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Stick to my top dating tips, and you’ll find yourself bagging this season’s must have accessory…the summer boyfriend!
Here are five things you need to do to make sure your first date goes so well that you’ll be planning your second!
It’s important that you both have a get-out clause – and just-drinks can be the perfect way to make sure you’re not locked into an entire evening – or hours of company, when you know there’s just no spark. Writing for THEGAYUK.com columnist Thabian Sutherland said, “Never meet for dinner on the first date – drinks only. If you’re staring into the eyes of Ryan Gosling and your sides hurt from his witty repartee – great, go and fill ya Paul Smith dip-dyed black-leather Claude-boots. You don’t want to be stuck in a situation where your date is as scintillating as Lewis Hamilton and you have to painfully watch him devour a couple of courses before you can scarper. Buy a round each, then off you toddle”
Getting to know your new date is one of the most exciting things – and you might want to get some important compatibility issues sorted right upfront… But be careful how you phrase your questions. What you’re both into sexually is an important subject – and perhaps something you can discuss in your first meeting. Don’t let it be the first thing you lead with – but a simple, “so what are you into” at an appropriate moment could be a good starter to find out whether you’re both sexually compatible.
However, writer Dan Coleburn suggests that you don’t ask all the burning questions! He said, “Top or bottom? STD Free? Much like the politics, you have more than enough time to find out these things about one another. While the answers might sway you one way or another – I’m not going to judge what’s important to you – those issues can definitely wait a few dates”.
Of course, a new person to share your thoughts and witty stories with is wonderful, but don’t forget to ask him a few questions about his life. Listen carefully and take mental notes. Maybe even follow up on some of the most interesting stories. Ask open questions, rather than simple yes or no questions. Questions that start with “why”, “how” and “what” are perfect openers… Guys love it when you remember something they tell you from your first ever date and drop it into the conversation. It shows you were listening!
I mean why would you… Of course, you should let someone know where you’re going and what time you expect to be back, but don’t take someone along with you. Writer Lewis Fellows shared with us, “THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENS. Don’t do it. This isn’t a sort of gay Sex and the City and chances are it’s not going to work… at all. I can imagine nothing worse than trying to impress a group of people that are almost always going to be against you. (Nobody is good enough for THEIR friend)”
It’s so important to make a great first impression. Dan Coleburn tells us, “Put away that ancient Tee and actually button up to be remembered. The right guy’s going to be worth that extra effort. Iron that shirt, polish the shoes, and don’t forget to run a brush through that hair, it’ll be worth it in the long run.”
So we know about ghosting and we know how to spot a fuckboy, what happens when you put the two together, well, you get something truly hellish. Welcome to Zombie-ing.
Ghosting is where a guy you’ve been chatting to on an app, or even have hooked up with, simply doesn’t return your messages or calls. Not even a tag… After a while, you think to yourself, ‘hmm, okay, it’s done and dusted, it’s time to move on’ – good for you, but with Zombie-ing that bastard, comes back to life, without warning and starts sliding into your DMs, phoning, texting, or Grindr messages you like he was never away.
There you are, watching the latest series of The Crown, yep, we see you Crown Queens, on Netflix, when ping, a DM comes in from a guy you hooked up with before the Coronavirus stopped our collective dating / hook up life back in March… Except as soon as lockdown came into force, he stopped messaging you completely. Yep, he ghosted you. Now months on. He’s back. Like a zombie out of The Walking Dead and he’s wanting your boy brains (okay that metaphor doesn’t work).
Well, according to Cosmo a Zombie is kind of like an upgrade (or actual downgrade depending on your view) from a ghost. Gabi Conti writes, “Ghosting is when someone vanishes and you never hear from them. A true ghost will never reach out to you again in any form. If they do, then congrats: Your ghost has just upgraded themselves into a zombie.”
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Well, we going out on a limb here and going to say that Zombie-ing is happening because he’s bored AF or has run out of other guys willing to put up with his shit. With lockdowns in place all over the world, guys will be finding willing sex partners limiting, so maybe he’s going back over his old flings and seeing who will reconnect.
Well, man, that’s totally up to you, but first, what are you going to get out of this reconnection? You really gotta put yourself first. Even if the D was really, really good.
You should consider what happened in your relationship before he first ghosted you and then remember how pissed you were with him when he did that. Remember that? Yeah, so not cool.
Remember apologies are just words and its actions that really speak, so if he really wants to get back in your good books, make him prove it.
If you’re cool with just a hookup or a booty call (once lockdown is over) then go for it, you’ve got nothing to lose.
As we head into Valentine’s day, are any of these tell signs that your partner is cheating on you? Is Your Partner Cheating On You Using Tech? 5 Red Flags To Watch For This Valentine’s Day
Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, and many people are looking forward to a day filled with romance. But what do you do if you suspect your loved one is being unfaithful?
Trevor Cooke, the online privacy expert at EarthWeb, discusses 5 tech-related signs that your fears could be justified.
Is your partner being overly protective of their phone, for example, turning away or hiding their screen when texting or receiving push notifications? Are they leaving the room to take calls? Or maybe they’ve recently bought a privacy screen protector? These behaviours might suggest they’re communicating with someone they don’t want you to know about.
If your loved one is adding new passwords or fingerprint locks on their phone, this could be concerning. Of course, due to the risk of crime, privacy is essential, and most people will password-protect their phone. However, drastic changes in phone security without a clear reason – for example, changing their phone password without telling you when they’ve been happy to let you know it before – might indicate your partner is hiding something.
Does your partner regularly remove their browser history or use incognito modes (private windows)? You may even be told they’re planning a Valentine’s Day surprise! However, this can be a sign your partner is visiting websites they want to keep hidden (e.g. dating sites or communication platforms).
Online documents with innocent names – for example, ‘Work To Do List’ – are often the perfect way to hide things. A Microsoft 365 file or Google document could contain exactly what it says – or it could be full of hidden photos and videos they don’t want you to find.
A partner may suddenly start spending more time online, perhaps late at night or during unusual hours. If so, they may be engaging in activities or conversations they’re trying to keep secret.
If they suddenly have new friends or followers on social media that seem out of place, or they’re having frequent interactions with a specific individual, this could be a cause for concern.
Trevor says, ‘There are many ways people can hide things, whether it’s using OurSecret software or tucking them away on Amazon Prime. The key thing is to not be paranoid and to gently address any concerns. Then you can enjoy Valentine’s Day without having unnecessary worries.’
Dating can be a rollercoaster ride of emotions filled with ups and downs. But there’s a difference between the occasional bump in the road and a toxic relationship that needs to come to an end. If you’re feeling drained, unhappy, and unsure where your relationship is headed, it could be time to take a closer look at your boyfriend’s behaviour. Here are ten signs that your boyfriend is toxic, and it’s time to end things.
The first step in addressing toxic behaviour is acknowledging it. No one deserves to be treated poorly, and if your boyfriend is exhibiting any of these signs, it’s time to take a closer look at the relationship.
Relationships should bring joy and fulfilment, not constant stress and anxiety. If you’re feeling drained, unhappy, or like you’re always walking on eggshells around your partner, it’s a clear sign something needs to change. Don’t be afraid to put yourself first and prioritize your own well-being.
Negative comments, constant criticism, and belittling behaviour are all red flags of a toxic relationship. Your partner should make you feel loved, appreciated, and valued, not the opposite.
If your boyfriend tries to control who you spend time with or isolates you from your loved ones, it’s a clear sign of toxic behaviour. Isolation is a tactic used by abusers to assert their control over their partners.
A toxic partner will never take responsibility for their actions or apologize for their mistakes. Instead, they’ll blame you for everything wrong in the relationship.
Manipulative and controlling actions are a clear sign of toxicity, and it can take many forms, from gaslighting to emotional blackmail.
If you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells around your boyfriend or afraid to express your opinions, it’s a clear sign of a toxic relationship. Your partner should encourage your growth and respect your boundaries.
Jealous and possessive behaviour is another common sign of a toxic relationship. A healthy relationship is built on trust, not jealousy.
Emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse, and it takes many forms, from verbal abuse to manipulation to gaslighting.
Infidelity and dishonesty are clear signs of a toxic relationship, and they can cause irreparable damage to trust and intimacy.
A toxic partner will never admit to wrongdoing, take responsibility for their actions, or apologize for hurting you.
If your boyfriend refuses to acknowledge his toxic behaviour or take steps to change it, it’s a clear sign that the relationship needs to come to an end.
Remember, you deserve to be treated with love, respect, and kindness in any relationship. If your boyfriend is exhibiting any of these toxic signs, it’s time, if it’s safe to do so, to end things and move on. Keeping safe is your priority, so keep friends and family informed of what you want and what you’re planning to do.
Sometimes ending a toxic relationship can be scary or painful, but ultimately it’s the healthiest choice for you and your future.
These guys on Reddit have shared the funniest and worst things they’ve ever been called during sexytime. The post opens with a story from a guy who reveals that after a few hours (!!!!) of sex, the guy who was topping him calls him a “pillow-biting pufta”. The result was an immediate loss of erection and fits of laughter and coughing. It turns out he’d ever heard of the word pufta or the term “pillow biting”. Some of us lead such sheltered lives, don’t we?
Well, the top also then snorted with laughter and what with the poppers and pot they had been taking – sex ended for the night.
When he relayed the story to a friend, his friend told of an even worse moment, when the guy he was topping, looked at him directly in the eye (they were in missionary) and said “Aww yeah man! Pack that fudge!”
… I mean WTF.
This obviously got the boys on the thread talking. Here are some of the worse / funniest things that someone has said during sex.
“Daddy, I was 29″ (Via)
I have a big bootie and a guy once was topping me and he suddenly slapped my butt and said: “Look at the size of those baps! McDonald’s would be jealous! The worst part is that after sex he gave me 10 bucks and told me to get myself a sandwich or something” (via)
“Daddy.” That fucking floored me. He was a young man I’d been dating/fucking for a few months, and out of nowhere he suddenly called me “Daddy” during sex one day. I was literally old enough to be his father, but there was no lead-up to this, and no indication that he had a daddy fetish. But, then: “Fuck me, Daddy!” That brought things to a crashing halt for me.”
I lost the mood because of something a guy said during sex was many years earlier with another young man. I was in the middle of fucking him when he started saying “I wish I was a woman so I could have your baby.” Did THAT ever kill the mood! (via)
What are some of yours? Use the comments below
Dear TGUK
My straight work mate keeps coming on to me… We’ve been hanging around lots and lots and he’s actually pretty cool with me being gay and is often flirty. He was one of the first people I came out to at work. We’ve worked together for over 5 years.
At first it was all in good jest and his flirting just made me laugh, but now it’s starting to actually turn me on and is making me question whether he’s gay or bi?
We’ve been spending more and more time together and we’re planning a lads’ weekend away, which we’ve done before – nothing happened, but I’m wondering whether I should make a move – or ask him whether he actually likes me. He has a girlfriend and she’s a good friend too.
I’m worried if I make a come on and goes wrong it’ll ruin our friendship…
What do you think?
S, Johnson, Wiltshire
This could go hideously wrong. As attractive and hot an idea it is to get with the straight / not so straight boy, you have your friendship and his girlfriend’s heart hovering above the shitter. Enjoy the fact that he is comfortable enough with you, and his own sexuality to be flirty. Making a move or potentially having sex will complicate EVERYTHING, think of the atmosphere at work- you don’t need that- so don’t mess this up, buttercup. If your feelings are starting to go a little deeper than just fantasising, then you’re going have to suss out if you can actually manage a friendship with him without anyone getting hurt. I would suggest you perhaps opt out of this particular weekend away while you figure stuff out.
Dear Confused
You have answered your own question over his sexuality. You’ve been away before and nothing happened. It could be that he is just very comfortable with himself to be as comfortable with who you are. These men do exist. By coming onto him you push the boundaries of your friendship to another level. If he isn’t gay or bi then you risk a lot more than losing a friend. Work will be disrupted; your friendship will also be lost with the girlfriend.
Tell him you fancy him. Compliments are easier to wiggle out of than coming on. I was going to say go for the easy option and not go on the lads’ weekend and start pulling yourself away. Be prepared for a possible change in your relationship if you do confess. He may become guarded around you and the flirtations stop but it will put your mind at ease as to where you stand. However if he values you for who you are he will take it as a compliment, flirt more and make your life a comfortable hell of fun.
What makes this even harder though is that he won’t be the only straight man in the world you’ll fall in love with. One day you will cheat on your pretend boyfriend.
ALSO READ: Dilemmas | I’m Afraid I’ll Be Left Alone
I have by a simple few words in life. These have stood me in great stead and I found it useful.
If you don’t ask you don’t get.
Apply this to your ‘could he be bi and coming onto me’.
You also say he has a girlfriend and that they are your friends so if you just assume his sexuality you could lose big time.
By being upfront and honest with him you’ll still keep your friendship in tact.
The advice above has been given by our community of writers who have drawn from experiences in their own lives and is should not be considered as professional advice.
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In a world where there’s an acronym or term for everything, Ghosting is where a guy you’ve been chatting to on an app, or even have hooked up with, simply doesn’t return your messages or calls. Not even a tag…
That’s right, you’ve put in the time, even gone to dinner and then, without explanation he’s gone into the night, like a ghost. Never to be heard of again.
Bastard.
There could be a number of reasons why a guy might suddenly stop messaging you. Perhaps he wasn’t totally up front with you about his personal circumstances, he could be married or in another relationship.
It could be something you said that really offended him or it could be that he said something that totally embarrassed him, and he’s too ashamed to speak to you again.
The crazy thing about ghosting is that it can happen IRL and virtually. You can be ghosted on dating apps or on social media. On Grindr, we’ve found that ghosting is quite common. In a recent survey, we found that 88% of Grindr users had said that they had been ghosted on the app.
If he’s gone off social media or his dating profile is no longer active, then something even more final could have happened. The problem is that you’ll never know.
The best thing is to be happy for the time you had together and move on. Don’t live in the past, look to the future.
Although they are linked, Ghosting and Zombie-ing are different. Zombie-ing is where your ghost, the one that you thought you’d never hear from again, suddenly comes back to life and starts wanting to hang out again. Let’s face it Zombie’s and Ghosts should be ignored and your attention should be focused on the land of the living.
Stick to my top dating tips, and you’ll find yourself bagging this season’s must have accessory…the summer boyfriend!
First of all, it is no longer 1922, so the traditional conventions of dating have been long withdrawn, as much as we hate to admit it, looks and personality are way down on our summer dating agenda – it’s confidence, style and a cracking smile that 2022 is shouting for.
So, you’ve found the guy you’re after, whether you’ve met him through the steam in the sauna, or stacking shelves in the local supermarket, if he’s caught your attention your already onto a winner! Regardless of what social networking site or app you have met him on (we aren’t here to judge, only to help!) You can guarantee there are ten other blokes chatting him up too!
So, Step 1 – Give Him Your Number.
Play it cool though, if you get a text or a call, he’s interested! If you don’t, move on to the next! It goes without saying though, that if his texts make you smile, he’s a keeper! If the conversation is a struggle – don’t ask him out! Simple.
Step 2 – Planning A Date.
Whilst you’re texting, flirting and sending those dirty pictures – you need to remember, spending too much time getting to know someone, runs the risk of creating a friendship rather than a relationship – my advice, 2 days of flirtatious texting and then ask him out! Don’t be shy! We all like a confident guy, so don’t wait around for him to suggest a date, get in there first!
Step 3 – Play It Cool.
Once you’ve got the date planned, where you’re going, what you’re doing etc – don’t keep mentioning it! You don’t want to look over eager, nobody likes to feel badgered, there’s only so many times you can smile at a text, before you think change the record! (And he may decide to cancel on you!)
Step 4 – First Impression.
Now, this step goes two ways, You have approximately 10 seconds to make your first impression, likewise he has 10 seconds to make it on you – think EASY – Eye contact, Ask how he is, Smile at him, and You must look interested! Even if you don’t really care how his day was, and just want to rip his shirt off – you still need to pretend!
Step 5 – Be Realistic.
A good friend of mine once told me, ‘Don’t say or do anything on a first date, that you can’t keep up’, and I’ve always stuck by that – so I’m sharing it with you guys! We all like honesty, so don’t make out like you’re a Fashion Scout for Vogue magazine, when in fact you work the checkout at Primark, it just doesn’t work, and you’re setting yourself up to fail! Similarly, don’t order a bottle of Moet when all you can afford is three pints of cider and a packet of pork scratchings – he wants you, for you – not who you think you should be!
Step 6 – Don’t Judge A Book By Its Cover.
First dates bring nerves; remember, if you’re smiling, and he’s smiling back, if you’re laughing, and the conversations is flowing easily – then it’s going well, don’t worry that his trainers don’t go with his chinos, give him the second date to fix those problems!
Step 7 – Afterwards?
I always find that asking for the bill is always a clear indication of where the night is heading! Drinks afterwards? A coffee at his? A vodka at yours? Either way – if he isn’t paying, the bill is going Dutch! Don’t be quick to decide! Kissing is definitely allowed on a first date, perhaps some heavy petting – but I would advise against giving it all away, you don’t want to seem easy! And after all, you’re on a date because you like him! Don’t want this to be an expensive booty call!
Step 8 – The Next Day.
Depending how the night went, you don’t want to text too soon! Ideally he’ll text you first, but we don’t live in a perfect world! Late morning, or lunchtime is an acceptable point to send him a text, telling him how you enjoyed the night, and would love to arrange another date! (After all. second dates are where the magic happens!) My advice is stick to the 3S’s – Shower, Shave and Send! You don’t want to seem eager, so get up, make yourself human and then message him, I say no texts before 11 guys, after all – you’re a god! Let him do the chasing.
Step 9 – Social Networking.
If you already have him in your friends list, or he’s following your tweets – keep it at that, don’t be adding him to all of your devices, you need to have somewhere to discuss and vent, without him seeing what you’ve said! Likewise, you don’t want to see what he’s saying about you (it could get messy, and we gays don’t like drama!)
Step 10 – Don’t Be Too Available.
Finally, you need to play hard to get, you may have had the most amazing night, but you don’t want to seem overly eager to do it all again! Planning your second, third, fourth or even fifth date to suit you! Don’t ever let him have the upper hand – you need to be in control!
Most importantly though guys – all of us at TheGayUK promote safer sex! We all like to have fun, and we understand so do you, but never forget, don’t be a fool – wrap that tool! For more information on sexual health visit: http://www.gmfa.org.uk/sex/ better to be safe, than sorry!
Hope this helps guys! I wish you all the greatest of luck in your summer dating – don’t forget to check out our website: www.TheGayUK.com find us on Twitter:@TheGayUK for all things gay!
This article is a republish of previous article and updated.
Two dates down with Rick and we still hadn’t shared anything more intimate than a handhold. This was definitely some kind of record for me. It’s been a rare occurrence for me to get past the first date without a bit of How’s your father.
But with Rick. De nada. Not even a kiss. Some friends thought this was a bad sign. Others believed it was romantic. I started to panic. I needed to know if that spark was there when our lips locked. As Cher categorically states, “It’s in his kiss.”
On our third date, which was only FOUR days after our second, (YES, we were certainly having a whirlwind romance), I decided a kiss had to happen. We had so much chemistry emotionally, I needed to be certain it was there physically too.
I booked us tickets to see a one woman show in a theatre in the West End. And the one woman was none other than Amanda Muggleton. YES, Amanda Muggleton.
I’m anticipating the perplexed looks of most readers, scratching their heads. Who the fuck is Amanda Muggleton? Well, let me tell you. She is one of my favourite actresses from the 1980’s cult classic, Prisoner: Cell Block H.
We sat in the theatre, watching the amazing performance. (I know, I’m biased). And we were holding hands. What had this boy done to me? When it comes to friends, I have no problems expressing my emotions and feelings. But, until Rick, I’d never been very tactile when it came to men. Apart from the odd bunk up.
As we left the theatre, we decided to grab a bite to eat. We found a beautiful little Thai place that served the most delicious Thai Green Curry. The best I’d ever got my mouth round. Rick was very cultured when it came to eating out and he was very well travelled.
We walked back towards the tube, the moonlight glistening down on the pavement and I decided now was the time. I had a duty to Cher to find out if it’s really in his kiss. Without warning, I pounced like a lion on its prey.
Words will NEVER do justice to THAT kiss. But if it had been a Hollywood movie, fireworks would have been exploding above our heads and topless dancers would have been doing backflips and cartwheels down Trafalgar Square.
I had him pinned up against the wall, sheer passion erupting from my lips, like a scene out of trashy super soap FOOTBALLERS WIVES.
He finally managed to escape my grip, and my lips, and looked me straight in the eye.
“Alright Tanya Turner”, he managed to say, as the blood came rushing back to his gums, tongue and lips. “I feel like Conrad when Tanya fucked him on the washing machine.”
That was the best compliment any man had ever given me. Besides Joan Collins, Zoe Lucker as Tanya Turner is my IDOL. And I really could have taken Rick on a full spin cycle. But I felt Trafalgar Square wasn’t the appropriate place for our first fornication.
It was time for our fourth date and we were back in Windsor, where it had all begun, just two weeks prior. After a romantic dinner date under the arches, we went for a moonlit stroll along the river. Although we didn’t make it as far as the Thames.
As we went to walk past a pub, three very drunken ladies stumbled out in front of us. Rick’s face dropped, faster than a whore’s drawers. Confused, I looked at Rick. And then at the ladies. And then back at Rick. Rick broke the silence.
“MUM! AUNTY JOY! NAN!”
I saw the horror on Rick’s face. I don’t think he had intended me to meet his family just yet. And not under these circumstances.
“Dis… a very handsome boy you have here Rick”, I heard a woman slur as she grabbed my cheeks. I assumed it was his Nan. Unless his mum had had a hard life.
Another of the inebriated women elbowed Rick and whispered. Well, it wasn’t actually a whisper, but I think they intended it to be.
“You’ve done well for yourself here Rick!”
I felt myself grow a bit taller and a slight blush pop up on my face. Although Rick was mortified and he quickly said his goodbyes to his drunken relations and abruptly dragged me off towards the river.
Our fifth date arrived and I made the decision to do something I hadn’t done with a man since my first boyfriend way back in 2003. I invited him to meet my friends. I planned a dinner party at my house.
We had a homemade curry and he went down a storm with my pals. Chatting, playing games and laughing. I looked at Rick interacting with my friends, and I just knew I would marry this man. How wrong could I be…
That week, he was due to go to Canada for a month to visit a friend. As I said goodbye at the departure gates at Heathrow, I did my best Tanya Turner impression and kissed him passionately up against a terminal five wall.
Little did I know that that was to be our last kiss.
The weeks went by and he was due back from Canada. Excited, I planned a romantic, home cooked, welcome back meal to mark his return. I had fillet steak, potato dauphinoise and as much as I hate the stuff, copious bottles of white zinfandel.
But he never turned up. And I never heard from him again…
Dear Uncle,
I’m 16 and I just wanna know when it gets better. I’m subscribed to a bunch of TikToks of cute gay couples and guys who look like they are having an amazing time, but I don’t match. I feel fat and ugly and that no one is going to want me. All my classmates around me are pairing up with each other, but that’s not going to happen for me, there’s no one gay around and I feel quite alone and down about life rn.
Just want to know when it starts to get better?
Justin
Dear Justin,
It would be so easy for me to say, “all in good time, Justin”, but that doesn’t help you right now. Being 16 means that you can feel adult enough to make your own decisions, but legally you’re kinda stuck in education and at home, which can suck, especially if you feel you’re the only LGBT+ person in the class. Although I can say with almost certainty that you won’t be.
So, I would suggest making a few quick searches for local LGBT+ groups for young people in your area. You might be surprised to find that there are a lot of groups out there.
If you’re not sure, it might be worth finding the website or social media profile of your local pride event. They should have lots of info about what’s going on in the area. Another good place to start might be the Allsorts Youth Project.
On to the FOMO that you have about other couples. Let’s be clear, guys and couples who upload their 30-second videos of TikToks or Snap are curating an ideal for their fans to watch. Lives aren’t perfect… And people only ever show their followers the best bits, the highlights. What do you suppose happens in the 23hours 59 minutes and 30 seconds when they’re not tik tokking?
What I’m saying is don’t believe everything you see coming out of your screen.
Because high school life can feel it is centred around heteronormative activities, young LGBT+ people can really feel like they’re missing out.
As for getting a boyfriend, there’s no rush, weirdly these things tend to happen when you least expect them to. Please don’t feel that just because other people are dating and pairing up that you need to. Go at the pace that’s right for you, not the pace you think you should be going. There’s a huge difference and it can cause a huge amount of pressure and stress for you.