Tag: Top List

  • How to make your first date with someone less cringeworthy

    How to make your first date with someone less cringeworthy

    Here are five things you need to do to make sure your first date goes so well that you’ll be planning your second!

    Drinks not dinner

    It’s important that you both have a get-out clause – and just-drinks can be the perfect way to make sure you’re not locked into an entire evening – or hours of company, when you know there’s just no spark. Writing for THEGAYUK.com columnist Thabian Sutherland said, “Never meet for dinner on the first date – drinks only. If you’re staring into the eyes of Ryan Gosling and your sides hurt from his witty repartee – great, go and fill ya Paul Smith dip-dyed black-leather Claude-boots. You don’t want to be stuck in a situation where your date is as scintillating as Lewis Hamilton and you have to painfully watch him devour a couple of courses before you can scarper. Buy a round each, then off you toddle”

    Get your first date questions right

    Getting to know your new date is one of the most exciting things – and you might want to get some important compatibility issues sorted right upfront… But be careful how you phrase your questions. What you’re both into sexually is an important subject – and perhaps something you can discuss in your first meeting. Don’t let it be the first thing you lead with – but a simple, “so what are you into” at an appropriate moment could be a good starter to find out whether you’re both sexually compatible.

    However, writer Dan Coleburn suggests that you don’t ask all the burning questions! He said, “Top or bottom? STD Free? Much like the politics, you have more than enough time to find out these things about one another. While the answers might sway you one way or another – I’m not going to judge what’s important to you – those issues can definitely wait a few dates”.

    Don’t forget to ask him about him

    Gay couple
    CREDIT: mast3r-bigstock

    Of course, a new person to share your thoughts and witty stories with is wonderful, but don’t forget to ask him a few questions about his life. Listen carefully and take mental notes. Maybe even follow up on some of the most interesting stories. Ask open questions, rather than simple yes or no questions. Questions that start with “why”, “how” and “what” are perfect openers… Guys love it when you remember something they tell you from your first ever date and drop it into the conversation. It shows you were listening!

    Don’t bring friends along…

    I mean why would you… Of course, you should let someone know where you’re going and what time you expect to be back, but don’t take someone along with you. Writer Lewis Fellows shared with us, “THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENS. Don’t do it. This isn’t a sort of gay Sex and the City and chances are it’s not going to work… at all. I can imagine nothing worse than trying to impress a group of people that are almost always going to be against you. (Nobody is good enough for THEIR friend)”

    Make a great first impression

    It’s so important to make a great first impression. Dan Coleburn tells us, “Put away that ancient Tee and actually button up to be remembered. The right guy’s going to be worth that extra effort. Iron that shirt, polish the shoes, and don’t forget to run a brush through that hair, it’ll be worth it in the long run.”

  • 11 Truly Gay Christmas Songs

    11 Truly Gay Christmas Songs

    Step aside, chestnuts roasting on an open fire – it’s time for a Big Gay Christmas playlist that’s dripping in glitter and wrapped in a rainbow bow. We’re diving into the most fabulous, the most extra, and the undeniably gayest Christmas songs that have ever jingled their way into our festive hearts. From diva duets to campy carols, get ready for a sleigh ride through a wonderland where tinsel is the only acceptable accessory, and Mariah Carey reigns supreme. It’s a gay celebration of holiday tunes that would make even the most stoic sugar plum fairy twirl with joy. Let the gayest Christmas playlist commence! 🌈🎄✨ #SlayBellsRing #QueerHolidayHarmony

    Mariah and Ariana with Jennifer Hudson: Oh Santa

    Why this track is topping the list: Because let’s face it, every gay couldn’t stop raving about Mariah and Ari’s epic whistle harmony. It’s the diva duet we didn’t know we needed, and now we can’t get enough! 🌟🎤 #WhistleGoals #MariahAndAriMagic

    Lady Gaga: Christmas Tree

    Why this bop made the cut: Serving major The Fame vibes (hello, 2008 throwback!), this track is the ultimate cheeky delight. With lines like “Ho ho ho, under the mistletoe / Yes, everybody knows / We will take off our clothes” and “My Christmas tree is delicious,” it’s a festive feast of sass straight from the pop queen herself. 🎄🎶 #GagaVibes #CheekyChristmasJams

    Ariana Grande: Santa Tell Me

    Why this anthem earns its spot: Because, let’s be real, every fabulous soul can vibe with the “Santa, tell me if you’re really there / Don’t make me fall in love again if he won’t be here next year” chorus. It’s the queer holiday mood we’ve all felt at least once! 🎅❤️🌈 #SantaSpillTheTea #RelatableJams

    WHAM!: Last Christmas

    Why this classic earns its spot: Because, let’s be real, this timeless masterpiece sounds just as hauntingly beautiful today as it did over three decades ago. Plus, it’s the Christmas anthem that sparked a gazillion covers. It’s the gift that keeps on giving, darling. 🎄🎶 #TimelessTunes #CoverWorthyClassic

    Kelly Clarkson: Underneath The Tree

    Why this track secures its spot: Because Kelly is sneakily making a play for Mariah’s Queen of Christmas throne. The vocals are fierce, the holiday vibes are strong, and somewhere in the festive universe, there’s a diva duel for the crown. 👑🎄 #KellyVsMariah

    Amy Winehouse: I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

    Why this song is on this list: Because every Amy song we have is a treasure.

    Katy Perry: Cosy Little Christmas

    Why this track sleighs on our list: Because Katy Claus gifted us a quirky and up-tempo holiday anthem — complete with a campy music video to jingle all the way. It’s festive, it’s fab, and it’s Katy in her holiday prime! 🎄🎁 #KatyClausMagic #CampyChristmasVibes

    Sia: Santa’s Coming For US

    Why this bop is on the list: Because it’s not just a dancy delight; it’s the ultimate test of gay lyrical prowess. Watch the fabulous spectacle as fellow queers try to keep up with the lyrics and realize they’re in for a jolly challenge. It’s the perfect blend of dancefloor magic and lyrical hilarity! 💃🎤 #DanceAndLyricStruggles #GayKaraokeRealness

    Jake Hook: Hey Santa! Bring My Baby Back.

    One of our own… I mean he’s singing about being a good boy…. purlease. We know the score honey.

    Eartha Kitt: Santa Baby

    Why this classic graces our list: Because, darlings, nearly every pop diva has taken a swing at this tune, but not a single one has twirled close to the enchanted original by Eartha Kitt. Her rendition is a bewitching spell that no cover can quite replicate. 🌟🎤 #EarthaMagic #OriginalDivaDelight

    Cher and Rosie O’Donald: Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)

    Why this anthem made the cut: Because it’s basically “Believe” dressed up in a fabulously glittery Christmas ensemble! Cher, but make it festive. 🌟🎄 #BelieveInChristmasMagic #GlitteryTunes

    Britney: My Only Wish This Year

    Why this tune reigns supreme on the list: Because in that extra fabulous corner of gay heaven, this song is on a festive loop during the holiday season. It’s the heavenly anthem that keeps the gay joy flowing in style. 🌈🎄 #GayHeavenPlaylist #FestiveFabulosity

    Need more? Check out our 36 gayest ever Christmas playlist. It is something else

  • 5 ways men can keep their skin looking youthful

    5 ways men can keep their skin looking youthful

    Youthful skin is characterized by its smooth texture, even tone, firmness, and radiant glow. It’s often free from common signs of ageing like wrinkles, fine lines, and age spots. Achieving and maintaining youthful skin involves a combination of proper skin care, healthy lifestyle choices, and protection from environmental damage. By understanding and implementing effective habits, you can preserve your skin’s vitality and keep it looking fresh and vibrant well into your later years.

    1. Stay Hydrated

    Drinking plenty of water keeps your skin hydrated and helps maintain its elasticity. Aim for at least 8 glasses a day. Also, incorporate foods with high water content like cucumbers, oranges, and watermelon into your diet.

    2. Use Sunscreen Daily

    Sun exposure is one of the biggest contributors to premature ageing. Use a broad-spectrum sunscreen with at least SPF 30 every day, even when it’s cloudy. This helps protect your skin from harmful UV rays that cause wrinkles and age spots.

    3. Follow a Consistent Skincare Routine

    Develop a simple skincare routine that includes cleansing, exfoliating, and moisturizing. Use a gentle cleanser to remove dirt and oil, exfoliate a couple of times a week to get rid of dead skin cells, and apply a moisturizer to keep your skin hydrated.

    4. Get Enough Sleep

    Sleep is crucial for skin regeneration. Aim for 7-9 hours of sleep per night. Quality sleep helps reduce dark circles and puffiness around the eyes and gives your skin time to repair and renew.

    5. Eat a Balanced Diet

    A diet rich in antioxidants, vitamins, and healthy fats supports skin health. Foods like berries, nuts, fish, and leafy greens can help keep your skin looking fresh and vibrant. Avoid excessive sugar and processed foods, which can lead to breakouts and dull skin.

    Taking care of your skin doesn’t have to be complicated. Stick to these tips, and you’ll keep that youthful glow for years to come!

  • What can you do if Christmas is ruining your mental wealth?

    What can you do if Christmas is ruining your mental wealth?

    gracinistudios / Pixabay

    But it’s okay to do.

    Talk about your feelings

    MabelAmber / Pixabay

    Many people will expect you to be in great spirits at Christmas but don’t necessarily take into account why you may appear to be down. For those of us who experience negative thoughts or feelings at Christmas, it can be hard to admit that at such a festive time of the year that you don’t share in the delight of the holidays. However, more people are struggling than you think. Making the decision to talk about your feelings and share them with those around you can improve your mood and make it easier to deal with the tough times – especially when you discover that many of the people around you may find themselves in the same position!

    Be picky with social engagements – they are not obligations!

    kliempictures / Pixabay

    It’s extremely easy to get burnt out over Christmas and New Year. Between work parties, spending time with friends, the intensity of family gatherings and then the pressure of New Year, many people are sucked into giving away too much of their free time and ending up extremely tired, lethargic and blue. Make time for the people you care most about, but ensure that you take enough time for yourself to recover and relax.

    Give SAD the sack

    Embed from Getty Images

    The weather influences the way in which we behave every day – it dictates the food we eat, the clothes we decide to wear, and to some extent where we decide to go. However, for millions of people in the UK, the short, dark days around Christmas and New Year can have a disastrous impact on health and wellbeing, triggering the onset of a depression known as seasonal affective disorder, or SAD.

    There are, however, plenty of ways to alleviate the symptoms of SAD. Getting regular exercise, eating a balanced diet and exposing yourself to as much sunlight as possible are of course extremely important, but you could also consider other options such as light boxes and dawn simulators to help regulate your circadian rhythms.

    SAD is also closely linked with a lack of vitamin D which your body naturally produces when exposed to sunlight – given that sunlight is in fairly short supply in the UK at Christmas, it may be worth getting your vitamin levels checked – using vitamin D supplements could certainly help to resolve any deficit you may have. 

    Reduce alcohol consumption

    http://gty.im/159602791

    For the heavier drinkers, those trying to cut back, and people who perhaps have a poor relationship with alcohol, my suggestions for remaining sober and in control at Christmas are as follows:

    • Take your favourite non-alcoholic drinks to any parties or gatherings, for example soda water, ginger beers or lemonade. This will help you to blend in with a glass in your hand, you’ll feel less conspicuous, and will likely avoid being asked for a drink every few minutes
    • Plan activities that will get you out of a setting in which you would typically find a drink in your hand – for example, winter walks, going to the cinema, family activities at home, etc.
    • Be assertive: a lot of people will likely question you on your decision not to drink. Some will be genuinely interested; others may just enjoy poking fun. However, if you ensure you come prepared with a short but effective summary or spiel as to why you’re deciding not to drink, this will really help you to avoid peer pressure and take ownership of your decision.

    Stay Active

    Embed from Getty Images

    It’s very easy to become inactive and sedentary at Christmas. The food, the presents and the time spent with close ones can compound with the often poor weather to make the prospect of exercise daunting. However, regular exercise can boost your self-esteem (especially for those who enjoy the chocolate at Christmas), and will also help you to sleep better and get the rest that so many of us look forward to in the run up to Christmas.

    If you’re having difficulty during the fesitve season and have no one to talk to, you can reach out to Samaritans or the LGBT+ helpline, Switchboard

  • 9 ways we can stop the spread of HIV today

    9 ways we can stop the spread of HIV today

    Preventing HIV transmission involves adopting a combination of strategies to reduce the risk of exposure. Here are some of the easiest and most effective ways to prevent HIV:

    1. Use Condoms: Consistent and correct use of condoms during sexual intercourse can significantly reduce the risk of HIV transmission. Male and female condoms are readily available and provide a barrier against the virus.
    2. PrEP (Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis): PrEP is a medication taken by HIV-negative individuals to prevent infection. It is highly effective when taken as prescribed and can be a useful prevention tool, especially for those at higher risk.
    3. Limit Sexual Partners: Reducing the number of sexual partners can lower the risk of exposure to HIV. Knowing your partner’s HIV status and discussing sexual health openly can help make informed decisions.
    4. Regular Testing: Knowing your own and your partner’s HIV status is crucial. Regular testing allows for early detection, enabling timely access to treatment and preventing further transmission. There is at-home testing now which is easy to do. See our at-home HIV Testing review here.
    5. Avoid Sharing Needles or Syringes: If you use drugs, avoid sharing needles or syringes, as this can increase the risk of HIV transmission. Use clean needles and sterile injection equipment.
    6. Use Sterile Instruments for Tattoos and Piercings: Ensure that any instruments used for tattoos, piercings, or other body modifications are sterile and properly cleaned to prevent the risk of HIV transmission.
    7. Educate Yourself: Stay informed about HIV transmission and prevention methods. Understanding the virus and its modes of transmission can empower individuals to make informed choices about their sexual health.
    8. Kick Stigma out: HIV-related stigma, which includes negative attitudes, prejudice, and discrimination towards individuals living with HIV or perceived to be at risk, can create barriers to effective prevention and care.
    9. Seek Support and Counseling: If you are in a relationship with someone living with HIV or if you have concerns about your risk, seek counselling and support services. Open communication and education can help address fears and reduce the risk of transmission.

    Remember, the most effective prevention strategy may vary depending on individual circumstances. It’s essential to consult with healthcare professionals for personalised advice and guidance based on your specific situation.

  • 12 things you need to take to a gay pride

    12 things you need to take to a gay pride

    Pride season lasts quite a long time in the UK, the first is in February and the final one is in December – so it can be tricky to know what to bring to a pride.

    Here’s our quick survival guide to pride, what you should bring and what should definitely keep at home.

    With hundreds of thousands, perhaps millions of people visiting one of over 180 prides across the UK it’s a good idea to go prepared. Pride events can often be crowded, expensive and outdoors so here are our top 12 tips on how to survive pride.

    1) Raincoat

    CREDIT: chalabala / bigstock
    CREDIT: chalabala / bigstock

    Pack a raincoat. I know it’s not sexy – make it a Vivienne Westwood if you have to, but the British weather can not be relied upon to be good, as some of the UK’s LGBT+ prides happen in February and some in December you might want to keep warm. These LGBT+ woolly winter hats with a little pride flag embroidered on them are super cute.

    Alternatively, you may want to keep the sun off your head during the height of summer with a unique LGBTQ+ pride hat. Wearing a hat can be key to staving off heat stroke and getting a sunburned head.

    Or you can wear a hat with an umbrella, which serves two purposes in case of a sudden summer downpour.

    2) Battery Powerpack

    Smartphones are amazing at capturing the moment whether it’s through pictures, face time or you being able to update your social about who’s doing who. The only problem is the battery never lasts long enough. So grab a power source.

    3) Medication

    Don't forget to take your medications to Pride... just in case
    edf

    Only the legal sort. Take painkillers. Nothing kills the moment more than a stinking hideous headache caused by whatever this year’s headliner is supposed to be. Also, take any meds you take on a daily basis. Take a 24-hour supply – just in case you don’t go back to yours. If you’re on PrEP then it’d be a good idea to take a supply with you, at least four pills, particularly if you’re on an “as and when” regime.

    4) Secret Tenner

    Stuff it in your pants, your socks or secret it away somewhere else. You’ll never know when it might come in handy.

    5) Uber

    If you find yourself in a place you don’t know summon an Uber cab. If your area doesn’t yet have Uber then make sure you know the local cab firm’s telephone number or download their app. Make sure you have enough battery on your phone to make that call or fire up the taxi app.

    6) Sun protection

    Despite the fact that it’s overcast you can still get burnt to buggery so make sure you wear sunblock. If you’re looking for a sunblock that doesn’t go all white and sticky so you look like a sweaty pig – we suggest Image Skincare Prevention + daily matt moisturiser – expensive but well worth the extra.

    7) Condoms and lube

    assorted vegetables on the table
    Photo by Deon Black on Pexels.com

    You might get lucky so bring some protection and you might even get lucky with more than one person so bring lots.

    If you don’t use them – share them with your mates – make sure they’re protected too and don’t forget lube. You can buy travel-size lubes like this Prowler CUM lube which makes it easy to transport around.

    8) Spare undies

    CREDIT ©-Artmim Depositphotos
    CREDIT ©-Artmim Depositphotos

    If you end up at someone else’s place you might want to bring a spare pair of undies – you know so the walk of shame isn’t so Ewwww. THEGAYSHOP has some sexy options. The only question is will you go for a brief, jockstap, thong or trunk?

    9) Antibacterial lotion

    The last thing you want to do is pick up a bug from one of the many thousands of people who will attend pride, so pick up some anti-bacterial lotion. Many of the portaloos provided at pride will also have anti-bacterial handwash for free.

    10) Earplugs

    Protect your eardrums. Sounds from the stage could damage your hearing – with noises louder than a Jumbo Jet taking off. If earplugs aren’t your thing then maybe take a break from the stage area every so often to give your hearing a break.

    11) Put your credit and debit cards on your phone

    Lose your wallet? Not to worry (too much) if you’ve put your credit and debit card’s details into your phone’s wallet then you can still you contactless payments, meaning you’ll still be able to access your money.

    12 Wear Rainbows – Suitable attire

    Okay, this one is not strictly necessary, but hey, when else are you going to get to wear a rainbow blazer or jacket, or when else can you wear rainbow hot pants without everyone thinking how inappropriate it is? Pride is a day when and where you should feel free to wear whatever it is that you want and feel comfortable in. Plus it’s super cute when the high street becomes awash with rainbows… Show your pride hun!

    For further reading take a look at Antony Simpson’s Pride Survival article.

    This article contains links to our partners and companies we’re affiliated with. These links have not been paid for upfront, but we may earn a commission if you buy from one of the vendors.

  • 10 Amazing Novels about coming out

    10 Amazing Novels about coming out

    Having always been a fan of reading, I navigated my way through my teenage years by devouring as much gay fiction as I could. It made me feel affirmed and like I belonged. It’s always good to know it’s not just you.

    Here are my top ten “coming out” novels:

    Maurice

    Maurice by E.M. Forster: This is one of the original classic gay novels. Written around the time of War World I, it’s never going to be smooth sailing when Maurice discovers that he’s gay in a world where homosexuality is illegal and considered a perversion. It’s a beautiful story, though, with some gripping moments.

    A Boy’s Own Story

    A Boy’s Own Story by Edmund White: This literary masterpiece from 1986 outlines the coming of age of a young gay man in a tender and well-written account. The writing is lyrical and moving with an evocative and fascinating story.

    Running With Scissors

    Running with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs: This is a coming-out story with a difference. Burroughs’ childhood was far from usual. He grew up with an alcoholic father and a mentally ill mother, ended up being adopted by his mother’s psychiatrist and his eccentric family and had a relationship with a 33-year man whilst in his early teens. Memoirs don’t get much more compelling, brutal or funnier than this one, thanks to Burroughs’ comical take on his life

    Sucking Sherbet Lemons

    Sucking Sherbet Lemons: by Michael Carson: Young Martin Benson is a teenage boy who’s gradually coming to terms with being gay in a predominately Irish Catholic community in the late 1950s and early 1960s. It’s a humorous and touching book about a boy’s dilemma between the joys of discovering gay sex and the guilt instilled in him by a religion that labels him as sinful. It is also the first of a trilogy which goes on to follow Benson as he navigates his way through life.

    Fifty Ways Of Saying Fabulous

    Fifty Ways of Saying Fabulous: by Graeme Aitken: Billy is a young boy living on a farm in New Zealand. He’s not quite cut out for farm life and spends his time imagining he’s Judy from “Lost in Space”, fumbling with a friend and lusting after the 19-year-old farmhand. It’s a very funny and entertaining read.

    Someday This Pain Will Be Useful To YOu

    Someday This Pain Will Be Useful to You by Peter Cameron: James is a misfit and in discord with his surroundings and fractured family. Caught in limbo between leaving school and starting university he feels adrift. His psychiatrist is driving him more insane and his crush on a co-worker is getting more than he can manage. This is an above-average account of the pain and confusion that sometimes accompanies being a teenager.

    Mysterious Skin

    Mysterious Skin by Scott Heim: This is a dark and at times disturbing read. It’s a coming-of-age novel but with a twist. Brian is a guileless innocent and forges an unlikely friendship with a savvy cynic and part-time male prostitute, Neil. The novel is fast-paced and at times shocking as the two move towards a conclusion which causes Brian and Neil to re-evaluate their shared past. Mysterious Skin has also been made into a movie which TheGayUK has reviewed

    A Home At The End Of The World

    A Home at the End of the World by Michael Cunningham: Pulitzer Prize winner Cunningham has created a moving account of the extraordinary situation in which Bobby, Claire and Jonathan, three friends and lovers find themselves in. The book explores how people manage to find a place for themselves and is an accomplished piece of work.

    How I Paid For College

    How I Paid for College by Marc Acito: This camp tale is reminiscent of a 1980s teen movie but with a musical theatre-loving cast of misfits and a gay main character. It’s a light and funny book with lots of tongue-in-cheek moments and an amusing storyline.

    Terre Haute

    Terre Haute by Will Aitken: Jared is the son of a wealthy family growing up in Indiana who happens to fancy boys. He’s sly, manipulative and cunning and has a predatory nature. When he enters into a relationship with an older man he quickly gains the upper hand. This is a moody, erotic tale which is really compelling to read but also makes the reader wince a little. Jared is definitely an anti-hero with a difference.

    Happy reading people.

    This article was first published in September 2012.

  • 7 signs you have a Grindr Addiction

    7 signs you have a Grindr Addiction

    Is the time you’re spending on Grindr time well spent? Are you getting what you want out of it, or do you find yourself spiralling after a night of tapping, blocking and messaging? Do you think you might have a Grindr Addiction?

    What is Grindr Addiction?

    Addiction is a complex and chronic brain disease that is usually characterised by compulsive drug seeking and use, despite the harmful consequences that may result. It is often characterised by a physical and psychological dependence on a substance or behaviour, such as drugs, alcohol, gambling, food or yes, even Grindr.

    Addiction is considered a chronic disease because it often involves long-term changes to the brain’s reward system and other areas involved in motivation, memory, and decision-making. These changes can make it difficult for individuals to control their impulses and make rational choices, even when they are aware of the negative consequences of their behaviour.

    Addiction can have a significant impact on someone’s physical and mental health, relationships, and overall quality of life. It is treatable, but recovery can be a long and challenging process that requires ongoing support and commitment.

    To be fair it doesn’t have to be Grindr it could be any of the dating / hook-up app, but Grindr is, by far the most used and wide spread of the hook up apps catering for gay, bi and curious men.

    Grindr’s rise to success has been quick, in fact when we interviewed its creator back in 2012, the service had already aquired millions of users and it’s a hot internet property. The price tag recently was pinned at $600m.

    During the pandemic it was one of the only ways that gay guys could keep in touch with other gay guys. It was and still is a community. In many ways it has become what gay bars used to be for the gay community. It’s a place were people can meet, chat, talk sex and well, you get the picture.

    In fact for many guys it’s become a way of life, for some it is life.

    Grindr Addiction. What is it and do you have it?
    Grindr Addiction. Spending too much time chatting can be a sign of addiction.

    There are several signs and symptoms that may indicate a grindr addiction. These can include:

    • Feeling a compulsive need to check dating apps throughout the day. Are you sneaking a peak during work hours, or even during times when you really shouldn’t be checking them? Like on a date with another guy?
    • Neglecting other responsibilities, such as work, school, or social activities, in favour of using dating apps. Is the pull of dating apps so strong that you can’t focus on work anymore? Spending too much time doing this could lead to issues at work such as bad performance reviews, poor co-worker relationships and potentially the inability to complete tasks.
    • Feeling a sense of anxiety or withdrawal when not using dating apps. Do you get a dreaded feeling when your battery starts to die or there’s no wifi so you can’t log in to your favourite dating app? Do you start to get agitated, angry or withdrawn when you can’t log in?
    • Continuing to use dating apps despite experiencing negative consequences, such as failed relationships or social isolation. Despite the fact that the apps can leave you feeling depressed, dejected and lonely, do you find yourself still using them?
    • Spending excessive amounts of time swiping or scrolling through dating profiles. Swiping or tapping over and over, on a never-ending quest to find Mr Right?
    • Giving up activities. Giving up hobbies, social activities, or other interests in favour of spending countless hours online.
    • Changes in behaviour. Changes in personality or behaviour, such as mood swings or becoming isolated or secretive.

    Is there a way of overcoming Grindr Addiction?

    If you or someone you know is struggling with a dating app addiction, here are some steps that may help:

    1. Acknowledge the problem: The first step to overcoming any addiction is to recognize that there is a problem. Acknowledge that your use of dating apps has become compulsive and is having a negative impact on your life.
    2. Set goals: Decide what you want to achieve by reducing your use of dating apps. Setting specific goals can help you stay focused and motivated.
    3. Create a plan: Create a plan for reducing your use of dating apps. This might include setting limits on the amount of time you spend using them or deleting the apps altogether.
    4. Seek support: Reach out to friends, family members, or a mental health professional for support. Talking to others about your addiction can help you feel less isolated and more motivated to change. You could even check out self-help groups like Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous.
    5. Find other activities: Identify other activities that you enjoy and that can serve as a healthy distraction from dating apps. This might include exercise, hobbies, or social activities with friends.
    6. Practice self-care: Taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally is important for overcoming addiction. Make sure you are getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, and engaging in activities that promote relaxation and stress reduction.

    If you or someone you know is struggling with dating app addiction, seeking professional help is recommended. Visit our wellness resource page for phone lines and help charities.

  • The 10 Best Gay Authors according to fans

    The 10 Best Gay Authors according to fans

    10. Marcel Proust

    Marcel Proust vers 1895.jpg
    By <a href=”https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/en:Otto_Wegener” class=”extiw” title=”w:en:Otto Wegener”><span title=”Swedish photographer”>Otto Wegener</span></a> – <a href=”//commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Marcel_Proust_1900.jpg” class=”mw-redirect” title=”File:Marcel Proust 1900.jpg”>Marcel_Proust_1900.jpg</a>, Public Domain, Link

    Proust wrote In Search Of Lost Time, Swann In Love and Le Temps Retrouve. He was a French novelist, and essayist and was considered to be one of the most influential authors of the 20th Century. He was born in July 1871 and passed away in November 1922 at the relatively young age of 51.

    Although biographers of Proust have often spoken about his sexuality, the writer himself never actually came out – even having a public sword fight with fellow writer Jean Lorrain after Lorrain questioned Proust’s relationship with Lucien Daudet (thought to be Proust’s lover). Both Lorrain and Proust survived the duel.

    A few years before his death in 1918 Proust was one of the men identified by police in a raid on a male brothel run by Albert Le Cuziat.

    9. Virginia Woolf

    Photograph of Virginia Woolf in 1902; photograph by George Charles Beresford
    By See file page for creator info., Public Domain, Link

    Woolf was an English writer who is considered one of the most important modernist voices of the 20th Century. She was a pioneering novelist whose books include, To The Lighthouse, A Room Of One’s Own and Mrs Dalloway. London born Woolf was 59 when she died in 1941. She was troubled with mental health issues throughout her life. She was hospitalised numerous times during her life and attempted to take her own life at least twice before drowning herself in the River Ouse at Lewes.

    8. Emily Dickinson

    Photograph of Emily Dickinson, seated, at the age of 16
    By Unknown author – <a rel=”nofollow” class=”external free” href=”https://s3.amazonaws.com/amherst-wsg/ED-dag-case-720dpi_big.jpg”>https://s3.amazonaws.com/amherst-wsg/ED-dag-case-720dpi_big.jpg</a>, Public Domain, Link

    Emily Dickinson was an American poet who lived between 1830 and 1886. During her time she wrote,  The complete poems, Acts of Light: The World of Emily Dickinson, New poems of Emily Dickinson, and The letters, Letters of Emily Dickinson. She apparently wrote over 1800 poems during her lifetime.

    According to Wikipedia, “Evidence suggests that Dickinson lived much of her life in isolation. Considered an eccentric by locals, she developed a penchant for white clothing and was known for her reluctance to greet guests or, later in life, to even leave her bedroom. Dickinson never married, and most friendships between her and others depended entirely upon correspondence.”

    7. William S. Burroughs

    Burroughs in the 1980s
    By Chuck Patch – Cropped version of <a href=”//commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Burroughs1983.jpg” title=”File:Burroughs1983.jpg”>Image:Burroughs1983.jpg</a>, which originally posted to <a rel=”nofollow” class=”external text” href=”https://www.flickr.com/photos/65484951@N00/91976954″>Flickr</a>, CC BY-SA 2.0, Link

    Burroughs was an American writer and visual artist. He was born in St Louis Missouri in 1914. He died in August 1997. His works include Cities of the Red Night and Nova Police. Burroughs had a controversial life having killed his second wife Joan Vollmer with a pistol. At first he claimed it was an accident after an attempted “William Tell” stunt. Later he told investigators that he dropped the gun and it fired a shot that killed his wife.

    Burroughs also suffered from drug addiction during his life and was once expelled from his school for taking chloral hydrate with a fellow student.

    6. James Baldwin

    Baldwin in 1969
    By <a href=”//commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/User:Allan_warren” title=”User:Allan warren”>Allan warren</a> – <span class=”int-own-work” lang=”en”>Own work</span>, CC BY-SA 3.0, Link

    Baldwin’s most famous works include Go Tell It on the Mountain, Another Country, and Notes of a Native Son. He was a famed playwright, novelist and black rights activist. According to Wikipedia, Baldwin’s works had themes of masculinity, sexuality, race, and class intertwine to create intricate narratives that run parallel with some of the major political movements toward social change in mid-twentieth-century America, such as the civil rights movement and the gay liberation movement. On December 1, 1987, Baldwin died from stomach cancer in Saint-Paul-de-Vence, France. He was buried at the Ferncliff Cemetery in Hartsdale, near New York City. He was 63 when he died.

    5. Walt Whitman

    Whitman in 1887
    By <a href=”https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_C._Cox” class=”extiw” title=”en:George C. Cox”>George C. Cox</a> (1851–1903, photo) <a href=”//commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/User:Adam_Cuerden” title=”User:Adam Cuerden”>Adam Cuerden</a> (1979-, restoration) – This image is available from the United States <a href=”//commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Library_of_Congress” title=”Library of Congress”>Library of Congress</a>’s <a rel=”nofollow” class=”external text” href=”//www.loc.gov/rr/print/”>Prints and Photographs division</a> under the digital ID <a rel=”nofollow” class=”external text” href=”http://hdl.loc.gov/loc.pnp/ppmsca.07549″>ppmsca.07549</a>. This tag does not indicate the copyright status of the attached work. A normal copyright tag is still required. See <a href=”//commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Commons:Licensing” title=”Commons:Licensing”>Commons:Licensing</a> for more information., Public Domain, Link

    Whitman was born in 1819 and his famous works include Leaves of Grass, Drum Tap and Song of Myself. He passed away in 1892. His work was controversial in its time, particularly his poetry collection Leaves of Grass, which was described as obscene for its overt sensuality. Whitman’s own life came under scrutiny for his presumed homosexuality. His poetry often focused on both loss and healing. Two of his most well-known poems, “O Captain! My Captain!” and “When Lilacs Last in the Dooryard Bloom’d”, were written after the death of Abraham Lincoln.

    He was also a bit of a naturist and liked to be naked!

    In Manly Health and Training, using the pseudonym Mose Velsor, he advised men to swim naked. In A Sun-bathed Nakedness, he wrote,

    Never before did I get so close to Nature; never before did she come so close to me … Nature was naked, and I was also … Sweet, sane, still Nakedness in Nature! – ah if poor, sick, prurient humanity in cities might really know you once more! Is not nakedness indecent? No, not inherently. It is your thought, your sophistication, your fear, your respectability, that is indecent. There come moods when these clothes of ours are not only too irksome to wear, but are themselves indecent.

    Tennessee Williams

    Tennessee Williams NYWTS.jpg
    By Orlando Fernandez, World Telegram staff photographer – Library of Congress. New York World-Telegram &amp; Sun Collection. <a rel=”nofollow” class=”external free” href=”http://hdl.loc.gov/loc.pnp/cph.3c28957″>http://hdl.loc.gov/loc.pnp/cph.3c28957</a>, Public Domain, Link

    Best known for his works, Sweet Bird of Youth, The Rose Tattoo and Camino Real Williams lived from 1911 to 1983. Willaims was a playwright and considered among the three foremost playwrights of 20th-century American drama. After years of obscurity, at age 33 he became suddenly famous with the success of The Glass Menagerie (1944) in New York City. It was the first of a string of successes, including A Streetcar Named Desire (1947) Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (1955), Sweet Bird of Youth (1959), and The Night of the Iguana (1961).

    3. Arthur Rimbaud

    Rimbaud at 17 by Étienne Carjat [1]
    By <a href=”https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/en:%C3%89tienne_Carjat” class=”extiw” title=”w:en:Étienne Carjat”><span title=”French artist (1828-1906)”>Étienne Carjat</span></a> – Close-up from <a rel=”nofollow” class=”external text” href=”https://www.flickr.com/photos/10381539@N03/3379297668″>Arthur Rimbaud [1872] – foto de Étienne Carjat</a>, Public Domain, Link

    Rimbaud was a French poet who lived between 1854 and 1891.

    Arthur Rimbaud was born in Marseille, France in 1854. He died from cancer just after his 37th birthday. Rimbaud was described as a restless soul who travelled on three continents before he died.

    In 1951 many years after his death the French Postal Service issued stamps featuring Rimbaud and his lover Paul Verlaine.

    Rimbaud met Verlaine in the summer of 1870 when he was 16. A friend of Verlaine was less than impressed and described him as, “a tall, gawky young man, very thin, with the look of a rather fierce street Arab”, however, Verlaine was so taken with the younger wayward man, he deserted his wife and child and ran away to London. It didn’t go well for the two. Their relationship ended in Brussels and during an argument, Verlaine shot Rimbaud in the arm. Rimbaud, however, did not press charges.

    2. E.M. Forster

    Portrait of Forster by Dora Carrington, c. 1924–1925
    By Dora Carrington (1893–1932) – <a rel=”nofollow” class=”external free” href=”http://www.todayinliterature.com/biography/e.m.forster.asp”>http://www.todayinliterature.com/biography/e.m.forster.asp</a>,, Public Domain, Link

    Forster was an Engish novelist, short story writer, essayist and librettist who lived between 1879 and 1970. His famous works include A Room with a View, A Passage to India and Howards End.

    According to Wikipedia, Forster was open about his homosexuality to close friends, but not to the public. He never married but had a number of male lovers during his adult life. He developed long-term relations with Bob Buckingham (1904–1975), a married policeman.

    1. Oscar Wilde

    Photograph by Napoleon Sarony, c. 1882
    By <a href=”https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/en:Napoleon_Sarony” class=”extiw” title=”w:en:Napoleon Sarony”><span title=”American artist”>Martin van Meytes</span></a> – Library of Congress, Public Domain, Link

    Wilde was an Irish poet and playwright. After writing in different forms throughout the 1880s, he became one of the most popular playwrights in London in the early 1890s. He is best remembered for his epigrams and plays, his novel The Picture of Dorian Gray, and the circumstances of his criminal conviction for gross indecency for consensual homosexual acts in “one of the first celebrity trials”, imprisonment, and early death from meningitis at age 46. Oscar Wilde was born at 21 Westland Row, Dublin (now home of the Oscar Wilde Centre, Trinity College), the second of three children born to an Anglo-Irish couple: Jane, née Elgee and Sir William Wilde.

  • Be a gay dating app expert with these five etiquette musts

    Be a gay dating app expert with these five etiquette musts

    Do… Use your best pic

    TheHilaryClark / Pixabay

    Dig deep into your Facebook tagged photos and find a nice when in the sun with a cocktail and a decent backdrop. If you’re stuck for choice, perhaps do what every other Grindr user does and take a selfie in the mirror of your local gym changing room. That way, at least everyone knows you keep fit.

    Don’t…immediately send a dick pic

    Striking up a conversation via a picture of your penis is like Victoria Beckham singing – sin against nature. Sending a blurry photo of your willy is not going to make anyone think “Let’s go Prezzo”. If you, for whatever reason, have an urgent need to send one, do it after at least a day of conversation and, as with your profile picture, make sure it is the best it could be. I’m talking about the right angle and the right filter – no one wants a photo with dodgy lighting.

    Do…be grammatically correct.

    “Hello, how are you?” sounds far better than “hey, u alrite?” so make sure to use your best grammar when trying to secure a date or even a bit of fun. No one is going to be enticed to have sex with you when you chat like a 14-year-old on MSN.

    Don’t…slate gays in your bio.

    “I like my men to be men”; “straight acting guys only; “if I can’t see your eyebrows then I don’t want to see you”. When devising your bio, try not to come across as a wanker. Some gay men decide to be their own enemy and it doesn’t exactly scream, “date me”.

    Do…talk about safer sex.

    Let’s be honest – most gay dating apps amount to anonymous sex with someone you’ve never met before and don’t really know much about except for the size of their penis so, let’s be clear, condoms, PrEP and regular testing if you’re sexually active are absolutely essential…

    This article was first published in August 2015 and has been updated.

  • How to hire a rent boy or an escort

    How to hire a rent boy or an escort

    1. Go online and find the right guy.

    There’s no need to trawl the streets looking for escorts or rentboys in fact, in 2020 is anyone still really doing that? There are loads of escorting and rentboy sites, which you can Google, where guys of all shapes, sizes and colours have uploaded their pictures and loaded their profiles with information on what they’re into and up for. You’ll be able to find someone to suit your needs very quickly.

    2. Reach out to them

    Whether you call, text, Whatsapp or email the next step is to make contact with them. Some workers may be around all hours, others might not be. If he’s available or taking bookings he’ll answer.

    Once you’ve connected, here’s where you tell him or describe what it is you’re looking for and the worker will be able to tell you whether it’s doable.

    Lay it all out here. Don’t spring any surprises on your escort when you’re actually meeting.

    Also, discuss the price. The escort may have already said what his price per hour is on the website, or he may have put “Ask Me”… Tell him how long you’re looking for and what price he can do it for. The going rate is around £150 per hour. There may be extras, which can be bolted on, such as bareback, massage, kink etc.

    Some guys will offer “in calls” – that’s where you go to him and “outcalls” is where he’ll travel to you.

    Outcalls can be more expensive and you might be asked for a deposit from your guy. This is normal and is essentially because some clients bail at the last minute or give out false information. So a deposit shows you really mean business.

    3. Agree on it all before you or he turns up!

    Again don’t spring it on your guy that you’re into fisting or food play or underwear smelling beforehand. Equally, if you’re wanting to top him, let him know beforehand, so he can prepare. Most escorts, if they are bottoms or vers, will already be prepared… Also, have the safer sex discussion. Some guys will bareback, others won’t. Don’t push if he says he’s condom only.

    4. Make sure you’re prepared too.

    black shower head switched on
    Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

    Shower (be clean) and prep yourself, if you’re looking to get fucked. Nobody likes a shitty kitty (unless that’s what you’ve paid for). Looking for info on douching? Check it out here.

    5. Arrive and money

    Don’t forget sex work is work. The money conversation should happen upfront. Preferred method… cash. Don’t make a big thing about it. Again it’s a good point to lay out what it is you want to do. It’s your time so script it out if that helps.

    6. Get down to it.

    It’s your time so use it how you want to. Let your guy know what works, what doesn’t, but be polite and professional and your escort will reciprocate (again unless you’ve paid for something different).

    7. Condoms.

    kerryank / Pixabay

    If you agreed on condoms, make sure you wear one and don’t pressure your sex worker into having bareback once in the flow of things. A good escort will have a supply of condoms, lube and most likely poppers, particularly if it’s an incall.

    8. Clean up in aisle.

    Once the fun is over, let your escort make his excuses and leave. Make sure you see him to the door. If you’re feeling generous a tip will never be refused.

    9. Review

    If you enjoyed give him a good review on whatever website you found him on.