Tag: Top List

Top 11 Coming Out YouTube Videos

Taking to YouTube is now one of the best ways for stars to talk directly to their fans, especially about painful or personal experience. Their stories are told in their own voice and there’s no distortion of the truth.

These awesome people made the decision to come out on their own terms and we applaud them.

Matt And Blue, Actor and Musician

226,415

Despite coming out through a Twitter post back in 2013, Matt Dallas and his partner Blue Hamilton decided to make a coming out video to talk about the how’s, the why’s and the everything’s… Super cute and really fun.

George Shelley, Union J Singer

525,096 views

Union J singer George Shelley, posted a video telling his fans he had something he wanted to talk about. In his video he says that he’s attracted to men and women and that labels like gay or bi were “old fashioned”.

Billy Gillman, Singer

928,777 views

Just days after fellow country singer Ty Herndon came out, Billy Gillman made this emotional YouTube video. In the five and a half minute video the vocalist talked about life with his partner and his difficultly with major record labels wanting to re-sign him, despite selling 5 million records.

Lucas Cruickshank, YouTuber

4,914,186 views

In possibly the most fun coming out video Lucas literally burst out of the closet and into the open after one fan asked the simple question “are you gay”.

Troye Sivan, X Men Actor turned singer

6,436,896 views

X Men actor Troye came out on YouTube at the age of 18 in 2013. In his emotional video he said,

“I’m terrified. I know that some people are going to have a problem with this. This could kind of change everything for me, but it shouldn’t have to. And that’s why I’m making this video, and that’s why I think it’s important for people to make these kinds of videos.”

Shane Dawson, YouTuber

7,264,707 views

In 2015 Shane Dawson came out as bisexual in a video that has now been seen over 7 million times. He said, emotionally,

“This is a really hard video to make. I’m really scared… I never thought I would be making this, ever. I woke up this morning and I just had to.
“I’m making this video because I feel like it could help a lot of people. Over the last year, I’ve been extremely sexually confused.
“I always wished that I was gay, that I was just 100 percent gay. It would be a lot easier to be accepted by people… but I’m not.

Joey Graceffa, YouTuber

6,734,448 views

Gorgeous Joey came out on YouTube as gay in 2015. He went on to release a music video which featured a pretty hot, non heteronormative story line of princes falling in love with each other.

Connor Franta, YouTuber,

10, 355,416 views

Connor Franta’s coming out video made mainstream news. In a video simply named “Coming Out” the YouTuber told his 3.6 subscribers that he was gay, saying,

“I’m sitting here with no script, no plan, no fancy editing, and I’m just gonna be really honest,”

Tom Daley, Diver,

11,761, 500 views

The Olympic champion diver took to YouTube at the end of 2013 to say that he was in a relationship with a man. He described the posting of the video as a “hard decision to make” but ultimately he wanted his fans to hear it directly from him.

Ingrid Nilsen, YouTuber.

14, 1999,691

Ingrid came out as gay in 2015 in a highly emotional video and is to date the second most viewed coming out YouTube video, which might be down to the fact that the vlogger has nearly 4 million subscribers.

The Rhodes Bros

21, 773,092 views

Reaching out far ahead of any other YouTube coming out video is the

Rhodes’ twins coming out as gay to their father on the phone. The video had huge media pick up which help ratchet the views to over 21 million.

This article was first published in Feb 2016

11th October 2020
These are some of the best tips for coming out as LGBT

We asked readers and our writers their top tips on how to come out. Remember, that everybody’s experience is different and not all these tips will work in your particular circumstances, but we liked the following top tips.

1) Only come out if it is what you want to do.

If you feel pressured into coming out, remember that it has to be your decision. It is a big decision to make in your life and the most important thing is that you feel comfortable with what you are doing.

2) Treat it like a bandaid and just tear it off.

Quick and almost painless. Just tell them, quickly, confidently and get it over with.

3) Don’t approach the situation like you’re about to announce you’re terminally ill.

Body language and the tone of your voice will play a massive role in how people react to what you’re saying.

4) Do it the way you most feel comfortable!

I told my Dad by letter, but my friends mainly face to face…it just got easier the more I did it.

5) Speaking to a helpline, like Switchboard – first.

If you’re not sure what to say. Talking with a counsellor or helpline can help you find the words you need to describe what you’re feeling.

6) Talk about someone else’s coming out.

If you’re not sure how to bring it up, casually talk about a celebrity’s recent coming out like Tom Daley or Charlie King and gauge the reaction before going any further.

7) If you don’t get the reaction you expect, don’t be put off.

You will get some negative reactions, but that is their problem not yours. The amount of positive reactions will far outweigh the negative ones.

8) It’s not an all or nothing deal.

You don’t HAVE to tell everyone all at once. Start off with one person and let it grow organically from there.

9) Don’t apologise.

10) There is no right or wrong way to come out.

It should be a tailor-made experience, as individual as you are.

11) Don’t come out

If you think that doing so is going to put your life in danger or make your living situation a living nightmare. Living with homophobic or transphobic parents or guardians could put the roof over your head into jeopardy by coming out. It’s so unfortunate, but for many it’s an outcome that sees them living on the streets. Work towards living independently, where it can be “your house, your rules”. In the meantime, find your tribe – your people, the people you feel most comfortable with -at school, at work, online. Share stories, be yourself with them and try to carve out an authentic life, until you’re able to be free.

This article was first published in 2014 and has been updated. We’ll continue to update it with more tips and advice as we get it.

11th October 2020
COMING OUT: Top 10 Coming Out Songs

In the olden days (I’m talking about G-A-Y at the Astoria), when I used to go out as an excitable newbie gay and was able to wear stomach revealing tees, Pop music was my haven.

Pop music of the late 90s and early 2000s seemed to know my man loving ways and was only to happy to deliver thumping after thumping hit for me to perform my little camp heart out on the sticky floors of that old, fondly missed haunt.

1) Geri Halliwell, the official gift to gay men delivered ‘Lift Me Up’ / ‘Look At Me’ / ‘Bag It Up’. No list of coming out songs is complete without one Ginger song and she’s given us at least 3. Geri’s debut solo album Schizo-Phonic offered up a plethora of camptastic tunes. I still put on ‘Bag It Up’ from time to time and it still makes me jig. Yes, I said ‘jig’ and I’m owning it.

2) ‘Get This Party Started’, When Pink slammed onto the scene with this song it almost became a homo chant. “I’m coming out, so you better get this party started’. Its place in the annals of gay culture was cemented when the Dame of Bassey made her almost definitive version of the classic for that M&S advert.

3) ‘One Day In Your Life’, at the height of Anastacia’s greatness the ab’d goddess with the huge voice was churning out stompers like nobody’s business. ‘One Day In Your Life’ has such a seriously strong chorus that it has become one of my all-time club classics.

4) ‘I Am What I Am’, The Dame of Bassey (Shirley Bassey). Ok, this isn’t one that featured much in the clubs – but sexuality affirmed men (and some who are yet to discover their true selves) with feather boas across the nation kick out their legs in unison whenever this track is played. It is against the law not to do some kind of jazz hand whilst this is playing – fact.

5) ‘Can’t Take That Away’, just before the true madness of Mariah Carey was unleashed upon the world, the stratospheric octaved diva delivered probably her most camp, dramatic and butterfly filled song ever – with a ‘love and respect’ yourself theme, what self-respecting gay can’t listen to this with a tear in his eye and a knowing in his heart?

6) Britney was on fire (and had a full head of hair) at the beginning of the noughties and ‘Stronger’ was a killer track. Pre ‘Madonna kiss’ post ‘I’m a naughty school girl’ – Brit knew the way forward was her gays.

7) ‘It’s Raining Men’ is a track, which just needs to feature on this list. It’s a floor filler. Geri’s is okay, but you can’t beat the original Weather Girls’ version, it only counts if you clap in the right place – those who miss the double clap HANG YOUR HEAD IN SHAME.

8) Remember Holly Valance, that Neighbours’ star turned pop princess? Vaguely? Well, she burst onto the scene with a seriously sexy number ‘Kiss Kiss’, which I remember making an impact – in my bedroom, but that’s not for here!

9) ‘Beautiful’, by XTina featured a rather hot gay couple in the video – which gets my vote and the song, has a gooey, lovey vibe, which makes me feel my most beautiful.

10) ‘I’m Coming Out’, Diana Ross sang this song either with full knowledge of the gay anthem she was about to create or in complete naivety. It features one of the longest introductions in the world, but lyrically this song has to come in at number 1. It says what it does on the tin (if it had a tin).

What are your TOP coming out songs?

*This article was first published September 2012

11th October 2020
8 tips on how to be safer when using dating apps

Author Tom Driver and editor Jake Hook give us their top tips on making sure you’re more informed before setting out on a date.

Prove the picture is him

Photo by fotografierende on Pexels.com

If he has a profile photo and you are meeting through an app, right-click the image and do a google image search it to make sure it is him. It will be very clear, quickly if the picture is a stock photo.

Name check

If you have a forename and surname back to the search engine and check out social media accounts, Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.

Web trawl

Your research could mean you will be able to cross-reference the image to make sure it is current. Find out about his hobbies. Read his posts and find out about likes and dislikes. Check out his family and friends.

There may be professional profiles enabling you to look at the work play contrast.

Chat with him before a date

CREDIT: Ryazan / BIGSTOCK

Is the guy a big drinker? If so go for a meal unless you are thinking of loosening him up and getting into the sac.

For a meal, you may already know where he likes to eat or perhaps a favourite food. Coffee or Cognac? All this insider information could make you look intuitive and compatible. Just remember if he knows all there is about you too, it is time to smile at each other and reveal you are both members of Stalkers Anonymous!

“STOP THE BUS!” You will have a foot in the door and established a rapport with these cheats, but now it is time to interact.

First Date Advice

Best advice for a first date is listen and learn. You already know about yourself, so give the guy some time to tell you about him. Wait and see if he wants to learn about and ask about you.

If he loves puppies and brought you flowers (did I mention a small gift as an icebreaker) is attentive and smiles a lot, brushing aside questions about himself, he could be a keeper.

Get Out Clause

Have an out option in case he is not for you and the thought of spending another minute with him is hell on earth. I usually have a text ready to send and a friend primed to call me if I am bored, frightened or falling into the whirly pits of despair with a guy on a first date.

Bring an extra battery

PaliGraficas / Pixabay

Don’t get caught out with the dreaded 5% battery warning. Make sure your phone is fully juiced and that you have a charging cable and an extra battery pack. Having an UBER account (if they operate in your area) on your phone with an up-to-date credit card is also essential.

Let someone know

Letting your flat/housemates, or friends or family know you’re out for the night is a good policy to have. Write down the address of the place you are going. Also, let your date know that you’ve let other people know that you’re out with them.

7th October 2020
LGBT Films at the BFI London Film Festival 2020

From 7-18 October 2020 The BFI London Film Festival will be broadcast online and in cinemas at the BFI Southbank, partner London venues and all across the UK.

All shorts, events and a virtual exhibition of XR and immersive art will be accessible for free online. Here are some of the LGBT film highlights:

Supernova

After twenty years together, Sam and Tusker’s blissful life has been shattered following Tusker’s diagnosis with early-onset dementia. Intent on spending as much precious time together as they can, the pair travel across England in their old campervan, visiting loved ones and returning to special places from their past. Colin Firth and Stanley Tucci star in a film directed by Harry Macqueen.

Ammomite

A fictionalised account of the life of the 19th-century palaeontologist Mary Anning, Kate Winslet plays the pioneering scientist with Saoirse Ronan as the gentlewoman who falls in love with her while staying in Mary’s beloved Lyme Regis. Directed by Francis Lee (God’s Own Country).

Kajillionaire

In Miranda July’s assured third feature, Old Dolio (Evan Rachael Wood) and her parents (Richard Jenkins and Debra Winger) are a trio of offbeat, small-time hustlers. Old Dolio’s heart is stirred when she meets Melanie (Gina Rodriguez).

I am Samuel

Born and raised in rural Kenya, Samuel moves to the capital and falls in love with Alex. This courageous debut feature offers an intimate portrait of a young couple navigating their way in a country where homosexuality is criminalised.

If It Were Love

This Teddy Award winner for Best Documentary at Berlinale 2020 is an intoxicating exploration of love and desire, documenting the production of choreographer Gisèle Vienne’s Crowd, a work exploring the 90s rave scene.

Days

Tsai Ming-Liang’s profound commitment to less is more flourishes in this transfixing work, in which a middle-aged man suffering from chronic pain hires a young male masseur. This film is intentionally without subtitling.

Cicada

As introspective bisexual Ben embarks on a new relationship, he is forced to face the traumas of his past in this remarkable debut feature based on personal experiences of the filmmakers.

For more information and tickets, please go to: https://www.bfi.org.uk/london-film-festival

4th October 2020
Ten sure signs you’ve fallen out of love with your boyfriend

Falling in love can be magical. Falling out of love can suck.

Here are 10 telltale signs to look out for:

Cute Habits Turn Into Annoying Pet Peeves

All those sweet enamoured things they used to do, like holding open doors for you or putting their arm around your waist when you walk, slowly but surely become mind-numbingly infuriating. The little things that used to make you swoon now make you groan. More so, you find yourself actually looking out for these little ticks that fuel your anger and frustration rather than turning a blind eye.

You Seek Out Conflict

Picking fights used to be this grand, scary event that you’d mentally prep yourself up for beforehand. Now? Not so much. Bickering and arguing are practically the bread and butter of your relationship. The slightest of inconvenient occurrences can feel like the heaviest of set-backs. Did he forget to tell you he was seeing his friend tonight? Of course, he did, he’s so inconsiderate. Sound familiar?

Other Couples Highlight Your Insecurities

Double dates or group hangs just remind you of what’s missing in your relationship. You can feel the palpable envy in the air when a couple who can’t keep their hands off each other begin sucking face in front of you. It’s a gut-wrenching feeling to realise the infamous spark is gone and it feels better to stick your head in the sand than have your nose rubbed in it. Chances are if you’re jealous of another couple, it’s because they have something you don’t.

A Future With Them Is Unrealistic

Planning stuff together a week in advance makes you iffy. Thinking about a long-term future plan with a picket fence and kids makes you nauseous. It’s just not realistic to daydream about backpacking together or lounging on a matching set of towels together and still have it be fun. Or even tolerable. If that much time away, with only the two of you, makes you shiver then what’s the point in being with someone?

Saying Empty “I Love Yous”

Once more, with feeling. Three words that tingled your spine the first time you dared to whisper them into his ear. Your friends made such a big deal out of it. Truthfully, when you mumble them into the phone now it’s more out of habit or courtesy than love. They ring hollow, devoid of the fiery passion they once held. If they say it back in the same monotonous tone, odds are they’ve probably fallen out of love too.

A Relationship Just Isn’t What You Need Right Now

Perhaps other priorities have risen, be it a new career opportunity or needing to take care of a sick relative, and the sad yet honest answer is simply what’s written on the tin. A relationship isn’t your priority or necessarily even what you need. We all know how we love to think we know what’s best for ourselves. But it can be a bitter pill to swallow and admit. Maybe you rushed into things. Maybe you didn’t consider what you wanted out of the relationship. Maybe you don’t need to be in a relationship right now and that’s okay if you communicate it to your partner and not let it fester up and snowball.

You Care About Them… As A Friend

Attraction is important in a relationship. It’s not everything but it does play a pivotal role. If that attraction were to burn out, what’s supposed to be left is mutual respect and trust… right? So where do the distinct lines of friendship and relationship end? Attraction is a pretty good indicator. If you’re lucky enough to have a partner that ends up feeling like both a friend and a lover, congrats, but if it leans towards platonic (and let’s be honest, you know when it does) rather than romantic then that’s pretty self-explanatory.

The Thought Of Breaking-Up Isn’t Heart-Breaking

A long time ago, losing your significant other would absolutely crush you. Three to four months of mourning, minimum. Ice cream and tears galore. What springs to mind when you think about it nowadays is… meh. Not only do you find yourself caring less and less if you’re with them or not, seeing them doesn’t make your heart pitter-patter anymore. It wouldn’t shatter if he left for good, either, and if that’s the gospel truth well then that’s a pretty darn good sign.

He Doesn’t Satisfy You Anymore

There are plenty of things to do to spice up your sex life. Whole books are written on the topic. But if your relationship is suffering its very own mid-life crisis, it’s very likely that what used to be there isn’t anymore. Perhaps that’s where the jealousy of other couple stems from; sex is no longer pleasurable or as exciting or fun as it used to be. Tearing each other’s clothes off used to be common practice. If you’ve scheduled out a mandatory coitus sesh every Sunday night, and the thought of snacking afterwards is the only driving force to your climax, then it’s a pretty clear indication that the love part of your love-making is existentially dead.

You’ve Fallen For Someone Else

The ultimate sign that you’ve fallen out of love: being in love with someone else. Of course, this last sign only applies to monogamous couples. To have someone’s undivided devotion is wondrous. What can end up stinging the most, however, is finding out the hard way that’s not the case. People don’t like hearing it but there’s no easy way around telling someone you’re in love with someone else. Coming to terms with it yourself is a good starting point.

If any of these ten signs ring true, maybe you have a few things to consider. If not, cherish your love (or your singlehood!) and let’s all agree that love is simultaneously the biggest mystery and wonder of the world.

This article was first published in Sept 2017

1st October 2020
12 things you need to know about Prostate Cancer

We speak with Dr Simon Rosser and Dr Bill West, editors of Gay & Bisexual Men Living With Prostate Cancer, about the 12 things that we need to be aware of when it comes to Prostate Cancer.

1. How common is prostate cancer in our community?

Prostate cancer is the #1 invasive cancer for men and the most common cancer in the gay male community. One in seven gay men will be diagnosed in their lifetimes. Since gay male couples have two prostates, they have twice the risk than heterosexual couples or a one-in-three chance.

2. What are the symptoms of prostate cancer?

(C) BIGSTOCK

Prostate cancer typically develops without symptoms which is why it needs to be detected through a blood test (the Prostate Specific Antigen or PSA test) and by a doctor feeling for any abnormalities during a digital rectal (or finger up the butt) exam.

Two common prostate problems should not be confused with prostate cancer. As we age, our prostates typically get larger which can lead to problems urinating. This is called benign prostatic hyperplasia or BPH. Prostatitis refers to when the prostate gets infected or inflamed.

3. So, what causes prostate cancer?

Older men, men with a family history of prostate cancer, and black men are at greater risk of diagnosis and/or worse outcomes. Our research indicates that HIV positive men and bisexual-identified men have worse outcomes than HIV negative men and gay-identified men, respectively. Gay “lifestyle” factors – such as being gay versus straight, lots of sex or no sex, amount and rigour of receptive anal sex, smoking, drug and alcohol use, a history of sexually transmitted diseases and long-distance cycling – have not been associated with greater risk or worse outcomes.

4. Why is prostate cancer in gay men an issue?

Different prostate cancer treatments have different effects on our sexual functioning. About 20 per cent of patients treated with radiation experience radiated bowel, which makes receptive anal sex painful to impossible. Conversely, almost all men treated with surgery (and many with radiation as well) will have erection difficulties, after treatment, making bottoming very challenging. Treatment can also effect penis size, ability to ejaculate, the experience of orgasm, pleasure in receptive sex, and urinary problems during sex or at orgasm.

This makes it important to discuss gay sex with your specialist as part of choosing which treatment will have the least side effects for you.

5. If I want to be checked for prostate cancer, what should I know?

The typical test for prostate cancer involves both a blood test and a digital rectal exam. Because massage of the prostate may hypothetically affect the blood results, we recommend you refrain from receptive anal sex or other anal stimulation for 48 hours before the blood is drawn and make sure the blood is drawn before the digital exam.

6. Does being diagnosed mean you have to be treated?

No. Many men with low-risk prostate cancer never need treatment. Instead, they go on active surveillance. This simply involves having a blood test every three months to monitor the amount of prostate-specific antigen in their blood. This may also involve additional biopsies to track if the cancer is changing.

7. Is prostate cancer contagious?

No, if your boyfriend, husband or a male sex partner has prostate cancer, you cannot get it from him. Prostate cancer is not sexually transmitted.

8. What’s it like to be diagnosed with prostate cancer?

Fortunately, prostate cancer has an excellent (over 99%) survival rate provided it is treated early. We are a male couple where both of us have been diagnosed. Here’s what to expect. The initial diagnosis can be scary and requires a biopsy which can be uncomfortable. Don’t panic. Most prostate cancer is slow-growing so in many cases, you can go at your own pace. Gay men are more likely to feel isolated or go through treatment alone, so it’s important to reach out for support. Prepare a list of questions before each consultation and ask them at your next visit. Bring your man (if partnered) or a friend (if single) to the consultation, both for support and to listen to what the specialist says. Deciding if you need treatment and what treatment is best for you are critical milestones, where many patients seek a second (or third) opinion.

9. How does it affect being gay?

Because it’s cancer and because it affects our sexual functioning, many gay prostate cancer patients report feeling less than other gay men. There’s a stigma to having prostate cancer which can affect our sexual self-esteem, sense of attractiveness and potency. And because it affects erections, some men may become more at risk for HIV if their erections are not strong enough for condoms or if they decide to bottom more instead.

10. What’s gay sex like after treatment?

Everyone is different. In our experience, good sex is definitely possible after treatment but it is challenging. It takes time and patience (up to two years post-treatment), commitment to sex as a priority, good communication between partners, lots of sexual rehabilitation exercises, and flexibility. The biggest loss we had to deal with was spontaneity – erections don’t just happen, and we have to plan sex if it is to be successful. We found erectile drugs and vacuum pumps to be a help as well.

11. What should I think about in choosing a specialist?

Know that many urologists and oncologists see themselves as technologists focused on survival. Not all are good at talking to patients or discussing sex. While survival is obviously important, quality of life is as well. Most gay and bisexual men are sexually active and want to remain so after treatment. So, it’s critical to find a specialist you can be open with, and have your questions answered. When making an appointment, ask for a specialist who is comfortable discussing the sexual effects of treatment. And if they seem uncomfortable or unknowledgeable about sex between men, seek a second or third opinion until you find someone you can trust.

12. If I’m gay, bisexual or a man who has sex with men living with prostate cancer, where can I get help?

For more information: See our just published book, J. M. Ussher, J. Perz, B. R. S. Rosser, Gay and Bisexual Men Living with Prostate Cancer: From Diagnosis to Recovery (Harrington Part Press, New York 2018).
For support services: Malecare.org is the largest provider of online support worldwide and has groups specifically for gay and bisexual prostate cancer patients.

To get involved in research: At the University of Minnesota, we are conducting the first, large, NIH-funded study testing online rehabilitation designed by and for gay and bisexual prostate cancer patients living in the US. See: www.restorestudy.umn.edu or email: Restorestudy@umn.edu.

Dr Simon Rosser is a gay men’s health researcher and Dr Bill West a health communication specialist at the University of Minnesota. They specialize in prostate cancer in gay and bisexual men. They co-authored several chapters in J. M. Ussher, J. Perz, B. R. S. Rosser, Gay and Bisexual Men Living with Prostate Cancer: From Diagnosis to Recovery (Harrington Park Press, NY, 2018). They are married and out as a gay couple living with prostate cancer.

28th September 2020
On Bi Visibility Day 2020: People need to get over these bisexual MYTHS already

You wouldn’t think that in 2019 myths about bisexuality would still exist… but oh boy do they! We asked readers who identify as bisexual what comments gave them complete attacks of the eye roll and oh boy did the myths come rolling in…

So listen up peeps – take note – these are the myths about bisexuality that we need to destroy in 2020!

Why do gay men take the attitude that bi is just a transitional sexual status … the whole “bi now; gay later” attitude?

Patrick

That I want to have sex with everyone. Yikes, and ick NO. We’re not sexual Velociraptors FFS.

Maggie

You can be black and bi, white and bi, Asian and Bi and all that’s in between. Bi isn’t binary.

Thomas

That bisexuals only like cis men and women. I’m a bi and trans man, and that tells me is that the speaker doesn’t view me as an actual man, or sees bisexuals as inherently genital focused, or both.

Cato

That we get laid than more people.

Sam

The idea that we will eventually “pick a side” and become either straight or gay.

ANON

That bisexuals are oversexed and can not have a monogamous relationship.

Dave

We’re not a god-damned trend. This is our life, respect that.

Jenny

You can still be bi- even if you’re in a hetero or gay relationship

AJ

We don’t have to 50/50 either way. It’s cool to be 70 % more attracted to the same sex and 30 % the other way… Still bisexual!

Paul

You can be trans, non-binary and genderfluid and you can be bi… Your gender expression doesn’t affect or dictate your sexuality

Pam

23rd September 2020
12 Things Gay Porn Didn’t Teach Us About Sex

Gone are the days of watching Charlie Hunnam getting rimmed on Channel 4 or stealing a look at the Chippendale annual.

The internet is practically 98% porn these days and it’s a magical world where everyone is beautiful and versatile. But here’s the parts they like to gloss over…

1. You can’t just shove it in.

Nope nope nope, don’t you dare go in dry and without a little finger action first. Unless you’ve found a guy with a self lubing, gradually increasing in size penis, there’s absolutely no way that’s going near my butt hole without enough lube to drown a killer whale and not before you’d diddled my fancy for a bit first. And speaking of lube…

2. Lube gets EVERYWHERE.

In the films, there’s zero mess, but reality is a totally different thing. You get lube all over your hands, the bed, each other, the cat, your grandma and next door’s begonias, and you’ll go through several pairs of underwear wiping that stuff off before you can even contemplate being seen in public.

ALSO READ: 1 7 Confessions About First Time Gay Sex

ALSO READ: Is There Life After Gay Porn?

3. Douching is not only polite but a necessity.

Spontaneous sex in gay porn is a lie, we all know that if you’re going to bottom you need to do the nice thing and make sure you’re clean first. This will obviously require a thorough shower and/or a good douching, and that takes planning. Even a hook-up requires at least a half hour’s notice.

4. You’re not going to get a straight guy to “turn” for money (well maybe)

There are numerous sites out there of “straight” men being paid to let a horny cameraman play around with him. I dare you to try the same thing on your street, it most likely wouldn’t work. In just the same way you wouldn’t go near a lady garden for any amount of money, a straight guy isn’t going to allow you to top him for £100. Most “straight” men in porn are either gay, or bisexual. Maybe you’ll get lucky and a straight guy will let you fondle him over clothes for a pint.

5. Threesomes are far more awkward than you think.

One of the ultimate fantasies, the threesome. You’re all douched, they’re all douched, you have lube to hand and you’re ready to go. Whether it’s with two random hookups or a partner and extra person, when it gets down to the nitty-gritty, you’re generally not entirely sure when to start and who touches who, and you can spend a few very tense minutes just chatting random shit before one of you gets naked. Even then there’s the issue of who’s getting the most involved, so to speak.

6. Condoms don’t magically appear.

Rarely in porn do you see a guy opening the box, and struggling to get a condom out of the packet with his teeth, all while still getting you ready for the onslaught and then faffing about with putting it on. In porn, you see an unsheathed member just about to *hem hem* enter and then suddenly the camera angle changes and he’s magicked a johnny onto his dick. Unless all gay porn stars are witches, I think they might be being a little economical with the truth.

7. No, not all actual people look like that.

If porn is to be believed, all twinks look the same, as do all daddies, and bears. This obviously isn’t the case, someone with a twink body could have a face like a road accident, daddies aren’t all under than 45, and not all bears are basically a hairy, slightly older Zac Efron. Gays come in all shapes, sizes and ages and the sooner you accept that, the more likely you are to get laid instead of waiting for fantasy guy

8. The pizza guy/repairman/delivery driver/your lecturer isn’t going to sleep with you either.

You can’t get out of paying for a service by offering your dick, and chances are the pizza delivery guy is going to be a spotty 17-year-old who would punch you if you made a grab for his junk. Your washing machine isn’t going to be repaired in exchange for an angry handy J. And your lecturer isn’t going to give you an A because you offered your A. Pay for your stuff you cheapskate.

9. The dicks look bigger for a reason.

Now the average dick size is around 5 – 6 inches, but porn stars seem to all possess donkey dicks that make you ponder your own. Here’s a little secret, most male porn stars are under 6 feet tall because a 6-inch dick on a 5′ 6” guy is going to look bigger in comparison (Remember Justin Bieber is only 5′ 7”) Camera angles (we’ve all taken a flattering dick pic) also add to the illusion of monsters. So don’t be disheartened.

10. Public sex isn’t as fun as it seems.

At the gym, in the video store (they still have those?) outside, on a train etc. etc. is a hotbed of illicit and horny sex where the general public is utterly oblivious to what’s going on if porn is to be believed. But unless you’re in the middle of nowhere and it’s after dark you’re in all likelihood going to get caught out. You can’t just drop your kecks in Asda and bone over the grapefruits without someone politely asking you to stop because you’re scaring their elderly mother.

11. Most of those positions are not comfortable.

Gay porn stars seem to have just come off the set of a Cirque du Soleil “who’s the bendiest?” video shoot with some of the positions they manage to get themselves into. A vast majority of them are purely aesthetic and used to get the best looking shot, and notice how they never stay in those positions for long, it’s because your legs would happily divorce you and take half your stuff if you were trying to hoist a guy around for 20 minutes in the same ludicrous position.

12. Not everyone is versatile.

Shock horror right… Ok maybe not. But in porn there’s flip-flopping around, everyone gets a go and everyone is happy. But the reality is a nasty business, and this isn’t happy gay fluffy bunny land. You’re going to get guys who are 100% bottom or 100% top and no amount of persuasion will convince them otherwise, give it up buttercup.

by @AndyEG1982

^{This article was first published in May 2016}

21st September 2020
10 things gay men love to hate about dating apps

Dating apps like Grindr are basically an integral part of the gay dating world. It’s the source we love to hate when looking for a hookup or love online.

Hello hello hello… hi hi hi.

Dear god man, take the hint stop message me I don’t want to talk.

Torso is the window to your stomach

(C) BIGSTOCK

Look if you can’t show your face, I have to question whether I can be seen with you. Come on, it’s 2020 come out and show your face.

Otter looking for love

I’m an Otter looking for a bear… I’m a Chicken looking for a pug… On some dating apps you might feel like you’re in Animal Farm, or being put in a tiny box defined by the amount of body hair you have.

3 ft away.

This man is currently behind you, wearing a mask and asking whether you like scary movies. Honestly though I love seeing how far away I can run away from you…

Call Me Maybe Not

Those pesky pesky men who say they’re up for a relationship and then refuse to call… Those shady shady rag stains.

Fancy a shag?

Apps are an amazing way to get your end away and quickly…

Trades Descriptions.

That photo you’ve been using for the last 50 years is not fooling anyone.

Time Goes By So Slowly…

Often gay dating apps go on photo browsing alone and it can be so time-consuming as you scroll through 100s of men. A bit like the Tupperware catalogue, but with more plastic. Wouldn’t it be better for the app to work out who is going to be a good fit before showing you a bunch of people?

Better Leave Right Now.

Whatever happened to being able to just chat with someone and get to know him? Bring back the days of getting to know someone over hours of chats where you find out people are more like onions with layers rather than just bananas.

Premium.

Nobody is impressed with the fact that you have a premium account; in fact we’re actually thinking “you tosser”.

This article was originally published in Nov 2015

10th September 2020
Top 10 Gayest Animals On The Planet

Homosexuality has been found in 1,500 species of animals through behaviour observation research studies. There’s probably many more species if you consider that the number only account for the animals that have been studied. Here’s ten animals were gay liaisons or relationships exist:

1. Lions

CREDIT ©-nicunickie1-Depositphotos

Male lions in Africa have been observed disregarding available lionesses in order to form their own same-sex prides. These same males have also been seen mounting one another and doing other actions commonly associated with male to female mating interactions.

2. Cheetahs

CREDIT: ©-kjekol-Depositphotos

When cheetahs bond together, they do for life. Cheetah partners spend about 93% of their time together and male same-sex partners are quite common.

The two bonded males will groom one another (usually a sign of partnered straight cheetahs), defend each other in fights and get anxiety if separated. Once reunited the male cheetahs will face-rub one another, mount one another (fully erect) and stutter (a sexual excitement vocalisation).

It is estimated that 27-40% of wild male cheetahs live with same-sex partners and that 16-19% of wild male cheetahs life in a same-sex trio.

3. Elephants

Male elephants have been known to touch other males with their trunks (elephants see touch as essential for creating and maintaining a deep bond), kissing other males (inserting their trunk into the other elephant’s mouth) and even male on male sex (mounting). Relationships between two male elephants (usually one older and one younger) have been known to last for years.

4. Emus

CREDIT: ©-robynmac-Depositphotos

Emus travel together in pairs. Male emus have been seen making the same mating behaviours as female do to males. This includes: circling a passive male, patches of bare skin turning light blue (on both males), the passive male stretching his neck, erecting his feathers and swaying from side to side and the dominant male rubbing his breast against the other male’s rump.

5. Flamingos

CREDIT: © alexsvirid Depositphotos_10051589_l-2015

Flamingos are sociable animals, living together in large colonies. During mating season, they split off into smaller groups and perform synchronised displays. They choose their mate and stay together for the season. They generally have a new mate for every mating season.

The most famous same-sex flamingo couple is Carlos and Fernando. In 2007, when they had been together for five years, they adopted an abandoned chick. They fed it and raised it as their own. Homosexuality is said to be very common with flamingos.

6. Penguins

CREDIT ©-cvenne-Depositphotos

Same-sex penguins have been seen performing mating calls to one another and intertwining their necks. There have been a few gay penguin couples in Zoos that have been given abandoned eggs to raise chicks. They have raised these chicks successfully.
Famous penguin couples include: Roy & Silo, Inca & Rayas and Buddy & Pedro. Each of these couples is a separate subspecies of penguin, meaning that several subspecies of penguin has documented gay penguins.

7. Dolphins

CREDIT: ©-vitaliy_sokol-Depositphotos

Several subspecies of dolphin have gay or bisexual dolphins. One researcher discovered the incredible seventeen year gay relationship between two male dolphins. Researchers have also found pods of all male dolphins who share sexual and romantic experiences together. Dolphins are known to be highly flirtatious and sexualised.
Male dolphins have been known to engage in masturbation of other males. Same-sex dolphins engage in long foreplay, with the sexual act only lasting a short time. Male dolphins regardless of their sexuality tend to be aggressive and violent towards the other during sex.

8. Foxes

CREDIT ©-count_kert-Depositphotos

Foxes are nocturnal animals, which out of breeding season live alone. They often share territory where there is a dominant male. The dominant male will mount a same-sex subordinate doggy style.

During breeding season foxes generally live in a den, either as a mated straight couple or a male with several young females. I guess you could say foxes are more bisexual than gay

9. Bats

CREDIT: ©-borojoint-Depositphotos

Bats are said to have the highest percentage of gayness, above all other animals, including humans. Both male and female bats can be gay with their behaviours including: affection, sexual activity and bonding.
There are several subspecies of bats that are gay including Vampire Bats, Fruit Bats and Flying Fox Bats.<

10. Cats

CREDIT: ©-valphoto-Depositphotos

Tom cats (males) have been known to engage in same-sex interludes. As well as humping one another, they have been seen spooning when they sleep and grooming one another.

This article was first published in 2018

9th September 2020