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There are many forms of BDSM and they run a spectrum from light power play, like blindfolds and furry handcuffs to rough abuse – including genital abuse like CBT (cock and ball torture).

Usually, a person takes up a preferred role, dominant or subservient, masochist or sadist, although of course, you’ll get people who like to switch, between the many roles.

The dom is usually the person doling out the punishment or pain, while the sub is the receiver.

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the first known use of BDSM was in 1991.

So what is Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism?

Bondage is where the tying up of your partner with roles, cables, cable ties, scarves or actual chains. The idea is to restrict your partner’s movement. Again this could be on the lighter side, with just bounding someone’s hands to a full-body restriction suit, made from rubber.

Discipline could be corporal punishment like hits and spanks, but it could be verbal discipline as well.

Sadism is where someone is turned on by cruelty or humiliation inflicted upon another.

Masochism is the opposite of sadism. It’s where you are turned on by subjected to physical pain or humiliation.

BDSM in the gay community is not uncommon, with many guys trying out one form or another within relationships or other hookups. Many enjoy power play and enjoy the taking of dom or sub-roles, just as their heterosexual counterparts do.

Many people associate leather wear like harnesses and hogtie with the likes of homoerotic imagery like Tom of Finland or the activities of the annual Folsom street fair in San Francisco.

It is important to distinguish between consensual BDSM activities between consenting adults and those who are being abused or coerced against their wills.

Although BDSM does involve abuse, it is welcomed by the recipient, whereas sexual abuse isn’t.

Check out more gay dating terms.

5th June 2020

Guys get real about why they love their Pup / Handler relationship

You might have seen people at Pride who wear dog masks and wondered what it was about. Well, these guys share what they love about puppy play.

So what are puppies and handlers?

According to the MyUmbrella charity, the Puppy / Handler identify falls under the Fetish / Political umbrella. They say, “In puppy play, or dog play, one of the participants acts out canine mannerisms and behaviours, which is sometimes associated with leather culture”.

UPDATE: It should be noted that pups and their handlers span all sexualities and genders.

One user of Reddit asked the AskGayMen subreddit, what the appeal of Pup play and here are some of the best responses.

First off, Bufferrodentfl0 made three points. The first was that pup/handler play was all about headspace and escapism. They wrote,

“A lot of pups use the time spent as a “pup” as a form of escapism. Its time where they don’t have to think about responsibilities and where they can just focus on being in scene.”

Secondly they wrote that the appeal could be about Primal Sexual Urges, adding,

“Roleplaying as a pup isn’t always necessarily being submissive, and that its more about finding the idea of primal sexual urges attractive, since to a canine, sex is just sex, its just a a biological component”

Community

Guys get real about why they love their Pup / Handler relationship 3 — FILE PHOTO of Pups at BourneFree Pride (C) MONTY MCKINNEN

The final point made was the community aspect of the puppy world. There is a huge community of pups and handlers all over the world. They even have their own flag, websites and pride events.

T-Shirt – Would You Like My Bone

Attention

kinkygayturtle added that the short answer to why he loved puppy play was all about the “Cuddles, Attention and Playing”. He added,

“I just get snuggled and pet and praised and called cute for doing absolutely nothing!
“I balance a ball on my nose and get given lots of treats!
“The handlers around me all cuddle me and give me head scratches!”

https://www.thegayshop.co.uk/product/lola-collar-and-leash-black-os/

Calming

SchwerelosKTZ added that Puppy play offered “more of an escape” and that play was “calming”

He wrote,

” I can let go of my stress and just play, nap, do dumb dog stuff. In that way, it’s not always sexual, and I’m not always commanded to enter it. Sometimes, much like many people do with little-space, I slip into it here and there when I’m stressed or anxious. It’s calming.”

https://www.thegayshop.co.uk/product/spike-neoprene-puppy-hood-blue/

Loving yourself?

Guys get real about why they love their Pup / Handler relationship 4

nixxxxxxx suggested that for many it could be about therapy and growth, writing

“You have to shed stress/distractions and look inside to see what’s holding you back from loving yourself. It’s all about reaching this moment of acceptance and joy that’s really quite beautiful.
“It’s like faking it til you make it, because you take that emotional momentum back with you into human life.”

Sex?

It seems that while there may be a sexual element to the puppy/handler relationship it isn’t necessarily the engine that drives the community. Bufferrodentfl0 added,