Author: Dannii Cohen

  • TV REVIEW | Red Dwarf XII Siliconia

    You’d be forgiven for wondering why so many Sci-Fi shows have such high budgets when you see what Red Dwarf pulls off this week on a far lower one.

    The much announced and high awaited “Siliconia”, aka “The One Where Everyone is Kryten” has it all: questions about obedience, sides and morality, an epic fight scene and oh such feels! Yes, hidden behind his android mask and by own admission feeling rather ill because of it, Chris Barrie delivers a heartbreaking speech that will stick with you for quite some time.

    Meanwhile, Danny John-Jules gets the laughs this week with several zingers while Craig Charles makes a meal of Lister’s battle against his new android mind taking over.

    In other scenes, Robert Llewellyn shows off the humanised traits of the original Kryten very well as the android questions where his loyalties lay.
    An almost cinematic effort by Doug Naylor who by now is clearly a seasoned writer/director.

    Red Dwarf XII is tonight (19th October) 21.00 – Dave

  • INTERVIEW | Red Dwarf writer and creator Doug Naylor

    Awooga! Red Dwarf is back! Tomorrow the Boys From the Dwarf return to Dave at 21.00! As fresh and exciting as it ever was the  Sci Fi comedy explores what would happen if evil was curable. Sadly it soon turns out that the cure might be short-lived as the Boys From the Dwarf find themselves facing their biggest fears.

    The original cast (Chris Barrie, Craig Charles, Danny John-Jules and Robert Llewellyn) as well as guest actor Ryan Gage (The Hobbit, the Musketeers,) are on great form in this fast-paced episode.

    Peppered with zinging one-liners and jokes plus one of the most bizarre jam sessions in history the episode is easily a contender for best comedy of the year.

    Here we talk with writer and creator Doug Naylor about Red Dwarf past, present and future, Ace Rimmer, the fans, anniversary plans and what makes the series so irresistible.

    How did you and Rob Grant come up with the idea of Red Dwarf?
    We wanted to write a character based, characters that were real and people would be able to identify within a science fiction sitcom using sci-fi ideas and tropes as a way of looking into character as we didn’t believe it had ever been done before. Steptoe and son or Porridge in space but with cool SF ideas like Me2.

    Why do you think the series has lasted so long?
    People keep watching it and we love making it and Dave have been amazingly supportive throughout. It’s a great fun show to be a part of and there’s a great teamwork vibe amongst the cast that’s absolutely key. And all of them are brilliantly funny. Not one or two but all of them. And then we have great guest cast too. What’s not to like?

    Which character has changed the most over the years?
    Maybe the Cat but he’s not changed so much as his part has just got bigger and bigger because Danny keeps knocking it out of the park.

    Why do you think Red Dwarf has such a big LGBT and female following?
    Because it’s so damn cool of course.

    What do you think of Red Dwarf slash and fanfic in general?
    I don’t read any fanfic or any RD scripts that are sent to me for legal reasons.

    Was Rimmer intended to come across as asexual or a repressed gay/bi man?
    We wrote a character we wanted to have been massively unsuccessful in the sack and now he was dead and he tortured himself by looking back at all his failures.

    Will Ace (the swashbuckling superhero version of Arnold Rimmer also played by Chris Barrie) ever return?
    The trouble bringing back Ace is lots of people will complain it’s revisiting an old idea and will winge and moan and accuse me of running out of ideas – so to answer your question, yes, almost certainly we’ll bring him back. I haven’t got where I am today by doing what the fans want!!

    Will Kochanski (the love of Dave Lister’s life, who left the crew in a rather mysterious way) return?
    Maybe.

    Will we ever see the botanical gardens (a garden complex set on the ship that has often been mentioned but never seen)?
    If we can afford to.

    Is there anything you can reveal about series 12?
    The 12 stuff is already kind of out there. The last show is one of my faves.

    – The last episode; called Skipper, has been much talked about as it sees the return of the original ships computer Holly as played by Norman Lovett and Arnold Rimmer appears to be time travelling to the setting of the first series.-

    Will there be more Red Dwarf after this?
    Everyone wants to do more and by everyone I don’t mean just me and the cast.

    Are there plans for the 30th anniversary next year?
    30th – we’re in talks with various people about how best to do what we’d all like to do.

    Red Dwarf XII starts on Thursday the 12 of October on Dave!!

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  • DILEMMA | Could my bisexual partner cheat on me?

    DILEMMA | Could my bisexual partner cheat on me?

    Doctor Dannii Cohen answers reader’s questions. This week Dannii answers a question on whether a bisexual partner is twice as likely to cheat on you and leave?

    Not because they are bisexual, no. This is a common misconception. In fact, when we asked our bisexual readers what myths really bugged them – this was one of the ones that kept cropping up.

    Being bisexual does not mean twice as likely to cheat. A bisexual person falls in love the same way as anyone does. The only thing that is “different” is that they can fall in love with both genders.

    If you feel your partner may be cheating on you, do not raid their computer, mobile or whatever.

    A lot or relationships suffered not because of cheating but because the partner who is being spied upon feels hurt by the other’s secret snooping. Oddly the best thing to do is ask.

    Dr Dannii says that communication is the key. If you think your partner is cheating, whether they are gay or bisexual, you should start with asking them outright.

    Communication is the most important thing in a relationship.

    This does not mean that the partner will automatically blurt out the truth the first time around: but knowing the conversation is open they will feel more ready to talk and admit to problems.

     

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  • DILEMMA | How do I get my homophobic family to accept my partner?

    DILEMMA | How do I get my homophobic family to accept my partner?

    What happens when you finally meet, fall in love and marry the love of your life and your family just won’t accept?

    Dr Dannii Cohen reveals how you can make even the most stubborn of a homophobic family turn to acceptance.

    Having the approval of your parents means a lot to (almost) every child.

    So wanting them to approve of the other most important person in your life is natural.
 The story of parents not approving of their children’s partner (whether in straight or LGBT relationships) is as old as time and there truly is no quick fix solution.

    Dr Dannii Cohen suggests that you include your partner in as much as possible, including putting your family into situations where they are forced to interact with your partner… but not too often.

    Do not: feel you have to take sides, force your parents or stir arguments.

    Do: Insist your partner needs to be included and stand up for him/her.

    Find ways to try and get conversations going, take some cues and advice from this article: http://yourzengrowth.com/asking-giving-opinion/
    For the rest, only time can heal this one. Human emotions cannot be forced.

    Have you got a dilemma you’d like us to answer? Click here to visit our dilemmas page.

  • DILEMMA | My husband cheated on me with male sex workers, whilst I was in prison

    This week a reader finds out that her husband of 14 years cheated on her with male sex workers, whilst she was in prison. He also bugged her phone and continues to see escorts, even when their two kids are in the house.

    Dear Dr Dannii

    I have been with my hubby for 14 years and I know I was his first love.

    Recently I was incarcerated and did six months in jail away from my love and he cheated on me with a sex worker, who turned out to be male. We have two children under 10 and I know he’s been bringing in sex workers and drug users into our home whilst the kids are there.

    He also has hacked my phone, so he can listen to my conservations, even when I’m not using it. I haven’t cheated on him so I have no idea what to do next.

    I feel every time I go out he cheats on me and I don’t want him to pass on any STDs to me. We’ve talk about working this through and he says he’ll change, but I can’t and don’t want to live with a guy who can’t be faithful.

    Sandi,

    (Message edited for clarity and length)

     

    Dear Sandi,

    Your message was long and a bit unclear in some parts, but I understood what you were trying to say, and how much you have been through.

    Please do not stay in the situation that you are in. You are clearly unhappy and it is obvious that your partner has no consideration for your feelings at all. I am sorry to be so blunt, but this will not change. I believe I understood you have children, if so this can not be a healthy situation for any young people to be in.

    Please try and get the necessary help (including any protection you might need!) and build a new life for you and your children and stop waiting for others to change.

    Your first stop should be to social services or give Family Lives (0808 800 2222) a call to talk through your problem. It sounds like you need some guidance from people who can help tackle your issues head on. It might be good check out the woman’s website over at Shelter, who have some brilliant advice for women in need of refuge.

    The other thing to consider and it all depends on your family and friendship connections – but do you have parents, family or friends you can call on to help you, even if it’s to leave the house with your children for a while and get them out of that toxic environment?

    If you are concerned about your sexual health, you should book yourself in with your GP or a sexual health clinic.

    You have dealt with so much already, so you are strong enough to make it through.

    Have you got a dilemma you’d like to ask our experts?

     


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  • DILEMMA | I’m bisexual, 18 and haven’t had sex yet, I’m worried about not losing my virginity

    DILEMMA | I’m bisexual, 18 and haven’t had sex yet, I’m worried about not losing my virginity

    This week a reader is concerned that he hasn’t yet lost his virgin. Doctor Dannii Cohen gives advice.

    Free-Photos / Pixabay

    Dear TGUK

    I have never had sex in my life and I think it is important to have sex all the time. What should I do? I’m 18 and worried that Im not going to lose my virginity.

    Ian*, 18

     

    Dear Ian

    My message to you is short: it is NOT important to have sex all the time. If you don’t want it or don’t feel ready you don’t have to. Even if you do want it you should wait until you find the right person. Don’t think you should just throw yourself at someone because you feel you HAVE to have sex or because you think it’s “normal”.

    At your age not having had sex is certainly nothing weird or abnormal.

    You will never have a first time again and you should hold out until it feels right for you. Don’t force yourself for anyone, this is about you and your body.

     

    *name changed


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  • COMMENT | 13 Reasons Why, we need more Saved By The Bell for our mental health

    As I write this I have just realised how long it has been since I have written an article or a proper story. How long it has been since I felt really okay and that I might have suffered a PTSD related setback. Why has this happened I wonder: I felt so good a few weeks ago. Then I realise it started with watching a new Netflix series called 13 Reasons Why.

    Revolving around a young girl’s suicide the series claims to be a show to get people talking about teen suicide, bullying, sexual assault and a  cautionary tale about the signs of suicidal behaviour and how much a person can handle.

    I watched it out of curiosity and in my capacity as a psychologist. Immediately after the first episode, I started feeling a bit odd. You see, I suffered from bullying, mental health issues and sexual abuse, so the series hit an immediate trigger. I should have stopped there and then, but for some reason, the series had taken hold of me, even if I could bear no more than one episode a day.

    Soon I was triggered to the point of thinking over past events and painful memories for several hours a day. I couldn’t really work or concentrate, I was just thinking about myself, my traumas the lost years, the bullying. I began doubting any accomplishments I had made and mentally started dragging myself down. It was as if Hannah was taking me with her in her fall.

    By the end of the series I was relieved it was over, and the documentary with warnings and support did little to alleviate the turmoil I was suffering.

    I am not the only one, one journalist said,

    “I can’t stop thinking about it and I really don’t want to. Because what I saw was more disturbing than any horror film imaginable.”

    It is sad that something starting out as wanting to help teens suffering has got it so wrong and might cause more suffering in the end.

    Having undergone the experience I applaud everyone who warns kids against watching it. I am a grown woman reliving trauma because of a story created for teens. This show had me out of kilter for weeks on end. How must it be to watch this when you are still living it? Dangerous, that is all I can say. It is bizarre that this show was created to warn against suicide when at the same time making it seem as the only option. The fact that it was announced that there is a second season.

    The show shows extreme victim blaming and suicide as a payback, as finally taking control, not as the end result of months of mental pain. Suicide is not about control, not about revenge: it is someone thinking everyone’s life will be better without them. It is usually done as a spur of the moment decision to end the pain, not a planned out ritual.

    Aside from the traumas 13 Reasons Why evoked and the glorifying of suicide and self-harm, the one that galled me the most was the character of Courtney and storyline in the show. As someone who has struggled with their sexuality for a very long time, seeing the lesbian character portrayed the way she was on this show was upsetting by itself. Compared to the male gay characters (one is a sweet good guy, the other has flaws but tries to do right near the end) she has no redeeming features at all. She was not even granted a scene of remorse at the end. Being a lesbian seems to be so bad that she prefers to protect a known rapist rather than face being outed. With such a lack of young lesbian role models on TV and in movies is this really what should be presented? For some reason being a lesbian is seen as problematic for many young women and girls these days and the impact this show has right now can only make this worse. Having Courtney show regret and sharing in her coming out would have lifted at least some of the problematic content displayed in this storyline.

    Mental health officials and many celebrities have now warned against the show and I agree with them. It is triggering and can cause many mental problems.

    Paris Jackson, who tried to take her own life in 2013, has also spoken out, calling the show ‘extremely triggering’ for young people ‘in a dark place’.

    While actress Shannon Purser says: “I would advise against watching 13 Reasons Why if you currently struggle with suicidal thoughts or self-harm/have undergone sexual assault.”

    Meanwhile, the National Association of School Psychologists took a clear stance, insisting the show is dangerous for young people.

    “We do not recommend that vulnerable youth, especially those who have any degree of suicidal ideation, watch this series,” the board said in a statement.

    At the same time, several Canadian schools have sent out warnings about 13 Reasons Why and one is telling students to not talk about it at all while at school.

    I, on the whole, agree with this message. If you are open to it, the show can do strange things to your mental well-being. Teenagers are very susceptible and besides the fact that young people are suffering bullying and abuse on an extremely large and dangerous scale these days, there is also the internet. Online teens can both wallow in dark places where suicide, pain, mental health issues and self-harm are seen as glamorous and also experience more bullying. If this series is added to this never ending tsunami of darkness the suicide can all to easily be copied.

    What teens need, now more than ever, is soothing storytelling. ’90’s TV shows like Blossom and Full House and Saved By The Bell might often be berated as soft and fluffy but series like those are what got me through the darkness in my childhood. When I was at my lowest these series were like a warm embrace, telling me things would be all right even if something went wrong. (In fact, marathoning both Full and Fuller House are what are getting me out of my depression now.) I know all too well how a young mind can be influenced by dark and tragic tales and had a series like 13 Reasons Why existed when I was young things might not have worked out so well for me. I hope that we will soon see an end to all the dark and “realistic” shows teenagers and young adults are fed these days.

    Now more than ever we need “soft and fluffy”, we need to be told that “it will be alright” as our reality is dark enough as it is.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • INTERVIEW | Helen Lederer, still fabulous after all these years

    Recently Jennifer Saunders and Joanna Lumley appeared on BBC Breakfast to talk about the 25th anniversary of Absolutely Fabulous. Nice as it was to see them, the announcement slightly freaked me out: 25 years?

    There’s no way the show is that old! The 90s are only like what … two or three years ago, right? I mean, else that picture of my best friend and I posing as the world’s most famous fashion victims is twenty years old! There’s no way … But soon my self-denial had to shut itself up and admit that, yes one of the biggest and most influential comedies of the ’90s has reached its 25th anniversary. Time to look back on how it all begun.

    Someone who was there for the start of it all was Helen Lederer a comedian and author who was part of the famous Comic Strip generation from the 1980s that brought us Jennifer Saunders, Dawn French, Rik Mayall and many other comedians who are now household names.

    In Absolutely Fabulous she, together with Harriet Thorpe, is part of the recurring double act Fleur and Catriona (Lederer) whom always work at Patsy’s magazine in unspecified positions.

    Here Helen discusses being part of the Comic Strip and working on Absolutely Fabulous.

    How did you become part of the Ab Fab/Comic Strip team?

    “I was a stand-up comedian on the circuit at the time and was cast in a few early comedy TV stand-up shows Including Naked Video for BBC2 -they saw me and I was deemed to be of a similar genre. I got cast in many of the shows Dawn and Jennifer wrote as well as Bottom and The young Ones by Ben Elton and Rik Mayall.

    A lot of Lederer’s early work was in series with Rik Mayall, she starred in all his best-known series: The Young Ones, Filthy Rich and Catflap as well as Bottom and the New Statesman. What was it like to work with him?

    “Utter heaven I loved that man-warm generous and sooo funny.”

    She also starred in “The Dangerous Brothers” a series of sketches Rik Mayall and Adrian Edmondson recorded for Saturday Live, the famous stand-up show where Lederer was a regular and where Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders also performed. The show was hosted by Ben Elton who would later write the series Happy Families that starred Jennifer Saunders in multiple roles as a grandma and her four granddaughters. The series also starred Adrian Edmondson (whom she married soon after recording the show) and Dawn French and Helen as her cook and maid.

    This series includes one of Helen’s favourite scenes: “When I was playing the maid Flossy to Dawn French’s cook and she bonked me over the head with a saucepan in Happy Families.”

    Before these two series, Helen with French and Saunders all worked on a TV show called The Entertainers also starring Chris Barrie (who also starred in Happy Families, Saturday Live and various Mayall productions and would soon find fame as Red Dwarf‘s Arnold Rimmer.) This series seems to have strangely disappeared from comedy history, with not even a clip out on YouTube.

    Even Helen herself seems to have forgotten it:

    “Oee I can’t remember that one! I’d love any of the stuff I did to come back petition them please!”

    What is known is that after two episodes the series suddenly had to be put out rather late because the naughty Jennifer Saunders used the word “clitoris” in one scene, which apparently killed off the programme immediately, as that word proved too shocking. A few years later Mr Chris Barrie said the same word on Red Dwarf with no problem. Times and standards changed quickly back then.

    Following all these projects, the famous Comic Strip films (over 40 productions and counting) and the hilarious Girls on Top (also starring Ruby Wax, Tracey Ullman, Harriet Thorpe and Helen Lederer) French and Saunders moved on to become … French and Saunders and it was this show that would eventually give birth to Absolutely Fabulous. For the show, Dawn and Jennifer had written a short sketch about a hip and trendy mother and her conservative daughter that planted a seed in the mind of Saunders which would blossom into Ab Fab when the time was right.

    The time was right when Dawn was unable to work on a new series of French and Saunders because family issues (the adoption of her lovely daughter) and Jennifer had to ‘cover’ for her. The first Ab Fab was rushed written project to help a friend with amazing results. In stepped Joanna Lumley, Julia Sawalha, June Whitfield and Jane Horrocks and a hit was born.

    Did Helen feel the series would be a hit when she first joined the cast for “Magazine” in series one?
    “I didn’t know what to expect and only in rehearsals did I begin to see the fun Jennifer was having building the characters and the preposterous scenarios that seemed to keep coming at us all.”

    Rushed writing seems to be the key to Absolutely Fabulous as Jennifer says she always hands in the scripts at the very last moment. “Once she said she was thinking of my lines on the bus.. but it always arrives in the end. “ Helen confirms.

    This could be a good thing as it keeps things fresh and exciting for the actors. The good atmos and friendship between the actors might be another key. No backstabbing and on set bitching here.

    Being on the show is; “Very good fun, people laugh a lot and suggest things and then we do it Jennifer’s way.”

    The driving force, the power behind it all is, of course, the multi-talented Jennifer Saunders, a beacon of hope for many a young comedienne thinking that comedy was “just for men”. Her show proved without a doubt that women were equally capable of being funny as actors as well as writers. Not only that: Absolutely Fabulous was the first sitcom to gain worldwide acclaim since Fawlty Towers (also co-written by a woman; Connie Booth, something that is often forgotten!)

    Ab Fab was a bit of a revolution for women and inspired a generation of talented female writers (including Lena Dunham, Rebel Wilson and Tina Fey) to work in comedy.

    Still, nothing beats the original, as it has something important that many female driven shows never manage to accomplish: true strong women. To me, one of the best things about the show is that all the women in the series are fiercely independent and not after love or a relationship or going soppy over someone pretty. Patsy and Edina really want to be their own person and Edina wants Saffy to be like that too: despite their differences, Edina has often saved her daughter from ending up a downtrodden housewife.

    It seems Ab Fab is the only female TV show out there that shows truly independent women who never back down. Their only loyalty is to each other. Is this on purpose and part of the worldwide appeal?

    “I think it is certainly one of the appealing aspects as you say,” says Helen, “and perhaps it was written at a time when women were becoming more present in the male-dominated world of comedy.”

    Talking about funny women, Helen and Harriet Thorpe are both very funny and talented women in their own right and seem to have formed a great double act outside of the series. Were they friends before the series started?

    “I think we met on Girls On Top? But it was all around that time, she might remember better than me!”

    A few weeks ago they performed as their Ab Fab characters for Comic Relief (supported by Jennifer) and last year there was a very funny sketch for the London Drag Race event.

    Can we ever expect a series or sketch show?

    “Ha ha well ask the men in suits! they seem to control all commissioning, don’t they…a media castle with a large moat around it.”

    Acting and being funny isn’t the only string to Helen’s bow, though, like Jennifer she is clever and multi-talented. She has a BA in applied social science and is a popular and very witty writer with several highly acclaimed books to her name including Finger Food and Coping, with Helen Lederer. Her latest book Losing It is her most popular one. Her writing is warm and descriptive and you can almost see the characters acting the story out in front of you.

    Would she ever be interested in seeing her book turned into a movie?

    “I’d love to and working on it …tricky times to get commissioned and investment I love Losing it to be a film!”

    Returning to Absolutely Fabulous. After so many years as the characters, some of the character traits of Patsy and Edina might have rubbed off on the actors, probably.

    So how much of Jennifer and Joanna can you see in Patsy and Edina?

    “Tricky to say – They are both VERY good actresses so may not a lot.”

    What was Helen’s favourite episode to work on?

    “I loved being in the hospital scene with Joanna Lumley when she had had more surgery in Ab Fab

    Why does she think Absolutely Fabulous is still so popular after all this time?

    “Because the characters are over the top, fun outrageous and people like to see the bad side of PR!”

    So Absolutely Fabulous is 25 and still going strong! Last year’s Ab Fab movie was a box office hit and the massive enthusiasm for the little bit part Jennifer recorded as Edina for Comic Relief this year shows the demand for more fabulous antics is still high.

    Even though Jennifer herself recently expressed some doubts about a future for the two divas, she seems to be changing her mind constantly saying that whenever she thinks she is really finished with the show she keeps having new ideas and might end up recording Patsy and Edina YouTube videos with Joanna. And why not? No matter where they are these two ladies will always be fun and fabulous!!

    What does Helen Lederer think, will there be more?

    Ab Fab? Who knows!! Never say never -if there are I hope they put me in it!”

  • DILEMMA | I’m not sure if I’m gay – I play football and go on lads’ holidays

    This week a reader asks Dr Dannii Cohen whether he’s really gay, because he likes football and goes on lads’ holidays to Ibiza.

    Can I be gay? I like football and lad's holidays

     

    Dear Dannii,

    Up until recently I only dated girls, but I’m starting to see guys as quite attractive. My friends would consider me one of the lads – I play football and go on lads’ holidays to Ibiza… I don’t really do stuff that’s usually considered “gay” so I’m not sure. Also, I’m worried that my mates will disown me if I come out. I don’t fancy any of them, but they may think I do and that I’ve been hiding my feelings for them. I know they aren’t particularly gay-friendly. It’s been cause for a bit of banter in the past.

    Stephen, Portsmouth

     

    Dear Stephen,

    Thank you for writing in.
    From what you have told me it looks like you could very well be bisexual but focused only on girls in the past because that is ‘the norm’.
    Before you come out, try to see if your feelings go beyond just being attracted: go to a gay bar and dance with someone, go on dates, kiss a guy. No reason to come out if you don’t know how far your feelings go.

    What do you think those special things that are considered ‘gay’ actually are? There is no reason why someone gay or bi could not be ‘one of the lads’ as gay men come in all shapes and forms, but your friends may, of course, have a stereotypical image in their head.

    I am not going to lie: it’s hard coming out inside the kind of group you are in, though there have been some surprising success stories over the years.

    Do you have a close friend in the group that you trust and feel you can confide in? Or maybe one of them has an open-minded girlfriend you can talk to? Either of them could have your back during a coming out.

    If you take the step try to explain that this changes nothing: you’re still the same footballing lad you always were. Try to stay calm and answer any questions as good as you can.

    There is no guarantee that everyone will accept you immediately but you will never know if you don’t try. Try doing it on a night when the atmos is great, after a good tryout match for example. If people feel good they are more positively open. Also, try to come out in a safe public space where people are known to intervene if something goes wrong.

    Whatever you do: please discover your true feelings before starting a process that’s difficult to reverse. The moment you are secure about who you are is the moment you feel stronger when coming out.

    Always with love,
    Dannii


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  • DILEMMA | Am I good enough for my two boyfriends?

    DILEMMA | Am I good enough for my two boyfriends?

    A reader asks whether he’s good enough for his two boyfriends, who happen to be husbands. Doctor Dannii Cohen answers.

    ©-photography33-Depositphotos | FILE PHOTO

     

    Dear Dannii,
    I’m going out with two husbands.

    I’m worried that I’m going to be dumped and that I’m not good enough for these two guys I’m seeing. I’m dating two guys who happen to be civilly partnered to each other. They’ve been together for six years.

    As a thruple we’ve been together for a year and recently they decided to make our three-way relationship closed – to just the three of us. Which is great. I feel really happy about that. But I’m worried that they’ll get bored of me and want to move on without me. I guess I just feel a little left out on my own. I don’t live with them and although I don’t necessarily want that, I do feel on the outside.

    What should I do not to feel on the outside and what do I do if they decide to open up the relationship again – or move on without me?

    Tony, Portsmouth

     

    Dear Tony,

    What I am going to tell you might not be what you want to hear, but understand this: I only have your best interests at heart.

    Even though these men might be nice to you and you probably feel good being part of this thruple, are you sure you want this forever? You say it yourself: they might move on or get bored of it. You are at the mercy of their whims. Where the relationship is concerned they have all the power: years of being together and a civil partnership. The fact that you don’t live with them gives you even less claim on anything concerning emotional ties. This leaves you in a vulnerable position.

    In your letter you say that you don’t feel good enough, that is so sad to hear. No-one should be able to make you feel this way. It also sounds as if you are not in love with either of them, but are scared of being alone.

    If you feel any doubts maybe it is best to leave now and nd a free single person you can connect with. A person who does not see you as a plaything but as a person to love and cherish. It might be scary at first, but you have to protect yourself from being the one to get hurt, as you inevitably will. If this breaks up they will still have each other and you’ll be alone. You deserve better and it’s out there for you.

     

    Dannii.

     

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  • OPINION | Is Anti-Bullying Week more necessary than ever thanks to the US Election?

    This is the week after Donald Trump became President Elect. It is also Anti-Bullying week.

    The new president says people who are bullied “gotta get over it”.

    The new president has often mocked those who are different on numerous occasions, including people who are disabled or “fat” – in his eyes.

    His attitude has changed the world and has made things even rougher for children often mockingly labelled “special snowflakes”. Young LGBTAQ children, young girls, minorities. The sensitive, and especially the empaths. An empath is someone who is highly sensitive and attuned to the emotions of other people. Not only do empaths notice the positive and negative emotions around them, but they can even absorb them and take them onto themselves. (Find out more on http://yourzengrowth.com/empath/)

    I am a mild empath (it is what has driven me into psychology, given me a need to help people.) Lately, I’ve felt overwhelmed by the hurt and confusion and division in the world, most of this created by the internet.

    Social media has done a lot to both bring groups together and separate at the same time.

    “Let’s face it, a lot of interpersonal communication isn’t so personal anymore. Interpersonal definition has been changed by the Internet and technology. There’s always a screen between us, isn’t there? However, most of us still find that interpersonal communication is far less stressful when we perform it via digital channels. That’s because when we’re online, we don’t have to worry about misreading body language cues. We also don’t have to feel uncomfortable or embarrassed for having an unpopular opinion in our social circle”, says Joshua S.

    This is true and this has given rise to people grouping together to bully others in the most spiteful way and create online movements that move into the real world: you can radicalise entire groups while you’re laying on the sofa in your underpants. Radical Islam and Alt-Right groups are the biggest examples, but school children too can group together to bully the weakest one in their class relentlessly. Online bullying means that it never stops: you can be bullied day and night! This week another child committed suicide because of this.

    Online bullying means that it never stops: you can be bullied day and night! This week another child committed suicide because of this.

    With the new president himself being a well-known internet bully and those that follow him training and organising themselves to bully and attack anyone who is against him this will only get worse.

    Already this week, as with Brexit, the bullying that started online is seeping into the real world with attacks on people and buildings.

    Anti-bullying week is needed more than ever: everyone should use this week to warn of the dangers of online bullying because they can have big consequences. Words can hurt deeper than we can ever imagine and lead to worldwide damage and the loss of our most beautiful snowflakes.

    To protect them, the world and ourselves we must form our own group as a blanket of protection against hatred now and in the future.

     

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