One gift for Christmas and Birthday will not do.

1) We’ve never enjoyed a birthday that’s just a day for us…

Our birthdays have always been lumped in with other activities – Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day, New Year’s Eve… We’re kind of used to that, but it’d be nice for people just to remember that somewhere in amongst all the other important days, it’s ours too.

2) We never had that handing out birthday sweets at school thing

Whilst everyone became king or queen for the day at school when they handed out their birthday sweets or cake, if our birthday falls outside terms times, we’ve never had that experience of being uber popular for a day because we had goodies to give out.

3) One combined gift just won’t do

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Why do you do this. We have taken notes.

4) A combined Christmas, Office, NYE, birthday party might be cool

Actually, we don’t mind this too much – combine the office party or the New Year’s Eve party* with our birthday, just means more people will turn up! Yay us! *See next point.

5) A New Year’s Eve birthday can totally suck

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Trying to organise or hold a birthday/NYE party is almost impossible because people don’t want to RSVP until the very last minute, just in case something better comes along. Listen, people, every NYE party is going to be expensive, drunken and impossible to travel to and from. Just let us know so we can organise drinks and cheesy nibbles.

6) Actually New Year’s Day birthdays actually totally suck

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Nothing is open. People are skint. Noone wants to party on New Year’s Day… So if you try and hold a New Year’s Eve Party – see the previous point.

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7) Don’t pity us…

It happens every year. We get it. Sharing a birthday with someone infinitely more famous than us, like Father Christmas, sucks.

8) Do not send a joint Christmas/birthday card

Go on, splash out. Buy two cards. We promise we’ll treasure and display both.

9) We’re used the Christmas/birthday wrapping paper thing

Yes, we’ve all had birthday presents wrapped up in Christmas paper. It’s okay. TBH we’re just happy you remembered it was our birthday as well.

10) New Year’s birthdays are literally the worst

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Everyone’s hungover. Everyone’s poor. Everywhere is closed. A birthday bonk is usually out of the question because we’re usually too drunk and found with our head in a toilet bowl.

11) Christmas Day birthdays are actually the worst

Everyone gets presents – so what’s the fricking point. And a Birthday bonk is out of the question – we’re usually just too full of roast potatoes and turkey.

12) Everything ends when Christmas ends

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So everything is so depressing when the decorations come down, later birthdays – especially around the New Year’s period, feel totally depressing when the decs come down.