Can tantra lead you and your partner to a more fulfilling partnership? Ayurvedic Practitioner & Wellbeing Artist Tomaz Mueller, thinks so….


In the first part, we looked at the definition of the term ‘Tantra’ and practical ways of cultivating self-love. In this article, I wish to explore further how Tantra can lead to a more fulfilling relationship.

Anybody who has had a truly tantric experience will know that the path of Tantra can take you onto a journey of inner transformative processes, which in this context I wish to refer to as the alchemy (a seemingly magical process) of inner transformation. It is these experiences of ecstasy, where the boundaries of our limited self are being transformed into a higher state of limitlessness, similar to how the ancient alchemists were able to transform base metal into gold. This process of alchemy will open the door to the unconscious, through deep matter, our physical body. And from there through its subtler counterparts such as our emotional, energetic and mental body until we finally reach the realm of our spiritual body where sexual energy is fused with spiritual resulting in an experience of total liberation.

Tantra as a spiritual path can be a means to take personal relationships towards divine fulfilment, an experience of bliss and ecstasy that lies beyond the limited, individual self. Irrespective of whether you are in a same-sex or heterosexual relationship, exploring the path of tantra means encountering the divine through the pleasures of our physical body.

During my time in the ashram, over a period of 10 years, I aimed to achieve liberation through transcending the mind in order to get glimpses of the divine. Tapping into a state where eventually all limitations are being transcended, has certainly cultivated a state of absolute bliss consciousness, boundless timeless state of being within me.

The interesting part, looking back now, is that I lived my life, my reality through what is commonly understood as the chakras (various focal points on your body) of higher frequency, from the heart upwards. This certainly has helped me to cultivate a more peaceful, compassionate personality with a good intuitive sense and higher awareness, however, by bypassing the so-called lower energy centres, low self-esteem, an unexplainable inferiority complex, blocked creativity and permanent financial instability where lurking shadows preventing me from integrating these higher experiences into my daily living. Especially in spiritual circles, active lower chakras are considered an obstacle to the experience of enlightenment, preventing the mind from being still.

I realised for myself that ignoring the lower chakras, which represent self-confidence, financial security, sexuality, intimacy, creativity and sensuality does not serve my personality, however, this might be different for others. Clearly I had fallen into the trap of spiritual bypassing where physical pleasures had to be transcended.

I know this is the philosophy of many of the spiritual practices but let me ask a question: Nature or God or however you wish to call it has created this amazing human being, comprising complex physical structures as well as subtler energy systems. How can we then demarcate a place where this amazing being becomes lower? Where do we find a division within our body? Doesn’t the blood circulate through the entire system? How can one area of the body be less divine than the other?

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Tantra has woken me up and shaken my reality, given me an understanding that sensuality and sexual enjoyment is the most intense and powerful of all sensory enjoyments.

What I realised is that for a very long time I was chasing enlightenment at the cost of bypassing life. Tantra has woken me up and shaken my reality, given me an understanding that sensuality and sexual enjoyment is the most intense and powerful of all sensory enjoyments. Thus when harnessed and mastered is ultimately closing the circle between the physical and its subtler counterparts, leading to the divine, leading to living life to its fullest. I realised that ultimate freedom is not an experience or a state of mind rather the ability to totally embrace all aspects of life: from the dense physical manifestations to the subtlest vibration of the divine. Any pleasurable experience in its refined state cannot be less divine than anything else.

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The path of Tantra for me is the path of deep surrender, the path of truth, where I fully embrace my desires, as they are just as divine as anything else. However, there are two kinds of desires: ordinary desire which traps you as it reinforces a false view that you are not already complete as you are, which gives you the experience that you are separate from the object of your desire. And there is the ultimate desire, that longing for truth, to awakening to the completeness of that you have always been.

By recognising this, ordinary desires merely are a vehicle that brings me back to the source, the primal root of desire which lies far deeper than the wish to own that car, to get that piece of clothing or to achieve this success in my professional career. That intensity of longing for example through a deep sensual, sexual connection has the power to shatter that confinement of the constructed self which doesn’t allow me to rest until it brings me the ultimate experience of bliss and joy.

This way through the path of Tantra, desire becomes a means of liberation, allowing me to carve out a better version of myself again and again. Not by denying or ignoring the shadow aspects of my being but by embracing these, working through its confinements, which ultimately lead to the experience of ecstasy, of bliss.

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Here are a few tips to increase self-awareness and to create a deeper, more blissful and harmonious bond with your partner:

Prepare the space: ensure the room is warm, set the mood with candles, your favourite scent and relaxing music.
• Start with a sensual and slow undressing ritual.
Sit opposite each other and focus on your breathing whilst gazing into each other’s eyes: breath in slowly to the count of five, hold your breath and breathe out to the count of six, allow the breath to move through your entire body.
Then slowly start caressing each other, using the fingertips with a light and gentle touch.
Then you may wish to begin to kiss, focus on every physical sensation and remember to be fully present.
• Finally, you could conclude your journey by giving each other a massage, ensure you concentrate on the entire body with slow and sensual strokes.

The path of Tantra is an invitation for you to bring more intimacy into your life, whether you currently have a partner or not. Tantra employs the engagement of sensory experiences which can provide a truly spiritual awakening, improve self-confidence, foster a healthy body image and for sure strengthens relationships by being able to connect on a deeper level.

About the author: Tomaz Mueller
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