THEGAYUK

Author: Dannii Cohen

  • DILEMMAS | My new flatmates are homophobic

    DILEMMAS | My new flatmates are homophobic

    This week, Dannii Cohen answers the fears of a Uni student who has moved into a new home only to find that one of his flatmates is homophobic.

    CREDIT: Janeb13 / Pixaby /CC
    CREDIT: Janeb13 / Pixaby /CC  / FILE PHOTO

    Dear Dannii,

    I’ve just moved to Manchester to start university and rather than stay at the halls of residence I’ve decided to share a house with some people from the course. I know one of the guys already, a good friend who’s straight, but the other two people are new to me.

    I’d not yet had chance to come out to the household when one of the guys said something really homophobic, which upset me. Even more upsetting was my friend who knows me also said nothing. I’m not sure what to do as the guy is a lot bigger than I am and I’m not sure how he would take me telling him I’m gay. I don’t want to cause problems in the house as I have signed up for 12 months. What should I do?
    Many thanks for helping,

    David.

    Dear David,

    Thank you for writing in.
    Oh, what a horrible situation and difficult to find yourself in. Feeling unsafe in the place where you are supposed to unwind and study is terrible.

    So let’s see what possibilities there are for you:
    In your letter, you say you don’t want to cause trouble. The thing is: you have every right to speak out. You matter as much as any other person living in that household and deserve to be who you are without fear.

    The first point of action should be your friend. Try to get him alone one evening, maybe for drinks, and discuss your feelings. Tell him you feel uncomfortable and what could be done.

    This might seem like a very difficult thing to do, but you have to find out if your friend has your back. He either went along with the joke because he didn’t realise how you felt or he might be a different person with his other friends. You have to know this before you talk to anyone else in the house.

    When you know this you can sort things out: If your friend has your back you can start talking to the others and get some other people on your side. If this works you might gradually feel better.

    If your friend does not have your back or if talking to the group does not resolve anything talk to the teachers and counsellors at school. Maybe there is a place open somewhere else and they can help get you out of the twelve months you signed up to. These are circumstances beyond your control so there has to be a way for you to get out of your contract. No-one should be forced into a situation where they feel uncomfortable or unhappy every day.

    If you are out to your family or other friends, maybe they can help you too. Talk to them about it.

    Have you made new friends on campus who you think might understand, talk to them too? Even if you are sure they don’t know anything it is always good to talk. And who knows they might surprise you. Create your own network of support.

    Remember, if you ever feel unsafe in the house for whatever reason: get out immediately. No point in waiting for something bad to happen.

    Always with love,
    DANNII

    Have you got a question for Dannii? Use the form below to get in touch

  • How can I find the balance between free time and work?

    Homework, cramming, learning, remembering, training your brain. All these are very important whether you are a student trying to pass your exams, trying to create a presentation or an actor learning a role.

    CREDIT: © peus Depositphotos

    But free time, downtime is equally important, because the brain needs time to rest, recharge and store all the information given.

    Unfortunately the brain – and the person carrying that brain- enjoy and crave that free time a lot more than all the learning stuff and the time to learn becomes smaller and smaller, until you find yourself a days before your exam, performance, presentation with a nice clear brain, but nothing learned. What do you do? You study non-stop and pull all-nighters and turn up at your big moment like a zombie, often failing because you’re too tired to focus and your brain has overloaded. Or sometimes you just give up.

    Or sometimes you just give up.

    This is something that can easily be avoided with a little planning. If you play your cards right you can both study and enjoy downtime. So, how do we do it?

    Study planning
    Studying and downtime can coexist
    Rest is essential.
    You need free time
    The best thing to do is think about what you want to accomplish in a day, see if it is feasible and then make a list.

    This list could read:
    6.00 Get up, do some last minute checks, breakfast, wash, go to college/work/rehearsals
    15.00 Go home, eat something start study immediately.
    18.00 Take a break, do what you want.
    21.00 Check in if you haven’t forgotten anything.
    22.00 Watch some TV, read or whatever.
    23.00 Go to bed to get at least a 7-hour rest.

    At the weekends? Use Saturdays for all the studying, and keep the Sundays for yourself for one day all free, all for you.

    It really is that easy!!

    This really is the most effective schedule to keep. There is you time and study time all together in the right place.

    But sadly we often don’t keep to these schedules. Life gets in the way, or you lose track of time.
    These days that last part can be fixed easily, we all have mobiles, and an organiser app can be downloaded easily and be tailored and programmed to fit your needs.

    So yes, make a schedule and learn to keep to it as much as humanly possible. Maybe through Mindfulness, there are great free courses online. Maybe through sheer will power. There is always a way to a better, more organised life.

    If all else fails and you really feel you need more help there is another option open to you: a life coach! A life coach is someone who’ll guide you on your journey and keeps you on track. If you think you need the help of someone trained in reorganising peoples lives for the better, you can find out all there is to know on life coaches and what they can do for you here: http://www.lifecoachspotter.com/how-to-find-life-coach-guide/

    Whatever you do, just remember: The answer is out there for you, and if you really want it, you can do it!!

  • TV REVIEW | Red Dwarf XI Episode 6: Can Of Worms

    ★★★★ | Red Dwarf XI Episode 6: Can Of Worms

    Red Dwarf XI / DAVE TV
    Red Dwarf XI / DAVE TV

    So another very different episode. A very unique one too as it gives the, long overdue, lead to the Cat (Danny John-Jules).

    Even though the trope is simple: Cat finds love but all is not what it seems, the execution isn’t; Just when we think we know where this is going we suddenly find that we are not going there at all. This is the episodes strength as well as it’s weakness: there often is too much going on and every element would have been a perfect episode by its-self.

    The characters, though, are spot on as are the actors: Dany John-Jules clearly relishes giving the Cat more freedom while Chris Barrie and Craig Charles add a new facet to Rimmer and Lister – concerned parents looking after their naïve cat-child. Although very short, the guest performance by Dominique Moore as the Cat’s love interest really left us wanting Moore (yes, pun intended).
    All in all a strange but worthy ending to a brilliant series.

    We can’t wait till XII next year!! See you then!!

    Red Dwarf XI continues tonight on Dave at 9PM

     

  • REVIEW: Red Dwarf XI Episode 5 – KRYSIS

    Red Dwarf has used various styles this series and this new episode is no different. After a fast paced big cast episode, a filmic flashback, a horror time travel episode and a body horror technology based episode we have another first for the series: cute and fuzzy friendship feels!!

    ★★★★

    Red Dwarf – Series 11 – Ep05 – “Krysis” –

    This episode proves just how much the characters have grown and developed over the years. The bickering foursome have developed into a dysfunctional but caring family. Sure they might bicker and grumble, but after so many centuries together, they do care.

    Kryten (Robert Llewellyn) is feeling depressed and the guys fear he might suffer from a midlife crisis and they are soon proven right. As Kryten goes through various stages of midlife crisis at an alarming speeds and feels increasingly low about himself and his accomplishments, Dave Lister (Craig Charles) thinks it’s time for an intervention. Of course things do not go completely to plan.

    Red Dwarf – Series 11 – Ep05 – “Krysis”

     

    What makes this an interesting episode is seeing Arnold Rimmer (Chris Barrie) and the Cat (Danny John-Jules) as part of the team, trying to help out but with their characteristics still in tact. This is very clever writing. It’s good to see characters grow up and learn and it shows that the show works even without constant clashes and insults. The heart of the show is these characters being there for each other despite their differences.

  • TV | Red Dwarf XI Episode 4: Officer Rimmer

    TV | Red Dwarf XI Episode 4: Officer Rimmer

    One moment there is no Chris Barrie on our screens for years next thing you know more than a hundred come along at once …

    ★★★★★

    Red Dwarf XI / DAVE TV
    Red Dwarf XI / DAVE TV

    This week’s Red Dwarf sees a return to the classic Arnold Rimmer (Chris Barrie) has illusions of grandeur setting of old. Though this time it’s no illusion as Rimmer finally receives the promotion he has waited for all his life and death. Obviously the rest of the Dwarf Posse are less than happy with this.
    An attempt to reign in the power crazy Hologram only makes the situation worse as Rimmer decides on creating a few hundred clones of himself certain that they will obey him if no-one else will.
    Sure they will, Arn, sure they will …

    Red Dwarf XI / DAVE TV
    Red Dwarf XI / DAVE TV

    A very different but no less special episode if only for the treat of seeing Chris Barrie do what he does best: playing multiple characters at once. The fact that he manages to act as the same character in at-least twenty different ways is testament to his talent. He is an extremely talented man and it’s a shame he isn’t on our screens more often.
    Red Dwarf XI every Thursday at 9PM on Dave

  • REVIEW | Red Dwarf XI, Episode 3, Strongest yet

    REVIEW | Red Dwarf XI, Episode 3, Strongest yet

    ★★★★ | Red Dwarf, Give and Take

    Red Dwarf XI / DAVE TV
    Red Dwarf XI / DAVE TV

     

    Tonight’s episode of Red Dwarf (Thursdays at 9PM on Dave) might be the series strongest yet!
    After it’s release on UKTV Play last week fans called it the “Most Dwarfy Episode since series 6”.

    And it’s easy to see why: Rimmer (Chris Barrie) is at his most Rimmer-esque while Cat (Danny John-Jules) has never been more Cat-like (both are acting at an almost series 1 to 3 type level).
    Kryten (Robert Llewellyn) on the other hand gives off a strong series 5 to 6 vibe as he tries to help Lister (Craig Charles) with a huge problem.

    Explaining this episode in detail would be very spoilery as the story is rather intricate and revealing too much would spoil it. Let’s just give you a few keywords: An evil being, time travel a mistaken identity and Rimmer trying to sort through some deeply rooted issues.

    With strong and exciting episodes like this you often forget that you are watching a comedy series and wish it would last at least forty instead of thirty minutes.

    Red Dwarf continues tonight at 9PM on Dave.

    Pre-order Red Dwarf Series XI on Amazon now

  • TV REVIEW | Red Dwarf XI, Episode 2

    TV REVIEW | Red Dwarf XI, Episode 2

    ★★★★★ | Red Dwarf XI, Episode 2

    The second episode of Red Dwarf XI (Tonight on Dave at 9PM) is quite different from last weeks fast paced affair.

    Red Dwarf XI / DAVE TV
    Red Dwarf XI / DAVE TV

    After a brief domestic spat between space couple Rimmer (Chris Barrie) and Lister (Craig Charles) the gang are called together when Kryten (Robert Llewellyn) and Cat (Danny John-Jules) discover a mysterious escape pod.

    Soon the foursome find themselves on board of a derelict space ship to investigate a mystery.

    Slower and with and with an interesting flashback counterpoint this is another great episode. It is interesting how writer and director Doug Naylor manages to make the series look both familiar and modern at the same time.

    What also helps this series is that there are still so many aspects of the relationships between the characters that can be explored.

    Guest starring: Maggie Service and Dan Tetsell

  • Red Dwarf Returns Tonight

    Red Dwarf Returns Tonight

    One of scifi’s slashiest shows returns tonight

    Red Dwarf XI
    Red Dwarf XI

    Tonight marks the return of Red Dwarf on Dave and here are the reasons why every reader of THEGAYUK should watch it.

    All through the 1990s Red Dwarf was one of the slashiest (the viewer knowing two same sex people might be more than friends even though the writer never makes it explicit) Sci Fi Shows around. Go figure: The last two men in the universe (Chris Barrie as Arnold Rimmer and Craig Charles as Dave Lister) who bitched and bickered day in day out but also shared a bedroom together; (looking back they were like a prototype of the gay couple in Vicious in so many ways.) There were often hints at a deeper relationship between the duo that gave rise to some very hot Rimmer and Lister slash on “Archive of their Own”.

    Besides the undercurrents there was also quick witted dialogue, a gay kiss and Chris Barrie’s torso on display on several occasions.
    If that isn’t enough you will also be treated to a very vain Cat human (Danny John-Jules) and a very camp housework obsessed android (Robert Llewellyn as Kryten).

    Red Dwarf XI / DAVE TV ©Grant Naylor Productions

    Of course slash isn’t the only reason why you should watch this show. There is also brilliant comedy and deep pathos. The reason why Red Dwarf resonates with an LGBT audience is how it plays with the feeling of being different and alienation. Rimmer for example: who has been conditioned to act like his parents wanted and can never escape his self hate. The Cat and Kryten who are unafraid of acting feminine. And Lister who knits and cries at movies is open minded about everything and everyone he meets. A mixed bunch of people who have learned to accept each other, despite their differences.

    ©Grant Naylor Productions
    ©Grant Naylor Productions

    Even though the cast is older now the new series has all these elements while also feeling remarkably fresh and current. Tonight’s new episode is as fast passed and witty as any episode of Doctor Who or Sherlock. Watch out for the sassy guest role by Lucie Pohl she has “new Doctor Companion” written all over!

    As a further treat Dave also broadcasts two of the series best early episodes straight after the premiere. Marooned especially is a triumph.

    Red Dwarf returns tonight on Dave at 9pm

  • There is no shame in admitting you suffer from work anxiety

    Every job has its own level of stress attached to it. Even if you truly love your job, or think your job is too easy to be stressful, don’t be fooled! There is always a small level of pressure on an unconscious level. Being part of the LGBT usually brings it’s own level of stress: maybe you feel the need to be closeted or at-least hide parts of who you are. But even without the added pressure of being part of the LGBT family the little things can sometimes be a strain.

    people at work
    CREDIT: ©-monkeybusiness-Depositphotos

    Little things like:

    • Having to get up at the same time each day to go to the same place.
    • There could be someone you do not really get on with but have to put up with on a daily basis.
    • The food may be off.
    • An unexpected request for overtime.
    • And so it goes on.

    Those are minor annoyances that can disrupt us and may put pressure on us. That feeling of dread and pressure that just seems to follow us and keeps creeping into our bodies. You start to feel that you are not accomplishing anything, as the day drags on or goes too fast. You begin to feel disconnected and grumpy. Nagging thoughts creep up on you. You start to think that there is no way you can get anything done now, and do it all on automatic pilot.

    That is a real bad day.

    Now think; how often do you feel this way?

    There are many people who have these feelings every day and this group just keeps growing.

    When anxiety is stress related it is hard to “get rid of it” as some might say. Work means having to be there day after day. So many people facing work stress feel as if they are descending into the gates of hell the moment they get up to get ready for another day at work. Then, at the end of the day, when the doors of their job close behind them there is no joy. There is only the continuous monotonous voice that tells them that “tomorrow will be exactly the same and so will the day after that, and the day after that, and …”

    These days the work floor is more competitive than ever. You have to work hard to stand out and be noticed. Overwork, trying to prove yourself, aiming for promotion and the fear of losing your job have made that many workers suffer extreme anxiety.
    You might recognise the symptoms in you or in someone you know:

    Mood Swings
    Short temper
    Highly Emotional
    Hyperventilation
    Heart Palpitations
    Thoughts of death
    Feeling of dread
    Panic Attacks
    Feeling out of control

    This is not how work should make you feel. If you recognise this in yourself or see it in others, try to get them, or yourself, help.

    The biggest problem is the fear of talking about it. You may be afraid that people will think the responsibility of your job is too much for you when admitting to feeling anxious. You may fear it might cost you your job. This is not likely, and in any event: if your symptoms get worse this could lead to making errors or a complete crash and burn and that is far more serious than just trying to get help.

    The best thing to do is find an independent counsellor and ask him or her for advise. You might wonder; What can a counsellor do for me? They can’t do my job for me, can they? Sadly no, they are unable to do that. But there is a lot that they can do to improve the quality of your life: Research has shown that when it comes to treating anxiety disorders counselling and therapy are usually the most effective options. This is because the focus is placed not just on the symptoms, but on all the underlying problems. Your anxiety and stress did not just appear out of no-where, there was a build up to it that needs to be found. Counselling can also help you manage panic attacks, build your self esteem and endurance and help you return to a more normal way of life.

    What if my problems are LGBT related? (Like being closeted, or semi hiding, as we mentioned earlier.) It is weird that in this day and age many counsellors are still not fully equipped to deal with LGBT related problems, but we are getting there. If you do an online search there are several counsellors that are either specialised in LGBT problems or sympathetic. Hopefully the number will grow and become a standard and not a bonus in the future.

    If you are aware of anxiety building in your life or that of a loved one, don’t think “well, I’m not making any mistakes yet.” Or “Other people can handle this, why can’t I?” Many people have gone before you that thought the same. They just wanted to “finish this project”, felt that one more all-nighter wouldn’t matter, they could “do it” all, no problem. They were wrong and it often led to serious consequences that they regret to this day.

    So why hold out on finding help until you have reached that wall, that point of no return? Why wait until you do have that accident or make that completely preventable screw up?

    Understand that there is no harm in seeking help, no shame. We seek help and treatment for all other parts of our body when they are in pain. Your brain is a part of your body and could be suffering its own form of pain right now. If you cut yourself you put a band aid on it before the wound becomes infected. If you pull a muscle when jogging you stop running for the day. Your brain is like a muscle that has been working too hard. Give it the band aid or break it needs. Counselling is always there for you to help you do this.

  • 10 Rare Facts You Didn’t Know About Freddie Mercury

    Freddie Mercury: We celebrate his life with some great facts you may not know or may have forgotten.

    10. His real name was Farrokh Bulsara and he was born in Zanzibar. He had a wealthy childhood until he and his family had to flee a bloody revolution. His family are Parsees, followers of the Zorastrian religion whose ancestors came from Persia.

    9. He changed the lyrics of “One vision” to “fried chicken” to the last line when dared by his lover Jim Hutton. He sang it on every version since.

    8. Freddie was an accomplished ballet dancer, even performing with the royal ballet in 1979.

    7. Despite only revealing his illness days before he died, he dropped many hints about his failing health during his last 1986 tour, most famously in a brief speech before performing “Who Wants To Live Forever” at Wembley.

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  • Drag Kings: Male swagger with a touch of glamour

    Drag Kings: Male swagger with a touch of glamour

    When I heard THEGAYUK was doing an issue on Drag, I proposed to do a feature on Drag Kings, and FTM Cosplayers an often far too ignored part of the Drag Community.

    Dannii Cohen as Johnny Barrie

    I have performed as both a cosplayer and a drag kind for most of my adult live (my Johnny Barrie has started branching out on his own on Twitter as well as YouTube) so thought it was time to introduce you to some well known as well as up and coming faces in the world of Drag and Cosplay.

    These swashbuckling males will show you they are every bit as glamorous and funny as their female counterparts!!

    Ruth Watson
    LH Roberts
    Annette Boss Wilkinson
    Georgia Haines
    Amber Oakenshield
    Ffion Elizabeth May
    Skylord Phoenix
    Melanie Sprott
    Patricia Garvey