Tag: BDSM

All the latest breaking news on BDSM. Browse THEGAYUK’s complete collection of news, articles and commentary on BDSM.

What is the gay hanky code? And what do the colours mean?
Nowadays, finding out what a guy is into is pretty straight forward on dating or hookup apps like Grindr or Scruff. You simple type, “into” and you’ll most likely get a pre-written reply of kinks, preferences and needs – which can read like a shopping list, use this hack to save you a lot of time. But what about the days before the internet? Or indeed how do you disclose whether you’re a top or a bottom or a piss fiend when you’re out and about or at a gay sauna or a cruising ground? Well that’s where the hanky code comes in.

By a stroke of genius someone decided that by simply putting a colour coded hanky in your back pocket, that you could tell all the guys around you exactly what you were looking for.

Where was the hanky code invented?

The hanky code has been around for quite some time (get ready for a gay history lesson).

Sources put the hanky code as an invention originating from San Francisco, in or around the mid-to-late 70s. It started off in the gay community when being incognito about your sexuality was a must. After time it was also adopted by the BDSM community as a well to communitcate preferences.

In 1983 the hanky code was cemented when Larry Townsend‘s The Leatherman’s Handbook II described the code in detail.

By wearing a seemingly innocuous hanky in your back pocket you could tell anybody, in the know, that you were a top, or bottom, whether you were there for a fucking or just wanks. Pretty ingenious.

Depending on what side you wore your hanky would determine whether you were a top or bottom, dom or sub. Wearing your hanky in your left pocket means you’re top or dom and wearing your hanky in the right pocket means you’re bottom or sub.

What are the hanky code colours and what do they mean?

There are over 20 different colours to the hanky code. Here are the eight more popular.
- Black – BDSM. If you’re into BDSM then a black hanky is the way to go. If you’re dom then you’d wear it in your left pocket. If you take the submissive role then you’d pop it in your right pocket.
- White – Wanking/Cum. Say you’re in a bathouse, and you’re not there to fuck, but wanted to engage in mutual wanking or just wanna cum with someone, then a white hanky would be worn in either pocket, but again left if you’re slightly more dom, right if you’re more submissive.
- Grey – Bondage. Into some whipping and being tied up? Grey is colour for you. If you like being tied up then you’d wear it in your right pocket. if you’re looking to take control then a grey hanky in your left pocket lets everyone know you’re the boss.
- Yellow – Piss. Wanna be pissed on? Wear a yellow hanky in your right pocket. Wanna piss on someone wear it in your left pocket.
- Navy Blue – Anal Sex. There to be fucked and you’re a bottom? Wear a navy hanky in your right back pocket. You’re the top? Wear a navy hanky in your left back pocket.
- Orange – Anything Anytime. Are you the kinda guy who’s into everything or extremely open minded? The orange hanky is your friend.
- Light Pink – Dildos. For toy play the light pink hanky is the way to go. Just remember if you want the toys to be used on you to wear the hanky in your left pocket.
- Red – Fisting. Into fisting, then the Red hanky is your go to. Depending on whether you’re the fistee (right pocket) or the fister (left pocket) determines which pocket you pop your red hanky in.
So, what if you’re into more than one thing? Say you’re into piss and a bottom who’s looking for a fucking? Well, my friend, you get a Navy and a Yellow hanky and you stuff them both into your back right pocket.

Looking to buy some hankies? Well our partners over at THEGAYSHOP have these hankies. Go on, be a bit retro and keep this awesome piece of gay history alive and kicking.
1st April 2022
Have you ever wanted to try breath control in the bedroom, but not sure how to start?

Some guys are into breath control when it comes to the bedroom. While someone in the dom position, the guy who is controlling the breath of someone else, might feel up to the task, it might leave others feeling a little bit uneasy, because of the inherent risks attached to stopping someone from breathing freely.

Breath control is a major fantasy for some guys and is part of the kink world. It can come in a wide variety of guises from a full-on throat throttle to putting a gag in someone’s mouth. However getting the right pressure, the timing, permissions and the context are really important. After all, you really don’t want to be left with an unresponsive guy in your bed and a trip to A&E.

Obviously it’s always good practice to have a safe or control word for the sub to use, but if your play covers the mouth, it can be difficult to hear, so it’s important to establish a visible signal as well. This should always be discussed upfront, before play starts, as our columnist Scott points out in his article about The Rules of Rough Sex.

However, what if the person being restrained actually had the overriding say over how much they can handle, while still playing with breath control.

So simple anyone can try

It’s really easy to achieve and all you need is a breathing tube and a bathtub.

Before we go on, we have to thank Himeros.TV for the idea, because in one of their latest videos, “Baptisma”, featuring JP Dubois, they tackle the very issue of consensual breath control.

Essentially, you fill the tub with water and the sub (the controlled) slides beneath the water’s surface. A breathing tube is then placed in his mouth so he can breathe underwater.

The dom sits outside the tub and holds the tube and when he wants to control the breath he puts his thumb over the tube’s entrance, effectively blocking the airway. The dom then can play with lengths of time that the airway is blocked – for added sensory deprivation the sub can close his eyes, so he’s never aware of when the next blockage is going to happen.

All the while the two of you can masturbate or just enjoy the experience. In terms of COVID-secure or safer sex practice, this is one of the more safer ways to enjoy BDSM or kink.

The sub always retains control

What’s great about this position is that if at anytime sub needs to breathe or feels overwhelmed he can simple lift his head out of the water.

However, it would be wise to do this bathtime play with someone you trust and not some completely random stranger that you’ve never met before. To read our tips on meeting and chatting safely with strangers click here.

Get your subscription to Himeros.tv now.

16th September 2020
Gay Dating | What does BDSM stand for?

Simply put, BDSM is an acronym for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism.

There are many forms of BDSM and they run a spectrum from light power play, like blindfolds and furry handcuffs to rough abuse – including genital abuse like CBT (cock and ball torture).

Usually, a person takes up a preferred role, dominant or subservient, masochist or sadist, although of course, you’ll get people who like to switch, between the many roles.

The dom is usually the person doling out the punishment or pain, while the sub is the receiver.

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the first known use of BDSM was in 1991.

So what is Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism?

Bondage is where the tying up of your partner with roles, cables, cable ties, scarves or actual chains. The idea is to restrict your partner’s movement. Again this could be on the lighter side, with just bounding someone’s hands to a full-body restriction suit, made from rubber.

Discipline could be corporal punishment like hits and spanks, but it could be verbal discipline as well.

Sadism is where someone is turned on by cruelty or humiliation inflicted upon another.

Masochism is the opposite of sadism. It’s where you are turned on by subjected to physical pain or humiliation.

BDSM in the gay community is not uncommon, with many guys trying out one form or another within relationships or other hookups. Many enjoy power play and enjoy the taking of dom or sub-roles, just as their heterosexual counterparts do.

Many people associate leather wear like harnesses and hogtie with the likes of homoerotic imagery like Tom of Finland or the activities of the annual Folsom street fair in San Francisco.

It is important to distinguish between consensual BDSM activities between consenting adults and those who are being abused or coerced against their wills.

Although BDSM does involve abuse, it is welcomed by the recipient, whereas sexual abuse isn’t.

Check out more gay dating terms.

5th June 2020
COMMENT | I committed the gay cardinal sin… I got overweight and old

When I was young gay bars and nightclubs were at the height of popularity and exclusively gay. I had no trouble finding men and no intention of settling down with one. Why have the same meal every day when all the menu was there to be sampled?

In my 30s I struggled and became distant from the “scene.” It was at this juncture I discovered the part-time poof. Straight in everyday life, some even married; but all with a high sex drive, just needing a discrete and understanding friend. Some regulars lasted for years. This was in the days before the Internet and mobile phones. I was a safe option and a place to develop themes and try out new things they could never do anywhere else.

In my 40s I was a publican. It’s true, so often “The difference between a straight and gay man is about 8 pints”.

The problem is when sober, some feel they have been duped as they cannot accept self-responsibility and others can be convinced to do it again, but they want free beer. Free beer is never a good thing, it is just like paying for it and I was not up for that.

When I left the pub trade I entered a barren wasteland of no sex and no gay contact. The problem was I had committed the worst of gay sins by getting old and overweight.

Experience counts. I had quite a lot of the play with part-time poofs into kinks. Oh the delights of BDSM. I do like a younger man. Those who would never look at me twice in the real world, fall at my feet to serve when I am an expert in their fetishes. Now it seems I am to grow old disgracefully, an ageing kinkster in the twilight of his perversion.

Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

2nd October 2017