THEGAYUK

Category: Comment

  • COMMENT | Why does Instagram keep deleting naked (not really naked) men?

    COMMENT | Why does Instagram keep deleting naked (not really naked) men?

    Once again Instagram deletes another account which depicts the nude male body.

    Yesterday it was reported that the world’s biggest picture sharing site, Instagram, had banned Meat‘s latest account – which at the last count had garnered 5000 fans, the previous one, (yes they’ve had two banned) had 15,000 fans. What was their crime? Allegedly falling foul to that cardinal sin… displaying naked men. Okay, you say, it’s right there in the community guidelines, “no nudity” however these pictures had a whopping great modesty circle in front of anything that might be even slightly racy.

    Kim Kardashian, however, can post naked pictures to her heart’s content – gaining millions of likes – these pictures can’t be going unnoticed at IG headquarters.

    This isn’t the first time that the Facebook-owned company has deleted pictures of the male form. In the past, it has deleted the Warwick Rowers and in August it deleted Greeks Come True. There was not one penis on show. These are beautifully crafted pictures of men, who yes, are naked, but where you cannot see anything that would give you tingles downstairs. Pornographic? No. Homoerotics, hell yes, but there’s a huge difference between porn and eroticism.

    Meat is different though. It’s a breath of fresh air – the guys portrayed are unphotoshopped, average bodies. It shows that even when you don’t have a six-pack you can still appear on the front of a magazine or calendar.

    Recently THEGAYUK.com polled over 300 of its Twitter readers about whether they were comfortable being naked in the presence of other people. Over half of us answered in the negative. Over a half of us are awkward about our natural state why is that?

    And I’m not hating on you six-packers. Hey, the true is I’m jealous. Aren’t we all a bit envious of those who can obtain and maintain a single digit body fat percentage? But I will just never be that guy.

    “The thought that I was fat kept me in a perpetual state of eat, feel guilty, purge and workout”

    I have always struggled with my own perception of my weight. The thought that I was fat kept me in a perpetual state of eat, feel guilty, purge and workout. At one point, in my attempt to have what I thought was a “good body” I would throw up everything I ate and go to the gym twice a day. Needless to say, despite being, what I now see as thin I could only see body rolls. Even now, over a decade on, I still find myself with fingers down my throat with “WTF are you doing” going round and round in my head.

    What was / is the cause of my insecurity and clearly a huge majority of us?

    I’m not going to sit here and solely blame the media because I’m part of it (there’s my disclosure). I’m very aware of the pressures upon us in the media to get clicks, to shift copies, to adhere to the old adage that sex sell, or at the very least the notion of what sexy is – sells. We’ve been accused in the past of posting only certain types of male images – but let me tell you, I see the analytics and despite the protestations from some audience members, pictures of different bodies just don’t fly. Why is that?

    For the record, I’m not audience blaming either.

    Have we all been programmed so hard to only see slim, white, blonde boys as sexy? Perhaps it’s time for all of us to shift the view of what is sexy.

    That’s why I love the idea behind Meat and the Naked Rugby Players and even Channel 4’s controversial dating show, Naked Attraction. They are showing that the typical body is beautiful. Bellies, love handles and hair here and there is normal and wonderful.

    The likes of Meat and Naked Rugby Players (above) are changing the game.

    “We’re bombarded with images that prod at the subconscious saying “you’re not thin enough” and we’ve got to change the narrative.”

    Body positivity is a hot topic right now and it should be. If over half of us aren’t happy with our naked bodies there’s something not right. There is a strong link between our bodies and our mental health. Many of us are on endless diets and we aren’t just yo-yoing on weight. We’re playing games with our mental health each and everytime we step on those scales.

    We’re bombarded with images that prod at the subconscious saying “you’re not thin enough” and we’ve got to change the narrative. We’ve got to expose ourselves to different standards of beauty. We’ve got to relearn that our normal, unretouched, imperfect bodies are actually perfect – and platforms like Instagram have to start playing their part.

  • COMMENT | The Extra Extra Large argument over ‘masc’ only clubs

    COMMENT | The Extra Extra Large argument over ‘masc’ only clubs

    It was reported recently that a club goer to the members club XXL in London was refused entry because they were in (what is being described as) high heels and looked ‘feminine’. They were told they had to remove their heels and dress appropriately as this was a venue that celebrates everything masculine (it was a bear club after all).

    Free-Photos / Pixabay

    It then transpires that this is actually one of many incidents of this kind and to add insult to injury the owner of XXL even decided to go on an anti-fem (amongst other things) rant on twitter (I’m not going to link to it as it doesn’t deserve the airtime).

    These recent incidents have quite rightly sparked a fresh debate about toxic masculinity on the gay scene and how ‘fem’ guys are being pushed out in favour of a more ‘masc’ (masculine) culture. In a recent article by Otamere Guobadia, they talk about anti-femme door policies at various places including quoting examples where drag queens and trans women on nights out are excluded from venues for being too feminine (or not masculine depending on your point of view).

    In response to the incidents by XXL, there is a protest against the door policy at XXL on the 23 September and even organisations like All Together UK (an LGBT social group) are boycotting the venue to ensure their members and potential don’t feel excluded from events. With the debate raging is there a danger that nobody wins in all of this?

    On the ‘masc’ side you have years of the gay community trying to get away from the stereotypical portrayal of a gay man in the media. Deliberately engaging with, what they see, as normal everyday masculine blokey stuff. Discouraging ‘camp’ behaviour, veering away from more feminine activities and hobbies towards more physical activities, the celebration of the 6 pack and chisled body etc. Has this gone too far down the masculine path? Now that concepts of ‘gender’ are more fluid than they ever have been before, is such a masculine idealism toxic to the community?

    On the ‘fem’ side you have pretty much the opposite reaction to the above. After years of being told what is masculine and to be gay, you have to be x body shape or behave in Y fashion this is the inevitable result of that. If you repress anyone for long enough they will eventually burst out and push back on the repressive ideas that held them back. This is exactly what we are seeing now and personally, I celebrate it.

    “The moment we repress one over the other is the moment everyone loses”

    My worry is that this whole argument shouldn’t be a case of masculinity is bad or femininity is bad. Both are good and bad in their own measures and are both valid ways of being in their own rights. The moment we repress one over the other is the moment everyone loses. Calling for masculine bars to be banned is wrong, just as calling for feminine bars to be banned is wrong. Both can exist so long as ones from the other can enter hassle free. That boys and girls is a diverse and inclusive environment not one over the other.

    No one should be repressed for being who they are. Masculine, Feminine, Undecided, Fluid or whatever! If we truly want to call ourselves an ‘inclusive’ society then all options should be on the table. If a fem person wants to enter XXL then so be it, just as a butch person walks into a drag show then so be it. They know what XXL is and what its brand is about, just because someone in a corset walks around doesn’t mean the ‘buff’ ‘masculine’ brand and feel of the place has changed. Last time I checked masculinity was a lot more stable than that (but I could be wrong…?).

    Personally, I have no idea what I would fit in. I wouldn’t call myself masculine as I was never really a typical ‘bloke’ in that sense. However, I wouldn’t call me particularly effeminate either but I do have my moments. Not that it matters in the grand scheme of things but I wanted to give you where I stand in all of this so maybe you can see why I see both sides of the debate here.

    Now that I know a little more about what the XXL owner is about (personally) and while their door policy remains so bullish I’ll also be boycotting the venue – there are plenty of other decent nights out in London! I don’t often boycott as it affects staff more than it does the boss but in this instance, it may just do the trick.

    However, if I now have to queue to get into the Eagle I will not be happy.

  • COMMENT | Does the Roxanne incident highlight an ugly truth amongst us?

    COMMENT | Does the Roxanne incident highlight an ugly truth amongst us?

    Should the accuser of abuse always be believed? Writer Scott looks at how Roxanne Pallett’s actions may set back victims of abuse.

    Roxanne.

    For those of you that have not been following the whole thing here is a summary of what the Roxanne incident is. And for the record, I don’t follow Big Brother, but having watched and seen all the footage on this incident, it resonated with me as it’s something that affects us all.

    Roxanne in an ‘episode’ of Celebrity Big Brother accused Ryan Thomas of punching her live on television. The accusation was repeated more than once with Roxanne stating that the action by Ryan was abusive and deliberate in nature. For those that watched the scenes and subsequent scenes, it was made clear by Roxanne that Ryan was deliberate in his actions and that it was, in essence, abuse.

    The footage captured by Big Brother showed a different version of events but the whole thing has highlighted several issues that affect the LGBT and straight communities alike. The main one, which everyone regardless of sexual orientation agrees is a big one, is that Roxanne was able to make these accusations and, without the benefit of the cameras, everyone would have believed her. Ryan would then have been condemned as a violent man (even though he was clearly innocent).

    Roxanne and Ryan.

    The phrase “there is no smoke without fire” has been bounced about and this is a direct challenge to that, typically very British attitude, as it appears there indeed can be smoke without fire. The world is not as absolute as we would like to believe it is – but that isn’t something (especially in today’s climate) that we like to hear!

    In recent years a debate has done the rounds about accuser and accused anonymisation. For those that haven’t seen this argument, this basically looks at extending the privacy protections for the accusers of abuse to the people being accused. That way there cannot be a trial by social media or the press (or even public opinion). Instead, the case goes to court and after the trial, it is decided what should be released, especially if the person is found not guilty.

    This argument hasn’t really gone anywhere as there is still a strong belief that the accuser should always be believed. Having worked with matters like this before in a previous job, it is a difficult area to agree on a final solution for. However, this incident with Roxanne has injected fresh life into that debate as it has made it very clear and very public that people can, and often do, get things wrong and this something occurred when it did not.

    Personally, I am of the belief that we all live in our own little worlds and see the world in our own way. Our reality is not someone else’s reality and versions of events often get distorted by our emotions, prejudices and internal values. Even in everyday stuff, one person said it happened like this and another person says it happened like that. This incident is a golden reminder of that and strikes at the heart of who we are and how we all live with and work with each other.

    Victims of abuse should always feel able to report what has happened and get the support they deserve but the system (and indeed the public) should be mature enough to establish the facts first and ensure a crime doesn’t end up occurring because someone has been believed completely when they were wrong.

    This also highlights the power that a simple accusation can have. As someone that has had an unsavoury accusation thrown at me in the past (which was factually proven to be false) accusations alone can destroy lives. One of the things I hope does come of all this is that people do think before making claims public BUT that also doesn’t stop genuine victims from speaking out. It will always be balanced but it must remain a balance and not too much one way or the other as then nobody wins.

    For the LGBT community, this affects us most as one of our more well-known service/charities for supporting domestic abuse victims (Broken Rainbow) closed down a few years ago. Their work was phenomenal in supporting male victims of abuse but this dedicated service is now gone and instead, we have a fragmented service across the Police, Social Care and Health. In Manchester alone, from April 2017-2018 Manchester Police recorded 775 cases of LGBT Domestic Abuse just for their force alone.

    There are, however, still a number of organisations out there aimed at the LGBT community some of which I’ve listed below;

    LGBT Domestic Abuse Partnership – https://lgbtdap.org.uk/

    Stonewall – https://www.stonewall.org.uk/help-advice/criminal-law/domestic-violence

    GALOP – http://www.galop.org.uk/domesticabuse/

    Independent Choices – http://www.domesticabusehelpline.co.uk/our-services/lgbt-service/

    This argument won’t get solved overnight but if there is one positive side to the fuss of the last couple of weeks is that this discussion is on the national debate again and hopefully people will think before acting as judge, jury and executioner when anyone is accused and we let truth be our masters, not trial by mob!

  • MOTORING | My week with the 4×4 Tamiya Toyota Bruiser

    MOTORING | My week with the 4×4 Tamiya Toyota Bruiser

    A week in Toyota Toy Town

    I’ve just spent the past week pretending I was Calvin Brookman. Never heard of him? Then you need to brush up on your Tamiya history. Calvin was the driver of the Tamiya 1985 model 58048, the Toyota 4×4 Bruiser. Now bizarrely for Tamiya, this model never came with a driver so for all intents and purposes, he looked exactly like me. How uncanny.  

    Fast forward 32 years or 471 models later and Tamiya has re-released the much often drooled over model that most of us wanted from the top shelf. To celebrate this release and an almost 40-year partnership Toyota have with Tamiya, Toyota GB set about turning their current Hilux Extra Cab vehicle into a real-life homage to the Tamiya model.

    I met with my R/C hero in the carpark at work. It sat there as bold as brass. You couldn’t miss it and did I laugh. This thing is a bit of a monster. Subtlety is not its strong point and yet it does have an air of soft cuddliness about it. We’ve all taken our favourite R/C model to bed and this 1:1 scale model is no different. I got it dirty and washed it for crying out loud. I just didn’t want it going home dirty! 

    Toyota has done an amazing job in its recreation. In doing this they have also done something else to the Hilux which I’ll discuss later. A snazzy wrap of camp sparkling blue and Bruiser graphics would fall flat on there face if it wasn’t for the fact that this truck has been given the kiss of the lift by Arctic Trucks. Gone are the standard Hilux 265/65 17 wheel combo for a more robust 305/80 17 mix. It’s a lot of chunky rubber. 

    There’s also a reworking of the bits underneath too, with uprated Fox Shox suspension and to maintain the speedometer accuracy, they reworked the differential gearing. Quite important this when on the M23 with average speed cameras in operation.  

    Now you won’t find any of the extras on the Bruiser in the Toyota Hilux accessory brochure. Toyota teamed up with model maker Robert Selway who had the task of adding the all important on/off switch as well as the bumper bars. 

    So the time arrived for me to slide the switch to ‘on’ and roll out with my battery pack fully charged. OK so the switch wasn’t that in the rear bed but the ignition key in my hand and this isn’t powered by batteries but a 150bhp 2.4-litre diesel engine going through a 6-speed manual gearbox. 

    One thing that becomes apparent is the tyre noise. Over 40mph and these things make more noise than RuPaul’s Drag racers at full bitch.

    Girl, they are chatty! That, however, is the only fault and even then it’s hardly a problem. This new set up makes the Hilux even better to drive than the one we tested in 2017. There is less pitch and the ride is more compliant. There is an element to understeer if you press too hard and an amount of tail out in the wet. Like any pick-up though, 4 wheel drive is best selected in the wet when the rear is light of a load.

    And you best get used to the stares the truck gets. It’s not for the shy. Like a secret cult, those who know give you the thumbs up or a knowing nod. It’s appreciated. This is when you suddenly really start to fall in love with the truck. It lacks the luxury features of the Hilux Invincible but this is only because they are not available on the extra cab model. Shameful really because this model with its mini suicide rear doors really is a handsome beast.  

    Now down to the nitty-gritty. Would I have one? No is the answer. It’s just too big to park in the high street. And it is totally unnecessary for me in this guise. My daily commute route had to be altered to accommodate its bulk. That said, just look at it. What’s not to love? I tell you what, not a lot. The wheels are impossible to curb and the thing sort of glides over speed bumps. Toyota GB, I’ll swap you my much-prized Sand Scorcher? I WANT THIS!

  • THE UNDATEABLE GAY | Premature Ejaculations

    THE UNDATEABLE GAY | Premature Ejaculations

    SO. In case anyone has forgotten, I’ve already been on two dates with my lovely blokey from my speed dating success story. And we’ve just had our third. I keep thinking that any moment, someone is going to slap me and wake me up from my dream. I mean, not that I’ve got a fetish for being slapped or anything.

    Three dates done and dusted. That’s some kind of record for this gay boy, this undateable gay. I’m expecting a knock on my door from The Guinness Book of Records any minute now.

    I decided that this was the right time to introduce him to my mother. So I arranged an afternoon tea with plenty of cakes. People who know me well know that my biggest weakness, besides men, is cakes. Give me a Belgian bun and I’m like a pig in shit. Happy for hours.

    KNOCK, KNOCK. That was us knocking on the door, by the way, arriving at my mum and dad’s house. They actually have a doorbell so I don’t know why I wrote knock, knock. It should have been DING DONG. Digressing…. anyway, you get the gist, we had arrived for afternoon tea.

    As my mother answered the door, I could see her eyes light up at how handsome Paul was. She was acting like a bloody magpie seeing a glitter ball. You could see the pride in her eyes that her gay son had bagged himself a bit of a fitty. Although now I come to think about it, I don’t like quite how shocked she seemed to be at me managing to bag myself such a handsome man. I must talk to her about that a later date. Note to self.

    I made the necessary introductions and Paul took my mother’s hand and kissed it.

    “Nice to meet you!”

    Now for anyone who knows my mother, will know that she fills up and cries at the drop of a hat, at the slightest thing she wells up.

    I’ve witnessed my mum cry at X Factor, Loose Women and even Homes under the Hammer. And this is exactly what I witnessed now. Obviously, Paul’s good manners were too much for her and she felt overwhelmed. My god, I didn’t know where to look. Although I was looking around for a hanky.

    I’ve witnessed my mum cry at X Factor, Loose Women and even Homes under the Hammer. And this is exactly what I witnessed now. Obviously, Paul’s good manners were too much for her and she felt overwhelmed. My god, I didn’t know where to look. Although I was looking around for a hanky.

    Once she’d pulled herself together and I’d given her a slap to stop her crying. (That’s a joke, before anyone reports me to the police. I don’t actually beat up my mother.) She finally poured the coffee and offered around her freshly made cherry macaroons.

    My mummy is a bit of a Mary Berry when it comes to baking. She’s always got tins upon tins of cakes ready for visitors.

    Paul made a very good impression that afternoon and I could definitely tell that my mum approved. In fact, I’d known she’d approved from the moment she broke down in tears after the kiss on the hand.

    As we left and walked to the car, I turned and gave Paul a kiss of my own. I planted a great big smacker on his lips.

    “What was that for?” He gushed.

    MASSIVE GREAT BIG STRENGTH SIX MATURE CHEDDAR CHEESE ALERT

    “Just for being you,” I replied.

    Now, this next part may make some people call me a slut. What they call slut, I call enjoying the male species. I think it’s very important to try a few different platters from the buffet table, else how do you know what you like?

    Anyway, I digress once again. The point I was getting to was that, here we were, three dates in and we still hadn’t enjoyed any kind of sexual relations. (No Bill Clinton jokes here please)

    So to solve this dilemma, I asked him back to mine and before you could say blow job, I had him on my bed and were enjoying a very passionate kiss. Fully clothed, may I add.

    As I went to undo his trousers to rip them off, he grabbed my hand to stop me. I looked up, shocked, like a rabbit in headlights.

    “Before you go there, there’s something I need to tell you.”

    Well, talk about mind racing into overdrive moment. My mind filled with all sorts of visions and scenarios. After a silence of what felt like days, I pleaded.

    “What? What is it Paul?”

    “I’ve got a really small willy.”

    Phew. My mind slowed down and stopped racing. I looked up to the sky, thankful I wasn’t about to unzip a pair of trousers and reveal a vagina. A small willy I can cope with. A vagina, I cannot.

    Now, for people who know me very well, will realise a small willy will never put me off. One, because I’m not a shallow, size Queen. And two, the good Lord did not bless me downstairs either.

    In fact, a man once told me that he could use my penis as dental floss. (Bastard) But that’s another story for another day.

    To prove to Paul that the small willy revelation had not killed the passion, I continued in my quest and unzipped his trousers. And as I did, I got the most almighty surprise.

    To prove to Paul that the small willy revelation had not killed the passion, I continued in my quest and unzipped his trousers. And as I did, I got the most almighty surprise.

    An eyeful of cum. As I blinked to remove the foreign object from my eye, his face turned a beautiful shade of Lobster.

    “You just turn me on so much.”

    My one eye, the one not sealed shut with his natural adhesive, widened.

    “Clearly. I mean, I know I’m good”, I gushed, “But I hardly even touched you yet.”

    “I LOVE YOU!” He suddenly blurted out.

    I sat back on the bed, still temporarily blinded in one eye.

    “You what?” I was aghast.

    Before anyone calls me a silly poof for my actions,  can I just point out that the three dates had all taken place within a ten-day time frame.

    “How can you love me? You barely know me.”

    “I can’t help the way I’ve fallen for you.”

    Call me mental. Call me mad. Call me destined to be undateable for a whole lifetime. But I just couldn’t truly believe that someone could fall in love that quickly. And genuinely mean it. So I asked him to leave.

  • Is the Gender Recognition Law ready for change?

    Is the Gender Recognition Law ready for change?

    Two solicitors, Craig Longhurst and Alex Watson from the leading law firm Fieldfisher write about the government’s plans to revisit the relevance of the Gender Recognition Act 2004 and some of the issues facing the transgender community today.

    vjohns1580 / Pixabay

    When it brought the Gender Recognition Act 2004 (GRA) into force on 4 April 2005, the UK became the first country in the world to allow a person to legally alter their gender without having had any surgical treatment.

    However, since coming into force, only 4,910 have been issued the Gender Recognition Certificate – which is required for a trans person’s new legal gender to be recognised. Given these figures and the concerning suicide and self-harm rates amongst the trans community, the issues are now being revisited by Government.

    The Government’s Equality Office is currently consulting on the legal gender recognition process and its effectiveness. The consultation (which commenced on 3 July 2018 and will close on 19 October 2018) is focussing on the possibility of removing an applicant’s need for a medical diagnosis of gender dysphoria before being able to apply for gender recognition.

    In acknowledgement of the complicated and contested nature of some terminology used in discussing matters, the consultation states that:

    “Throughout this consultation we have tried to use terminology that is generally accepted. No offence or omission is intended.”

    That also applies to this article and shall adopt the same definition of ‘Transgender/ Trans’ as adopted in the consultation:

    “Transgender / Trans: Umbrella terms used to describe individuals who have a gender identity that is different to the sex recorded at birth. Non-binary people may or may not consider themselves to be trans. This consultation document primarily uses ‘trans’.”

    The Law

    As it stands, for a person to legally change their gender, the applicant must be over 18 years old and must usually* meet the following “assessment based” requirements of the GRA:

    1. A medical diagnosis of gender dysphoria and a report from a medical professional detailing any medical treatment;
    2. Proof of having lived for at least two years in their acquired gender through, for example, bank statements, payslips and a passport (which can be changed without legally changing gender);
    3. A statutory declaration that they intend to live in the acquired gender until death;
    4. If married, the consent of their spouse;
    5. Payment of a fee of £140 (or proof of low income for reduction/removal of the fee); and
    6. Submission of this documentation to a Gender Recognition Panel, which the applicant does not meet in person.

    * N.B. there is a slightly different process for married/ civil partnered trans people who have socially and medically transitioned for at least 6 years prior to 10 December 2014 and for overseas trans people, which is outside the scope of this note.

    If a person is adjudged by the Gender Recognition Panel to have met the requirements, they will be issued with a Gender Recognition Certificate – which alters their birth certificate and (subject to a number of limitations) changes their birth gender to their newly-recognised gender. That person then assumes the legal rights of that gender, including: age of retirement, pension and marital rights.

    However, if a person is adjudged by the Gender Recognition Panel to have not met the requirements, his/ her birth gender shall continue to be that person’s legal gender and he/ she shall not have the right to appeal the decision, unless on a point of law. It is hard to see how it can be considered fair that an independent panel is able make such fundamental decisions regarding a person’s life without having actually met them and for an applicant to have no recourse if the application is unsuccessful.

    The view from the trans community

    The results of a recent LGBT Government Survey revealed that many trans people want legal recognition but feel that the current process is too bureaucratic, expensive and intrusive. Further, the Government feels that most trans people feel that the “assessment based” requirements detailed above are overly intrusive, humiliating and administratively burdensome and are denying people access to the legal recognition they are entitled to. More specifically arguments have been raised that:

    1. the requirement of the provision of a diagnostic psychiatric report perpetuates the false assumption that being trans is a mental illness – which both the Government and the World Health Organisation recognises is not the case (the latter has declassified ‘Gender Incongruence’ [i.e. dysphoria] as a ‘Mental and Behavioural Disorder’ in its International classification of Diseases);
    2. the trans person has to collect a range of personal documentation, including information about their medical history, finances and identity which they send to people who they do not meet who then make a decision about their gender identity; and
    3. The fee of £140 and associated costs are expensive and there is no right of appeal against the decision unless on a point of law.

    The Consultation

    Given the above, the Government’s consultation is focussing on many aspects of the GRA, including:

    1. The requirement for the trans person to provide two medical reports, one evidencing a diagnosis of gender dysphoria and the other outlining details of any treatment received;
    2. The requirement for the trans person to provide a range of documentation that proves they have lived in their acquired gender for at least two years;
      The requirement for the trans person to submit a statutory declaration of their intention to live in their acquired gender until death;
    3. The requirement for married applicants to obtain the consent of their spouse or end their marriage;
    4. The cost to the trans person of using the GRA process; and
    5. How the Act protects the privacy of individuals who have applied for a GRC.

    Comment

    Whilst we continue to await the results of the consultation, it is positive to see focus being placed revisiting legislation adopted 13 years ago with limited relevance to present day society’s approach to LGBT+ issues and it appears likely that legislative changes will make it easier for trans people to exercise rights to exist in the gender that they identify with.

    The consultation on the Reform of the Gender Recognition Act 2004 is open until 11pm on 19 October 2018 and can be located at https://www.gov.uk/government/consultations/reform-of-the-gender-recognition-act-2004

    Craig Longhurst and Alex Watson are from the leading law firm Fieldfisher

  • COLUMN | When music leads you down memory lane (and the boys we used to lust over)

    COLUMN | When music leads you down memory lane (and the boys we used to lust over)

    It Really Was Just “Wishful Thinking”

     from a great song

    Music is a funny thing. It does evoke such memories and for the majority of the time in my life, they are good ones. Even if the outcome hasn’t been as I had wished for, I can still see the goodness in it. Misinterpreting, however, is easily done when it seems to offer an escape or fits a situation even if that wasn’t what the artists intended. One song in particular just does it for me.

    “China Chris” ‘Wishful Thinking’ came on the radio the other day. I loved that song. Even though the song was released in 1984, I loved it even more back in 1994. I’d bought a CD titled Electric Dreams and at the time it was the only album l played. It also went well with a 1980 Citroën GS Club estate l had at the times.

    Anyway back to the song in hand by China Crisis. Apparently, it’s not a gay song and yet when you look at the song cover sleeve you can see why I thought it was. Lead singer Eddie Lundon was fit. Bandmate Gary Daly was looking up at him sort of in my eyes wishfully thinking what I was.

    Listen to the song and you can quite easily see why, as a confused 19-year-old youth with a longing for the man from Securicor deliveries, that I made it about him.

    “It’s time we should talk about is

    There’s no secret kept in here

    I see the likeness in his smile and the way he stands

    Makes it all worthwhile”

    Just those last two lines from that chorus did it. I would stand at the window of the awful soft furnishing shop I worked in and look out for him whenever the blue Securicor Ford Transit van would pull up down the high street.

    My word, l was in lust with him. I’ll spare his name though don’t think for one second I haven’t looked him up on Facebook. I’m not very good at stalking and I failed miserably. I’ve either not quite got the last name right or he simply isn’t there. Just getting his name was a feat of success that I remember it well. I can’t tell you how I kicked myself with joy when l did. I even kept the piece of paper with his name in and I still have it to this day.

    Life was simpler for a 19-year-old Stuart with no mortgage to pay.

    I can’t quite admit that l would find fault in fabrics and curtains just so they would be returned and that he’d have to come in to collect but I did. Lust is a silly thing. Makes you do silly things. Didn’t resort to stalking though, as I say I’m not very good at it. I didn’t have time either. To be honest, where do people find time to stalk people?

    Back to Mr Securicor, he was just perfect. Or so I thought. One day he came in and told me he was leaving to become a supervisor. He broke my heart. He left me, stranded in the shop I hated and never to be seen again and he wasn’t. I never saw him again. Except for today when that song came on the radio and again after that when l played it on loop for about 15 times not sobbing uncontrollably into the sleeve of my jumper. If I can’t be an excessive stalker, then at least let me stalk with a song and happy thoughts.

    Our returns reduced quite dramatically after that and where is he now? Haven’t a clue. It was a silly lustful crush and “Wishful Thinking”… only just.

  • COMMENT | Banning “Gay Cure” therapy could drive it underground, so what can Government do to stop it?

    COMMENT | Banning “Gay Cure” therapy could drive it underground, so what can Government do to stop it?

    Making Prevention better than The Cure

    (C) BIGSTOCK

    The UK government’s LGBT Action Plan sounds like the blueprint for some upcoming wargame, rather than a 32-page, 75-commitment based document aimed at pulling down barriers for the LGBT community in both their public and private lives. Yet one promise causing the most interest appears to commitment to finally ban the so-called ‘gay conversion therapy’:

    “We will bring forward proposals to end the practice of conversion therapy in the UK. These activities are wrong, and we are not willing to let them continue. Led by the Government Equalities Office, we will fully consider all legislative and non-legislative options to prohibit promoting, offering or conducting conversion therapy. Our intent is protect people who are vulnerable to harm or violence, whether that occurs in a medical, commercial or faith-based context. We are not trying to prevent LGBT people from seeking legitimate medical support or spiritual support from their faith leader in the exploration of their sexual orientation or gender identity”.

    It is rarely the child who finds the problem with their own sexuality once they understand and accept it, rather it is those around them; those who would otherwise provide support. LGBT charities still exist to tackle those occasions when parents are unaccepting – if you want to appreciate the real scope, just take a glance at the homelessness statistics and the functions of the Albert Kennedy Trust. The government’s promise on introducing both legislative and non-legislative options to prohibit “promoting, offering or conducting conversion therapy” is an important and substantive change in tenor that should not be underestimated.

    The conversion therapy makes the fundamental assumption that sexual orientation is a psychological disorder that can be ‘cured’. Previously, while there was no general acceptance of it, the UK government’s position was that the regulation and code of ethics for any regulated practitioner would prevent LGBT individuals being offered or undergoing this treatment. The government would not legislate for the sake of it and nor would they criminalise the conduct.

    There is not harmony or unified thinking about this across either Europe or the rest of the world. Some countries, like Brazil and Argentina, and a few US states have banned it but great swathes still take no real affirmative action.

    How can the Government ‘Ban’ Conversion Therapies?

    The government has many tools in its war cupboard when approaching these. The big guns of the arsenal could be the criminalisation of the therapy itself, but it can just drive the practice further underground and some would argue that it is a practice which people ‘choose’ to undertake. Criminalising the promotion of it is another route, or introducing hefty fines for those practitioners caught conducting or condoning it. How would you regulate it though? Those who are professionals are already regulated by their professional body and who have already taken steps to prevent it.

    Some, including myself, have argued previously about how the government was simply burying their heads in the sand on this point and was failing vulnerable children who are not being taken to regulated professionals, but camps involving the most inhumane physical and psychological torment.

    Whichever way the government shapes this, a root and branch approach is going to be needed to get this from the core and strip it back to a fundamental understanding in all sections of society. Gender identity and sexual orientation already have incredibly high levels of suicide and depression amongst young adults and children. It is important that they see this change and the support that it brings them when society will step in and say, “This is not just wrong, it is abhorrent. This will not be tolerated in any form anymore.”

    For the most determined parent, could they still just take their children abroad? How can we protect and prevent this too without a wider consensus in foreign countries as well? I would hope the UK government has a plan to deter this from happening, but what safeguards can they put in place? Here we would hope to see non-legislative change, promoting better understand and LGBT education in schools, building relations with different parts of society and adding these forms of harm to child protection officers in schools and local authorities. The Church of England acknowledged this in 2017. Will other community leaders openly do so too?

    The LGBT Action Plan is a tome of information, statistics and ambitious promises. It highlights many other facts, such as disclosure of their sexual orientation at work and the high level of discrimination in the workplace that still remains. While we have legislation in this area already, the absence of real and substantive legislation or debate in the area of gay conversion therapy is astounding. Whether the government of the day decides to criminalise the practice, or place deterrents in some other form, this will be hailed by the LGBT community as a step towards not just equality but basic, human dignity.

    The more cynical side of my mind remains with a question though: will the government be able to create a robust enough system of ‘prevention’ which is better than the ‘cure’?

    Andrew Spearman is an award-winning lawyer and Director of A City Law Firm

  • THE UNDATEABLE GAY | Goes on a double date with some lesbians

    THE UNDATEABLE GAY | Goes on a double date with some lesbians

    The Undateable Gay gets a second and third date…

    Pexels / Pixabay

    Well. After my speed dating success, I was floating on the clouds. I couldn’t believe it was third time lucky with my date. I’m so excited about him. Let me introduce you to him.

    Meet Paul, a 32-year-old funeral director from Windsor. Such a handsome chap with bright blue eyes. Oh my days, those eyes. Excuse the cheesy analogy but I could have gone swimming in his old pork pies.

    I must confess, I was a little concerned by his chosen vocation. I’ve always imagined funeral directors to be big burly blokes who look like they could be extras in the Terminator films. And I’ve always pictured them to be rather dull and a possible necrophile.

    I can see me getting lynched in the street now by a mob of co-operative funeral care workers. Please excuse my judgemental attitude. I must constantly remind myself of my Christian upbringing. My Sunday school teachers clearly made an impact on me.

    Now for some reason, I was feeling rather nervous of a second date with Paul. I felt a fluttering of butterflies deep in my gut. For once, I’m imagining that I might have actually met a man who may be around longer than just for a cup of coffee, the morning after. So I wanted to make a good impression.

    My dear friend Natalie suggested that we make up a foursome with her then-girlfriend, Britney. No, not Britney Spears but she did have the similarity in that she was also American. But that’s where the similarities ended.

    We opted for a lovely little Italian restaurant in Windsor, the name of which escapes me. My memory is not what it once was.

    After all the pleasantries were out of the way, we sat down and the conversation flowed like the Thames at high tide. I could see Paul had a glisten in his eye whenever we looked at each other. Well, I hope that’s what it was and not the reflection of the candle in his pupil. The somersaults my stomach were doing would have been worthy of a gold medal in the Olympics.

    As the waiter came to take our order, Paul suggested we share a garlic bread as a starter. Anyone who knows me well, will know I do NOT share food. Under any circumstance.

    The mere suggestion of sharing a garlic bread made my eyebrows raise. Yes, they actually raised. I was still a week away from my botox top-up appointment at the time.

    Natalie knowing my sheer greed gaged my reaction and kicked me under the table. And gave me one of her death stares. She’s a teacher so she has this look perfected. I gulped and begrudgingly agreed to share a starter. You may be sat there reading this, calling me a fat bastard. But I love my food and I want it all to myself. Maybe this is another thing I’m doing wrong that’s contributing to my undateable status.

    The reveal

    A few more Italian Pinots later and Natalie started interrogating my poor date.

    “Would you like children one day? Because Mark would.”

    I nearly dropped my glass of Pinot. Of course, being such an alcoholic, I managed to grip it tight enough to ensure this didn’t happen. Bit forward for a second date question, I thought to myself but at least it wasn’t me who posed the question.

    “I already have children.” Paul immediately replied.

    Just at that precise moment, I was taking a gulp of Pinot and to say I spat it out and nearly choked on it would not be a dramatization.

    “You’ve got children? Plural?” I asked.

    “Yes”, he seemed perfectly happy to talk about it and I did my best to pretend the subject hadn’t shocked me.

    “Oh my god. Boy or girl?” I asked, genuinely intrigued. I’d never met a gay man with a child.

    “I have three sons.”

    Well, you could have heard a pin drop in that restaurant. No one said a word.

    As my dear mum always tells her friends, I’ve never been speechless since the day she sent me to speech therapy when I was four. But I was certainly speechless now.

    Whilst we’re on the subject of my mum sending me to speech therapy. Yes, I understand people may find it hard to believe but I hadn’t actually started talking and being as though I was four years old, she started to worry. Hence why she marched me to speech therapy. But ever since that day, my mum always says she regretted sending me.

    But I’m digressing as usual. Back to the bombshell that had just been dropped in the Italian restaurant. As my friends will tell you, I don’t handle myself in the best manner during serious situations. I have what you might call a nervous laugh. And God strike me down, this is how I reacted to this situation.

    Natalie, having a tad more decorum than me, kicked me under the table to indicate this was not an appropriate moment to activate my nervous laugh. As if I have control over it…

    “Why are you kicking me?” I barked at Natalie, not immediately clocking on to why she had booted me with her size 5 Doc Martens.

    Finally processing the information, I could see this was a brave bit of information to reveal so early on in our dating period. I grabbed his hand.

    I could tell we both meant something to each other because he said he had never revealed this information to a potential boyfriend before. And so I leant over and kissed him on the lips. I’m not one for PDA’S but this just felt the right moment.

    “I hope I get to see you again after tonight”, he said.

    “Try and stop me.” I replied.

  • COMMENT | Could Pride have more dignity?

    COMMENT | Could Pride have more dignity?

    Whenever I see images from Pride events they always seem to focus on the extremes. Do we do ourselves a disservice or allow others to exploit us?

    I struggle with the identity of Pride. Is it a celebration of sexuality? Is it a human rights march? Is it an orgy of deviants on the move?

    If it is a celebration of sexuality I feel it should be conducted in with restrictions in place to protect children and others who may be easily shocked or offended. The common images I see are those which are at the outer limits of extremes! Sure these are the ones the media publishes because these are the ones of kinks and fems which empower the churches to disown and parents to have a negative impression of any sexuality other than being straight.

    To be honest I am not sure I would feel supported and wanting to embrace my new sexuality if I was a teenager thinking about coming out. In my own experience when I was growing up many of the pics I saw were of Leatherman/clones and I couldn’t grow a moustache until my late 20s, whilst the feel of leather made me sweat profusely and was uncomfortable to me. As a fourteen-year-old boy, I wondered how I would ever adapt.

    If it is about human rights, then perhaps Pride marches are the wrong place. Not sure about the message it sends to restrictive governments. Seems to be less about sexuality and more about exhibitionism. Is it that we think we can shock countries into changing their policies?

    Have a thought for children. I often wonder how Pride gets away with it. From a safeguarding perspective, I am not sure some of the behaviour or the costumes are appropriate.

    LGBT+ from my way of thinking has devalued homosexuality and the identity of gay men. I never asked to be part of every other deviancy. I feel its inclusion of other sexual perspectives under one umbrella gives weight to the “Us and them” argument It always seems the choice is, straight or LGBT+. So long after gay men could have achieved equality, that position of inclusion and acceptance has been denied us because of the eternal protester and politically minded within organisations who seek attention.

  • THE KNEE JERK | The tale of Tom Dick and Harry – and finding love at work

    Tom (That’s me) got a job working nights in a staff canteen in the next town. Dick and Harry already worked there on the shop floor. I met each of them separately when taking their order for food.

    Dick lived with his sister at the outset, though desperate for independence as he wanted somewhere to take by a girl (much the same as any other red-blooded man in his 20s who is straight might). Harry lived alone and although he never said it, mostly because it was so obvious he was a ‘screaming queen’, not a bone in the wrist my dear!

    Nights turned into weeks that turned into months. I had established banter with Harry who was totally blind to my undisclosed closeted sexuality and a rapport with Dick much the same as I had with many of the other staff male and female alike.

    The living situation of Harry with his sister seemed to hit a crisis point and he, as a stop-gap moved in to live with Dick, who after all had a spare room. It seemed a good fit they had been friends for years and each work nights and sharing the same nocturnal lifestyle.

    On a Wednesday night a couple of weeks ago Dick came to me to cancel Harry’s order for chips at break time. It seems Dick had been on Grindr whilst working and had been offered cock, so was declining the vegetarian option in favour of ‘meat’. Don’t know what pic he had on Grindr but I wouldn’t let my dog near him even if I dipped his cock in TCP first. He has the appearance of a walrus who has been shaven whilst sleeping and then immersed in water until after death bloating has occurred.

    Dick was completely nonplussed in delivering this message. I queried it with him and asked why he had come to tell me Harry was going off for a sexual encounter? He told me Harry was very open and they had no secrets and he did not think it would shock me.

    Around this time Dick was becoming increasingly tactile with me, appearing to take every opportunity to come into the kitchen, to be alone with me. I didn’t see the signs increased levels of touching for prolonged periods desensitising me and getting increasingly close to being intimate. I desperately need to have my Gaydar radar serviced. Then when he brushed up against I suddenly became aware he had something in his pocket the size of an electric screwdriver and it felt like it had been left on the pulse setting.

    Dick, it turns out is ‘straight’ into the nearest man’s bed! Worse in a world of gay men where Harry hadn’t spotted me he had. He’s younger than me single and whilst he is not handsome; sweetheart who am I to complain? I’m so damn ugly I scare children and old ladies in the daylight and set canines a howling.

    So Dick likes cock and I like Dick’s dick. It’s all very clandestine as he insists he is straight. We meet in the daytime and I drive him 20 miles back to mine and then back to near to his home. Neither of us are telling Harry who tells me he thinks Dick is seeing some ugly bird as he never brings her back!