre, know your way around a winklepicker-tapping Dolly Parton number and the melody to ‘Money Money Money’ sends your baubles into a figgy-pudding frenzy, then this should be right up your North Pole.

Charming Dick is a posing-pouch-packed with everything an adult yuletide panto should be, audience participation – “oh yes there is”. A Twankey (Tim McArthur), a wicked witch (Matthew Floyd), a prince (Stewart Briggs) a Little Red Riding Hood/blind mouse/chem-sex party fag-hag (Abigail Carter-Simpson) and of course, a Big Dick (Ali Frederick). Imagine Westminster City Council as the witch, then you’ve got the Noel narrative.

Not every scene was like skating around the rink at Somerset House, a few of the lines took the same route as the lemon does with the Turkey on the nut-cracking day, and the ‘Twelve Day Of Christmas’ almost got lost in a snow-hole – but it all added to the jingle-belling jollity. Any mince pie indulgence from the derrieres-on-seats would have been worked off with the continuous guffaws.

This is a stuffer for your stocking, a trimming for your tree, full of festive vulgarity – head to the Cockpit Theatre and we hope you ‘Oh Cum All Ye Faithful’.

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If we gave halves – we’d give three-and-half.

The Cockpit Theatre, Gateforth Street, London NW8 8EH
6 – 23 December 2016 | Doors at 7pm, show at 8pm 
£16 (adv), £18 (on the door), £12 (conc) | www.thecockpit.org.uk | | 020 7258 2925