MILD: Men I‘d Like to Do! That is the collective term. There is the singular where the word men is replaced with man. Just makes it safe in the street for me to say to a friend “He’s a MILD” or about a group of workmen “They’re MILD” and it all sounds so innocuous.

What makes a man MILD? The first thing I notice is the walk if they are moving, or a stance if standing. These two things speak volumes and have almost gotten me into trouble in the past. Of course, they are not foolproof. I once followed a man who had the sexiest walk. When he stopped to answer his phone I walked past him and he was a minger of the first water. We are talking ugly above and beyond the call of duty. This dude would only have been my choice on a dark and foggy night, after 14 pints, and a poke in the eye with a pointy stick!

Another qualifier is “the bum factor.” Those buns have got to stay in place, be pert physical specimens and a beauty to behold whilst retaining the strength to crack a nut. They have to be shown off properly, cossetted and displayed to perfection in trousers or shorts. If I am left with the need to stare and an urge to touch then I know the man is a MILD.

I am a sucker for a handsome face, a great smile and blue or green eyes that look like a reflection of the sea and contain the same hidden depth. Top it all off with a great sharp haircut and you’ve got another MILD. Lingering to look for too long can result in being challenged and I have heard “what you looking at?” and “You got a problem?” more times than I care to recollect. When just looking sets them off  I am grateful men are not mind readers or I would have had the poo paddled out of me so often.

In the physique, I like a natural build. The sort tradesmen have from manual labour and hard work. Too much time at the gym can make a man narcissistic. I like a man who looks after himself, but not one that loves himself more than he is ever going to love me.

Do I ever pursue these MILDs I see? Oh yes. I have had mixed success over the years from frightening narrow escapes to passionate one nighters and even the odd repeat. Are they of any sexuality other than Hetro? Hell no, what they are is desperate! It’s the time and place. Could be alcohol, could be single for too long, or in a strange place so no one they know will ever find out and even a few with pregnant girlfriends.

Of the 1000’s I have scored on my MILD chart I have converted less than 1 percent. That’s what makes the game worthwhile, you just never know. It could be you I am looking at tomorrow!

 

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