THEGAYUK

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  • THE UNDATEABLE GAY | Can you find love at the work Christmas do?

    THE UNDATEABLE GAY | Can you find love at the work Christmas do?

    I remember Tullene asking me to be her plus one at her work’s Christmas function.

    kalhh / Pixabay

    You probably all know Tullene by now. And for those of you who are unfortunate enough to… whoops slip of the keyboard. I meant, of those of you who are FORTUNATE enough to, I’m sure you’ll be questioning why I said yes. Drama follows that girl and I.

    My initial question was “Why can’t you take your boyfriend?” To which she replied, “I can’t take my boyfriend because he got into a fight last year and now he’s barred.”

    My gut instinct should have been to decline the invitation. I hesitated suddenly and was about to make my excuses when Tullene pulled out her trump card.

    “There’s a very handsome gay man that’s just started working with me.”

    My ears pricked up. Oh, who am I to turn down an invitation to a social gathering? It is Christmas after all. And I may also find a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

    Before I could mutter the words, Christmas work do, I found myself sat at a very posh table at a hotel in Heathrow. I’d dug out my best all-in-one grey suit, and as I had, some moths flew towards me. I hadn’t had any cause to wear it in recent years. I’m at an age now where everyone in my social circle has got married. Except for me, that is. I’m still the token single friend.

    But before anyone breaks out the violins, let’s get back to the work do. Tullene had slyly juggled with the place settings and I had conveniently ended up sitting next to the new gay boy colleague she had previously mentioned.

    I was about to abuse Tullene by bellowing Cilla Black across the table at her but my eyes came out on storks as Dave, that’s his name, approached the table and came to take his place next to me. HANDSOME was an understatement. I had to pick up the swan-shaped napkin from the table to dab up my dribble from my watering mouth.

    We got on famously. We laughed, we joked and we innuendoed our way through the three-course meal. I could see Tullene’s eyes light up as she oozed with pride that her Cilla Black attempts were appearing to be successful.

    As the coffee was being poured, he stood up and asked if I’d like to dance. Oh, it was so romantic. And so old fashioned. I loved it. I stood up quicker than a bolt of lightening.

    He took my hand and led me to the dancefloor. It was like a scene out of a cheesy 80’s soap. And for those who know me best, will know that that is right up my street.

    All my friends tell me I was born in the wrong decade. I love anything 80’s, or 90’s come to that. My DVD collection consists of nostalgic soaps and drama series. Prisoner: Cell Block H, Take the High Road, Dynasty, Howard’s Way. The list goes on.

    Anyway, enough of the nostalgic digression. Back to the dancefloor.

    As Dave lifted me up into the air, Dirty Dancing style, I felt a flutter. Well, he didn’t actually lift me up into the air. I just made that bit up. I thought it made it sound more romantic. And to be honest, I don’t think anyone could actually lift me up. I’ve come to adore Savvy B and cake too much.

    But as he span me around, he leant over and whispered into my ear.

    “Would you like to come for a glass of wine up in my room?”

    Now, you know me, I’m not normally so easy when I’ve just met a guy but who was I to turn down a handsome man? And after all, it is Christmas. I thought it could be my present to myself.

    I surveyed the room, looking for Tullene but she was nowhere to be seen. Dave grabbed my hand and led the way.

    As I was being led to my Christmas present, I saw a group of Tullene’s colleagues in the corner. And suddenly my ears pricked up.

    “POOFS!” I heard one of them shout. My nostrils flared and I felt steam coming from my ears.

    “Ignore them!” Dave pleaded as he tried to drag me on. But I simply couldn’t ignore it. Not blatant homophobia. I’m not really a fighter and I normally avoid confrontation like the plague, but that comment had really got my goat up.

    I managed to escape Dave’s hand and I marched up to the perpetrator of the comment. Looking him straight in the eye, I wracked my brains for a suitable, intellectual comeback.

    “And you’re a cunt!” Well, it was the best I could muster. Straight, direct and to the point.

    He looked shocked as I took Dave’s hand and we continued on our journey to Dave’s room. Maybe he didn’t expect this POOF to respond.  I inhaled a deep breath and pushed my chest out. I felt liberated.

    As we made our way to the lifts, I heard a man’s voice shout “OI!” I quickly span around in my shiny loafers. It was the homophobe.

    “What did you call me?” he barked in my face. He was clearly deaf as well as a C U Next Tuesday. So I repeated my offensive comeback just to ensure there was no misunderstanding as to what I’d said.

    And next, Well, I don’t know what came over me but I could smell danger. I feared he was about to punch me so I decided I should be the one to make the first move. Before you could say, Merry Christmas, I seemed to have my hand gripped around his throat and I pushed him up against the wall.

    “MARK!” I heard Tullene’s voice come out of nowhere. “What the hell are you doing?” Now, for those who know Tullene, know that she has a very bad, violent temper. Especially when she sees her friends in danger. I knew I had to rile her up quickly as I feared I needed her help. I may have had my hand around his throat but I didn’t actually know what my next move was going to be. I’d never punched anyone in my whole life.

    “He called me a poof!” I screamed. I saw the top of Tullene’s head pop open with steam. And I saw Tullene’s eyes change to angry Tullene.

    “WHAT?” She bellowed. I felt the man’s Adam apple as he gulped.

    He tried to deny it but Tullene was having none of it. She lifted her up her crutch. No, I’m not talking about her lady garden. An actual crutch. Now, for anyone wondering where this random crutch appeared from, let me tell you.

    Tullene has a weak ankle. Along with various other ailments and conditions which I won’t bore you with. She bores us enough with them! But anyway, she broke her ankle at my 30th birthday party. And that’s a story for another time!

    She picked up her crutch and whacked the man behind his legs. He fell out of my grip and dropped to the floor, legs akimbo.

    “That’s for being a cunt! And homophobic!” She screamed and dragged me into the lift out of harm’s way. In all the commotion, I hadn’t noticed Dave had gone missing. Maybe he was scared of my sudden fight club impression. So I never made it up to Dave’s hotel room. But at least I stood up to a homophobe!

    I also hasten to add, Tullene now needs to find someone else to take to next year’s Christmas do.

  • Looking for gay chat in London?

    Looking for gay chat in London?

    If you’re fed up of dating apps and want to make a more meaningful connection with gay, bi or curious fellas in London then maybe it’s time to go a little old school and join our social network.

    Not everything has to be a swipe, like or a tap. In fact, you could be building a more meaningful relationship with someone, over the internet without being on a dating app constantly.

    THEGAYUK has launched its own social network for gay, bi, curious and trans people who are looking to building longer-lasting, social media-based relationships – without bans or censorship of LGBT+ pictures.

    Within a month we’ve already grown our member to over 3500 people and it’s growing every day.

    There are loads of reasons to join a gay, bi and curious social network as opposed to a dating app. Many dating apps require you to have your GPS on – rather than you being able to select a general area. This means you can be a little more private about your exact location if privacy is your number one priority.

    Also, not everything has to be a dick picture. Why not create a more meaningful connection with someone based on other interests beside what’s between your legs?

    Lastly, you don’t have to settle for a Mr Right Now. Why not build more friendships which can lead to a Mr Right, full-stop.

    Tumblr, Facebook and Instagram may all be banning the body, but here we embrace it. As long as it’s not illegal and you’re over the age of 18, then welcome to our site.

    Find your local town here.

    Inner London

    Camden
    Royal Borough of Greenwich
    Hackney
    Hammersmith and Fulham
    Islington
    Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea
    Lambeth
    Lewisham
    Southwark
    Tower Hamlets
    Wandsworth
    City of Westminster

    Greater London.

    Barking and Dagenham
    Barnet
    Bexley
    Brent
    Bromley
    Croydon
    Ealing
    Enfield
    Haringey
    Harrow
    Havering
    Hillingdon
    Hounslow
    Royal Borough of Kingston upon Thames
    Merton
    Newham
    Redbridge
    Richmond upon Thames
    Sutton
    Waltham Forest

  • Die-cast Dreams 

    Die-cast Dreams 

    I had some fun thinking about this article. Motoring writer and author, Richard Gooding recently posted up on Twitter pictures from his visit to the Hornby toy museum in Kent. This got me thinking about the toy cars that I longed to own as the real thing. Namely those from Corgi and Matchbox.

    There is no sense of occasion with die-cast toys anymore. In the ’80s, a new Matchbox or Corgi release was AMAZING. Imagine the rush for the latest iPhone, to a young boy, it was exactly like that.

    I can still remember certain releases with fondness. Even a rehash of an old model in new colours was a worthy occasion. 1985 was a particularly hot year for releases and first to get the new Golf GTi, BMW 325i cab, Escort cab or Lamborghini Countach was frantic.

    I would save my £1 a week pocket money and once I had got to the usual £4.99 (I think), I’d treat myself to a large Corgi or for about a quid, I’d buy one of the 75 small Matchbox cars available, choosing it from the rotating Matchbox stand in our local toy shop, Chapmans. The nostalgia I am feeling right now is unbelievable.    

    The small Matchbox and larger corgis were the ones I loved. I wasn’t so keen on the larger Matchbox or the smaller Corgi’s. Matchbox Superkings lacked details and the small corgis were just cheap. That said, I still had some because, well because I wanted that car like the Peugeot 305 saloon from Matchbox, so don’t judge me. 

    The die-cast toy was a gateway to driving and car ownership. It taught you about keeping the paint pristine or what would happen in the real world when a brick was dropped onto say, a Rolls Royce. I did end up with a fair number of convertibles and a scrapyard worthy of a lot of money had it been real.

    There were also adventures to be had with a die-cast and dream garages could be built from new or exchanging with friends. In some ways, it really is little different to car ownership. So without further ado, let us look at my dream garage of die-cast.

    One particular model jumps out. The Corgi Fiat X1/9. It was blue with some racing decals. It looked the nuts. Sleek and wedge-like. There was nothing else like it in my toy box. What’s more, this came with a tow hook. What a stupid option. 

    That’s what I thought until I was given the Carlsberg X1/9 with the boat on a trailer. Forget the silly little boat you could win on Bullseye, this was a real speedboat with a Cosworth engine. Both of these models I still have and to that, I also have to add a real Fiat X1/9.  

    Another model was given to me second hand. A small matchbox VW camper van. It was wicked at rolling down the hill. Sadly by the time it got to me, it had lost its pop-up roof. That didn’t stop me from prizing it apart and painting it white over orange. That was always the dream. 

    Didn’t quite work out that way in the end because I ended up with a yellow VW camper van instead.

    Another die-cast hero of mine was made by Solido, the French die-cast manufacture. Always a little more expensive. They made an Alfasud racer. Not quite the Alfasud I wanted but that never stopped the hankering for one. And again I would eventually own the real car. Sadly, like the Solido model that came apart quite easily for restoration, my Alfasud came apart too.

    I’ve since managed to make die-cast replicas of practically all the cars I have owned. Sadly Corgi and Matchbox aren’t really the same anymore and what they sell aren’t really what I aspire to own. Instead, I have to turn to the many other makers of die-cast out there for my dreams or more importantly, to remake into my current garage. Thankfully Vitesse made some truly unusual models so I have been able to make the last addition to the fleet, the Berlingo. 

    Where it goes from here, why knows. I’m hankering for a Lancia Beta coupe, Solido made one of those. I also want another Citroën Dyane and I know Corgi made that because I’ve already got one.

  • This is how you put a classic car to bed for winter

    This is how you put a classic car to bed for winter

    Any car lover hates this time of year, especially those with old classics or cars known for being a tad “delicate” in winter. For me, I am talking about my Fiat X1/9.

    This year, the summer was cruel. It was hot. Too hot to get the little open-top Italian out. Yes, I know there is a lot of irony there but this Fiat just doesn’t like getting too hot and documented problems of fuel evaporation are not stories of make-believe. With the X1/9 it happens and it has done so on numerous occasions.

    And so the hot summer went and having had a number of press cars for TGUK, I went on a press car break so I could use my own and enter stage right, the X1/9. I managed to do 303 miles this year. And I can tell you every single journey it took including one to an Italian car breakfast morning on a Saturday that I attended on Sunday! 

    So you can see, winters arrival is cruel because of 2 things; This is an 80’s Fiat and not know for longevity in wet salty English conditions, and the thing is ruddy awful in the wet. That said it can be fun but the concentration needed to drive it in the dry needs to be ramped up to 11! And the wipers are set for Italy, so not very good.

    Preparing a car for winter hibernation isn’t that straightforward. It could be I suppose but if you like to tinker and fanny around, then it isn’t. I use a system called a “Permabag”.

    It’s a massive bag of tarpaulin fitted with a divers zip. In it go 2 desiccators that absorb moisture within the bag and from the car and it keeps it all dry and the humidity within it controlled. 

    I’m fortunate to be able to park up the X1/9 and leave it there, undisturbed for great lengths of time. The makers of Permabag also recommend that it is best left. Opening and closing the bag are not what this system is about. The idea is to reduce the humidity and leave it in its current state. This system doesn’t require any power either, so it is ideal for any garage, anywhere. If you need to move the vehicle regularly and have power, I can recommend the Carcoon system that I know many use. Check out the differences in the links below.

    So it would seem strange when I tell you that what I did next was to wash the car. Ideally, you should clean any car you put away. After washing, a good polish is a great idea. It’s also a time to make a note of any areas of the body that will require attention next year. I spotted 2 areas of rust and then added another by pulling a drain pipe off from the engine bay. That is going to be fun trying to reattach that!

    Now is a good time to attend to 1 or 2 of those small annoying jobs. One in particular for me was the moss and grime around the rear light seals. Quick wash and scrub with an old toothbrush and a poke with a cotton bud, and now all clean.

    So this is something to do next year. It’s not recommended to do paint work and then store away with the system that I use.

    I would normally recommend an oil change too. Reasons being are that old oil contains contaminants that can attack things like bearing surfaces. The oil has done just 1400 miles and still comes out clean on the dipstick so this time I’ve left it. I will do an oil change this time next year. Also, check the concentration of antifreeze and add any if needed. 

    Now, this part might be a bit OTT but screen wash bottles, remove, empty, clean and leave empty. Several reasons why I do this. Firstly is stagnant water can breed legionnaires disease. You don’t want this. You’ll be horrified by how old the water is in your screen wash bottle if you don’t empty regularly. So bottles are very big, the X1/9’s is about 7 litres in capacity. I don’t use 7 litres of screen wash. 

    Secondly, the system I use removes moisture. A washer bottle is not sealed. So you can see where that is heading. It’s also a good idea to wash it out every so often because it’s an excuse to fanny around and tinker.

    If you are lucky to have a spare set of wheel, now is a good time to fit them. It doesn’t do a tyre any favours sitting in one place for any length of time. Even my Tamiya shelf queens models are on raises to stop the tyres from getting flat spots! 

    I don’t have a set of storage wheels for the Fiat, so I tend to over-inflate them by about 8-10psi. Doesn’t sound a lot I know but over time the car can lose tyre pressure and as the X1/9 can’t be seen inside the bag, I have no idea what it is doing so this offers me some piece of mind.      

    Now you may just be about to stop me from putting the X1/9 away in the bag having only washed it and you would be right. I leave it in the garage for another week or so to dry out as best it can.

    Then I’ll put it away, under a cover, zipped up in its bag and leave it. Leave it dead of power because whatever you do, don’t forget to disconnect the battery. And then count down those days. One Hundred and Seventy-Five I said and if April looks promising, it’ll be less. 

    Opening it up will bring its own problems so I’ll let you know how that goes after 175 days time.

    https://www.autopyjama.com/permabag-engl/

    https://www.carcoon.com

  • 40 years ago today, Harvey Milk was murdered

    American politics was filled with a sea of heterosexual faces, sometimes fiercely homophobic, but mostly irreverent towards the gay community, that was until Harvey Milk entered the political arena.

    Daniel Nicoletta – Provided by author, Daniel Nicoletta

    Harvey Bernard Milk was born in the cold and wet winter of 1930, his birthplace was Woodmere, a small, hard-working, middle class, close-knit hamlet in Nassau County in the state of New York. After graduating in 1951, Milk joined the United States’ Navy, during the Korean War, he served aboard a rescue submarine, the USS Kittiwake – and later transferred to San Diego to serve as a diving instructor. He was discharged from the Navy in 1955.

    Harvey Milk could be described as one of life’s wanderers until he moved to San Francisco he was a teacher, an actuarial statistician, a researcher, and a presidential campaigner, he worked in investments and for a theatre company.

    He was a drifter, moving from California to Texas to New York and back again, without a steady job; eventually, Milk with his then-partner Scott Smith opened a camera shop on Castro Street in San Francisco with their last $1,000.

    He moved from New York City to San Francisco in 1972, amid a mass migration of gay men to the Castro District. The gay’s growing political and economic power ensured that people like Milk could take advance to promote their interests.

    Initial political aspirations

    Embed from Getty Images

    Milk ‘s initial reception by the already installed gay political establishment could be described as cold, Jim Foster who had been active in gay politics for ten years resented Milk asking him for endorsement to becoming a City Supervisor, Foster told Milk,

    “There’s an old saying in the Democratic Party. You don’t get to dance unless you put up the chairs. I’ve never seen you put up the chairs.”

    Undeterred Milk won the support and endorsement of local gay bars and business owners, who had become disillusioned by the slow-moving pace of the already visible gay political movement.

    Milk had an inimitable political style; his exuberant speeches and his astute media skills earned him significant press during the 1973 election, however, he failed to win.

    Although Milk was a newcomer he had shown flair for leadership, he was starting to be taken seriously as a candidate and decided to run again as a City Supervisor and started using his camera store as a centre of activity in the Castro neighbour. The community rallied around Milk and voluntarily helped run his campaigns for him.

    This time round Milk came 7th in the election, just one place away from earning a Supervisor seat.

    First openly gay commissioner in the US

    Embed from Getty Images

    Milk became the first openly gay commissioner in the United States after the newly elected Mayor George Moscone appointed him to the Board of Permit Appeals in 1976 where he worked just 5 weeks in the job before running for the California State Assembly.

    Milk was described as a man of mixed temperament and of disorganisation. His campaign volunteer database comprised of just scraps of paper and his campaign manager’s assistant was an 11-year-old girl.

    His accounting was erratic, reportedly grabbing fistfuls of cash from his store’s cash register. He was prone to amazing outburst of momentary temper before shouting excitedly about something else. Described as manic, one could not fault the man for his dedication and general good humour.

    In 1977 his last campaign to become a City Supervisor, Milk’s showboating, handshaking and manic campaigning tactics won him a position, but with his victory came the distinct threat of assassination. He began to record his thoughts for preservation in case he was killed, stating, “If a bullet should enter my brain, let that bullet destroy every closet door”.

    Headliner

    Embed from Getty Images

    As the first openly gay, non-incumbent man in US history his swearing in as City Supervisor made national headlines, giving the gay community a positive visibility that it hadn’t enjoyed before. He started in office sponsoring a civil rights bill that outlawed discrimination based on sexual orientation, it was met with no opposition apart from Dan White, who Milk had increasingly bad relations with after Milk switched his vote in supporting a health facility for troubled adolescents be placed in White’s District.

    His personal life at the time was one filled with sadness; he had long split with Smith and had begun a relationship with a man 18 years his senior; Jack Lira who hanged himself after being consumed with sadness with the anti-gay campaigns of Anita Bryant and John Brigg.

    The John Briggs Initiative known as Proposition 6 would have made the firing of any gay teacher or public school employee who supported gay rights mandatory. Brigg’s stated that gay teachers wanted to recruit and molest children; Milk refuted this with statistics compiled by law enforcement that most paedophiles were identified as heterosexuals.

    Brigg’s campaign came off the back of singer Anita Bryant’s “Save Our Children” campaign in Florida which repealed a law which ended discrimination based on sexual orientation.

    During the summer of 1978, gay pride marches found their attendance level rise, with over 250,000 people attending San Francisco’s Gay Freedom Day Parade. This is where Milk gave an impassioned ‘Hope Speech’

    “On this anniversary of Stonewall, I ask my gay sisters and brothers to make the commitment to fight. For themselves, for their freedom, for their country … We will not win our rights by staying quietly in our closets … We are coming out to fight the lies, the myths, the distortions. We are coming out to tell the truths about gays, for I am tired of the conspiracy of silence, so I’m going to talk about it. And I want you to talk about it. You must come out. Come out to your parents, your relatives.”

    Even though Anita Bryant’s campaign had been successful in Florida, Brigg’s initiative failed by more than a million votes. In San Francisco alone 75% voted against the proposition.

    Who was Dan White?

    On 10th November 1978, Dan White resigned stating that the yearly salary of $9600 was not sufficient to support his family, days later he asked Mayor Moscone for his resignation to be withdrawn, although the Mayor initially agreed, after further consideration and consultation with the other city supervisors, Moscone was persuaded to install someone who represented White’s district which was growing in ethnic diversity.

    On 27th November 1978, Harvey Milk would wake for the last time, in his beloved adopted town of Castro.

    Half an hour before the press conference in which Mayor Moscone was to announce White’s replacement, White entered City Hall with a gun undetected and made his way to the Mayor’s office. Witnesses recall hearing shouting, between the two men followed by four gunshots.

    White had shot Moscone once in the shoulder, once in the chest and twice in the head.

     

    Embed from Getty Images

     

    Embed from Getty Images

    After reloading his gun, White intercepted Milk – an argument ensued, followed by more gunshots as he emptied 5 hollow-point bullets into Harvey Milk’s head and body.

    The President of the Board of Supervisors, Dianne Feinstein found Harvey Milk and identified both bodies.

    It was Feinstein, who announced to the press,

    ‘Today San Francisco has experienced a double tragedy of immense proportions. As President of the Board of Supervisors, it is my duty to inform you that both Mayor Moscone and Supervisor Harvey Milk have been shot and killed.”

    Milk was 48 and Moscone was 49.

    Milk’s legacy is still felt to this day, in the last year of his life, he empowered gay people to be more visible; to help themselves to end the discrimination and violence against them. In his final statement during the taped prediction of his assassination he said,

    ‘I cannot prevent anyone from getting angry, or mad, or frustrated. I can only hope that they’ll turn that anger and frustration and madness into something positive, so that two, three, four, five hundred will step forward, so the gay doctors will come out, the gay lawyers, the gay judges, gay bankers, gay architects … I hope that every professional gay will say ‘enough’, come forward and tell everybody, wear a sign, let the world know. Maybe that will help.

    Although his time in politics was relatively short, Milk’s untimely death at the hand of Dan White, ensured that Harvey Milk would forever be held up as one of the most powerful and iconic men of politics the world has ever seen.

  • COMMENT | These were cars we really wanted to drive growing up

    COMMENT | These were cars we really wanted to drive growing up

    There was a time not so long ago when models within a model range varied according to affluence. There was also a bit of what the decade dictated in there too. If you are as old as me, we are not talking that long ago either. Less than 50 years in fact. 

    Ok so 50 years is perhaps a lifetime away for some of our readers but long ago in the motoring world far far away from where gloss and add-ons were essential in demonstrating your wheeled wealth, there were motoring gems to be had. From poverty to racing and somewhere in-between specs, it all added up and made the Jones’s at 69 twitch the lacy nets in either disgust or envy.

    Sadly these days you can’t tell the difference between a poverty or a luxury model from the visual aesthetics. Alloy wheels and glitz are pretty much the same available across the ranges. And chrome and elaborate badges seem passé these days. So l am going to take you back to 5 decades of motoring and pick out one of my favourites that were stand out models within a range of specific models and you didn’t need a Rolls Royce to show off your motoring wealth either.

    1970 

    Mk2 Escort Ghia

    The Ford Escort was a top seller in the UK. The Mk2 had form and looks. Its model range catered for every walking person in the world. It was available for not a lot of money to quite a huge sum. It was a car you could aspire to. And that’s why I am choosing the Mk2 Escort Ghia. 

    The Escort range had circular headlights on its lowest and sportiest models. Not so on the Ghia. It had square lights and silver edging around the grill. And if that wasn’t enough it also had added brightwork to cause sparkling glare through the nets of the neighbours. Not only was there side mouldings and a vinyl roof but sports wheels with chrome beauty rings. Best of all was the metallic paint that was at one time only available for the Ghia model. It also had splashings of wood trim and an internally adjustable door mirror. This was stuff that wowed the crowds and made lesser men cry. All of this was then given the kiss of a Ghia badge. 

    1980

    Austin Rover Maestro Vanden Plas 

    Be it the humble Metro, the great white whale that was the Maestro or the Sierra nibbling Montego, Austin Rover added the ‘Vanden Plas’ moniker to these 3 models. However, the Maestro is my worthy winner. It was like nothing else on the market. For a start, it had wood where others were going for plastic and it was given a chrome grill and embellished wheel trims. Little VP decals on the rear wings along with a coach line, all complimenting the chosen metallic paint choice were subtle in showing off your wealth over a lesser HL or Mayfair model. 

    It got even better inside too. Along with the wood trim, there was shoulder to shoulder leather-covered seats. Then to drive your senses crazy, you were presented with a digital dashboard that could give out over 30 voice commands usually at will and for reasons, only the car knew, for seat belt, petrol and anything else you could think off wanting a car to tell you in 1982.

    Remember this was also the year of Knight Rider and the talking car. This was seriously cool. All the fun the Maestro had to offer was narrated by New Zealander Nicolette McKenzie.

    1990

    Jaguar Sovereign (XJ40 model)

    Somewhere in between the base Jaguar XJ-6 and top of the range, Daimler sat the very British named Sovereign. It stood out from the lesser model sister due to more brightwork and alloy wheels. And then there were the headlights. Rectangular units instead of the two separate lights of the lesser model. The added bonus of these lights was that the Daimler also had them. To distinguish itself from the higher model it still kept with the Jaguar grill instead of the convoluted trim of the Daimler.

    Inside it was treated to standard features like air conditioning and leather everywhere. 

    Ford took control of Jaguar and following a facelift, the kings of giving took away the visual impact of the affluent range and all models then looked the same    

    2000

    Ford Focus Ghia saloon

    The millennium decade gets difficult. Cars all pretty much looked alike. One car does stand out to me from the crowd and ironically, it was from where we started, back at Ford. The Ford Focus. Not just any Focus for it has to be the saloon purely because the shape looked better than the dumpy fat arse hatchback. The fact you could also get a Ghia in estate form showed that times had changed and affluent luxury was now available even for the universal man who had loads to carry.

    Focus Ghia had the usual items that we had now come to expect like the chrome on the front bumper and a dollop of wood in the centre of the facia. By now that wood was beginning to look more like the wood was harvested from a Lego land forest of plastic. That said it wasn’t the worst faux wood you could get. The French were even worse at it. There was also an option for leather seats but sadly the alloy wheels were no longer exclusive to this model. The lesser LX could often be seen parading around in them like some irksome oik in knocked off £700 Manolo Blahnik cum fuck-me heels. 

    And beyond…

    It’s hard to tell where or how it will go. From the list above you can see that the top of the class at this was the British. For some reason, we Brits liked an add-on which probably accounts for the sheer amount of money we spend on our cars after purchase. We are good at adding a touch of luxury to a car and probably why the British are good at modifying them. That is if you don’t look at Barry Boys on the internet.

    http://www.barryboys.co.uk/phpBB2/portal.php

  • On International Mens Day, suicide is the silent killer we should be focused on

    On International Mens Day, suicide is the silent killer we should be focused on

    We are all aware of reports in the media regarding suicide rates. So much so that sometimes we’d really rather not think about it. Understandably the repetitive nature of some of the stories means we may have become desensitised to what is, in all honesty, a truly tragic event.

    You are not alone. There are many organisations you can reach out to.

    The contagious nature of suicide is well documented. As seen in our universities, often multiple suicides will follow each other. In France the press refrain from reporting death from suicide on the underground as it’s been proven to trigger spates of similar acts. Recommended reading: Stay

    What is less understood, however, is the positive effects of rejecting suicide as an option – positive contagion. With increased understanding the hope is we can have a positive impact.

    As a therapist I’m often incensed when someone mentions how selfish the act of suicide is.

    Just to be clear… if you can’t imagine how anyone could get to that point, then please consider yourself very fortunate.

    Many of us may not have got to the planning stage but can certainty identify with the feeling or sentiment. Try to think of a time when you really felt life was too much and you weren’t sure how you were going to get through the next day. I f you can do that you might have a sniff of how it feels to be in the grip of despair. I say grip because that’s as close a description I can give as to how the people I sit with communicate this phenomenon to me. Have you ever been driven to achieve or wanted something so badly that all you can think about is how achieving or having this thing will make feel better, then you will also have an idea of how it feels to contemplate suicide.

    When this feeling drives us to succeed it is seen by society as a positive attribute, when not then it’s seen as a negative. When we have tipped into depression these thoughts can, in fact, almost take on a life of their own – over which some people may have little or no control. A driver is a driver – if we have the ability to push ourselves, this attribute can work for us as it can against us.

    At this point I feel it’s only fair to say that some believe suicide is not necessarily a bad thing. Assisted dying would be a case in point. In Ancient Greece the idea of a good death was highly valued.

    For the purposes of this article we are going to focus on what we perceive to be the tragic lives cut short when there might have been an intervention that could have helped.

    One of the most tragic of forms of death is when a person takes their own life. We could say that not only they have fallen victim to this tragedy, but the knock on effect to their family and friends, who are often victims as well, is extreme

    Correctly identifying the causes of suicide within the gay community is difficult as there are a myriad of reasons why one would end their life, and it is hard to pin point the degree to which our sexuality plays a role. But it is probably safe to say that the suicide rate within the UK gay community is increasing.

    “Research shows that more than 40 per cent of LGBTQ+ people will experience a significant mental health problem in their lives, compared to around 25 per cent of the whole population, and people from the LGBTQ+ community are more than twice as likely to have attempted suicide. More than four in five (84 per cent) of transgender people have considered suicide and 50 per cent have actually attempted suicide, compared to an average of less than 6 per cent in the wider population.” (https://www.mind.org.uk/news-campaigns/news/celebrities-stephen-fry-and-juno-dawson-support-mind-s-lgbtqplus-mental-health-event) In my opinion this speaks to the lack of understanding we have of the complex nature of this phenomenon. We do know that if are male you are 75% more likely to succeed than if you were a female.

    Unhelpful Beliefs Only Add to the Confusion and Pain

    In 400 BC Aquinas elevated suicide to a mortal sin. Some religions believe your soul will be damned if you take your own life. Others believe you will be rewarded. Our evolved society now understands the dogma various religions was used to influence its members. However now these methods have become outdated. According to Jung society has a collective unconscious. From literature to television the script we have been fed and possibly internalised would suggest the suicidal act is depraved, wrong or sinful. Feelings many in the gay community can identify with.

    Death divorce life and death can all trigger to feelings of depression. Add to that living in a society that still struggles to respect and accept homosexuality and it’s not hard to see how people within the gay community are more prone to feelings of worthlessness, shame and unacceptance thus may make it more likely to experience suicidal thoughts: understanding yourself and what you are feeling is key.

    What to Do to Help Yourself or Loved One

    MabelAmber / Pixabay

    Try to engage with your future self. Remember that the loudest voice in your head might not be the best one to listen to. Speak to a trusted friend or therapist to try and help you understand what those voices are saying.

    If your tendency is for extreme highs and lows anyway, add to that a traumatic event or a bereavement and those lows can seem very low indeed. A well-recognised symptom of depression is frightening thoughts. Try to remember that thoughts are just thoughts and feelings are just feelings – neither should be in the driving seat. We often miss assign our thoughts, especially when we are feeling down.

    Some past misdemeanour slip shame or guilt can push us to places we wouldn’t have believed possible when we are feeling low. Many within the gay community will be able to identify with this. But you may not be aware the destructive nature these thoughts can have. Don’t suffer in silence – talk to someone – friend, counsellor, Samaritans.

    We can often feel trapped in the world. Some people believe that suicide is the ultimate choice. Try to remember there are many ways out of our current situations that we often may not see. When we are low, suicide can seem like a luminous exit sight in the doorway of our lives. If you can recognise any of these symptoms try and seek help.

    Prevention is Better Than Cure.

    CREDIT: © curaphotography |Depositphotos

    Recent monies promised by the government are earmarked for emergency care rather than long term prevention policies. Compare the resources dedicated to fighting terrorism which kills a fraction of our society with the amount of time and money spent on suicide prevention and it is not hard to see why we aren’t making any serious impact in fighting the increasing suicide rate. Less than 40 people were killed in 2017 in the UK in terrorist related incidents (https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/0/many-people-killed-terrorist-attacks-uk) compared with more than 6,213 self-inflicted deaths (https://www.samaritans.org/sites/default/files/suicide_statistics_report_2018.pdf ). According to the UK government website they spent/will spend over £730 million on fighting terrorism in 2017/18. (https://www.gov.uk/government/news/multi-million-pound-boost-for-counter-terrorism-policing)

    However, we are slowly starting to see a welcome change in our government’s psyche with the Prime Minister’s appointment of Jackie Doyle-Price, the UK’s first minister for suicide prevention. May has also pledged £1.8 million to help ensure the charity can continue providing its free helpline for the next four years. The Government “has also promised more support in schools, bringing in new mental health support teams and offering help in measuring students’ health, including their mental well-being.” It is imperative that we educate and increase our understanding of the complex social issues that affect those in the gay community. We need to highlight the isolation gay men can feel and offer them a safe caring environment to discuss their feelings.

    We all suffer – it’s the human condition. In knowing that, we know we are not alone. Help is out there. Whatever the wrongs and rights in the words of Shakespeare, remember we all have the choice to be or not to be. In the words of Rudyard Kipling’s poem If

    If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
    To serve your turn long after they are gone,
    And so hold on when there is nothing in you
    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

    In this article, I am reaching out to tell you are not alone and to ask you to PLEASE find the courage to be.

    Psycotherapist Jane Barnfield Jukes is Founder of Online Therapy Service The Practice (www.thepractice.co.uk).  To book a free telephone consultation for online therapy please call 0333 0096 321. 

    Jane is also Founder of Eudeamon natural supplements. Their supplements are natural way to overcome emotional and psychological difficulties and are available from Amazon.co.uk
  • Six ways you can be a better non-binary ally

    Six ways you can be a better non-binary ally

    This morning I was on Twitter and I clicked on the #TransAwarenessWeek hashtag and I came across a very insightful tweet from a user, who gave some great tips.

    Not everything is binary… kerplode / Pixabay

    Let me tell you about my own gender expression before we go on. I don’t think of myself as a “man” because I don’t really fit into what society expects of its men. When I was a child all I wanted to do was be called a girl, wear high heels, my mum’s dresses and sing Petula Clark’s ‘Downtown’ on repeat. I was a Grade A queer/trans kid.

    Nowadays, I dress in masculine clothes, I have a boyfriend, I have short hair and people assume that I’m a man, and a gay one at that. I enjoy the privileges that, for the most part, that assumed identity affords me. But, it never really feels right when someone refers to me in that way.

    That said, I don’t mind if people use the pronouns him/his or he when they refer to me. Although it does jar me if someone calls me a man. Weird.

    I also don’t mind it if I’m referred to with female pronouns.

    I’m pretty relaxed about the pronouns that are used to describe me.

    But for some, words really matter. So here’s some advice to help us all become better allies to our non-binary, gender non-conforming siblings.

    Open your ears and mind

    via GIPHY

    It seems that we’ve all got our lives set to transmit only. We need more receiving in our lives. So when someone is telling you something about them, listen.

    Leave your assumptions at the door

    via GIPHY

    Someone once wisely told me, “Assumptions are the mother of all fuck-ups” – and they were completely right. How often have you assumed something about a situation only to find that nothing was as you imagined? Pretty often, right?

    Your assumptions are based on your own life experience. It doesn’t take into account other people’s experience. So leave your assumptions at the door and again, open your mind.

    Respect pronouns

    rawpixel / Pixabay

    If a person tells you what their preferred pronoun is, accept it don’t fight it. It’s what they’ve asked you to call them. The decision is effectively out of your hands. It’s the same as when someone tells you their name. You accept it and it becomes part of their identity. Well, pronouns are the same.

    Accept that there are lots of different pronouns

    via GIPHY

    Some non-binary, gender fluid and gender non-conforming folks use a number of different pronouns. Some popular ones are: Zim/Zer and Ze, they/them and theirs or even thon, which was actually added to the dictionary in 1964. They as a singular pronoun has been used for centuries.

    It’s not particularly new, it’s not trend based, it’s just getting a lot of media attention at the moment.

    Stop normalising gender norms

    via GIPHY

    Blue for boys, Pink for girls… gender stereotyping is all so 1950s and really doesn’t work for today’s society. No one likes living in a predefined box and we don’t live in a black and white world. There’s a whole rainbow out there.

    Gender norms and stereotypes, when adhered to, just keeps society attached to a patriarchal system that’s almost impossible to climb and doesn’t work for all of us, particularly LGBT+ people. So lets bin it shall we?

    Write your own pronouns

    via GIPHY

    Normalise the conversation surrounding pronouns. Write your preferred pronouns in your social media profiles. As @thalestral says on Twitter, “normalise that shit”.

  • COMMENT | Gay, 35 and single

    COMMENT | Gay, 35 and single

    I’m 35 years old (how many years is that in gay years?)

    Free-Photos / Pixabay

    I’m single and I have been for quite some time. Most people my age have settled down. Some met a long time partner, a husband or a wife. Many already have kids.

    As I get older, I find it more and more difficult to avoid questions such as: When are you going to get married? How come that you don’t have a partner? Do you never think about having kids? Countless times I used excuses such as: I’m too focused on my career right now. I’m too busy for a relationship.

    I want to travel first before I settle down. All those are true, but in all honesty, the main reason why I didn’t settle down is very simple: I just haven’t found the right guy yet. Yes, I do have high standards, and I wouldn’t settle for less.

    Why is his not an issue?

    While we live in a society that makes us feel as though being single is something to be concerned about, it really isn’t how I perceive it. I was n a couple of serious relationships. Was I happier then? No!

    I think it is a common mistake to assume that we need someone to make us happy.

    In my opinion, that couldn’t be further from the truth. My happiness doesn’t depend on anyone but me.

    I wouldn’t put the key to my own happiness in someone else’s pocket.

    Imagine what a responsibility it would be for the other person!

    Also, let’s not forget about the many advantages of being single: I can focus on my career, I can travel on a whim, I have more time to pursue my hobbies, I can have the full bed for myself…

    Basically, I can do whatever I want whenever I feel like it. And I am so much more relaxed emotionally!

    What really makes me happy?

    qimono / Pixabay

    Being single allowed me to get in touch with myself and to (re-)discover the true beauty of the little things that we often take for granted: seeing a beautiful sunset, stargazing, eating my favourite meal, listening to my favourite song, dancing like there is nobody watching, falling asleep while the rain gently beats against my window, swimming naked, making someone smile.

    Does this mean that I would like to be single forever? Absolutely not!

    It would be great to find someone special to share all these things with. I am definitely open to that possibility.
    My point is: That it doesn’t define my happiness. I would so pleased if people would stop asking me why I’m still single.

    Instead, ask me if I’m happy.

    Miguel Martins – Mister Senior Netherlands 3rd Runner-Up (www.facebook.com/MyOwnFado)

  • COMMENT | We should be adding the Poppy to ballot papers

    COMMENT | We should be adding the Poppy to ballot papers

    On the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month in 1918 World War 1 ended.

    bmewett / Pixabay

    Since that time 100 years ago we have publicly remembered those who give their lives in service on just one day of the year. We can do more.

    The world we live in is and has been protected by those who make the ultimate sacrifice, those who serve and are maimed and others who become veterans of service.

    As a gay man within a broader LGBT+ spectrum, I am able to identify how I choose because of the campaigning that has taken place in the free democracy of the western world.

    Changes to rights have been enshrined in law because of the society in which we live. The world could be a much different place if it were not for those who gave their lives.

    We could show more respect by using the rights we have. Voting is the cornerstone of democracy, whether it is in general or local council elections, a mayoral vote, or a referendum on a specific topic.

    The gift of freedom and the right to vote are so often taken for granted. We have them and don’t know or think what life would be without them, or under a dictatorship. There are examples on this planet that might be representative of how we could be indoctrinated and punitively treated if the outcomes had been different.

    Some casually dismiss going to vote because it is cold outside or wet or they don’t feel like it, and yet so many have died that we may have the choice and the chance to vote.

    Whatever your political affiliation and whatever your view on the issues of the day, when you are afforded a vote it is your chance to make your voice heard and to be counted. The dead don’t have a vote, so remember and honour them by casting yours.

    There are few occasions in the modern world when we are alone with our thoughts. One such time and place is in the booth of a polling station. It feels an apt and poignant situation to consider those who died so we may be free; so I suggest a campaign to add the poppy as a symbol of remembrance be added to all future ballot papers

  • She Is A Model, And She’s Now Looking Good

    She Is A Model, And She’s Now Looking Good

    Autumn is here and before you know it, we’ll be into winter. I turn my attention away from working on the fleet to playing with toy cars. Even at the age of 43, I still can’t pass a car boot sale toy box without taking a look for something a bit scabby that I can turn into something loved again.

    I’d bought this Fiat Panda as a new toy back in 2000 from Beatties toy shop. Now for the toy geek in you, the Bburago Panda model was released sometime in 1982. It was 17 years old now and still being sold as a new toy car. The Fiat Panda hadn’t been sold in the UK since 1996 but would soldier on until 2003 in Italy. So this probably explains why it was still sold by Bburago.

    I digress but perhaps this is to do with the paint I’ve been sniffing this weekend. The weekend I decided to strip and rebuild my battered Panda.   

    There is something quite therapeutic in taking a rough model and making it good again. This time you get to choose the colours, the spec, the interior layout and/or colours and wheel choice. It’s almost like buying a real car without the expense except for paint. 

    This weekend, the Panda has cost me £12 in paint. Or around £30 if you add the other paint needed that thankfully I have in stock from other projects. Model building is fun but from an initial layout, it can look expensive especially when you need just need 3 dobs of clear orange for the indicators for instance.

    I wanted to do a Sisley 4×4 in metallic green. That was the plan some 18 years ago. So I’ve scrapped that idea and decided to go back to basics like the Panda was. A nice shade of pastel blue with the lower half in grey. 

    Thankfully with Bburago, they screw together so dismantling is easy. I try and dip the shells in paint thinners but the 1/24th scale body was too large so a soft fire brush on the workbench was used to strip the paint down. You don’t always have to strip the paint. Some paints won’t react to thinners so a good rub down with wet and dry is sometimes all that you need.

    Primer is essential. Grey or white dependant on the colour you choose. Now I did use a rust inhibitor primer on the lower half of the Panda. A bit overkill for a diecast model that won’t rust but this is an old Fiat so I wasn’t going to take any chances. OK, that is a bit OTT but I needed grey and that was all I had in stock.

    Allowing a few hours to dry and the use of the airing cupboard (always helps to have access to the hot room of the house to aid model paint drying) the drying time was accelerated. Next was to mask up the lower section for another coat of grey in the form of plastic primer that is sort of the correct shade for the lower panels on Panda Mk1.

    The rest, as they say, is a walk in the park. Top coat paint colour applied in light even coats and then once dry, adding the details and reassembling. 

    OK, so it’s not that easy. Like painting a real car, you need to do the door shuts and inside areas first. Easier to do inside parts because the paint finish doesn’t matter as much if it has some overspray or flat areas.

    The details are what can make a model. For your £1.99 (1999 prices) Bburago were not going to paint the lights for you. So I went wild and added those three dobs of orange for front and rear indicators. 

    And now I am left with a bespoke Fiat Panda model that looks like the launch model that as one critic rudely or rightly said, was as square as the box it had come in. Now isn’t that the truth.mo