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  • EDITOR’S LETTER: Coming Out

    Coming Out is a different story for every single person. Some have joy, some have sorrow but most have relief.

    I remember before I came out (I was in a relationship with a guy for 2 years at that point) I was petrified about outing myself. I thought lightening would crack me down, the ground would swallow me up. I worried that I’d haemorrhage friends like cash out of an Icelandic bank and that somehow every plan I had ever made for my future would suddenly become null and void. I was, however, aching to be free of this self-incarceration. I wanted to talk gay things, I wanted to talk about my relationship, I wanted to be myself – which when you’re bound by your own inhibitions is a crippling impossibility. I felt I had no voice.

    Plucking up courage and with 2 bottles of wine inside me (okay it was cheaper than wine – I was at university – so it’s excusable). I decided to come out to a friend,

    “Yes dear, we know, the whole university knows…” was the numbed response in-between smoking his Marlboro lights. I couldn’t believe it.

    “Really?” I said,

    “Yes, now pass more Lambrini!”

     

    So that was it. No lightening, no earth shattering and miraculously I hadn’t become a social pariah overnight. The next day, I felt open, more relaxed, I was easier.

    I am lucky because of my set of circumstances: the university course I was on, the city I live in, the country I was born. It’s easier than ever to be gay in the UK and I never take that for granted. We don’t live in a country were our very existence is abhorrent to the society at large. You won’t be stoned, put too death or spend a life-time in prison for being gay – and for that we should be proud.

    You may feel that people won’t understand, that your family will disown you and that the world will disappear down the toilet if you decide to come out, but more likely you’ll get a shrug of the shoulders and a:

     

    “If you’re happy, we’re happy…”

     

    You don’t need to come out in a huge explosion of confetti, glitter and gold lamé, you don’t need Liza Minnelli to attend the after party, you don’t even need to tell everybody, but coming out, I believe, is one of the most important civilisation changers we can do. It’s only because of our gay forefathers’ campaigning that we enjoy the civil freedoms we have today and they achieved that by coming out and having a public voice. You see coming out gives us a voice. It gives You a voice.

     

    Drunkenly or otherwise, I gave myself a voice 12 years ago when I came out in that dorm room. A voice that I have never regretted.

     

    This month is dedicated to Coming Out and new beginnings. We’re asking for your stories and your contributions. Visit www.thehub.thegayuk.com if you want to share your story.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COMMENT: I’m Coming Out

    Ok, I’ve decided to come out.” How much further out can you get” I hear you ask.

    Well, we’re not talking sexuality here. We’re talking about something much more contentious and something that carries a whole lot more prejudice. Age.

    My age is something I’ve purposely shrouded in a certain amount of mystery for quite a few years now. Look around the internet and you’ll see it documented as anything between 38 (on one or two rather old websites) and 55. The truth is something of a surprise even to me. If someone had told me when I was 20 that I’d still be gogo dancing, or making a living out of sex at the age I am now, I’d have told them they were mad. People of my age were old. They didn’t have sex anymore and they sure as hell never took their clothes off in public, except maybe at the beach, and then only to swim.

    For months before my recent birthday, I’d been subconsciously dreading the event. I decided against a big party or any big fuss. I hid my birth date on facebook to avoid the inevitable deluge of birthday wishes from people I’ve never met. My intention was to let the day slip by much like any other day. That way, I figured, I didn’t have to think of any big change occurring; and actually it worked. I don’t feel any different now from how I did before this momentous event. The day arrived and nothing changed. I was able to lift the same weight as I always did in the gym. I was able to keep up the same intensity in my cardio workouts. The mere fact that I am embarking on another decade of my life does not make me a different person. Anyway most, no all of those I reveal my true age to, are open mouthed with disbelief. And indeed what have I got to moan about? I’m fit. I’m healthy. I’ve finally got most of my insecurities out of the way. I actually like who I am. What’s more, I may once have thought that older guys didn’t have much luck in the sex department, but actually I find it easier to pull now than I ever did, and most of the guys who run after me are young enough to be my son, some could even be my grandson. They all think I’m younger than I am, but when I tell them my true age, really that seems to turn them on even more. I’m trying to think of the downsides, but honestly I can’t . There surely hasn’t been a better time to be able to call oneself a “daddy”.

    Society has its version of what I should be like now, but I have no interest in it. Society likes to pigeonhole people, put them in boxes, but I’ve resisted all efforts to define myself by strict parameters all my life. Why should I stop now? Those multiple choice questions with little boxes you tick never seem to apply to me. I always need an extra one for the option “none of the above”.

    The young guys at Soho gym, where I work out, think I should tell the world how old I am, more than one of them exclaiming, “I want to be like you when I get to your age!” “You’re an inspiration!” said another, “you should be proud”.

    So that’s it. I’m coming out. At least to those of you who read this blog. A while back I turned 60. As I said, I let this momentous event slip by without any real fuss, but I did do something to celebrate. I was asked to gogo dance at a club and I did. I did this for one reason only – because I can. Well maybe there was one other reason. When I’m 70, or 80, or 90, I want to be able to say I was still gogo dancing when I was 60. For, you see, it is just a number. It does not define who I am or what I can do. I am me and I will adapt to the passing years in my own way, not the way society would thrust upon me.

    Greg Mitchell is a contributor to The Gay UK. You can read more of Greg’s writing atwww.thegregmitchell.blogspot.com

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • THEATRE: The Importance Of Being Earnest

    So, most of us know all about Oscar Wilde?

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  • Kylie To Release New Album

    Hold on to your hats peoples…

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  • Gay Films Selected For BFI London Film Festival

    After the success of last year’s LFF, with the UK premieres of British breakout success WEEKEND, Tribeca winner SHE MONKEYS and Cannes Queer Palme winner, BEAUTY, Peccadillo Pictures are proud to announce that we have two films officially selected for this year’s BFI London Film Festival, which takes place from the 10th – 21st October.

    These include the stunning KEEP THE LIGHTS ON from acclaimed director Ira Sachs (Forty Shades of Blue) and this year’s official Cannes Un Certain Regard entry, OUR CHILDREN starring A PROPHET’s Tahar Rahim, Niels Arestrup, with a blistering performance from Emilie Dequenne (Rosetta), who took home the Un Certain Regard Best Actress prize at this year’s Cannes Film Festival.

    Both films will have theatrical releases in 2012 and 2013, respectively.

  • The Big Gay 10K

    PACE Health and London Friend have joined together to organize the Big Gay 10K and Village Fete.

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  • COMMENT: Pride, Who Cares?

    This weekend is possibly one of the busiest on the Pride circuit for 2012, and warm ‘Pride’ greetings to you all in Brighton, Grimsby, Cardiff, Barnsley and here in Leicester.

    Once again members of the LGBT community will be celebrating their sexuality in public, and cities and towns enjoying the diversity that the LGBT community gives to each of their respective locations; and this is truly wonderful and great, and reflects the time and open society which we in the UK live.

    I wonder though, how many of the revelers will spare a thought for those in other parts of the world where ‘Pride’ is not a party, where sometimes it is a struggle or a fight against oppression or criminalisation; where being gay doesn’t mean a drunken party in a park, but means imprisonment or possibly stoning or death, purely because they love someone of the same sex? Sadly I suspect very few of us celebrating this weekend will even give this a second thought; if we see a stall in the ‘marketplace’ we will probably walk by and ignore it, after all £3 for a bottle of WDK is much better value than the same amount could do for our persecuted bothers and sisters across the world.

    Looking through the programmes for several of the events this weekend their seems to be little or no sign of any campaigning or political speakers or messages which focus on campaigning for our rights whether it be marriage equality here in the UK or more general gay rights and freedoms elsewhere in the world.

    We will be quite happy being fed the normal diet of gay ‘culture’ the jaded drag queen we have all seen a thousand times before; the second rate X Factor rejects; the D list celebrities who ‘troll’ theirway round the pride circuit trying to revive their sagging careers. Where now is the campaigning spirit and fight that once pride were about; we now have parades rather than marches; we don’t even mention ‘gay or LGBT’ in our event titles now (of the 4 events this Saturday none mention LGBT or Gay); do we really believe that ‘Pride’ is now a brand so strong that we don’t need to call it gay, or has Pride just become an excuse for a piss up on a park, devoid from spirit, fight and conscience?

    In the UK, having gained freedoms and rights over the last 45 years, which older members of the LGBT community could never have imagined in their wildest dreams back in the 1950s we seem to have sat back and said thank you very much and now believe we ‘have it all’ We don’t, and neither do other parts of the world.

    So perhaps, as we walk proudly on our pride parades to bemusement or applause from the city shoppers we pass by, and watch the same mediocre acts on our stages across the country, we might just think about what we have, how we got there, what we need to do to retain these rights and to gain the same freedoms for our brothers and sisters across the globe.
    Visit the campaigning stalls on the park, sign their petitions, put some money into their collecting tins; remember we are as a community much more diverse than the fare we are served up at pride events, and if you don’t see any of these campaigning organisations or hear a speaker asking for your support for LGBT campaigns start asking some difficult questions of your local pride organisers ( who do a tremendous job for nothing) but who maybe don’t feel that we have any campaigning concerns or issues any more, or event better start something in your area yourself.
    Most of all, have a great pride wherever you are; be safe and look after each other, be proud but remember those less fortunate than us!

    James Coltham is: Sane, sorted professional, left-leaning, community activist and campaigner. Based in Leicestershire, interested in politics, art, music,s inging countryside and LGBT issues

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • THEATRE: One Man 35 Characters

    The MAC and award-winning theatre company Prime Cut Productions are preparing to tell the fascinating and compelling real-life story of Charlotte Von Mahlsdorf in I Am My Own Wife, the newest theatre co-production at the MAC.

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  • Cher Shares On Twitter

    The Tweeting has been going on for some time now and we’re itching to find out more about the forthcoming album from the legendary icon Cher.

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  • Lucy Spraggan Chart At Number 11

    Despite the X Factor auditionee pulling her music from digital retailers “in preparation for some things coming up” Lucy has managed to bag herself a top 20 hit with her self-penned song ‘Last Night’.

    Lucy performed the song in front of an audience of millions in last week’s X Factor episode.

    Earlier in the week OfficialCharts.com reported that, based on Sunday and Monday sales figures, Last Night (Beer Fear) was the second most purchased song of the week. The first being X Factor-winning girl group Little Mix.

    Lucy has also enjoyed a massive surge in her twitter followers have risen from around a 1000 followers to over 61,000 users.

  • Little Mix At Number 1

    Little Mix today storm to the top of the Official UK Singles Chart with ‘Wings’, becoming the fastest selling single of 2012 by a group.

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