THEGAYUK

Author: Tom Driver

  • THE KNEE JERK | MILD instead of MILF

    MILD: Men I‘d Like to Do! That is the collective term. There is the singular where the word men is replaced with man. Just makes it safe in the street for me to say to a friend “He’s a MILD” or about a group of workmen “They’re MILD” and it all sounds so innocuous.

    What makes a man MILD? The first thing I notice is the walk if they are moving, or a stance if standing. These two things speak volumes and have almost gotten me into trouble in the past. Of course, they are not foolproof. I once followed a man who had the sexiest walk. When he stopped to answer his phone I walked past him and he was a minger of the first water. We are talking ugly above and beyond the call of duty. This dude would only have been my choice on a dark and foggy night, after 14 pints, and a poke in the eye with a pointy stick!

    Another qualifier is “the bum factor.” Those buns have got to stay in place, be pert physical specimens and a beauty to behold whilst retaining the strength to crack a nut. They have to be shown off properly, cossetted and displayed to perfection in trousers or shorts. If I am left with the need to stare and an urge to touch then I know the man is a MILD.

    I am a sucker for a handsome face, a great smile and blue or green eyes that look like a reflection of the sea and contain the same hidden depth. Top it all off with a great sharp haircut and you’ve got another MILD. Lingering to look for too long can result in being challenged and I have heard “what you looking at?” and “You got a problem?” more times than I care to recollect. When just looking sets them off  I am grateful men are not mind readers or I would have had the poo paddled out of me so often.

    In the physique, I like a natural build. The sort tradesmen have from manual labour and hard work. Too much time at the gym can make a man narcissistic. I like a man who looks after himself, but not one that loves himself more than he is ever going to love me.

    Do I ever pursue these MILDs I see? Oh yes. I have had mixed success over the years from frightening narrow escapes to passionate one nighters and even the odd repeat. Are they of any sexuality other than Hetro? Hell no, what they are is desperate! It’s the time and place. Could be alcohol, could be single for too long, or in a strange place so no one they know will ever find out and even a few with pregnant girlfriends.

    Of the 1000’s I have scored on my MILD chart I have converted less than 1 percent. That’s what makes the game worthwhile, you just never know. It could be you I am looking at tomorrow!

     

     

  • COMMENT | Social Media: Is forgiveness a forgotten concept?

    Sometimes people are full of sanctimonious self-satisfying pandering to the masses actions.

    In the name of reasonableness do we not all have a past? I know I have said things in the past I am not proud of. I probably hold opinions now, some would disagree with.

    I loathe being near people who smoke, possibly more than any other person than an ex-smoker! It is those who are reformed who often have the strongest opposite view of the things they have taken part in.

    Life is about growth. We only learn who we are by experiencing life and that includes making mistakes.

    Whether it is an editor, a politician, a member of the local parish council, a film star or a worker at the checkout at the local supermarket, we are all likely to have sinned.

    “Let he or she who hath not sinned cast the first stone.” John 8:7

    Where would we be without forgiveness and understanding of change to promote growth. The best example I can think of where not holding a grudge against past actions would be the Germany of the Second World War, through to reunification and where it is now a strong European power.

    Please give it a rest. It is getting to be more frequent than a re-run on the BBC

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COLUMN | The time I fell for my sister’s boyfriend…

    I was 18 and going to be 19 in a few months. The legal age for sexual acts between men at this time was 21.

    Having moved away for 2 years I returned to live at home. My sister was dating a guy I knew by sight but not by name. I knew his last name as his sister was in my class at school but he was a couple of years older. The housing estate we lived on was new and still being developed. The older kids had to go to another school on an established estate as the high school I attended with his sister was not built in time for him to be a pupil.

    He often met his sister from school. I used to see him on his racing bike at the top of the school lane waiting for her. He was a DJ, not in the modern sense. He ran school discos for younger kids around the local area and his dad drove him around. When I got to know him I found out the reason his dad drove him about was because he was epileptic.

    He had a hefty bulge in his patch pocket trousers which perfectly set out his store of goods and a very pert arse. I once saw him cum in our kitchen/diner. My sister was teasing him. I came in through the back door from the garden and his release pumped through his pants and trousers and lay on the material of his upper thigh for me to see. He was not embarrassed.

    My grandfather was away in Spain or Malta with his brother and sister. They did this for 13 weeks every winter. Coming back in time to collect their old age pension. My sister and I with her boyfriend in tow went over to my grandfather’s to move the post and check his home was secure.

    The boyfriend leaned over the fridge door and looked inside. He was so perfectly bent over and the material of his trousers was taut from the stretch. At school as children, we flicked each other’s arses to inflict maximum pain with minimum touch. A quick flick that just grazed the material and the skin using the merest contact with the nail from the fingers could cause the butch-est of lads to squeal and jump. It did with him, he yelped and looked at me in a way that expressed his displeasure.

    At the end of the night (usually around 10 PM) it had become my duty to walk him home. This was a precaution as his epilepsy was not under control and by this time my sister was usually bored with him. As we walked through the houses I suddenly felt a searing pain and realised he had spanked my arse. He looked at me and smiled, telling me he had waited all day to do that. This punishment continued as we walked the 10 minutes to his home.

    At the last but one turn in a darkened alleyway he pushed me up against the fence of a neighbouring property to his parents. I could feel his excitement pressing against me and struggling to be free of the restraints of his underwear and trousers. His face was close up to mine and he leaned in to kiss me. There was the noise of a dog sniffing against the fences and then relieving itself and a nearby resident moved into view. We stood silently moving apart from each other and the moment had passed.

    I walked him to his door. He asked me to come over in the morning. Telling me he would be up from 8.30, by this time his dad would have already left for work. I could watch out for his mom to leave and then knock.

  • THE QUEER COOK | The basic curry

    I am a white man from Birmingham who has lived in Devon for the last 26 years. What could I possibly teach you about making a curry… well…

    I have been fortunate through friends to know people who lived in India at the time of the Raj, in Burma and have friends who are Indian. What I cook is a melting pot of what I have been taught, what I have read, and what works for me.

    These are the basics

    In most of the curries I cook, there is a trinity of essential fresh ingredients that add flavour. They are Ginger, garlic, and Chilli.

    Many sauces have a base of onion and tomato. Flavour is enhanced with the use of fresh Coriander leaves at the end of cooking.

    The essential spices in powder form in my Indian cupboard are:

    Turmeric, Cumin, Coriander, Garam Masala, mild curry powder, Tandoori Masala

    I have cupboards full of many more powders, seeds, dried leaves and variants on pre-spiced dishes. A good friend travels a lot in the East and brings me back things I have never seen to try and experiment with.

    The Process

    Generally, for many dishes, this will be the process. With each stage, I will give the reason why I do what I do and when.

    1. Heat oil in a saucepan. Enough to cover the bottom of the pan with about 0.5cm in depth.
    2. Add a few black mustard seeds if you have them (These start to pop and jump in the oil when it reaches the correct temperature to add the onions; so they fry and don’t boil in the oil)
    3. When the onions start to turn golden brown add crushed garlic and chopped ginger.(In comparison to the onion these will burn quickly and spoil so there is no need to add them until about 2 minutes is left in the frying time of the onion)
    4. Reduce the heat and when it has settled after about 30 seconds or so stir in the powders. Immediately the powders are stirred in add 2 or 3 dessertspoonfuls of water. (Powders burn very quickly. They will cook in 10-30 seconds and any longer without water risks ruining the flavour and being left with an acrid bitter burnt aftertaste)
    5. Add fresh chilli whether chopped or sliced. (If chilli is added when the oil is hot it spoils very quickly and will give off a vapour that will make you choke and cough. It also ruins the flavour of the chilli)
    6. Add pureed tomato. This combines with the onion and spices and becomes the sauce for your curry.
    7. When the tomato is all absorbed into the sauce and the oil separates, the sauce is ready for meat and/or vegetables and seasoning with salt.
    8. If you are adding yoghurt to the sauce this is the stage I add mine. Yoghurt is likely to separate if you just pour it in. I blend mine with a little water and tomato so that it is thoroughly mixed prior to going into the sauce. Once added stir until the sauce comes back to the simmer.
    9. Finishing touches. When the meat or vegetables are cooked, taste to check and adjust the seasoning with salt. Stir in lemon or lime juice if the recipe calls for it. Garnish with Fresh chopped Coriander. (Lemon and Lime are added after the heat is turned off as the juice burns and spoils the flavour if added during cooking. Coriander leaves have a delicate flavour that is lost and cooked away if added as more than a garnish at the end.)

    NB If you want a stronger flavour of fresh coriander in your sauce use the root or the stems as these are both stronger in flavour and can stand cooking in the sauce. I add mine as a root in a paste with the powders, as a finely chopped stem once the tomato has been added

    Now all you need are some recipes. These will follow and it is likely as they do new ingredients will be added.

  • The Queer Cook

    I cook to sustain life because I live on a budget, I find it therapeutic; it is a good way to entertain friends.

    Living alone and on a small income means I have to derive benefit from every penny and cannot afford to waste money on ready meals or pre-cooked sauces.

    Four years ago I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. Cooking from scratch means I can control the amount of sugar, salt, fat and other content in my food. In that time my blood sugar level has gone from 108 down to 43. This equates to my blood sugar being at a pre-diabetic position now. Food has played its part and so has the medication in tablet form I take daily.

    These days I rarely have people round to share a meal. So I thought I would share my cooking with you via the Internet. In the articles to follow as “The Queer Cook” I will share my experience of food and the techniques, I use to achieve pleasing results.

    It is not hi-tech, I have a small kitchen, a gas cooker, a microwave and a blender. Amongst my utensils are a set of saucepans that are 14 years old and knives and cutlery I have had from a few months to 20 years. A colander, given to me by my mother. She purchased it in 1972 or 1973 and passed it on to me around 1979.

    My cooking is from a lifetime of experience. In some ways, I resent television chefs as they have given away many of the tips and tricks it took me years to discover from others and develop through trial and error. I was cooking before Jamie Oliver was born and the only “F” word in my kitchen is the “frying” pan.

    Over time I hope to add many recipes of foods I enjoy and hope you will enjoy them too. It is my intention to build on the recipes by adding to their appeal with videos on YouTube.

    Hopefully, the recipes can be a resource for people wanting to cook affordable meals from scratch.

    Please feel free to send me your recipes and tips so we can make this a joint effort

  • COMMENT | Should school leavers be made to go into National Service?

    Putting something in before you take something out.

    Sometimes seems that what is wrong with the UK is that so many have a right to take something out without having ever put anything in?

    Post-Brexit there is predicted to be massive skills and staffing shortages.

    Is National Service an answer? Not the National Service of our forefather but a different structure that includes the military, medical, fire and police services.

    What impact would it have on unemployment if school leavers and those up the ages of finishing study were conscripted to serve 2 years for their country?

    I was born after the abolition of National Service in 1960 and before the last man was de-mobbed in 1963. My childhood includes memories of a society where there was more respect for each other and for elders, where children knew their place, where there was gratitude for help and kindness shown.

    The world feels a wholly different place today. I live in a country that feels to be losing its national identity and pride and where diversity and multicultural considerations are put before those of heritage.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COMMENT | Just a little Ditty

    Life is about having a bit of fun, and because of the competition I know I will never write a Christmas number one.

    So I scribbled down this little ditty. It’s about one night of freedom a year for those men who want to “dip more than a toe” into the sea of same-gender sex, with all the anonymity of the masquerade ball. I hope it amuses some of you as it is my seasonal offering for Halloween, The Halloween Homoerotic Bop

     

    If you’re swivelling at the hips and got your bum a twerking

    Or got a great massive handful with dangling balls and jerking

    Take a look at the horrors on the dance floor

    Cus one of them boys wants to offer you more

     

    Whether you are a wannabe bottom

    or a horse hung top.

    Just doin the Halloween homoerotic bop

     

    Will get you in with the chance

    Of having more than a dance

    With a dressed up Lad who’s straight

    On the hunt for his first male playmate

     

     

    The Grim Reapers wanting to have you impaled on his scythe

    Making you wriggle, squirm, heave and writhe

    If you want a night of wild and mad passion

    Choose your man who’s a hunk in horror fashion.

     

    Whether you are a wannabe bottom

    or a horse hung top.

    Just doin the Halloween homoerotic bop

     

    Will get you in with the chance

    Of having more than a dance

    With a dressed up Lad who’s straight

    On the hunt for his first male playmate

     

    This man of mystery and of the night

    When his lust is sated will sleep with his arms around you until first light.

    At the rise of the sun, with the morning warm

    His homosexuality will have abated and he will be back to norm.

  • COMMENT | Move the first brick and the wall of silence tumbles like a House of Cards

    Move the first brick from a wall of silence and it tumbles Like a House of Cards, like the world of Kevin Spacey must be doing right now.

    Anthony Rapp spoke out, feeling empowered following the allegations made against Harvey Weinstein. Rapp’s claims against Kevin Spacey may have unleashed the gay parallel.  Now young men are queuing up, to make disclosure of encounters of predatory behaviour and grooming.

    The Old Vic where Kevin Spacey was artistic director 2004-2015 has set up a confidential email address and is using external advisers.

    It seems the qualifying criteria of being a man under 30 could mean many may have been approached who have yet to come forward, though there is already a steady stream of allegation across 2 continents.

    Will this torrent stop at just Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey or are there other actors and perhaps even female actors who are not sleeping too well at the moment waiting to be contacted by the press to rebut an allegation of predatory or abusive behaviour against them.

    In the UK, we have seen the fall from grace of many a celebrity following the Jimmy Saville allegations and subsequently operation Yew Tree. Is there a need for a similar in-depth investigation into the glitzy underbelly of the American movie world to protect child actors, to protect women, and to protect men?

    The boundaries of decency and morally appropriate behaviour seem to have been crossed. In a world where there is a blurring of the boundaries between fantasy, and reality and life plays out like a “soap opera” is it time for the law to take definitive action and draw the line?

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COMMENT | Terrorism: Is the media part of the problem?

    “COWARDS ATTACK AGAIN”

    I really don’t understand the mentality of the media. Fighting terrorism includes you. The media makes me sick with the number of times they re-run the same newscast. This is publicity for terrorism. Free publicity no terrorist organisation could afford. Primetime advertising. When will you realise that in your haste to earn a buck you are just a glorified marketing man of the terrorist.

    What a shocking and terrible intrusion into the grief of the families of the dead to see the location and the belongings of their loved ones in disarray bloodied and on the street, on every channel hour after hour. Have some respect.

    When unarmed people are gunned down, blown up or mown down in a country that is at peace in the name of a cause and religion, that is not a holy war. It is cowardice. War requires armed combatants fighting against each other to defend their beliefs. This is not a state of war there is no glory in massacring innocent people, it is a crime against humanity.

    Delusional fanatics are traditionally told one of 2 stories, especially suicide bombers:

    1. They will be protected from the fire and explosion by their God to emerge victorious.
    2. This is a route to glory and everlasting paradise.

    In the absence of surviving suicide bombers and it generally being accepted their pebble dashed remains stay at the scene, the first would appear to be a lie.

    The second poses the question, is this is the route to glory and eternal paradise and it is such a desirable place to be; why have your leaders not gone before you? This lack of willingness to tread the path to the ultimate goal by those who endorse it would suggest it too is a lie.

    There is too much procrastinating among politicians; now is the time for a political “cough and drop test” to see who has the balls to take stronger action.

    If the UK and the USA really do have a special relationship I would like to see shared policy-making to protect our citizens in both countries. United we stand.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COMMENT | The little cheaty secret the supermarkets don’t want you to know

    I have a lot of pet hates, as you will be aware if you ever get to know me or mistakenly read more than one of the items I write. I may even by now have made your list of pet hates.

    Just been to the local supermarket. It’s perched on a plot of land on the outskirts of the town. Well, of course, it is. Generally, they all are. It is how the High Streets met their untimely end and became what they are today in many places up and down the country. Streets of Barbers, hairdressers, coffee shop shops, branded and unbranded, fast food joints, empty shops and of course the ubiquitous charity shops. Rarely are a butcher’s, bakers, Green Grocers to be seen.

    The supermarket is pretty high on my list of pet hates for the damage it has caused our towns and the trade’s people whose lives it has decimated. Not to mention the heritage it has stolen from children whose futures were to work in the family shop.

    In the Supermarket, I have a deftness of purpose knowing where the single item I have come to purchase is to be found. But halfway down aisle 6 on the right towards the top shelf I realise it is not there! –“Bugger me sideways”- It’s been merchandised. “It’s been what?” I hear you ask.

    Turns out when we get familiar with where to find things and are no longer looking at everything shiny and knew like a kleptomaniac on day release from the asylum, but are blinkered and single-minded to buy what we want; they move it. They call it merchandising so we have to be aware of our surroundings and are tricked into buying more than we came for. So there you have it merchandising on is my list of pet hates, but today it was much worse.

    With a change of weather in the air and the chill of the night ahead, there was a reason for this fervent merchandising activity. It is in preparation of a festive time ahead, beginning with letter “C.” I shall not spell its name whilst it is still October, as it has no place for another 2 months other than to be in memory for its annual usage.

    But no matter, I was not swayed. I purchased my single item; oh and the mince pies do taste very good this year and such value. No, they got me! I bought bloody mince pies too.

  • COMMENT | What do we mean when we say Mental Health?

    I was taught there are 2 main groups of conditions that affect mental health and that they are:

    Mental Ill Health
    These are the types of conditions which occur as a result of trauma or tragedy, the workplace, home, relationships, the environment in which we live and our physical health.

    Many of us will visit our GP and accept medication and/or a referral to a mental health practitioner at some time. These types of short-term (up to 6 months) interventions help us to adapt and adjust to change

    Mental Illness
    These are acute conditions that are considered as being severe and enduring.

    Mental illness in this group is of the nature that requires long-term medication, monitoring of the person and at times periods of hospitalisation. Hospital admission is a last resort when someone deteriorates and becomes a danger of harm to themselves or others.

    General

    The reasons for a change in someone’s condition can be many and varied from something as simple as neglect. From not eating regularly or taking their medication as prescribed they may experience an acute episode.

    I always reflect on us being a melting pot of chemistry and chemical reactions. By adding or taking something away or some change in routines and sleep patterns adverse effects can be experienced.

    Mental Health is indiscriminate and does not take into account, your ethnicity, age, gender, sexuality or any other character of diversity.

    In the same way, as we are all unique and individual, times of recovery and the severity of symptoms we each experience will be different. A diagnosis requires expert knowledge, training and experience.

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.