THEGAYUK

Category: Love And Sex

  • ADVICE | When he enters me… I lose my erection

    ADVICE | When he enters me… I lose my erection

    Hi guys

    I’m having erection issues. I’ve been in relationship for three years and the sex is still great and I get aroused and stiff quickly and solidly but on a number of occasions recently, as soon as he enters me, I lose my erection. What can you advise?

    cheers

    Jon

    Dear Jon,

    Thank you for your question. Firstly be reassured that plenty of people have issues like this so you are not alone.

    We have a specialist service at 56 Dean Street for people who suffer from erection problems, however, you would need to be referred in by your GP. You can get him to do this directly with a letter, or we have a form which you can collect and ask the GP to fill out before sending it back.

    Hopefully, this helps!

    Jenna

  • Are you in a harmonious gay relationship?

    Having an understanding of how the inside-nature of thought works can help make relationships a lot more harmonious. The first thing to remember is that it’s not what your partner says or does that makes you feel the way you do about it because the system doesn’t work like that. You (and only you) are responsible for the way you feel, through your thinking about the situation.

    To illustrate this in everyday life, let’s use the example of your partner not cleaning up after themselves. When you see the mess, it’s easy to have negative thinking around it, which in turn will create a negative feeling of annoyance or even anger inside. When you feel this building, your reaction to your partner might be negative. You may shout at them or say something uncomplimentary, which in turn is going to trigger a negative reaction within them. Ultimately, this exchange ends up in an argument. If you had spoken to them in a non-confrontational way then they would be more likely to listen to you and enter into a conversation about the issue.

    When you have an understanding that your emotions and feelings are generated by thought, it is much easier to catch that negative emotion or feeling before it builds into something destructive. As soon as you sense the annoyance and anger building inside, you know it is your thinking doing this, so you can acknowledge it. Amazingly this process can stop it building further and establish a sense of calm within you. You are now in a much better place to enter a discussion with your partner because you have a clear mind and you are feeling calm. If you had let you annoyance or anger build, your head would be full of all sorts of untrustworthy thinking and you are likely to say things that will make the situation worse.

    I’m sure you have all been in a situation where you have been annoyed or angry and said things to someone you don’t mean, which leads to you apologising later (when you realise you were out of order). The simple fact is that you can’t trust your thinking when you are in a low mood state, so avoiding it (or at least being aware of it) helps you when it comes to engaging with others.

    Having the understanding that you create your experience of a situation through thought, can be enough for you to regain control of your thinking and emotions before they drive you into negative mood state. Also understanding that your thinking can not be trusted when you are in a low mood state is also useful in a relationships because you will be more inclined to leave a potentially explosive conversations until you are in a better state of mind and can deal with the situation in a compassionate way.

    Just understanding how your thinking creates your experience of a situation and how moods affect your thinking can do wonders in developing a more harmonious relationship between you and your partner.

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • COMMENT | What’s your magic number?

    So what’s your magic number? You know the number that I’m talking about…

    Some of you might have shifted uncomfortably upon reading that or being asked? But don’t worry I’m not looking for answers.

    The number in question, of course, refers to the number of sexual partners that you have had. What quite defines a number varies from each person’s list and each conversation. I suspect that this is due to each person’s desire to either increase or decrease the total for their own reasons.

    Of course, this is commonly asked at the start of many a relationship, but why the hell do we care? And what is the impact? Coming into a relationship we may have many questions about our partners, while the questions may be free from judgment, what we are doing is trying to get a better picture of who that person is and their suitability as a partner.

    As human beings, we tend to fill the gaps with our own imaginations and therefore we create an idealised view of that person from what we know. By getting to know them better we are testing to see if our perception matches reality. However, we all have history and that can be very different from the place that the other person finds themselves in at present.

    By challenging our perspectives of other people we are inviting change into a relationship, for example if you felt your boyfriends figure was too high, would you still hold them in the same regard. Of course they have not changed as a person the only shift is our perception of them; of course if they are on grindr with their junk hanging out in their profile picture, you’ve got a pretty good idea that they aren’t sat at home at night sewing quilts for the church fete.

    In male-male relationships, this can sometimes cause additional frictions, as there may be an on-going power struggle for the dominant male. If one man perceives himself as the alpha male in the relationship, he may feel emasculated upon discovering his partner has a higher number. In the short term, he may become isolated and jealous. In the longer term, it may become resentment.

    Of course there is the flip side, I have known someone in the past who has called off an engagement because he found out that she wasn’t a virgin, and yes he was Catholic but when you’re in your 40s chances are against it? He admitted that it was a silly situation but the woman he had loved had become someone different in his eyes.

    I think the crux of the argument is how much of your past defines your future. As a person centred counsellor I work with the here and now, clients are powerless to change the past but making sense of it allows them to begin to shape the future. The important thing to remember at the start of any new relationship is that both parties have intentions to leave the past behind and create a new future together.
    If you feel that you want to know your partners number, ask yourself why? What are you hoping to gain? Asking that question is like opening Pandora’s box, once it is open there is it cannot be closed again and the consequences will need to be dealt with.

    Can a leopard change its spots? Yes, absolutely. If someone has an especially high number it may mean that they were unsure about what they were looking for, but they find something appealing in you that makes them want to change. Should they be ashamed of the person they were? Certainly not and neither should they be defined or judged by it.

    And I’m not telling you my magic number.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • TheGayUK Launches the No Excuses Project

    The No Excuse Project is launched today, posting free condoms to your door. TheGayUK and the NHS’s Freedoms Shop have teamed together to ensure that anyone who needs access to free condoms can get them – delivered directly to their door, for free.

    New HIV infections and other sexually transmitted infections in the gay, male bisexual and Men Who Have Sex With Men (MSM) community are at record levels. So to try and combat this trend TheGayUK decided to launch their No Excuse Project to help out.

    TheGayUK’s co-founder Jake Hook said,

    “I was watching Channel 4’s The Sex Clinic and it occurred to me that somehow we’re being failed as a community in relation to sex health education. With cuts to vital services and the upward trend of new HIV infections in the UK, either people aren’t freely able to access condoms or don’t know that they can dramatically make the sex you have safer.

    “The day after the programme, I rang Katy Harrad at The Freedoms Shop and asked whether Freedoms would be able to help us out with condoms, luckily for us, she’s just as passionate about safer sex as we are.

    “We’re working towards making sure that there is No Excuse – ever – not to have a condom in your home or pocket.”

    Stand-up comedian Pam Ann, who’s offering her full support to the project, says:

    “If it’s NOT ON… it’s NOT ON!”

    The campaign called the No Excuse Project aims to ensure that everyone and anyone in the gay, bisexual or MSM community who doesn’t have access to free condoms, either because they’re too shy or embarrassed, think they’re too young or don’t live close to a gay bar which provides free condoms, can simply fill in a confidential form at www.noexcuseproject.co.uk and receive condoms through the post.

    A team from TheGayUK will be at a number of Prides around the country, including Oxford, Edinburgh, Reading, North Wales, Gloucester, Warwickshire and Doncaster aiming to bring attention to the campaign and giving out thousands of condoms to revellers.

    If you would like to donate towards the running of the No Excuse Project then please visit: Donate Here

    For every £1 donation we can help protect up to 4 partners from catching or spreading STIs.

    Thank you.

  • OPINION | Out of line, online; Racism and gay dating

    No Blacks. No Asians. No Queens.

    I bet you already know where these quotes come from. I am also pretty sure you’ve seen them. Yes, these are common quotes from Grindr profiles. What’s worse is that I imagine you can think of more grindr, gaydar, gayromeo profiles with further offensive and racist remarks on them.

    But surely we can discriminate on who we fancy? Of course.

    We must have the right to decide what shape, size and colour the dick is we choose to squeeze, suck or sit on? Without a doubt.

    And if I want to say what I don’t like then it saves time doesn’t it? Perhaps.

    So if I don’t fancy a black or white guy then I have the right to say so don’t I? Maybe.

    But there are ways of saying things.

    If you in fact only like Arabic men, regardless of your own racial or ethnic identity then why not say so rather than banishing other minorities outright. Equality and Diversity principles do not dictate that you have to be tokenistic in your relationships or sexual exploits but it does support a community where everyone feels included. With the social battles fought by the LGBT community in the past sixty to six hundred years surely we can be slightly more embracing of difference.

    Not into camp. Not in fairies, sorry.

    This is another angle of exclusion on ‘social networking’ apps frequented by the predominantly gay and bisexual male. Campness is labelled as undesirable, separated from the profile holder. He isn’t into it, he doesn’t like it. If you are camp he doesn’t like you – it’s there for you to read. How does it make you feel?

    Maybe you do sprout wings and poop glitter? But that’s who you are – should you change it for the faceless, headless body? No, but it makes you feel badly about yourself and he still hasn’t found himself a date because the butch bull he is looking for actually doesn’t like guys who bully and discriminate.

    So in summary, let’s start with the basics: How not to be a racist in five easy steps.

    1) Do not use racist language. We all know what they are. No one thinks you’re big or smart or edgy for using them. And being practical, not many guys invite racists round to their houses.

    2) Put what you like, what you ARE into. It’s more positive and inclusive and appealing to a wider range of people. Saying you like something, or love something is much more attractive than associating you with ‘No this’, ‘No that’ or other negative concepts.

    3) Be polite. If someone messages you that doesn’t give you butterflies in your stomach (or lower) then just say thanks but no thanks. Most people will get the hint, and if they don’t just block them. It’s easier than resorting to a racist rant.

    4) Be inclusive. Try not to see people as one dimensional. Not all ethnicities are the same. Look at your arm – it everyone with that similar shade the same as you? Do they eat the same food, socialise in the same way, believe the same as you do just because your skin matches? Of course not, so don’t apply this ignorance to other arm shades.

    5) Challenge yourself. How many of your friends are the same as you? Do they all look the same, come from similar backgrounds? Most are probably the same age. How about bringing some diversity to your life? Speak to someone new, someone with maybe a different experience, a different outlook, a different skin colour – they might be able to shed new light on life. How does your coming out experience compare to the Asian guy 200 meters away or the polish guy four roads away, or the twink smiling at you at the bottom of your screen?

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • HIV Campaign ” It Starts With Me”

    Health Protection Agency has given two years of funding to the Terrence Higgins Trust to deliver the ‘It Starts With Me’ HIV Campaign. This campaign focuses on three aspects: Test, Treat and Protect.

    Did you know that 8 out of 10 gay men get HIV from a man that doesn’t know that he’s got it? Or that 100,000 people in the UK have HIV but don’t know it? If these aren’t good enough reasons to encourage you to get a HIV test here are some more: regular testing gives you piece of mind, it’s free, confidential and convenient.

     

    You can arrange an appointment at your local sexual health clinic or even do a test through a postal kit. Jake, our Editor, recently reviewed the home testing kit. ‘It Starts With Me’ campaign even has a ‘Do I need an HIV test?’ Questionnaire, answer five quick and easy questions to establish if you need a HIV test. Earlier testing helps get quicker access to treatment for those that are HIV positive.

     

    A better understanding of HIV has led to treatment that gives a HIV positive person a feeling of better health and a longer life. According to ‘It Starts With Me,’ earlier treatment can extend your life expectancy by about 10 years; equally delaying testing and starting treatment can cost you 10 years of your life.

     

    The Campaign video (below) says that treatment stop the spread of HIV by reducing amount of HIV in a HIV positive person’s blood stream to an ‘undectable level’ meaning that they are unlikely to pass on HIV. Watch the video here:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kqMxrLqHAVo

     

    The Department for Health, Terrence Higgins Trust and all other sexual health organisations recommend the use of condoms when having sex. Condoms are the best way to Protect against HIV, especially when 8 out of 10 gay men get HIV from a man who doesn’t know that he’s got it.

     

    Gay men 25-29 years old are most likely to test HIV positive, but HIV doesn’t discriminate on age, gender, race, sexuality or for any other reason. If you’re worried about HIV you can speak to your GP, local sexual health clinic, or call Terrence Higgins Trust on 0808 802 1221. If you’ve got a sexual health question, visit TheGayUK sexual health section:http://www.mysexhealth.thegayuk.com

     

    If you’ve recently been diagnosed HIV positive, the forums on: http://www.myhiv.org.uk are said to be helpful along with Terrence Higgins Trust Website.

     

    There are also several bloggers who share their experience living with HIV; here are just a few of them:

     

    Alex: HIV & Me

    Website: http://alexsparrowhawk.wordpress.com

    Twitter: https://twitter.com/birdy_tweet

     

    HIVing The Dream

    Website: http://hivingthedream.wordpress.com

    Twitter: https://twitter.com/HIVingTheDream

     

    HIVPozGuy

    Website: http://hivpozguy.com

    Twitter: https://twitter.com/hivpozguy

     

    UKPositiveLad

    Website: http://www.ukpositivelad.com

    Twitter: https://twitter.com/UKPositiveLad

     

    Remember to get tested regularly, if you’re HIV positive to get treatment and always protect yourself using condoms when having sex. Together we can and will stop the spread of HIV.

  • Nearly half a million new sexual infections in 2012

    Worrying statistics from Public Health England reveal that new sexual health infections are up 5%, whilst the Terrence Higgins Trust calls the news a ‘wake up’ call for gay men.

    From a statement on the gov.uk website:

    “New sexually transmitted infection (STI) diagnoses rose 5% in 2012 according to Public Health England (PHE) data published today (5 June, 2013), mostly due to improved data collection. However, the continuing high STI rates in England suggest too many people are still putting themselves at risk through unsafe sex, especially young adults and men who have sex with men (MSM).

    “Chlamydia remained the most commonly diagnosed STI (206,912; 46%), but considerable numbers of genital warts (73,893; 16%) and genital herpes (32,021; 7%) cases were also reported last year. New gonorrhoea diagnoses rose 21% overall (from 21,024 in 2011 to 25,525 in 2012), and by 37% in the MSM population (to 10,754).

    “Those aged under 25 experienced the highest STI rates, contributing 64% chlamydia and 54% of genital warts diagnoses in heterosexuals in 2012. Young adults are advised to test for chlamydia annually or on change of sexual partner, as part of the National Chlamydia Screening Programme to control the infection and its complications. In 2012, over 1.7 million chlamydia tests were undertaken and over 136,000 diagnoses made.”

     

    Lisa Power, Policy Director at Terrence Higgins Trust, said,

    “The rising numbers of almost every STI among gay men should act as a wakeup call to us all. Unlike heterosexuals, where most infections are in young people aged 15-24, gay men are most likely to get STIs in their late 20s and 30s and high levels continue into their 50s. This is due to differing patterns of sexual behaviour, and more frequent partner change.

    “We need to remind ourselves that treatment as prevention works to reduce transmission of HIV, but it doesn’t do anything to prevent other STIs – and sexually transmitted infections like gonorrhoea and chlamydia actually increase the risk of HIV transmission, even when someone is on treatment. As such, condoms remain a key ingredient not just in protecting against STIs, but also in controlling the spread of HIV.”

    “Gonorrhoea in particular has increased by a third in the last year in gay men and has tripled since 2009. In the context of new reports of drug-resistant strains of the infection, it is vital that gay and bisexual men use condoms and go for regular sexual health check ups to control the outbreak.

    “On a more positive note, these numbers also highlight the success of improved testing for gonorrhoea, with throat swabs detecting many previously untreated infections. But if we are going to see these figures to begin to drop, we need local authorities to invest properly in prevention measures and testing for STIs. The national campaign from HIV Prevention England is promoting condoms and testing among gay men, but without sustained local investment alongside it cannot be enough.”

  • 10 Fantastic Places for A Great Gay Date in London

    There are all the typical things to do in London; the bridge, the tower, the eye, and so on, but what if you want to network with other gays and meet people to take. Perhaps you want to take your friend to a new or different place. Here are 10 places you may not have thought of before.

     

    The Underground Club

    Located under Central Station you will find the Underground Club where the speciality of the day is the dark and mysterious. There is always a hopping party crowd and live DJ. One the weekends there is a light show to go with whatever the theme is. The Underground offers a fun place to go after you visit Central Station. So make a night out of this visit.

     

    Hampstead Heath Ponds

    Located in North London is the Hampstead Heath Ponds, three large freshwater swimming points that are popular for same sex and mixed couples alike. For centuries people have been coming to the ponds for a relaxing dip in the waters. Take your partner to the ponds and have some wet fun. Let your playful side come out while enjoying an athletic dip.

     

    Central Station, Kings Cross

    Known as one of the best pubs around, Central Station is known for Sweet Wednesday and diverse clientele that include transvestites and transsexuals. This is a wonderful place to take your partner for a little fun, exploration and ale. Events include cabaret and theme nights and can be found on Wharfdale Road in London.

     

    Gay Supper Club – The Hope, London

    At The Hope, a pop up restaurant, you and your date can attend the Gay Supper Club where you will enjoy a gourmet meal prepared by a world renowned Michelin star chef. This is an intimate setting designed for gay men to get to know each other, network, socialize and make new friends. The event is organised and supported by the Grub Club & Urban Connections group. The aim of this event which will be held on June 19th, 2013 is to bring individuals together to hopefully find their soul mate. This is not speed-dating, each course is taken at a slow comfortable pace but you will rotate thought the restaurant to meet multiple people and intermingle. There is no age limit of dress code, so put this night on your calendar and plan for an impromptu chance to meet your one.

     

    Vauxhall

    Within London is an inner city known as Vauxhall. This is where you come if you are gay and you want to party all night or through the weekend. This area is filled with bars, taverns, nightclubs, raves and parties. Get out into the night air, and dress up in your sexiest gear, you are bound to meet new likeminded friends at places like The Royal Vauxhall Tavern, The Hoist, Fire, and Barcode Vauxhall. Don’t stop there, there is so much to do in this area, you and your partner could party round the clock all weekend long.

     

    Soho London

    If you’re looking for the fun, hip, diverse center of activity and fun, look no further than Soho London for your date. The atmosphere in Soho is contagious, pleasurable, and a must-see for your date. With live entertainment, unique cuisine, a pulsing nightlife, and celebrations like Pride London, this is where you want to spend your time to meet and network with fellow gay Londoner’s and tourist

     

    London Gay Men’s Chorus

    Do you have a song in your heart? Then you should join up with the guys at the London Gay Men’s Chorus to express yourself inner Sir Elton John and meet new friends. The choir is one of the largest most active groups for gay men in Europe. The mission is to entertain, educate, and inspire others through music while challenging the preconceptions of homosexuality. If you cannot sing, then sign up for their newsletter and attend their events, you might meet your next date who has the voice of an angel.

     

    Hackney City Farm

    Not every date is required to take place at a club or bar. For a bit of variety during the sunlight hours stop by the Hackney City Farm with your special one. Take a minute to feed the goats and donkeys and watch your partner melt as he cuddles a little bunny in his strong arms. There are weekend courses, classes in pottery and mosaics, or you could become volunteers. This is a great place to honor your need for animals and outdoors and show your variety to your partner.

     

    Broadway Market

    Get out and go to the market. In almost every city around the world, there is an outdoor fresh market. In the London, this is the Broadway Market. Start your Saturday with a date at the market with all tastes and cultures that will satisfy any palate or shopping need. You will find the Market between Regent’s Canal and London Fields. There is everything from food, handcrafted items, and clothing. Bring your partner, take in the fresh air, and pick up fresh ingredients for a late picnic at London Fields and a candlelight dinner at home.

     

    A London Fields Picnic

    In East London, you will find the idyllic London Fields Park situated at the end of the Broadway Market. Historically a pasture, the park is not the hub of activity in East London. You will find a cricket pitch, BMX track, swimming pool, tennis courts, and more. Bring your date here, pack a picnic and plan an activity that you will both enjoy. You are bound to be able to plan a fun, relaxing day with your love interest.

     

    There you have it a fine selection of civil and naughty places to take your hot date in the capital city perhaps you seduced your partner on the web or indulging in gay chat with hot men by phone on a line heaven forbid just in the real world in the local bar. Well after your great effort on securing your sexy dates time make sure it goes with a real bang and hit up London.

  • They Fit Condoms Reviewed

    You know what they say about a man with large hands… He has large gloves. Well what if he has a large c**k? TheyFit condoms guarantee the perfect fit for your sized manhood.

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  • Your Valentine’s Poems

    Your Valentine’s Poems

    You funny guys have put your heads together and come up with some great Valentine’s poems. Some strange, some romantic and some down right smutty! Have a great Valentine’s whatever you may be up to.

    LGBT poems
    biancamentil / Pixabay

    Roses are Red,
    Violets are Blue,
    We love all are readers,
    Especially you!

    By TGUK team

    The First Time

    The first time I loved forever was when you whispered my name,
    And I knew at once you loved me for the me of who I am.
    The first time I loved forever I cast all else aside,
    And I bid my heart to follow be there no more need to hide,
    For all my life and forever there’s a truth I will always know,
    For when my world divides and shatters your love is where I’ll go.

    By Wayne Mellor-whiley

    Chew My Shoe

    Roses are Red,
    Violets are Blue,
    The dogs showed me no love,
    And chewed up my shoe!

    By MikeyMike

    Doctor Loving Who?

    A Darlek is Red,
    The Tardis is Blue,
    I want to run away,
    And go time travelling with you!

    By Jai Bluf

    Jump Into Bed

    Violets are Blue,
    Roses are Red,
    Forget Valentine’s
    Let’s jump into bed.

    By Tommy86

    Love is Because…

    Love isn’t a number, Love isn’t a time
    Love isn’t a place and Love isn’t mine.
    Love isn’t just yours, Love isn’t to keep,
    Love isn’t to hide and Love isn’t to weep.
    Love isn’t alone, Love isn’t afraid
    Love isn’t by itself and Love isn’t kept in the shade.
    Love isn’t bound by distance, Love isn’t just a game.
    Love isn’t merely a nice word and Love isn’t always the same.
    Love isn’t a simple definition, Love isn’t a word in a book.
    Love isn’t something to say to make someone feel better,
    And Love isn’t always in the places you look.
    Love isn’t many things to many people,
    But something holds for us.
    No matter what people say or do,
    Love IS – just because…

    By Kenn Payne

    Love and Wine

    Alone again on Valentine’s
    Oh what am I to do?
    Save £30 on roses,
    And have a bottle of wine for… erm one!

    By JL

    Fetish Valentines

    Ropes are kinky,
    Whips are fun,
    Who want’s to tie me up
    And play with my bum?

    By Naughty Squirrel

  • Perhaps Try Tantric?

    It’s Valentine ’s Day, the festival of amour, and, for once, I’m going to exchange my mood of belligerence for one of lurve, whilst I expound the benefits of tantric massage and how it can be incorporated into your love making.

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