THEGAYUK

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COLUMN | When all I needed was a Hand Shandy

Why can’t I concentrate today?

Kurious / Pixabay

My browser crashed and I deleted all of my passwords and all of my history. So much porn lost to posterity. I doubt I have the wank-power to recover all the links again.

I have arthritis in my knees. Would have thought it should have struck the right wrist years ago and only a matter of time before my jaw starts clicking! If only I had insured against repetitive strain injury as a teenage rent boy.

Oh yes; back to my concentration. It is shot; which is more than can be said for me. That’s the problem – I need to ‘tug the junk to de-spunk’ and then normal service will be resumed.


GET US IN YOUR INBOX



The clues were there all of the time. I have Recon and Fabguys open beeping with a constant stream of messages that herald the arrival of another fetish scene or dick-pic. Alongside me, on the table, my phone is demanding my attention as I get notification sounds from Grindr.

OMG! That image has to have been photo-shopped. No, he really can go down that far on a traffic cone. Why would you do that? What chance would my tiny todger have to make an impression? Why did I open the 2nd image? Once the traffic cone is removed he has a bum hole like a chewed Orange, an old golf bag or a Wizards sleeve. That didn’t help at all, just left me with a flaccid member.

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“Once the traffic cone is removed he has a bum hole like a chewed Orange, an old golf bag or a Wizards sleeve”.

Please, Headmaster put me out of my misery. I see you think I deserve a spanking. Well, of course, it might help, but we usually save those sorts of treats for a Sunday afternoon when the neighbour goes out for her afternoon walk. You know how the swish of the cane and my yelping in pain sets her miniature poodle off.

Ninety-nine change hands and; better mop that up with a tissue or two.

Now, where was I? Understanding thermonuclear gigawatt converters and their use in a DeLorean or Tardis for beginners…

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