That “harsher” sentence actually equates to SIX months (note the capital letters). Which a tiny proportion of those who commit an actual offence will actually receive. And remember six months, will never, in reality, be six months – more like three.
The new sentencing policy is set against the news that hate crimes reports against trans people have risen by 37 per cent to 2333 reports while crimes reported against lesbian, gay and bisexual people has risen by 25 per cent to 14,500 reported crimes.
The Daily Mail decided to frame the news with a title that read,”Now trans and gay hate crime will mean SIX months in jail after judges are ordered to crack down with harsher sentence” and then used domestic burglaries as a benchmark to drive a point that the sentences are longer – for crimes against the person rather than property. Surely that’s what it should be?
Well within hours of the piece, written by Steve Doughty for The Daily Mail, there were numerous remarks in the infamous comment section of the website, most of which were decrying the news.
“mac.attack” hailing from New Zealand, seemed concerned that a misconstrued joke could end up with us all on a slippery slope. God knows where, but we praise the liberal use of lube.
After a long-term, online, long-distance relationship with a guy that turned out to be transgender, THE UNDATEABLE GAY goes to meet the man of his dreams…
CREDIT: bigstock-kalim
I’ve deleted all my dating apps. There’s not one to be found on my iPhone. I was fed up with all the curious straight men chatting to me on Plenty of Fish. And annoyed at everybody on Grindr being shallow and only wanting one thing. And don’t even get me started on Tinder. I may only be in my 30s but I’m rather Granny like when it comes to technology.
After an unfortunate incident involving a 70-year-old lady and swiping right, and then being slightly stalked and receiving numerous invites for coffee and cake, I decided that Tinder was no good for me either.
I’ve taken to more intellectual apps these days. My favourite is Words with Friends. For those of you not in the know, this is Scrabble. But on your phone. And you can play with anyone, anywhere in the world.
One day, I started playing with this very handsome man called Joshua. Yes, you get to see a photo of who you’re playing with. I kept perving on his picture whilst waiting for him to play his move, praying he would start a conversation.
And then the Lord answered my prayers and a chat popped up. Although it was a little ambiguous. Remember, this is not a gay app, so there’s no way of knowing whether the person you’re playing with fancies you. Or even if they’re a raving homo.
After putting my journalistic training into practice, it was soon confirmed that Joshua was flirting with me and did indeed fancy me.
He was only 25. Ten years younger than me but I decided that I could be a cougar if I wanted. And he lived in Southampton. I was a bit disappointed that he wasn’t in London but hey-ho, it’s only an hour’s drive or a train ride! And besides, I’ve become so institutionalized with being single, I thought it’d be perfect to have a man who didn’t live in my pocket.
We spent months talking on the phone, exchanging WhatsApp messages and sending each other photos. I don’t think I’ve ever fancied a man as much as I had Joshua.
He was just my type; Tattoos, quite butch and BLOODY handsome.
We had so much in common. We drank like fishes. We had potty mouths and both adored the C U Next Tuesday word. And we both had quite common, rough around the edges accents. Surely it was a match made in heaven.
We even discussed growing older together. And I’d never met another man who shared the same views as me about how we should behave in a care home as an old couple together. We both agreed that it would be wheelchair races through the corridors. And slipping under the table for a sly blowjob during bingo.
A few months of a long-distance telephone relationship, I decided it was finally time to bite the bullet. Being the older gentleman, I took the lead and arranged to get the train from London to Southampton. I was finally going to meet the man of my dreams, my perfect match.
Two days before the big first date, he sent me a message declaring, “We’re perfect for each other, I swear.” I swooned at the words and I was of the same opinion. We were so similar, the way we spoke, the thoughts we had. It was scary.
The night before I was due to catch my train to Southampton, we had a very interesting text conversation.
JOSHUA: Probably something I should tell you before you come in case it puts you off.
ME: What??
JOSHUA: I’m transgender. I was born a female. I know you’ll probably freak and it’s fine.
MARK: I don’t give a shit. I know you as Joshua and I fancy you.
The morning of the date arrived and the sun was shining so brightly. The sun shines on the righteous, my dear Nan always said.
I arrived at Southampton Docks in plenty of time for our meeting. We’d agreed on 1 pm. It got to ten past and no sign of him. I tried to call. No answer. It got to twenty past. I sent two messages. No reply.
As the clock hit 2 pm, I thought, What a C U Next Tuesday. I’ve come all the way from London and you don’t even have the common human decency to show up or even respond to my attempts at contact.
Being ever the positive boy that I am, I decided that I would not waste my day. The sun was beating down and it was the most beautiful day so I spent my unexpected free time wondering around Southampton. I had a few glasses of wine, ate a spot of lunch and watched the world go by.
A few glasses of savvy b later, I decided it was time to get the train back to London. But not before I sent one final message to Joshua. I simply had to have the final word:
“I had a lovely day in the sun at Southampton Docks. I thought it best not to waste the train tickets so I spent the day in Southampton anyway. I wouldn’t worry what people think of you because you’re transgender. I’d be more concerned with what people think of you because you’re a bit of a cunt.”
A gay male friend told me recently that he returns to Pride in his home town of Bristol for the drinking, as there is nothing to protest about anymore. Given the rise of hate crimes over recent years, I pointed out that this is not true even for him, let alone for me. It is not that he did not get it, but it had not occurred to him that for many transgender people Pride might be the only setting – if then – in which they actually feel safe going into a pub.
Or take another example. A lesbian friend earlier this year shared a transphobic joke on social media. This suggested that in parts of the LGBTQ+ community – those parts, perhaps, where the need for so many letters to define us is not entirely accepted – the phenomenon of being transgender and the particular forms of discrimination we face are not yet fully grasped. Yet if we, as we should, reject heteronormative assumptions about sexual orientation, why should my lesbian friend have nonetheless have been so ready to accept them when it comes to gender? The many similarities in transgender experiences to those of gays and lesbians – in terms of exclusion, discrimination and being hidden from history – are effectively denied by jokes which treat us as more or less delusional about our gender identity.
PHOTO: Supplied
Happily, this has proved a rare experience. The vast majority of my gay and lesbian friends have been very supportive both of my transition and of transgender people in general. The high profile of transphobia on the streets and in certain parts of the public sphere has, in my experience, helped to ensure growing sympathy with the issues transgender people can face. All the different nuances of those experiences are, however, not always easy to grasp, even for people who are themselves transgender. I cannot be the only person to have been transplained by an older trans woman for whom her transition experience was seemingly the only authentic one.
Then take the perennial issue of toilets. This, despite the continuing scarcity of gender-neutral ones, has not really been an issue for me as a trans woman. However, I am aware that it can be much more problematic for trans men and for those who identify as genderfluid or non-binary. Awareness of these latter groups, unfortunately, is generally much lower than for us MTF trans people. Nonetheless, they need every bit as much support and are if anything subjected to even more hostility from transphobes, who find their flouting of gendered norms more disturbing than that of the femme-acting trans woman.
Similarly, among the gay community, there is not always ready awareness that the binary, straight/gay, does not necessarily apply to trans people any more than the binary, male/female, does. Some trans people are straight, though they are sometimes misconstrued as gay men and women who are trying unusually hard to conform to heterosexual frameworks. Some, like me, are lesbians (or transbians if you prefer) or in gay male relationships. Some are polyamorous. In terms of sexual orientation, the multifaceted nature of transgendered experience does not always make it easy readily to translate it into a gay or lesbian framework.
In addition, there is not always full awareness of the distinctive challenges we face in terms of adjusting both ourselves and our acquaintances to identities which are social, official (changing your passport can be a nightmare) and bodily as well as sexual. Names and pronouns matter for us as signifiers of transition. Yet even in Stonewall-approved universities trans people are still regularly labelled and abused. This is not least because we challenge stereotypes imposed by heteronormativity. These stereotypes have, in the past, been used to confine and control all of us – gay, lesbian and trans – and our exclusion has been our common experience.
Challenging these stereotypes, both as they apply to sexual orientation and to gender is, in my view, a wholly good thing for all of us.
“Transitive verb with similar connotations to mansplain.
“It can be used to describe the ways in which some well-meaning trans people pontificate about their transition experiences and processes as if they are the only authentic or right ones.”
Can you expand this definition? Use the comments below and your answer could be used to expand or define this glossary entry.
“A transgender woman who is attracted to either transgendered or cis women. It is used to differentiate from cis women who have a lesbian sexual orientation.
“Not all trans women are comfortable with the term, as it can be seen as denying their transition. Some lesbians are also very hostile to the term, despite the attempt to differentiate, particularly those who essentialize gender and therefore deny that gender transitions can even occur”
Can you expand this definition? Use the comments below and your answer could be used to expand or define this glossary entry.
Recently the BBC was attacked for teaching children that there are over 100 different types of gender. This move from the BBC received widespread criticism from the right-wing media (as expected) and unfortunately when a gender spokesperson on Good Morning Britain was interviewed on the matter they struggled to explain the differences when challenged by presenters on what the 100 genders stood for and why some of them were ‘genders’ and not simply aspects of their personality.
It was, put bluntly, a car crash and did nothing to explain to your the majority of UK viewers what the move was about.
Don’t get me wrong, I have my issues with Piers Morgan, but that interview was a car crash and made the gender argument look ridiculous. Love him or hate him, Piers won that round and inflicted serious damage on the public perception of gender freedom.
It left even those of us in the LGBT community that weren’t aware of 100+ genders before now baffled and unsure of what was expected of us as allies?
As someone that has worked with the wider LGBT+ community, I found the statement that there are 100+ gender staggering. It might easier for a child to get their head around, I can’t say as I’ve not been a child for quite some time now, but if we even struggle then how on earth is wider Society meant to cope? So I went looking to see what on earth the 100+ genders are and what they could mean.
I found this list from Tumblr which has listed around 116 different types of genders. Some I recognise and some have just baffled me. Many of them, especially those where they say they aren’t ‘Male’ or ‘Female’, but they aren’t anything else either until you ask them, then they say they are X or Y based on that moment. That is not a ‘gender’ type, that’s an attitude or personality trait. At most that is gender fluid, so what’s wrong with being gender fluid?
For a community that claims to despise labels and being put in boxes are we really telling the wider world that we now have 100+ labels for ourselves, a fair majority of which are based on our mood and situation at any given time?
Me: “I don’t want you [Society] to label me, we should be beyond labels”
Also Me: “Here are 100+ more labels, many of which depend on my mood on any given day. You wanna label me, ha I’ve just made it 100 times more difficult.”
People have to remember that we are a community, built and based on social interaction. This 100+ list of genders and associated pronouns has just put a massive barrier up to other human beings communicating with us/them.
If you have no idea how to address someone (as even ‘they’ wouldn’t work for some of these) then surely that person is simply not going to address you, and just avoid you completely as it’s the path of least resistance (easier). They don’t mean anything by it, they aren’t out to ‘get you’ or ‘oppress you’ they just have no idea how to interact with you because of this mind-boggling wall you’ve put up and have 1001 things to deal with other than how on earth to say hello to you and ask how you are.
The rise in gender fluidity and the challenge of the traditional masculine and feminine associations is something to be celebrated, especially if it means we get closer to achieving true gender equality, eradicate sexism and truly accept into Society transsexuality and gender re-assignment. However, with saying to the world that there are now 115 different genders, many of which are based on circumstances and mood, are we at risk to invalidating and demeaning that freedom we have enjoyed as it is coming across as ridiculous and unrealistic?
A friend of mine recently ‘came out’ as pansexual. For those unaware, pansexuality, or omnisexuality, is the sexual, romantic or emotional attraction towards people regardless of their sex or gender identity.
Pansexual people may refer to themselves as gender-blind, asserting that gender and sex are not determining factors in their romantic or sexual attraction to others. Unlike Bisexuality, pansexuals tend not to see gender and just see the person/personality.
Recently Sam Smith (not the friend mentioned above) also came out as non-binary and raising awareness of gender descriptives within our language. Smith has a valid point and if we are truly to be 21st-century race then more accurate command of the language is a good thing. The abuse Smith received from the LGBT community was completely uncalled for.
However, the 100+ genders issue raises the question, are we using gender identity as a smokescreen for our own personality traits and rising trend to be identified as something and to use that as a banner against oppression? It’s almost as if the community has achieved a level of acceptance (which we have on the whole) but now we want evermore? Or to put it another way, have we just gotten so used to being oppressed and that feeling of ‘fighting the machine’ that we now seek new battles and new demands for acceptance?
If some of our allies and the community itself are struggling to keep up with the notion of 100+ genders and pronouns, and find they have to ask what someone’s gender is in order not to offend, are we just simply creating a society where no one can get it right because I’ve used the pronouns for gender 67 but actually you are gender 68 which causes you offence and now I’m the oppressor? Surely we want a world where gender isn’t even factored into someone’s decision making. But this seems to want to enshrine even further it into everyday life and make it yet another thing people can use to beat you over the head with.
Personally, I don’t see the argument for creating any more genders beyond the 6 the NHS currently uses and recognises. Or at least, certainly not for creating 100+ pronouns. I shouldn’t need to know your gender, simply what pronoun to use. For those unaware, the 6 genders the NHS uses are currently male, female, gender-neutral, non-binary, gender-fluid and gender-queer. Being referred to as ‘they’ should be perfectly acceptable for the majority if not all genders. I’ve not seen any of the 100+ that aren’t simply a very subtle variation of 1 of the six (with maybe 1 or 2 exceptions).
If you do identify as one of the 100+ genders then you don’t need my validation to exist. You certainly don’t need my confirmation of your gender so seeking it from others is a fool’s errand.
If you can look me in the eye and can honestly say that you are peace with the fact that you identify as whatever-sexual, I’ll believe you and quite happily accept for you that. But if you honestly think this does anything for reaching a stage where gender means nothing to Society then you are deluding yourself. This turns the gender discrimination and bias argument into a completely different beast, a beast you are very unlikely to master.
There are a number of resources out there on Gender Freedom and Identity. I would encourage everyone to read more on the issue, starting with Mermaids charity so you can understand more around Transsexuality and wider issues. There are also some good resources from the BBC on gender identity and pronouns.
Here I have simply asked the question and posed some issues that we need to find answers to. Do your own research and come to your own conclusion, but remember this is a debate the nation should have. Not prejudice, or an attack, or an invalidation.
900 of those people don’t survive. It’s time to #EndSmearFear.
Jo’s Cervical Cancer Trust is partnering with Twitter to launch the #EndSmearFear campaign.
#EndSmearFear encourages users to feel comfortable discussing topics such as vaginas, cervixes and smear tests on the platform, including sharing tips, support and information on the test.
Conversation around smear tests, vaginas and sexual health on Twitter have risen 50% since 2017, demonstrating that people are feeling more comfortable discussing these issues than ever before, but much more can still be done.
More than 3,200 women, trans men and non-binary people with cervixes are diagnosed with cervical cancer every year in the UK and nearly 900 don’t survive. As well as this, attendance of smear tests (despite being the most effective protection against the disease) is falling.
One in three young women and people with cervixes are not choosing to take the test when invited.
Smear tests can be difficult due to a range of different, and often complex, factors. This can include embarrassment, fear and not understanding what the test is for. According to the LGBT Foundation, 17.8% of LGB women have not been to their smear test with lots of myths and stigma that needs to be overcome.
The #EndSmearFear campaign, which has already received lots of support from celebrities and politicians, aims to normalise chat about smear tests, cervixes and vaginas on the social media platform through a light-hearted search for the best emoji for female genitalia.
One Twitter user said, “The idea of getting a smear as a Trans man triggered my dysphoria to the point I almost didn’t go. But the nurse was respectful, understood the challenges, and was kind. #EndSmearFear”
Celebs backing the campaign include Louise Redknapp, Scarlett Moffatt, Charlotte Crosby, Chloe Delevingne, Vicky Pattinson, Chloe Sims and lots more.
Kate Sanger, Head of Communications at Jo’s Cervical Cancer Trust said: “We want to help reduce some of the fear and uncertainty around smear tests and have seen first-hand the power of social media in doing this. We’re pleased to be working with Twitter to see smear tests, cervixes and vaginas talked about as normally as using an emoji. By encouraging positive conversations we hope more people will feel comfortable asking questions, know where to find support and feel able to book a test if they choose to do so.”
Katy Minshall, Head of Public Policy at Twitter UK said, “With a third of women aged 25-29 not attending the test, we want people to feel safe and supported when talking about smear tests on Twitter. Emojis are a core part of Twitter conversation and we want to break down some of the uncertainty and fear about smear tests, and talking about them, with this simple, light-hearted campaign.”
Anyone with a cervix is eligible for a smear test aged 25 to 49 every three years and aged 50 to 64 every 5 years. The #EndSmearFear campaign is live from 16 September 2019.
TV star India Willoughby said that those four years had been “the best years” of her life.
Celebrity Big Brother star India Willoughby is celebrating her fourth birthday as India. Taking to Twitter she said that she had “no regrets” and advise anyone on a waiting list should “hang in there”.
She wrote, “I’m four years old today – and despite one of two things, they have been without doubt the best years of my life. Being true to yourself: priceless. Anyone stuck on a waiting list – hang in there. You’ll get there. No regrets”.
India Willougby was the UK’s first transgender newsreader and has since gone on to star in Celebrity Big Brother, Loose Women, and Good Morning Britain.
Fans of the outspoken journalist congratulated her on the milestone with one adding “Chuffed for you … lovely you’re happy now” while another tweeted, “Happy birthday India. I might not agree with every single thing you say but I commend your audacity to say what you think, not what every 1 expects you should think you’ve taught me to be proud to have an opinion&I don’t always agree with the majority either but I now embrace that”
Let me tell you about my own gender expression before we go on. I don’t think of myself as a “man” because I don’t really fit into what society expects of men. When I was a child all I wanted to do was be called a girl, wear high heels, my mum’s dresses and sing Petula Clark’s ‘Downtown’ on repeat.
I was a Grade A queer/trans kid. As an adult I couldn’t admit that to anyone outside my immediate family. I was so shamed by this behaviour – and bullied mercilessly at school when I chose to wear the white, patterned “girls’” socks instead of the regulation grey socks for boys.
Nowadays, I dress in typically masculine clothes, I have a boyfriend, I have short hair and people assume that I’m a man and a gay one at that. I respec the privileges that, for the most part, that assumed identity affords me. But, it never really feels right when someone refers to me in that way.
That said, I don’t mind if people use the pronouns him/his or he when they refer to me.
Although it does jar me if someone calls me a man.
Weird? Right?
I also don’t mind it if I’m referred to with female pronouns.
I’m pretty relaxed about the pronouns that are used to describe me.
But for some, words really matter. So here’s some advice to help us all become better allies to our non-binary, gender non-conforming siblings.
It seems that we’ve all got our lives set to transmit only. We need more receiving in our lives. So when someone is telling you something about them, listen.
Someone once wisely told me, “Assumptions are the mother of all fuck-ups” – and they were completely right. How often have you assumed something about a situation only to find that nothing was as you imagined? Pretty often, right?
Your assumptions are based on your own life experience. It doesn’t take into account other people’s experience. So leave your assumptions at the door and again, open your mind.
If a person tells you what their preferred pronoun is, accept it don’t fight it. It’s what they’ve asked you to call them. The decision is effectively out of your hands. It’s the same as when someone tells you their name. You accept it and it becomes part of their identity. Well, pronouns are the same.
Some non-binary, gender fluid and gender non-conforming folks use a number of different pronouns. Some popular ones are: Zim/Zer and Ze, they/them and theirs or even thon, which was actually added to the dictionary in 1964. They as a singular pronoun has been used for centuries.It’s not particularly new, it’s not trend based, it’s just getting a lot of media attention at the moment.
Blue for boys, Pink for girls… gender stereotyping is all so the 1950s and really doesn’t work for today’s society. No one likes living in a predefined box and we don’t live in a black and white world. There’s a whole rainbow out there.
Gender norms and stereotypes, when adhered to, just keeps society attached to a patriarchal system that’s almost impossible to climb and doesn’t work for all of us, particularly LGBT+ people. So lets bin it shall we?
Normalise the conversation surrounding pronouns. Write your preferred pronouns in your social media profiles. As @thalestral says on Twitter, “normalise that shit”.
Also on twitter, stop assuming people’s pronouns based on their profile pic and your binary stereotypes.
Read their profile. Check their pronouns. Don’t assume.
And while you’re there, put your own pronouns in your profile.
Piers posted a Tweet in which he called himself “trans slender”, whilst announcing during a live broadcast, on Good Morning Britain saying that he was identifying as a skinny person.
GMB tweeted the news, highlighting it as an “exclusive announcement”.
According to the email, over 1.6 million people engaged with the post generating over 10,000 comments, shares and retweets. Digital bosses highlighted the engagement in bold red, to show off how significant the digital reach was for the programme.
In his response to Dr Ranj, Piers wrote, “Hi Ranj, I am getting a little tired of humourless ‘woke’ berks like you telling me what gender-related jokes I can & can’t make on TV for entertainment… I implore you: PLEASE don’t do it.”
Today Piers Morgan identified as slim, calling himself Trans Slender.
Strictly Come Dancing star Doctor Ranj hit out at Piers Morgan today saying he was getting tired of the “gender related” jokes that the GMB presenter was making.
The doctor, who is out and proud, went on to say that the jokes said by Piers could be harmful to vulnerable people and implored Piers, as a medical professional to stop doing it – a request that didn’t go down too well with the ever outspoken Piers.
The plea for the jokes to stop came after Piers posted a Tweet in which he called himself “trans slender”. The presenter also, during a live broadcast, on Good Morning Britain said that he was identifying as a skinny person.
In his response to Dr Ranj, Piers wrote, “Hi Ranj, I am getting a little tired of humourless ‘woke’ berks like you telling me what gender-related jokes I can & can’t make on TV for entertainment… I implore you: PLEASE don’t do it.”
Hi Ranj, I am getting a little tired of humourless ‘woke’ berks like you telling me what gender-related jokes I can & can’t make on TV for entertainment… I implore you: PLEASE don’t do it. https://t.co/oP6i0V2hAi
