THEGAYUK

Category: Love And Sex

  • ADVICE | How To Last Longer In Bed

    ADVICE | How To Last Longer In Bed

    It’s happened to the best of us. At the worst of times.

    You’re halfway through your performance with a totally hot guy you just met, when without warning your little Mister calls time. Yes, you’ve spaffed your load without warning. The little swimmers are taking a curtain call as you mutter “I’m so sorry, i.. i…” (I mean, what do you say as he’s riving in agony with man juice in his eye….. ‘It Burrrrrnnnns’)

    Here are our top tips to making sure you last longer in the sack.

    1) Homework

    The best part of this lesson is that you get to do homework and as much of it as you like. A wank is a key element to why many men prematurely blow their loads. Why? Well if you train yourself to cum quite quickly when you’re alone, the chances are that you will do exactly the same when you’re with a partner. So next time your palm is dating your dick, work your way up to 15 minutes, 20 minutes and for those who have cocks of rock try 30 minutes.

    How to last longer in bed?
    (C) BIGSTOCK

    Try bringing yourself to the point of no return and stopping. Giving yourself a moment to relax and start again.

    NEXT >>> (go for a second round)

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  • SEX ADVICE: One Night Standards

    Durex RealFeel Sexpert Alix Fox has written about sex and relationships for everyone from Men’s Fitness to Bizarre magazine, so her nookie knowledge spans the whole sexual spectrum from beginner and vanilla to the most obscure and fascinating kooky kinks.

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  • Not Cumming Out – Delayed Ejaculation

    Guys have it hard. Or at least when sex isn’t explosive life can get a bit challenging. Physical intimacy, including penetration, is so enjoyable but when something goes wrong then it can really go wrong.

    You cum too quickly. You can’t get it up. You get it up but it goes down again. You meet a guy you fancy but can’t figure out if he is top or bottom. Then it turns out that you both want the same and neither are prepared to try the other position. He wants to do something you haven’t heard of much less tried.

    But all of the above are more or less well known about. And you’d probably be able to find a mate to talk about it. But there is one sexual issue that remains in the closet – delayed ejaculation (DE). DE is exactly what it says on the label. You have great difficulty in cumming. But why on earth is that a problem? It must be great to be able to shag for hours and not cum. To be able to take on one guy after another. Actually, it’s not all that it’s cut out to be.

    Our fundamental sexual desire is to ejaculate – to spread our seeds. If we don’t achieve that or it takes too long to do so we can get depressed. If we’re in and out of a hole for too long both our cock and partner will get sore. And the likelihood is that he has already cum, maybe even twice. If that’s the case he may begin to feel that there is something wrong with him. Or you begin to think that there is something fundamentally wrong with your techniques and wonder why you can never cum with a guy who really turns you on. In fact DE can cause considerable anxiety, distress and loss of sexual confidence.

    It is estimated that between 2 to 10 percent of men can suffer DE at some time of their lives and there seems to be a trend of it happening more as you get older. It has also been recently observed in men who watch a lot of porn. This could be because you are used to the stimulation that your hand gives or it may be because you are ‘trained’ to react to screen pictures. Because this isn’t a common disorder there is little research on the issue and so practitioners struggle to understand the issues and to help those affected.

    There are believed to be a number of potential causes. Some men have always suffered from DE from puberty. This can mean that they think it normal until they come upon a partner who questions their sexual abilities. DE may be tied in with a strict upbringing, a family who didn’t talk about sex and men who control their lives for a number of reasons but there could be an issue around sexuality acceptance.

    The second type of DE is situation induced. You can be happy squirting your spunk everywhere and then you suddenly find you can’t. There could be a number of reasons. For example how a partner makes you feel; stress at work; fear of penetrating either the anus or a mouth or something happened to you while you were having sex.

    Can it be cured? That depends. In general yes it can be helped but it could mean that you have to retrain your sexual techniques. You may even have to abstain from sex for a period of time including wanking off. The best thing to do is talk either to your GP if you think you have a problem or a counsellor.

    But whatever you do don’t suffer alone. Finding out that you are not the only one with delayed ejaculation is the first step. Accepting that you have a problem is the next. And doing something about it could change your life. Don’t worry GPs and therapists know about delayed ejaculation – you are not alone. Cum out and tell someone.

     

    by Owen Redahan

     

    OTHER QUESTIONS: HIV | WILLY WONDERS | HOLES | DOING IT | STIs | LUMPS & BUMPS | BACK TO SEX CLINIC HOME PAGE

     

    Got a problem you’d like advice on?

  • Are you more sexually adventurous than your partner?

    Research conducted by an online pharmacy has revealed that 67% of Britons believe that they are more ‘sexually adventurous’ than their partner, with a quarter of these stating that they are ‘frustrated’ by the mismatch in their sexual preferences with their partner.

    A new study by an online pharmacy in the UK, which specialises in sexual health, has revealed that a quarter of Britons are left ‘frustrated’ by their partner’s sex drive. It was unveiled that more than two thirds (67%) of people in relationships believe that they are more ‘sexually adventurous’ than their other half.

    The study was conducted by www.UKMedix.com, an online pharmacy in the UK which specialises in sexual health, in order to investigate Britons’ sexual habits and attitudes. 2,013 UK citizens took part in the online survey, all of whom were aged 18 and over and in a co-habiting relationship of six months or longer.

    Respondents were first asked ‘Do you believe that you are more sexually adventurous than your partner?’ with the term explained as ‘open-minded and willing to try new things’. More than two thirds (67%) of respondents stated that they felt they were more adventurous in the bedroom than their other half.

    These respondents were asked to share their exploits, in terms of the things they had tried in the past. The top five most popular antics of sexually ‘adventurous’ Britons were as follows:

    Role play – 72%
    Sex outdoors – 61%
    Sex in public places (e.g. toilets, lifts etc) – 37%
    Sex with a stranger – 28%
    Threesomes – 26%

    Less than half of the respondents (47%) stated that they had embarked upon these experiences with their current partner. Instead, the most common accomplice was ‘an ex-partner’ (64%), followed by ‘a friend with benefits’ (28%).

    When asked if they ever felt ‘frustrated’ with their current partner’s sexual preferences, a quarter (23%) confirmed that they did. The top three issues amongst frustrated Britons in relationships were voted as ‘my partner is not adventurous enough’ (73%), ‘my partner doesn’t want to have sex as often as I do’ (63%) and ‘my partner wants to have sex too often’ (31%). One in ten respondents, 11%, confessed that they were no longer sexually attracted to their partner.

    Sarah Bailey of UKMedix.com commented on the findings, ‘Who knew that us Brits were so adventurous in the bedroom!? It even appears that we can get a little demanding with our need for adventure! There are bound to be differences between partners in any relationship and sex is a really subjective thing. Everyone has different tastes and no two people are the same. If you are really struggling with a mismatched sex drive, then the first and most important thing to do is talk to your other half.’

  • 5 Amazing Foods For Better Sex

    Adding food to the bedroom is a classic way to spice things up with a partner. But did you know that food can heighten libido and improve your performance between the sheets? We-Vibe has collated the best foodie tricks and tips for you to put to the (taste) test!

    – Figs: These small fruits pack some big benefits. They are bursting with calcium, iron, potassium, and more of that stimulating zinc. They are also packed with fibre, which boosts heart health and satisfies hunger without adding to your waistline.

    – Strawberries: Don’t forget to bring this mouth-watering dessert on your next picnic. Strawberries are an excellent source of vitamin B, which has been linked to high sperm counts in men. Go one step further and coat them in chocolate, as it is full of libido-boosting methylxanthines! (Why do you think it’s such a popular Valentine’s Day gift?!)

    -Almonds: These healthy nuts are said to act as a sexual stimulant and a fertility aid, so if you’re trying for a baby, start snacking! They are rich in nutrients and in several minerals that are important for sexual health and reproduction, including zinc, selenium, and vitamin E. Zinc can also help enhance sexual desire – added bonus!

    -Avocados: The name for this South American fruit derives from the Aztec language Nahuatl, in which it meant ‘testicle’ – a name chosen for the fruit’s unusual shape. It may seem like a bit of a stretch to us, but avocados do have some sexy benefits! They are rich in unsaturated fats, making them very heart-healthy. And a healthy heart keeps the blood flowing to all the right places! Men with underlying heart disease are twice as likely to suffer from erectile dysfunction, so feel free to add some extra avocado slices to your salads.
    -Eggs: Poached, scrambled or fried, eggs are sure to rev you up after a long day at work. They are full of protein, which keeps you going without packing on the calories. They’re also an excellent source of amino acids, which combat certain types of heart ailments as well as erectile dysfunction. There’s a reason Dean Martin likes his eggs with a kiss in the morning…

  • SEX TIPS: How To Keep The Sex Exciting In A Long Term Relationship

    Rachael McCoy is an award-winning sex and relationship coach who is driven and inspired by helping others to achieve the relationship and sex life they have always wanted. We ask her how to keep the excitement going after the sights and the sounds of your wedding day is a distant memory.

    Have at least one night a month where you promise to turn all tech and outside distractions off and just spend time together. In this modern day we all have tablets, phones and other forms of gadgets that distract us away from quality time together.

    Aim to take it in turns to surprise the other person with a gift or experience that they really enjoy. A great tip on how to do this is to listen when your partner says things they like. Make a note in your phone and when they are least expecting it, spring it on them. They’ll be so grateful that you remembered.

    Erotic massage is a great treat that never gets old. When you know your husband/ wife has been having a stressful time, greet them one day after work with some massage oil, a candle lit (warm) room and work your magic to massage their stress away.

    Taking the time to cook your partner a nice meal is a lovely gesture as it shows your spending time and energy to do something thoughtful for them. Actually sitting down and eating together (not in front of the TV) is becoming less common these days too so make sure the table is set and you can both talk about your day/ week or life in general.

    Get a red light bulb and swap it with your normal bulb. It completely changes the look and atmosphere in the room, instantly making it feel very seductive and naughty.

    Going out with friends may not seem romantic at the time but socialising and ‘representing’ as a couple with friends is a really fun thing to do. In other people’s presence we tend to be more playful. It will give you lots of things to talk about and it’s something you can both enjoy together.

    Some spontaneous oral sex is always a pleasurable treat for a loved one. Catch them when they are nice and clean but not expecting your sexy treat. Make the effort to spend a decent amount of time working their ‘goodies’ with your lips and tongue.

    For an incredibly sentimental gift idea, how about putting together a collage of images. It will be even more romantic if you do it for no apparent reason, just to make them happy. There are plenty of apps that do this now or you could print off your favourite picture memories and cut them to fit nicely in a frame. It proudly shows your declaration of love and will definitely show your partner you care.

    Doing things separately may seem the opposite of romantic but actually it’s a very healthy thing to do in marriages (and relationships in general). As much as you love each other, living in each other’s pockets can become suffocating and predictable. Doing hobbies separately creates desire and interest into the other person, giving you both some great conversation too.

    Remember to show gratitude. In long term relationships it’s easy to forget to say the little things like ‘Thank you’ ‘I love this about you’ or ‘I’m so grateful for’. This mainly happens because we’ve said it so many times before and we just expect the other person to know. But it is imperative that you always remember to tell your husband/ wife these things regularly. It will make all the difference to your marriage and help ensure that it’s a long and happy one. ∎

    by Rachael McCoy

  • Ding dong; times up – My time with 28GaysLater

    I never know how to start an article. Do you start off on a good point? A question? A statement or even a show stopper? You want something that grabs attention while at the same time doesn’t scare people or make them think that you’re a bit of a nutter. Having said that, I do like the nutter route therefore this month’s opening statement is “Speed Dating – is it misunderstood?”★★★★

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  • Is sex the glue to a relationship?

    The usual scenario for guys connecting up is eye contact across a crowded room, or in a sauna or a street and so on. A quick glance up and down and phoarr I want more of that (sometimes the eyes don’t get past a certain bulge!).

    What we see is usually the first thing that attracts us to a potential mate. Granted there are occasions when there is no immediate physical attraction and the embryo relationship starts with the enjoyment of the person’s company and conversation. But these are few and far between so will not be considered for this article.

    You move to pounce. The old chat-up lines seem to work and you get on great. In the end, whether it takes that night (or in a sauna those 5 minutes) or a week, you end up in bed. Sometimes the sex is fine sometimes it’s great. But what has really happened is your cauldron of hormones has started bubbling and you begin to be drawn in to forming a relationship with this ‘god’. Hopefully, he feels the same too.

    Gay relationships are really not much different from straight ones. Physical attraction brings two people together. Perhaps the bedding stage may be slower with heterosexuals. Women tend to want to get to know the guy but the end result is the same. Some relationship scientists believe there are three stages in relationship development – lust, attraction and attachment. All stages involve hormones.

    The first stage – the ‘I’ve got to have him’ stage is driven mainly by testosterone. As the attraction develops and we become attracted to each other, the second stage, testosterone continues to drive things along but the hormones dopamine, serotonin and adrenaline become important. This is the period when we feel we’re ‘in love’. It’s the romantic period when the other person is in our minds most of the time. We just know they are the one.

    Dopamine focuses on the neurotransmitters and is not very different to some addictive drugs such as heroin because of the feel-good high it gives, the extra energy and a reduced need for sleep. Adrenaline increases heart beat which is why we feel more excited when we see or think of our loved one. And the increase in serotonin makes us feel a bit mad and contributes to our feelings of well-being and happiness.

    The third stage, attachment, sees another two hormones surface – oxytocin and vasopressin. This stage is vital if the relationship is to survive. But because of the addictive nature of the second stage, especially the production of dopamine, a lot of relationships don’t get this far. There is more contentment but less excitement. There is more intimacy but less explosions.

    Oxytocin is called the cuddling hormone. As human we tend to seek out touch from others. When we cuddle or just even touch the brain releases oxytocin which makes us feel calmer and helps us bond with that person. Have you ever had a bad day and found that cuddling your lover makes you forget everything? That’s oxytocin at work.

    So is sex the glue to a successful relationship? The answer is yes and no. If by relationship you mean an exciting six months of sex fuelled coupling then yes. But the effects don’t last and to have a successful, long term relationship you need to move into the attachment stage. However, because of the availability of fresh partners and the stimulating stage of first meets a lot of relationship, gay and straight, don’t last long.

    It takes work to move to the next stage and both partners need to want the slightly less exciting, but usually more fulfilling, longer term relationship. After the first six months or so, despite what is generally believed, the amount of sex declines. But something else grows and it is shared interests, mutual respect and trust, the quiet physical intimacy and emotional support that makes this next stage of a relationship so satisfying. This is the glue to long-term relationships.

    This article was taken from Issue 3 of TheGayUK

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • SEX TOY REVIEW: Pulse by Hot Octopus

    Something very pleasurable awaits you with the new vibrating sex toy, Pulse, which some are calling the ultimateguybrator.

    Despite looking like some kind of futuristic Star Trek comms unit, the Pulse, will, without doubt, drive you nuts.

    Apparently, there’s a lot of science to back up why, essentially a vibrating cock ring, will drive you mad with pleasure, but who cares – just put it on and find out for yourself.

    You can use with or without lube and the unit has multi speeds – so you can control how much vibration you get.

    Unlike other masturbators the Pulse is cleverly very usable and simple to get used to – and thanks to its open top design requires a lot less cleaning and drying out compared to other products.

    It can be used solo or together – however the sharing option with this toy is most probably for a man/woman combo rather than a man on man experience- as the woman gains pleasure from the vibrating Pulseplate on the outside of the unit, which another just wouldn’t

    The unit retails for £69 and is rechargeable via a USB connection.

     

  • Everything you need for Valentine’s Dinner, Chocolate and Sex

    Valentine’s is one of those days you either enter with full spirit or try to avoid at all costs. However, it’s a general agreement that everyone loves a good dinner, tasty chocolates and pleasurable sex, be it with a partner or alone! so I’ve put together a little collection of treats to enjoy either by yourself or to share with a loved one this Feb 14th.

    DINNER: Carluccio’s | Carom Soho | Floridita
    Carluccio’s: If Italian is the love of your life then check out the delightful menu put together this Valentine’s at the nationwide Carluccio’s. Start with cannellini bean soup with sundried tomato pesto, pan roasted cod fillet and raspberry panna cotta with chocolate-dipped strawberries. 3 courses for £25.

    Carom: This Pan-Indian restaurant set in the heart of Soho, London has created a spicy menu to help put a tingle into any couples night including, jumbo tiger prawns with grilled madras, pan fried lobster kerala curry and heart-shaped toasted sandwich with saffron, nuts, cherry and chocolate. 3 courses for £42.40.

    Floridita: A Latin-American inspired evening awaits loved ones this Valentine’s. Set in Soho, London, a menu including; Cornish crab tarts, chargrilled fillet of beef on roasted red peppers and valrhona chocolate tart with raspberry and cream fraiche will be dished up with live Cuban entertainment. 3 courses for £49.

    CHOCOLATE: Cadbury With Love
    Cadbury has always been the reliable, good quality, affordable brand of chocolate and this Valentine’s have released their heart shaped With Love chocolates. Ok I say new, it’s just their mother’s day Thank You chocolates reshaped and packaged, so no points for imagination. However why change a winning formula? Hazelnut pralines to be enjoyed with a loved one or as I prefer, alone! Well there are only eight in a pack!

    SEX: Pulse
    “I’m pickin’ up good vibrations.” There’s a new pleasure toy in town and it’s guaranteed to be the happy ending to a perfect evening. The best part about this toy is that you can use it hands free! Just place it on your member, click required speed and away you go. Soft and easy to use offering maximum pleasure. If using with a partner why not put it on for them and then sit on top to stimulate yourself at the same time. Easy clean under a tap and comes with USB power charger – meaning no batteries required.

  • Gays have happiest relationships thanks to tea and cuddles

    New study shows gays and lesbians have happier relationships than straight couples and how a cuppa tea keeps the love on track rather than a tropical holiday or diamond encrusted watch.

    Over 5,000 people have revealed how they are keeping their relationships on track, despite what life may throw at them, as part of a major two-year study into modern couples funded by the Economic & Social Research Council. The Enduring Love? study, conducted by social scientists at The Open University, showed that simple acts of kindness are the things that keep people together.

    Co-author of the report, Dr Jacqui Gabb said: “Actions really do speak louder than words and many people consider a loving gesture to be as valuable as hearing ‘I love you’. Grand romantic gestures, although appreciated, don’t nurture a relationship as much as bringing your partner a cup of tea in bed, or watching TV together.”

    Co-author of the report, Dr Janet Fink said: “With a tough economic climate, the rise in grey divorce and social media opening up new ways to start affairs, it isn’t always easy to keep love alive today. However, our survey has shown that surviving adversities – even very difficult situations such as being out of work – can make a relationship much stronger. What doesn’t break you, can make you.”

    Other findings from the survey include:
    – Parenthood shapes relationship quality more than any other factor
    – Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Queer (LGBQ) couples, especially younger people, remain afraid to hold hands in public for fear of reprisal
    – However, LGBQ couples are generally happier about their relationship quality and are more likely to act spontaneously
    – Money issues are one of the most difficult aspects of modern relationships, but stressors such as being out of work do appear to pull couples together
    – Couples cherish affection and cuddles as much as sexual intimacy though sex remains an important part of the relationship

    Ruth Sutherland, Chief Executive of Relate said: “We welcome this insightful and important research into what makes love last. What this study shows us is that couples need to keep investing in their relationships. It’s reassuring to know, especially in these tough economic times, that it’s the small gestures of appreciation and affection, rather than the big romantic displays that really make the difference. The report shows the importance of creating a culture where seeking help to strengthen our relationships is seen as the norm.”