THEGAYUK

Category: Entertainment

  • FILM REVIEW | The Justice League

    THE JUSTICE LEAGUE – The biggest superheroes in the DC Universe come together Avengers Assemble style as earth is under a massive alien threat yet again and the Marvel lads are all on their hols but can Batman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, The Flash & Cyborg be able to work together and are they in time…

    FILM REVIEW | The Justice League

    Spoiler alert the answer is No!

    Nutshell – After the death of Batman in the previous film, sacrificing himself saving humankind, Batman is inspired to recruit a reluctant team of superpowered latex clad buddies to deal with an unprecedented outer space threat. The Justice League is formed and after the destruction of Wonder Woman’s island paradise and Aquaman’s submerged home the global chase for three all-powerful MacGuffins is on, watch out for the big surprise guest appearance.

    Running Time – 120 minutes; Certificate – 12A.

    Tagline – ‘Justice For All – You Can’t Save The World Alone’

    THEGAYUK Factor – OMG it’s full of great looking guys in hot fetish gear. Led by the fittest guy ever from Game Of Thrones Jason Momoa who is a new gay icon – for us muscle lovers – as Aquaman and his outfit is stunning and boy does it show his ass off along before the many times he strips down to swim. We cannot wait for his stand-alone movie which will be two straight hours of pure Grade A handy shandy material. Add the bulging spandex crutches of Ben Affleck, Henry Cavill, Ezra Miller and Ciaran Hinds and you get one horny film with the bonus of the new queen of camp Gal Gadot and her ring of truth which only makes us think of Momoa’s ass once again.

    Cast – Affleck, Gadot, Momoa, Cavill lead the league but we also get Jeremy Irons, Diane Lane, Connie Nielsen, JK Simmons and Amy Adams playing the least sexy Lois Lane – ever – for your ticket price plus another huge star at the end of the final credits.

    Key Player – The saviour of the DC universe Wonder Woman holds all the attention here and always draws your eye line from the sleep-inducing Affleck’s Batman, he is about as entertaining as finding sand on your favourite dildo. She saved the Bat Vs Supe’s film with just 3 scenes, her own film is the second biggest moneymaker of the year and she is top dog in the League by far.

    We have no idea why we loved this film so much… oh so much…

    Budget – An absolutely massive $300 Million which is less than many countries earn in a year – its a cliché but most of it is on the screen with very big production scenes maybe more should have been spent on the script though, which brings a whole new meaning to the word formulaic.

    Best Bit – 0.21 mins; When Aquaman strips off for the first time showing his many tatt’s and boy does he take his time otherwise the battle and chase of Wonder Woman’s Amazonian tribe on horseback is by far the best action beat.

    Worst Bit – 0.19 mins and 0.34 mins and 0.48 mins…..; Basically every time the Flash comes on the screen, he is weak, his scenes are weak and he is less Premier League and more like Southern Conference League up against everyone else here and anyway Superman is faster so whats the point of him? He probably suffers from premature ejaculation too.

    Little Secret – Already there is a hugely successful big budget gay porn version out of this Justice League from Men.com where Batman rodders Superman, Cyborg gives a good going over on the The Flash, Wonder Woman is played by a drag queen and Aquaman humps every guy in the film repeatedly… sign me up. It is already controversial for adding other characters like The Green Lantern everyone’s least favourite superhero (Thanks, Ryan Reynolds) and also the only black character in either the Avengers or League teams is… oh dear – played by a white porn star – racism in gay porn so what’s new?

    Further Viewing – Really!!! With over 50 films featuring the superheroes above just go to Google and type in stretched spandex over bulging crutch movies and whilst you are there just search for Marvel or DC Comics and you will have two weeks worth of identical movies to watch with everyone saving the world each and every fucking time in just under two hours.

    Any Good – This is a very expensive perfectly adequate film, you will smile, laugh, get excited and be entertained throughout, the trouble is it is just so damn generic and we have seen it all so many times before. A magical object is hidden on earth that can now destroy us all and good guys/bad guys with whatever powers they need to survive 50 rounds of unrealistic fighting and nobody ever seems to get injured or hospitalised. It’s all about as realistic as a Donald Trump promise to protect LGBT+ rights. Do stay right to the end of the credits as the last secret scene is well worth the 10-minute screen scroll wait and it gives a huge clue as to where we are all going next as if six superheroes in one film weren’t enough?

    Rating – 62 out of 100.

  • Could Aston Merrygold be replacing Jack Maynard in the Jungle?

    JLS singer and Strictly Come Dancing participant Aston Merrygold is Betway’s red hot 5/2 favourite to replace Jack Maynard in the I’m A Celebrity jungle.

    The Vlogger sensationally left the ITV show last night following allegations made against him, and having suffered a surprise early exit from Strictly Come Dancing last month, the leading online bookmaker thinks Merrygold could now be heading to the jungle as Maynard’s replacement.

    Geordie Shore star turned TV presenter Charlotte Crosby has long been linked with an I’m a Celebrity appearance and she can be backed at 11/2 to replace Maynard.

    Further down the list of Betway odds, singer Conor Maynard is 8/1 to join his younger brother’s former campmates in the coming days, while reality TV queen Gemma Collins is the same price to return to the jungle.

    Betway’s Alan Alger, said: “Aston Merrygold certainly has unfinished business on celebrity TV shows after his shock eviction from Strictly earlier this month and he’s been backed at 5/2 to replace the axed Maynard in the jungle.

    “I’m a Celeb producers will be scrambling for a replacement after losing Maynard so early on and a host of names have been mentioned. Gemma Collins, who so famously left the show after 72 hours, leads the pack of 8/1 fancies, with Karl Pilkington and Conor Maynard the same price.

    “Meanwhile, Philip Hammond is a long shot at 100/1 to switch Budget briefings for bushtucker trials in the coming days.

  • Amir Khan blasted with homophobic comments after failing Jungle task

    In his Jungle trial, boxing champ, Amir Khan, shouted those infamous words “I’m a celebrity get me out of here”.

    Amir Khan blasted with homophobic comments after failing Jungle task

    It didn’t take long for the homophobes on social media to start hurling slurs at the boxer.

    Amir Khan is the first celebrity to utter the phrase, “I’m a celebrity get me out of here,” in a long time after facing his darkest fears, snakes.

    In the task, which was broadcast on last night’s episode, he had to put his hand into a number of holes filled with crabs, creepy crawlies and snakes. After minutes of trying and failing to even get his hand into any of the holes, he plunged his arm into one, only to pull out a live snake, proving too much for the star. Moments later he yelled those infamous words.

    Some fans of the show, however, equated his failure to being gay and hurled homophobic slurs, such as “faggot”, “batty” and “queer” at the 30-year-old boxer.

    Anti-gay trolls

    After panicking during his I’m A Celeb trial, Boxing Champ, Amir Khan uttered those infamous words – and the task was over. Fans, however, were not impressed.

    Some tweeters used “gay” in a pejorative way,

    Whilst others couldn’t help but call him a “faggot”

    Others opted to call Amir, “queer”

    Bravery has nothing to do with sexuality.

    Jake Hook, Editor of THEGAYUK.com said, “It’s truly disappointing that in 2017 people on social media still equate being gay with being fearful, weak or somehow inferior. This kind of bullying and trolling just further embeds the notion that being LGBT+ is less than and weak and it has to stop. Some of the bravest, most powerful people in the world are members of the LGBT+ community – some of whom have faced worse than snakes in a pit. Bravery has nothing to do with sexuality.

    “Amir Khan’s inability to complete a task has nothing to do with his sexuality – but more to do with the fact that he’s scared of snakes.”

    I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here continues tonight on ITV 1

  • FILM REVIEW | The Florida Project

    ★★★★★ |  The Florida Project

    From filmmaker Sean Baker, writer and director of 2015’s critically acclaimed film Tangerine, comes another film about living life on the edge in the bittersweet The Florida Project.

    Tangerine, which was shot on iPhones, told the story of two trans sex workers surviving by any means possible in Hollywood. The Florida Project, shot on 35mm, has a similar trajectory involving a single mother and her adorable 6-year old daughter surviving by any means and barely eking out a living in a rundown motel on the tacky fringes of Disneyworld in Orlando, Florida. It’s an area filled with cheap motels (with tacky names such as Futureland Inn) and even cheaper and tackier gift shops and fast food restaurants (Orange World). And like in Tangerine, Baker uses non-professional actors in this film.

    Bria Vinaite is excellent as Hailey, a single young mother who struggles to find money to pay the weekly rent and to care for her very adorable six-year-old daughter Moonee (an excellent and natural Brooklynn Prince). Moonee has made friends with all of the little children at their motel complex (appropriately called The Magic Castle) in an area where Disney did not sprinkle magic dust on. The children spend their days getting up to no good, causing mayhem wherever they go, much to the annoyance of the motel manager Bobby (Willem Dafoe – in an award-worthy performance). Hailey’s downstairs neighbour Ashley (Mela Murder) works at the nearby Waffle House and gives them free food, but after an incident that involves her son and Moonee, she forbids her son to hang out with Moonee, and severs her friendship with Hailey. One thing leads to another and slowly the magic seeps out of The Magic Castle.

    The Florida Project is just fantastic. While it doesn’t quite come close to Tangerine with its sarcastic and biting humour, it nonetheless is a cute and charming movie of childhood through a little girl’s eyes and the hard truths that reality will eventually rear its ugly head. And the cast are just superb. Baker, who co-wrote the script with Chris Bergoch, has another winner on his hands.

  • FILM REVIEW | Paddington 2

    PADDINGTON 2 – Your second favourite bear after that hairy muscled gay bloke you met in the darkroom at XXL or Brut is back for a sequel and this time he falls foul of the law and is eating porridge rather than marmalade sandwiches.

    Nutshell – The most polite Peruvian ursine returns and is in a battle with Hugh Grant’s baddie for a special book with a hidden treasure trail that Paddington needs as a very special family present. Things go amiss when he gets framed for theft and is sent to prison for 10 years which is a long time in bear years, can he escape, find the book & treasure and save the day in probably the happiest film of this and any year?

    Running Time – 103 minutes

    Certificate – PG

    Tagline – ‘Free Paddington’ and ‘It Takes A Bear To Catch a Thief’.

    THEGAYUK Factor – This is probably the most perfect family movie ever so nothing “gay” here… move along. This is the movie to take your Mum to or your little nephew but you will probably enjoy it the more than any of them. If you want gay smut just wait 7 days for the Justice League as there is hoards of it there.

    Cast – Hugh ‘Downton Abbey’ Bonneville, Julie ‘Acorn Antiques’ Walters, Hugh ‘Four Weddings’ Grant and every other major Brit you can think of such as Joanna Lumley, Brendon Gleeson, Jim Broadbent, Ben Miller, Michael Gambon etc etc plus Peter Dr Who’ Capaldi for good measure.

    Key Player – Ben Whishaw as the voice of Paddington is perfect you cannot imagine anyone else doing it now he has the friendliest tones imaginable and can make you care, laugh or cry with just a simple turn of phrase.

    Budget – $80 Million. The first film was a huge surprise hit making $250 Mil worldwide – this with pre-brand recognition will make a lot more as, whisper it quietly, this is an even better movie. The first film is the biggest money-making independent family film of all time expect that record to have gone well before Christmas here.

    Best Bit – 1.14 mins; There are three very sad and dark sequences here and the last one is a real doozy and it comes right after some great laughs and a huge action sequence and it will hit you like a sledgehammer – superb filmmaking, taking your hankies.

    Worst Bit – 1.27 mins; There are two sequences in the final credits the first one is a Hugh Grant song and dance number that is just screaming for a much hookier better song. The only hiccup in this whole enterprise – rare for a sequel indeed.

    Little Secret – The creator of the character and books Michael Bond was told that the sequel had been greenlit on his 90th birthday. He sadly died at 91 on the exact same day as the last day of shooting, he never saw the finished film but adored the first one and we know he would love this even more. He published the last ever Paddington book in April of this year… that is active in your old age.

    Further Viewing – Paddington 1 obviously, Mary Poppins, The Railway Children, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Labyrinth, Witches, any quality British family film of the last 50 years or any of the 10 great Muppet movies.

    Any Good – It is so rare for a sequel to be better than its predecessor as there are so many traps and issues with sequels. We rate this alongside the great step-ups like Aliens, Terminator 2, The Two Towers, Star Trek 4, Return Of The Jedi and Fast & Furious 5. Let’s make it simple, this is marvellous, perfect entertainment for everyone, very funny, great action and an instant classic… with fur on to be watched with a smile on your face for years to come. Be prepared to be taken back to your childhood in spades.

    Rating – 94% out of 100.

  • PROBLEM AUNTY | My drunken family will ruin my wedding

    The B*tchiest Agony Aunt is back… and ready to help with your wedding problems.

    *She doesn’t really care

    Dear Aunty,

    I’m planning a wedding, but fear that it may end up in a terrible mess. My family is known for having a few too many drinks and then getting rowdy and very touchy-feely, whereas my partner’s family is a little more reserved. They are highly religious folks.

    What should I do?

    Corben, Trent

    Dear Corben,

    Sounds awfully exciting. I’d invite the eternally judgemental & pious Jeremy Kyle and accompanying TV crew and sell the rights to the ITV morning team for the ensuing drama that is bound to unfurl at your nuptials.

    Darling if you need an MC I’m available and contrary to popular belief I’m not particularly expensive. I can even do you a deal if there’s a good bottle of Pinot G with my name on it.

    Can I suggest that you ensure that you put the guests most likely to heckle towards the front? There is nothing better than watching the best man die slowly inside as he loses the crowd. Those self-important

    Can I also suggest you put guests who are most likely to wear Nylon towards the fire exits? I once had an ‘incident’ with a Nylon wearer, when I was flicking fag ash mid convo.

    The good news is she’s still alive and much of her body was saved from 3rd-degree burns thanks to the quick thinking stewards who threw a bucket of sand over her.

    As for religious folks, try not to have butt sex in front of them. It tends to upset their blessed little hearts. Instead, try crucifixes on the front lawn. Showing an understanding of their culture will surely put you in their good books.

    Until next time,

    Aunts

    Aunty is an unlicensed, unqualified, drunken lush, who wants to hear from you, and you shouldn’t take any of her advice… Ever. 

  • TV REVIEW | Red Dwarf XII: Skipper

    

Next year Red Dwarf will celebrate its 30th anniversary: a fact that has been marked by many lovingly inserted callbacks throughout the last two series of the show – last week’s recreation of the opening scene from ‘The End’, the series very first episode, was the biggest one to date – but this week’s edition; Skipper, the series finale, is set to take it even further.

    Arnold Rimmer (Chris Barrie) falls into his annual depression when reading an old report the Captain made on him. Reminded of all his failures he laments on the fact he wanted to make so much more of himself in life – and death. Soon he yearns for a chance to make amends. We’ve all been there.

    Soon the opportunity arrives when Kryten (Robert Llewellyn) presents the Hologram with a dimension skipping device that allows him to live his life in other and opposite dimensions allowing him to find the reality where he lives the life he always wanted.

 So, after a (very) quick goodbye Rimmer sets off on an adventure that sees him journey through the shows rich history meeting old friends and other versions of his shipmates.

    Though we are still hoping for something amazing in the anniversary year (Doug Naylor has mentioned a stage show) this comes very close to an anniversary special: the callbacks, the journey and choice Rimmer makes it both nostalgic and looking to the future in a way Doctor Who did in its 50th anniversary year.

    A great closure to the XI and XII series journey that begun in May 2015 that leaves the door wide open for more.
 Happy anniversary Red Dwarf and all who sail her, let’s journey together for many more years to come.

     Red Dwarf XII continues tonight on Dave at 9PM

  • ‘House Of Cards’ Season 6 Showrunners Scrambling To Create New Storyline

    “House of Cards” showrunners Melissa James Gibson and Frank Pugliese are facing a huge dilemma now that Netflix and Media Rights Capital (MRC) have fired lead star Kevin Spacey from the show. Spacey, who plays the ambitious politician Frank Underwood, was booted from the series after several individuals have come forward and accused him of sexual assault. (more…)

  • Star Trek just gave us our very first gay kiss

    And it was hot and cute at the same time.

    We’ve waited for fifty-one years, whilst the likes of James T Kirk, Jean-Luc Picard, yes even Janeway had their straight / alien kisses but now, 2017, gay guys, it’s our turn.

    Yes! In the latest episode of Star Trek: Discovery, Lt. Paul Stamets (Anthony Rapp) and Chief Medical Officer Hugh Culber (Wilson Cruz) locked lips and it was the sweetest gay kiss we’ve ever seen. Hell, it’s the only male on male kiss we’ve ever seen in Star Trek, full stop.

    Check out the moment below

    Star Trek: Discovery become the first ST TV series to have two gay male characters in principle roles. The characters are  Lt. Paul Stamets and Chief Medical Officer Hugh Culber.

    We were first introduced to their relationship in Episode 5 when the couple brush their teeth together in their quarters and discuss their day.
    A pretty average scene, but fantastic in its representation of a gay couple as really typical.

  • Who is going into the Jungle, full line up revealed ahead of launch show

    The lineup for I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here has been announced – and oh there’s some shockers!

    Amir Khan, Boxer

    Amir is a British professional boxer,  born and raised in Bolton, Greater Manchester, to a Punjabi Rajput family. He was born in 1986.  Khan has two sisters and one brother, Haroon “Harry” Khan, an undefeated professional boxer. He is the first cousin of English cricketer Sajid Mahmood, related through a paternal grandfather, Lal Khan Janjua, who moved to England after being discharged from the Pakistan Army.

    Jennie McAlpine, Actor

    33-year-old Jennie is most famous for her role as Fiz Brown in Coronation Street.

    Vanessa White, Singer

    White, 28, is a Britsh singer and songwriter and rose to fame in 2008 whilst in the girl band, The Saturdays. She had been dating stylist Gary Salter, but they separated in 2017.

    Jamie Lomas, Actor

    Soap actor Jamie Lomas rose to fame in EastEnders. He’s the former husband of Kym Marsh. They divorced in 2014.

    Georgia Toffolo, Reality Star

    Georgia is famous for appearing the Channel 4 reality show, Made In Chelsea.

    Rebekah Vardy, Footballer’s wife

    Rebekah is married to Jamie Vardy. They married in 2016 and together they have a daughter.

    Dennis Wise, Former Footballer

    Wise, 50 is a former Footballer and former Executive Director of Football at Newcastle United.

    Stanley Johnson, Boris’s Dad

    BoJo’s dad is going to the Celebrity Jungle.

    Shappi Khorsandi, Comedian

    Comedian Shappi, is the daughter of  Iranian satirist and poet Hadi Khorsandi, she left Iran as a child following the Islamic Revolution. In 2016 she became the president of the British Humanist Association (now known as Humanists UK)

    Jack Maynard, YouTuber

    Jack Maynard is the little brother of pop star Conor Maynard. He has 1.1 million subscribers.

     

    THEGAYUK analysis: Meh. Bring back Vorders and Joel Dommett.

  • THEATRE REVIEW | The Black Cat Cabaret, Leicester Square, London

    ★★★★★ | The Black Cat Cabaret, Leicester Square, London

    The Black Cat team are riding high with their unique brand of impish entertainment. They’ve got regular shows at Live at Zedel at Piccadilly and now they’ve invaded the cheesy Christmas market in Leicester Square and landed in the glamorous, mirrored 1920s Paradiso Spiegeltent. Move over wooden huts, mulled wine in a plastic cup and greasy sausages. The Black Cat has infiltrated and is throwing all tackiness aside in favour of subversive fun.

    The line-up is ever changing but you can expect circus, cabaret and burlesque. There’s also bound to be some testosterone pumped male torsos to liven up a chilly winter evening. Regular host Dusty Limits is a deadpan joy as he oozes cynicism and wit. It’s a well-curated blend of acts and one with an eye on intelligent parody rather than cheap thrills. Naturally and thankfully, there are also cheap thrills.

    The problem with cabaret and burlesque is that after a few visits it can feel like you’ve seen it all and you can be left thinking: Oh, another fire-eater. Oh, another hula hooper. Oh, another semi-naked man in a giant wheel type thing. The Black Cat is careful to only chose acts that have a bit more to add, acts that play with the form and respectfully make fun of it, as well as themselves. I was lucky enough to see the hilarious drag star Meth strutting her stuff as well as an array of dark circus acts, a bizarre string quartet and the most comically disaffected hula hoop act that I’ve ever seen.

    Brighten up a winter night and stroke the pussy if you dare. The Black Cat can bite but he also entertains. Oh, wear a warm coat and knock a few Egg Nogs back too. It’s bloody freezing in that wooden tent.

    The Black Cat runs on Thu 30th Nov 7.30 PM, Sat 9th Dec 7.30pm, Sat 16th Dec 7.30 PM, Thu 28th Dec 7.30 PM, Sun 31st Dec 6.30 PM – 2 AM at Leicester Square