This week a forum user asks what he should do about his seemingly straight, married builder boss, who winked at him in a meeting…
I work in the trade and it usually means working along side may other trade guys on different sites. The last site I was on there was a site manager, older mature butch muscly bloke (late 40s), ex army/marine, I know he’s married and has kids.
During a meeting between 4 other work mates, I kept catching him looking at me. Then about half way through the meeting while other guys were discussing things, he looks at me, WINKS(!), and then smiles! It took me by surprise.
The big question is: WTF do I do? I don’t want to confront him and give away I’m gay, and find out he’s not. Maybe the wink meant something else? If so, then what!? Or is a wink some secret “gay trade code” that I’m completely unaware of?
Yea I fancy him. Even though he’s married I would not say no. I’d love to have a go with him but just not sure how to test the water without giving too much away?
ALSO READ: Ray the famous gay builder gets married
This is an interesting dilemma. First things first though: why do you think being an ex army/marine type would prohibit someone from being gay? There are many ways to be gay and you’d be surprised how many super masculine power jocks are part of the rainbow nation.
What I am wondering is: do you really want to take on the responsibility of loving a married gay man? There will be many problems and dramas you will have to deal with and it could become painful in the future. Make sure you think about the pros and cons before doing anything.
If you are certain about wanting this man, let’s look at the evidence you’ve given us.
That wink definitely meant something, no-one winks at another person without a deeper intention behind it. Of course it could also mean he recognised you were bored of the meeting too, or sharing joke. But that too could mean he was reaching out for something deeper. But if it’s friendship or love you will have to find out for yourself.
From what I gather you are not out at work and want to keep it that way. This means you have to get him alone outside of work. As he is married and very outwardly macho he might have build a few fences around his sexuality so don’t immediately bombard him with the “do you fancy me” question. Try becoming friends first, see how he acts around you. Make some small talk, see what you have in common. Go to the gym together, go for a few drinks and then, after a few dates, drop some small hints.
If he picks up on them: bingo! If he ignores them, at-least you have a new friend.
A warning: if you don’t like taking it slow and want to get there fast, always ask the question in a public place maybe with a friend present in the vicinity just to be on the safe side.
Always with love,
The advice above has been given by our community of writers who have drawn from experiences in their own lives and is should not be considered as professional advice.
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Dannii Cohen is a stand-up comedian (drag name Divine Varod) and comedy writer turned author, psychologist, professional counselor, life coach and self-help expert. Specialized in LGBT issues, anxiety, empowerment, children’s issues and bullying.
Published works include children’s books about childhood depression and the importance of being yourself (When Clouds Hide The Sun and Christopher the Lonely Bear) and an easy to use self help manual 50 Things To Know To Have A Better Life: Self-Improvement Made Easy.