A reader asks whether he’s good enough for his two boyfriends, who happen to be husbands. Doctor Dannii Cohen answers.
I’m going out with two husbands.
I’m worried that I’m going to be dumped and that I’m not good enough for these two guys I’m seeing. I’m dating two guys who happen to be civilly partnered to each other. They’ve been together for six years.
As a thruple we’ve been together for a year and recently they decided to make our three-way relationship closed – to just the three of us. Which is great. I feel really happy about that. But I’m worried that they’ll get bored of me and want to move on without me. I guess I just feel a little left out on my own. I don’t live with them and although I don’t necessarily want that, I do feel on the outside.
What should I do not to feel on the outside and what do I do if they decide to open up the relationship again – or move on without me?
What I am going to tell you might not be what you want to hear, but understand this: I only have your best interests at heart.
Even though these men might be nice to you and you probably feel good being part of this thruple, are you sure you want this forever? You say it yourself: they might move on or get bored of it. You are at the mercy of their whims. Where the relationship is concerned they have all the power: years of being together and a civil partnership. The fact that you don’t live with them gives you even less claim on anything concerning emotional ties. This leaves you in a vulnerable position.
In your letter you say that you don’t feel good enough, that is so sad to hear. No-one should be able to make you feel this way. It also sounds as if you are not in love with either of them, but are scared of being alone.
If you feel any doubts maybe it is best to leave now and nd a free single person you can connect with. A person who does not see you as a plaything but as a person to love and cherish. It might be scary at first, but you have to protect yourself from being the one to get hurt, as you inevitably will. If this breaks up they will still have each other and you’ll be alone. You deserve better and it’s out there for you.
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Dannii Cohen is a stand-up comedian (drag name Divine Varod) and comedy writer turned author, psychologist, professional counselor, life coach and self-help expert. Specialized in LGBT issues, anxiety, empowerment, children’s issues and bullying.
Published works include children’s books about childhood depression and the importance of being yourself (When Clouds Hide The Sun and Christopher the Lonely Bear) and an easy to use self help manual 50 Things To Know To Have A Better Life: Self-Improvement Made Easy.