THEGAYUK

Tag: What it’s actually like to

Have you ever wondered what it’s like to actually do something, but never quite had the courage to do it? We’ve sent some of our brave and intrepid writers on adventures to report back what it’s actually like to do something…

  • This is what it’s like to go on a nudist beach, when you’re a nevernude!

    This is what it’s like to go on a nudist beach, when you’re a nevernude!

    It has to be said. I’m a never-nude.

    CREDIT: Jake Hook / THEGAYUK

    While my boyfriend takes almost every possible moment to whip his clothes off, I’m happy to keep it AbFab Saffy. He says I’m the only person he knows who dresses up to go to bed.

    So the idea of a nudist beach outing isn’t a natural fit for me, my Irish Roman Catholic never-naked family upbringing means that nudity to me is best kept in the dark. But as I’ve always said, “don’t say no, till you give it go”. So on a trip to Australia, I relented to my nagging boyfriend, who had heard there was a gay nude beach somewhere on the shores of Sydney.

    We were 9,445 miles away. No one I know would be there, and at 26 years old I was in my prime.

    Early one morning, we took a ferry to the Taronga Zoo and walked for what seemed like hours. With every step, my protestations got louder and more pronounced. “Did we really need to do this”, “There’s a perfectly nice, findable beach in Manly”, “What’s so special about getting naked anyway?”

    Finally, we found it. Opening up in front of us was a naked haven. It was less of a beach and more of a cove of smooth rocks, facing towards the sea. A bit like a penguin exhibit at a zoo. Numerous, well-placed, seemingly naturally occurring outcroppings of smoothish rocks, perfect for spreading out a towel and basking beneath the Aussie sun. It looked perfect. It looked secluded. At each end, there was a high wall of rocks and thick bush add to the seclusion. Perfect.

    My boyfriend’s little eyes lit up like it was Christmas, Easter, Valentines, New Year’s and Wirral Appreciation Day (he’s from Wirral) all in one. He started removing items of clothes as we picked our way across the rocks to find somewhere to settle.

    I started casually glancing around, more to make sure I had a good footing on the rocks, rather than goggling the naked men on show. There were penises everywhere.

    Some were casually flopping over the owner’s knees, some were neatly nestled in a well-groomed nest of pubic hair. All attached to perfectly bronzed and toned bodies.

    We had found a spot to make camp, my boyfriend literally ran off towards the ocean.

    I was left to undress and sink lower into my own self-loathing.

    I could feel expectant eyes around me. I was, still dressed, very much so. So I began to peel off an item of clothing one item at a time. It was like a very slow, very bizarre Victorian striptease. First flip-flop, second flip-flop and so on until it was just my underwear and nakedness. I was eking out every moment of clothed protection.

    I rooted around in my rucksack for my book. It was chunky. In what can only be described as pure magic, I whipped off my undies and firmly placed the book in front of the crown jewels in one swift, deft move. I was naked save for the book.

    Finally, with my undies still on, I rooted around in my rucksack for my book. It was chunky. In what can only be described as pure magic, I whipped off my undies and firmly placed the book in front of the crown jewels in one swift, deft move. I was naked save for the book. I looked around to see if there had been any signs of approval from the expectant eyes, but they had long bored of my antics and were distracting themselves in other ways.

    I pretended to thumb through my book. My boyfriend called for me to come down to the ocean.

    Could I?

    Could I walk to the ocean… exposed? Between where I was sitting and the shore there must have been about ten meters of rocks.

    Sod it. Do it. What’s the worst that could happen?

    Beneath my book, I gave my little Mr a tug. It’s the tugging that all men give themselves when you need a little something more. You know, in the right circumstances, you add a couple of inches to a flaccid knob.

    Finally, appeased by the length, I remove my book, stand up. I blind everyone. My pale never-nude body is so bright I’m sure it can be seen from space.

    I feel eyes on me. “Turn it around Jake, turn it around”, I coo to myself. In my mind, Sade’s “Smooth Operator” is playing, as I slink towards the shoreline. Not wanting to rush, I make sure each step is sure and solid. My boyfriend is seven meters away from me. He’s waving at me, encouraging me to come to the water’s edge. He’s waist-deep in the water and he’s been playing catch with some others that are in the sea. It looks fun. I want to join them.

    I continue to walk towards the sea. Why did we settle so far back from the shore? I’m five metres away now.

    Four meters… and then, I hear voices. These aren’t the subdued mumbles of the cove’s current inhabitants. No, I can hear children’s laughter and a general hubbub. I can hear a tannoy announcement. I can hear the churning of water from a propeller. From the left side of the cove, a tourist boat’s bow begins to appear.

    I’m three meters from the water now. More and more of the boat begins to show. It’s big. Actually, it’s massive. And there are lots of people on it. All of them with cameras pointed in the direction of the beach. The boat seems so close I’m sure I can hear the individual shutters of a hundred cameras firing.

    Forgetting ‘Smooth Operator’ and my careful footing, I make a dash for the water. Gazelle like, I spring over the last few rocks and dive.

    Into 3 inches of water.

    My pasty ass isn’t even covered with water.

    The tourist boat continues its slow-paced chugging, its slow speed is mocking me. The cameras are still clicking. Eventually, it disappears around the cove.

    My boyfriend is almost drowning with laughter.

    The expectant eyes, attached to waspy mouths are saying something… I think I can hear “oh look, a floating pomme”.

    I die.

  • What’s it really like to go for a sexual health screening

    What’s it really like to go for a sexual health screening

    So, if you’re someone who has sex, it’s important to go get tested.

    For some people, there’s a lot of anxiety about going to get tested at a sexual health clinic, but I’m here to let you know, sexual health services in the UK have come along in the last decade or some. So regardless of any the horror stories, you might have heard, here’s what actually happened the last time I went to get tested – which was last week.

    If you’re worried that medical implements are going to be stuck down your dick or up your ass or concerned that a bevvy of doctors will be taking a prolonged look at your squishy bits – you need to read on.

    I’ve recently moved to a new area and thought about checking up on the sexual health services area, after a quick look online, I found my local sexual health clinic and was able to book my appointment online.

    When entering the building, I was able to log in via a screen in the reception. Once booked in, I waited, perhaps 5 minutes before my name was read out – and I followed my nurse, Lesley, into a private office – where she checked my details, asked me a few basic sexual questions – like when was the last time I had sex – oral, anal and any other sexual activities which I had concerns about.

    She asks what brought me to get tested today and I tell her that I want to be tested for HIV as well as other sexual health screenings.

    I also ask her about getting the HPV vaccine – which she says is not a problem – she also suggests getting the Hepatitis vaccination. Which I agreed to.

    After that, we walk across the hallway to a treatment room – in which there was a urinal, a sink, a bed and a trolley of medical supplies.

    She asked me whether I wanted an oral and anal swab. ‘In for a penny’, I think and agree to both. She hands me a cotton wool bud in a long-thin plastic container and another small plastic container.

    kropekk_pl / Pixabay

    She leaves the room and allows me to, in private, pee in the cup and take my own anal swab, it’s really simple and you insert the bud about an inch or two inside you.

    I put the top back on the pee jar and the swab back into its plastic container.

    Next, after a few minutes, she reenters the room and takes the oral / throat swab, which again is another cotton wool bud. She says “it might make you gag…” I think, “not likely”. It doesn’t.

    She then takes a vial of blood, which is painless and takes seconds.

    She then collects the pee, the swabs and disappears from the room.

    Moments later reappears with the vaccinations, I’ve asked for. Hep A and B and the HPV.

    I have two injections in my right arm and the other in my left. All in all, I’m in the room for less than 15 minutes.

    There was no examination of my body, although I’m guessing if I went in with specific issues she would have taken a look.

    There was no sticking anything down my pee hole and no fingers up my butt.

    My swabs were all done by myself. Self-service!

    A week later a ping on my phone lets me know all my tests are clear.

    So please, don’t fret about going to a sexual health clinic. It really isn’t invasive and remember knowledge is power. Your health status isn’t something you should shy away from – and the best thing, in the UK, testing and my vaccinations were free thanks to the NHS.

     

     

  • Tom Tries It: Eyebrows: Tinting and Threading

    Tom Tries It: Eyebrows: Tinting and Threading

    The world of male grooming can be a daunting place. With a myriad of product types and treatments available, it’s hard to know what products you need to be using and what treatments are right for you.

    This is why at THEGAYUK, we have sent our beauty expert Thomas Swallow to try them out and decode the enigma of male grooming.

    Carry on reading below, to hear about Tom’s experience trying out Eyebrow/Eyelash Tint and Eyebrow Threading. Missed the first two instalments of this series? Click here to find out about Tom’s previous adventures, where he tried intimate waxing and a dermalux facial.

    So this week you lucky folks get three for the price of one. Yes as the intro would suggest I tried out not one, not two but three male grooming treatments. All focused on taming the two bushy caterpillars on my face that I call my eyebrows and as we didn’t want my lashes getting jealous, we threw them into the mix too. I just wanted to take this chance to thank the team at Blink Brow Bar in Fenwick’s, London for helping with this feature. As you’ll find out as you read on, I couldn’t have been in better hands for this. I did indeed feel very pampered.

    StockSnap / Pixabay

    Eyebrow/Eyelash Tinting:

    What is it?

    So let’s get started with the first two treatments that I had done this week. Eyelash and Eyebrow Tinting is the process of chemically dying your brows and lashes to achieve a darker/more defined colour. Basically just imagine the more professional version of shoving Just for Men on your eyebrows, when you had a bit left over from your beard. Please don’t put that stuff near your eyes though, I beg you! Being a blind panda ain’t a cute look.

    The Treatment:

    Tinting your eyebrows and eyelashes is one of those things, that I personally found super relaxing and satisfying. Essentially you get to just lay back and close your eyes for 10-15 mins and when you open them again, you have not only great looking brows and lashes but a more defined face. Brows really do shape your face gents, so make sure to never overlook them.

    So the treatment will essentially start two days prior to your first appointment. This is when you will do a patch test for the tint, to make sure you aren’t allergic. Following this on the day of your appointment, your treatment will start by your clinician asking you about your desired shade results. Whether you want a more subtle or more dramatic look, they can tailor the results to suit you. This stage is great, as it really does personalise the treatment to yourself and guarantees you get what you want from the treatment.

    Following this, your clinician will mix up your tint and then ask you to lay back so they can apply it to your eyebrows. They do the eyebrows first, as they usually, they take a lot less time to tint than your eyelashes. After the tint has been on a few minutes, they will remove the tint with a moist cotton pad and ask you your opinion on the colour. If you’re happy great, if not they will re-apply the tint to achieve the colour result you want.

    After your eyebrows are the desired colour, your clinician will then move their attention to your eyelashes. Honestly, this sounds a lot scarier than it actually is. Essentially your clinician will line underneath your eyes and your eyelid with a barrier cream (usually petroleum jelly) and then place halved cotton pads under your eyes, to avoid any excess colour running onto your skin. They will then ask you to keep your eyes closed and they will begin to apply the tint. This is a weird sensation I must admit and sometimes there can be a slight tingling sensation but the important thing here is to keep those eye closed. I promise the sensation if any will die down quickly. Your only job now for the next 10 mins or so is to relax and you may even have a little nap if you’re like me. It has been a tiring few weeks, don’t judge.

    My clinician was also super lovely and gave me a shoulder and arm massage while the tint was developing. This was definitely a super sweet thing for her to do and definitely made the whole experience more memorable.

    After the tint has developed for roughly 10 mins, your clinician will begin to remove the tint from your eyelashes. Again it’s super important you don’t open your eyes till your clinician tells you to. It may be tempting but trust me it will sting if you do. They will start the removal process by using damp cotton pads similarly to the eyebrow tint but then due to the sensitive nature of the eye, they will then go on to use water directly on the area to remove any residual tint. Following this process, they will give you two more damp cotton pads for you to use yourself. This is so that you can be sure that all the tint has been removed from the eye. You can now open your eyes and see your newly defined lashes. If you have blue eyes like myself, by the way, I couldn’t recommend this more. It really does make your eyes pop and look so much more intense, in a good way.

    After-Care:

    As always we like to advise you on any necessary after-care for the treatments I try out and to be honest for this treatment, it’s very minimal. Essentially just avoid washing your face till the morning after to increase the longevity of the tint. Simple, right?

    Eyebrow Threading:

    729714 / Pixabay

    What is it?

    Moving on to my third and final treatment I tried this week, I tried the treatment made legend by my female friends. Yes, I indeed tried Eyebrow Threading. Now if you don’t know what eyebrow threading is, it’s essentially the process of using a piece of tightly wound thread to remove hair from the skin. If you’re like me and have female friends that have told you about threading you’d also know it has a reputation for being very painful.

    After trying it myself this, I’ve got to say I don’t really understand how it’s painful. It’s a little uncomfortable but it isn’t painful. You essentially feel a light pull and then nothing. Of course like waxing the amount of pain is definitely down to a lot of factors but if you have a good clinician, I don’t see why you should be in pain.

    The Treatment:

    Anyway now we’ve dispelled that myth and threading clinicians across the country are thanking me for an increase in clientele. Let’s talk about what actually happens when you get your eyebrows threaded. Similarly to the tinting process, your clinician will first do a consultation on how you want to shape your brows. Being myself and liking the natural look, I opted to just get them tidied up but keeping to my natural brow shape. You will then lay back and your clinician will tighten the thread and start the threading process. I was asked to hold my eye area taught with my fingers for the first half of the process for each eye. This was to reduce any pain and make the removal process that much smoother.

    The whole process for each eye took only a couple of minutes and as I said previously, really wasn’t that painful. Following the initial removal, my clinician they asked my opinion on the results and then suggested some further alterations to my brows they could do. This was a great step to include as you could tailor your results to your tastes and the added suggestion was most welcome. Essentially she just asked if she could cut a small section at the front of my brow to make it more even, which of course I said yes to.

    Following this final snip, my brows were then perfectly shaped and the clinician added some soothing aloe gel to the area, to reduce any irritation caused by the hair removal.

    After-Care:

    Similarly to the threading, after-care for threading is very simple. Just don’t wash the area till the morning after and avoid any irritants such as perfumes. Again super simple, right?

    Pricing:

    As with all the features in this series, we can’t give you a definitive price for the treatment. As it really does depend on your clinician and where in the country you live but we can give you the pricing for Blink Brow Bar, to give you a bit of a guideline.

    • Eyelash & Eyebrow Tinting: £30.00

    • Eyebrow Threading: £21.00

    Final Thoughts:

    So it’s safe to say I was pretty impressed with the immediate results these treatments offered. As I said previously my eyes looked more striking, my brows looked more defined and my face as a whole just looked more chiselled. Personally, I think that going forward this will be an essential step in my grooming regime and I’ll definitely be going to the team at Blink Brow Bar in Fenwick’s, London to keep it up.

    I really couldn’t have asked for a better team to do this feature with. They really did tailor the treatment to my specific needs as a client and the results spoke for themselves. I would definitely recommend giving these three brow/lash essentials a go ASAP and if you’re near a Blink Brow Bar branch hit them up. You can thank me later.

    Want to see previews of what’s coming up or just what Tom gets up to in his day to day life? Drop him a follow on his Instagram below, where you can make suggestions for any grooming treatments you’d like to see him try in the near future.

    Follow Thomas Swallow on Instagram

  • Tom Tries It: What it’s like to get an Intimate Waxing

    Tom Tries It: What it’s like to get an Intimate Waxing

    The world of male grooming can be a daunting place. With a myriad of product types and treatments available, it’s hard to know what products you need to be using and what treatments are right for you. This is why at THEGAYUK, we have sent our beauty expert Thomas Swallow to try them out and decode the enigma of male grooming.

    CREDIT: Depositphotos ( FILE PHOTO)

    Carry on reading below, to hear about Tom’s experience trying intimate waxing for the first time. Yes, you heard right, he even put his manhood on the line this week!

    So as the intro suggests, this week to kick off this new series I put my manhood on the line and leapt into the world of male intimate waxing. I really don’t do things by halves, could have started with a cheeky chest wax but no, not me. With the help of Jimmy Bodur Male Grooming inside the 193 Whitecross Street clinic in London, we went all out and did the full Hollywood wax experience. Yes, I am now quite literally as smooth as a baby’s butt!

    So if you’ve ever been curious about waxing your meat and two veg, then make sure to carry on reading. As myself and Jimmy take you through the whole procedure from preparation to after-care.

    So what is intimate waxing?

    (C) BIGSTOCK (FILE PHOTO)

    I suppose the best place to start for those of you who don’t know, is to explain just exactly what intimate waxing is.

    The basic premise of waxing is to use warm or hot wax, to physically remove hair from the body. In the case of warm wax, this is often done with the help of waxing strips that adhere to the wax and help the remove the product and hair from the skin. When dealing with hot wax, however, the use of a waxing strip is often not needed. The wax is left to cool on the skin and then removed directly.

    Intimate waxing as the name suggests is the same premise but centred around the removal of hair from the genital area. There are two main types of intimate waxing offered to men:

    1. The Hollywood Wax: The complete removal of all hair from the pubic triangle, balls, penis, scrotum, buttocks and crack.

    2. The Brazilian Wax:The complete removal of all hair from the balls, penis, scrotum, buttocks and crack. While only trimming down the pubic triangle.

    So, of course, we went for the Hollywood option! It was the week of my birthday, we had to go all out!

    How to prepare for intimate waxing?

    (C) BIGSTOCK (FILE PHOTO)

    Now, this is something that I definitely thought was more daunting than it actually was. Personally, I thought there would be a multitude of steps in getting your skin/hair ready for waxing. Whereas Jimmy outlined it all in 3 simple steps:
    1. Don’t moisturise the area on the day of waxing, otherwise, it will be harder for the wax to adhere to the hairs.

    1. Don’t do any sports or gym work for at least 3 hours prior to your appointment. We need to be clean and avoid sweat here guys!

    2. Finally, simply don’t shave or trim the area being waxed. I was personally conscious of this, may have let the bush grow out a bit to make sure it was long enough. Jimmy very simply said though, if it needs trimming I’ll do it. If the hair is too short or too long, the wax can’t adhere.

    Simple right?

    During the treatment:

    Now, this is the bit that I know you’re all the most curious about. We’ve all heard the stories of how much waxing hurts and I’m not going to lie to you and say it’s painless. When being waxed you are physically ripping the hair from your skin and so, of course, it is going to painful. Especially in sensitive areas. <

    What I will say though, is that it is in no way as painful as you think it is going to be. The best way I can describe it is a burning sensation that goes away just as quickly as it comes. Of course, there are certain areas that are more sensitive and naturally feel more painful than others but with a light bit of pressure from Jimmy’s hand on the skin afterwards, the burning sensation quickly disappeared.

    This is why it’s important to have an expert clinician like Jimmy doing a procedure like this though. The pain you experience is directly relational to how good your clinician is. If they can get the wax on and off in a quick and effective motion, the pain will be minimal. If they don’t know what they’re doing and are tugging at the wax, it’s gonna hurt like hell!

     

    So now the pain rumours have been dispelled, let’s get on to going through the procedure:

    1. Jimmy had me get on my elbows and knees to wax my buttocks and crack. This position although a little embarrassing is the best position you can be in for getting waxed in this area. The skin is made taught in the position and ensure the wax can be removed easily and effectively.

    2. He started proceedings by checking the temperature of the hot wax against my skin and then dripping some down my crack. By doing this step first, he was allowing the hot wax to cool and adhere to the hair between my cheeks as long as possible.

    3. While cooling he then went on to use warm wax along with waxing strips to remove the exterior hair on my buttocks and lower back. By doing warm waxing in these less sensitive areas, he was able to remove the hair in the most effective and speedy manner.

    4. It was time to wax my crack and honestly, I thought this part was going to be the most painful out of the entire treatment. You know, nerve endings and all that! Surprisingly though, it was the least painful and after expressing my shock to Jimmy, he explained why. Basically, using hot wax is a much more painless method of hair removal than using warm wax and therefore he only ever uses hot wax on sensitive areas.

    5. Jimmy then went on to moisturise the entire area and by the time he was done, I was pain-free and smooth as a baby!

    6. After I had my smooth baby butt, I was asked to lay on my back and think of England. It was time to wax little Tom! Now similarly to waxing my crack, Jimmy used hot wax to remove the hair from my frontal area. This was by no means as pain-free as having my crack waxed but it wasn’t unbearable. Surprisingly though, it was my pubic triangle that actually caused the most pain but as I said earlier, with a light bit of pressure from Jimmy the pain was gone in seconds.

    7. Finally, once all the hair had been removed, Jimmy went on to moisturise the area and once again by the time he was done, I was pain-free. Job’s a good’un, as my dad would say.

    After-care:

    Similarly to the preparation stage, I thought this would be a lot more complicated than it actually was. The basic premise for after-care, was as follows:

    1. Just don’t shower for the first 24 hrs and when you do, make it a cool shower. You need to let your skin recover after hair removal and the best way is to let it rest for the first 24 hrs, while the skin barrier repairs.

    2. Avoid any fragrance for the first 24 hrs and avoid any sporting activity for the next 48 hrs. As with the showering, this is to avoid any unnecessary irritation to the skin.

    3. Following this initial period, the after-care is straightforward. Exfoliate once a week to avoid ingrown hairs and apply moisturiser regularly to avoid irritation.

    How much does it cost?

    Well obviously we can’t speak for every single salon in the UK but in terms of Jimmy, who is by far our recommendation. The pricing is as follows:
    Male Brazilian Waxing: £50.00

    Male Hollywood Waxing: £60.00

    Personally, for the level of service you get, I think the pricing is completely justified. Obviously, this is all subjective but for a treatment that lasts for around 6 weeks, I think the results by far justify the pricing.

    Final thoughts:

    You know I can safely say, that I’m glad I tried the whole Hollywood waxing experience at least once in my life. It’s a strange sensation at first being completely hairless down there but I think aesthetically everything just looks well-groomed and sharper.

    So would I have it done again? You know, I probably would. I would definitely have my ass waxed again, as I don’t feel I could deal with a hairy crack again after this but I would possibly opt for a Brazilian wax next time. Basically, I’d go through it all again but maybe just trim the bush. You know to avoid the most painful part!

    Finally, I just wanted to say a massive thank you again to Jimmy Bodur Male Grooming and the entire 193 Whitecross Street team, for all their help in making this feature. He’s a great guy and they are a great team, so I definitely recommend giving them a visit the next time you are in London!

  • What’s it like to run your own OnlyFans porn account?

    The Grassroots Porn Revolution

    The last few years has seen the rise of grassroots porn in the adult film industry, with newcomers and porn stars alike taking matters into their own hands and producing/distributing their own content onto the market.

    OnlyFans has been one of the services at the forefront of this grassroots porn revolution and we at THEGAYUK wanted to find out more, so we sat down with grassroots porn creator Troy Turner to find out about his OnlyFans journey.

    Firstly, what made you get into OnlyFans?

    I had always wanted to get into porn but I never had the guts to do it. Plus I had no idea of who to get in touch with to start doing it. Then one day back in 2017 I got approached by a photographer to do a shoot with him, I took up the offer and it all started from that. So I got involved with OnlyFans as a way of having a closer connection to my emerging fan base. It makes it so much easier for them to access my material and get in touch with me for custom content.

    And how did you start to build a fan base?

    It was a difficult but fun process. Porn bloggers are a massive help and so a lot of the time, it’s a matter of networking with them to get your content out there on social media.

    Do you find that it’s easy to maintain your fan base?

    I don’t find it easy but I find it a fun process. In order to maintain an audience, I have to keep producing new material or they would lose interest and it’s safe to say I enjoy making the material!

    Have you branched out into mainstream porn as well?

    I have done in the past and I will be making more in the future, so just keep an eye out but for now, I’ll keep producing my own content as often as I can.

    So obviously having done mainstream porn will help gain you a fan base but do you think it would be possible to make decent money from it without this background?

    I’d say that it’s absolutely possible. When people think of OnlyFans, they only think of the porn side of it but it’s full of a variety of content from singers to artists and so the money you make, really just depends on the quality of your content. Some people are making a fortune from it!

    Why do you think there has been an increase in the number of porn stars heading to OnlyFans?

    A lot of porn stars use sites like OnlyFans to engage with their fan base and keep them entertained. Plus like I said before, some people are making a lot of money from these sites and so it is definitely a viable source of income for the more famous stars.

    Speaking of entertaining your fans, what’s the most outrageous thing you’ve done so far for your OnlyFans page?

    Well, I’m a firm believer in getting enough protein in my diet. So I decided to unload on a tablespoon and get my protein fix for the day! Well, it is important to get those gains in!

    Finally, what tips would you give to our readers thinking of taking the leap in creating their own Only Fans page?

    As I said earlier, OnlyFans is not just for porn and you can use it for whatever you want. If you are wanting to make some grassroots porn though, my best tip is to keep your fans entertained at all times.

    Follow Troy on Twitter here and see his OnlyFans channel here

     

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  • So what’s it like going on a nude beach for the first time?

    It has to be said. I’m a never nude.

    CREDIT: Jake Hook / THEGAYUK

    While my boyfriend takes almost every possible moment to whip his clothes off, I’m happy to keep it AbFab Saffy. He says I’m the only person he knows who dresses up to go to bed.

    So the idea of a nudist beach outing isn’t a natural fit for me, my Irish Roman Catholic never-naked family upbringing means that nudity to me is best kept in the dark. But as I’ve always said, “don’t say no, till you give it go”. So on a trip to Australia, I relented to my nagging boyfriend, who had heard there was a gay nude beach somewhere on the shores of Sydney.

    We were 9,445 miles away. No one I know would be there, and at 26 years-old I was in my prime.

    Early one morning, we took a ferry to the Toronga Zoo and walked for what seemed like hours. With every step, my protestations got louder and more pronounced. “Did we really need to do this”, “There’s a perfectly nice, findable beach in Manly”, “What’s so special about getting naked anyway?”

    Finally, we found it. Opening up in front of us was a naked haven. It was less of a beach and more of a cove of smooth rocks, facing towards the sea. A bit like a penguin exhibit at a zoo. Numerous, well-placed, seemingly naturally occurring outcroppings of smoothish rocks, perfect for spreading out a towel and basking beneath the Aussie sun. It looked perfect. It looked secluded. At each end, there was a high wall of rocks and thick bush add to the seclusion. Perfect.

    My boyfriend’s little eyes lit up like it was Christmas, Easter, Valentines, New Year’s and Wirral Appreciation Day (he’s from Wirral) all in one. He started removing items of clothes as we picked our way across the rocks to find somewhere to settle.

    I started casually glancing around, more to make sure I had a good footing on the rocks, rather than goggling the naked men on show. There were penises everywhere.

    Some were casually flopping over the owner’s knees, some were neatly nestled in a well-groomed nest of pubic hair. All attached to perfectly bronzed and toned bodies.

    We had found a spot to make camp, my boyfriend literally ran off towards the ocean.

    I was left to undress and sink lower into my own self-loathing.

    I could feel expectant eyes around me. I was, still dressed, very much so. So I began to peel off an item of clothing one item at a time. It was like a very slow, very bizarre Victorian striptease. First flip-flop, second flip-flop and so on until it was just my underwear and nakedness. I was eking out every moment of clothed protection.

    Finally, with my undies still on, I rooted around in my rucksack for my book. It was chunky. In what can only be described as pure magic, I whipped off my undies and firmly placed the book in front of the crown jewels in one swift, deft move. I was naked save for the book. I looked around to see if there had been any signs of approval from the expectant eyes, but they had long bored of my antics and were distracting themselves in other ways.

    I pretended to thumb through my book. My boyfriend called for me to come down to the ocean.

    Could I?

    Could I walk to the ocean… exposed? Between where I was sitting and the shore there must have been about ten meters of rocks.

    Sod it. Do it. What’s the worst that could happen?

    Beneath my book, I gave my little Mr a tug. It’s the tugging that all men give themselves when you need a little something more. You know, in the right circumstances, you add a couple of inches to a flaccid knob.

    Finally, appeased by the length, I remove my book stand up. I blind everyone. My pale never nude body is so bright I’m sure it can be seen from space.

    I feel eyes on me. “Turn it around Jake, turn it around”, I coo to myself. In my mind, Sade’s “Smooth Operator” is playing, as I slink towards the shoreline. Not wanting to rush, I make sure each step is sure and solid. My boyfriend is seven meters away from me. He’s waving at me, encouraging me to come to the water’s edge. He’s waist deep in the water and he’s been playing catch with some others that are in the sea. It looks fun. I want to join them.

    I continue to walk towards the sea. Why did we settle so far back from the shore? I’m five metres away now.

    Four meters… and then, I hear voices. These aren’t the subdued mumbles of the cove’s current inhabitants. No, I can hear children’s laughter and a general hubbub. I can hear a tannoy announcement. I can hear the churning of water from a propeller. From the left side of the cove, a tourist boat’s bow begins to appear.

    I’m three meters from the water now. More and more of the boat begins to show. It’s big. Actually, it’s massive. And there are lots of people on it. All of them with cameras pointed in the direction of the beach. The boat seems so close I’m sure I can hear the individual shutters of a hundred cameras firing.

    Forgetting Sade and my careful footing, I make a dash for the water. Gazzele like, I spring over the last few rocks and dive.

    Into 3 inches of water.

    My pasty ass isn’t even covered with water.

    The tourist boat continues its slow-paced chugging, its slow speed is mocking me. The cameras are still clicking. Eventually, it disappears around the cove. My boyfriend is almost drowning with laughter. The expectant eyes, attached to waspy mouths are saying something… I think I can hear “oh look, a floating pomme”.

    I die.

  • What’s it like to have a doctor check your balls for lumps?

    Oh no; not a third bollock! I had found a lump!

    Nothing significant but it was a lump on my right testicle. I had woken one morning stretching, raking, scratching, checking and there it was. I did nothing, well not precisely nothing I kept checking every day to see if it would just go. It didn’t. After about a week I knew I should see a doctor just to be safe.

    Having recently moved into a new area I had yet to register with a surgery. I lived in an apartment in a large converted Victorian house, halfway up a hill. At the foot of the hill was the nearest clinic. Registering as a new patient seemed to be a good idea, so I filled in the form when I went to ask to see a doctor. There were no appointments, but I could sit and wait to see the duty doctor. I was told the duty doctor for today was the GP I had just registered for and I would be his first patient on his first day.

    It was the summer of 1992, a hot August day. I sat in the waiting room, worried about sweating in the heat and wondering if this was the best time to be here. How long would I have to wait? Long enough to be considered of dubious personal hygiene? I hoped not. I wanted to be cool and calm, but I just felt hot and sweaty.

    Surrounded by seniors, some with quiet dignity, an old lady with her head to one side. “Earache,” the old man accompanying her said sharply as he looked across at me. Oops had I been staring? Small children, some running around, others looking very sorry for themselves and clinging to their parents.

    “Tom Driver to Doctor F……..”, the loudspeaker announced. I followed the instructions the receptionist had given me and went up the stairs to the door on the left. I knocked and almost immediately heard back “Come in.”

    Deep breath and in through the door and shocked, absolutely stunned! Sitting in the chair, formally attired, smiling back at me was a young man who was the spitting image of England Rugby Union Captain Will Carling. “Tom isn’t it? Do take a seat.”

    Take a seat? I wanted to run out of the door. This man was wank fantasy material incarnate, and I was going to tell him I had a lump on my right bollock!

    Pleasantries over and I had made my disclosure, while mumbling, looking away and staring at the floor. “Well, we better have a look then. Stand up and drop your trousers and underwear.”

    Mentally I was in agony dreading what would happen if my cock reacted during the examination. In my head, I was watching the Salvation Army marching band and old ladies knitting while reciting “Bromide in the NAAFI tea keeps the cock at half-mast or lower.”

    In the time I had been having these thoughts and thinking of what excuse to offer should he excite me, the doctor had got on his knees in front of me. Oh My God, focus on the matter in hand, IN HAND, he has my balls in his hand fondling squeezing and checking. He reached to his desk and took from it with his right hand the instrument they use to look into mouths and ears (Otoscope). With his torch in his right hand and the lump exposed by his positioning of my testis with his left, he shone the light. I thought; ‘he really wants a good look’. Then he got up, and I heard him say “All done, pull them up.”

    I had to ask, “What were you doing?” He explained to me that he shone the light because cellular tissue is denser than fatty tissue. Having this knowledge and the fact the light shone into and through the lump indicated it was not cellular (potentially cancerous) and was most likely a polyp, a lump of fatty tissue the body would probably reabsorb over time. I was told to keep an eye on it and if it changed, itched or grew to come back. I thanked him and left.

    On the stairs, on the way down I stood back to let an elderly couple pass on their up. It was the old lady with the earache who was his next patient. I smiled, knowing where the instrument he would use to examine her had just been.

     

    If you are concerned about lumps on your testicles, you should make an appointment with your GP as soon as possible.

    THEGAYUK.com has teamed up with The Naked Rugby Players to help raise money and awareness for testicular cancer with the Balls To Cancer charity, through their Naked Rugby Calendar 2018. To buy a copy click here.

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • What’s it like to go to BDSM dinner party?

    It comes around every year, announced by the crashing onto the doormat in the hallway, abound (well it would be) invitation to the Mid Devon BDSM Dinner and dance.

    I only too well remember last year’s meal… I was sat at a table facing the door. The man from the table next to me was on the floor in the foetal position. He was already at his dessert; I made a mental note not to order anything with crushed nuts.

    A couple entered and were being shown to their table when I heard a resounding thud and splat. The sort of noise only heavy-duty surgical rubber makes when over lubed. Sure enough, the sub of the couple had lost his butt plug. Forced out by the 30-second long rasping fart that followed, accompanied by musical lows and highs. I could only imagine the look of embarrassment and relief on his face, as his full cover gimp mask rendered him quite expressionless.

    My date for this event was Clive. A massive 22 stone of a man clad from head to foot in Biker’s leather, boots, gloves with studs and a helmet with a skeleton in relief on the back. Rather like a secret Santa event, the seating was chosen at random. I inquired of Clive as to where he had parked his bike? In the most effete of voices and with a Birmingham accent he replied, “Oh no bab, I haven’t got a bike. I came on the bus!” (pronounced buzz by Brummies). At this juncture, he extended a hand, as limp as a left out lettuce and requiring a bone in the wrist to prevent it from dangling perpendicular to the forearm. I returned the greeting taking and shaking just his index and middle finger.

    Clive had long dishevelled hair, a matching beard and wore corrective glasses that almost worked. His head was facing me, one eye looking at me, the other looking for me. Our drinks arrived. I took my pint of real ale with my cuffed hands and Clive his Babycham. There we sat making small talk, a pseudo biker and me in my PVC maids outfit, crotchless panties, thigh length rubber waders and cast iron ankle shackles. I glanced around the dining room and given the assembled company I felt we blended in and were perhaps even a little conservative in our garb.

    Our order for dinner was taken by an orange-hued spray tanned muscle Mary, shrink-wrapped into the tightest of trunks. I would have aged him to be in his 40s. The badge announcing that his name was Doris was worn through his pierced right nipple. From the way he twitched when it jiggled I think the piercing was new for the event. He seemed to be enjoying the pain. Though he was less than steady on his 6-inch heels, part of the reason we had steered clear of the soup.

    Neither Clive nor I had any food or gunge fetishes and we wanted to eat and not wear our food. Though the same could not be said for all the diners, one of whom was having his rectally inserted, the decision having been made by his master. I think they were vegetarians and the choice of the Raw root platter must have been a veritable delight, given the moans of pleasure coming from the recipient who was bent over the table.

    But I have reminisced too long. Time to look in the wardrobe, I want to stand out this year and was thinking of wearing something a little risque. I do hope they have “pigs in slings” on the menu again. I avoided them last year, being as they were, past their best by date. I will, of course, report back

  • What’s it like to go to a gay sauna for the first time?

    What’s it like to go to a sauna for the first time?

    Well, it’s quite liberating if l am honest. Admittedly this wasn’t a sauna in the UK. It was one we found on a trip to Milan, Italy and Il have only every tried it the once.

    If what had gone on was an indication of what Brexit would be to the UK then I can tell you we would have got f*cked by the Italians, fingered by the French and the British would have stood around talking.

    However, at the time of the event, there was no such talk of Brexit.

    During the evening I had done wonders for Britain in the EU. Let me explain. It’s quite daunting at first. I am/was at the time still quite naive.

    It was the year 2000. I had only been out for about 4 years and was on a little paid for jolly by a well known UK pizza company with an ex-boyfriend and good friend, his partner and a friend who you could quite easily smother with a pillow because he made all sorts of random noises at night time.

    Having spent the day at Alfa Romeo (I write about cars, give me a break) and lusting madly after the Alfasud, we headed to a sauna in the evening. You would think that the language barrier would have been difficult for a Brit who could order a Big Mac and fries in French and nothing in Italian. Well, think again.

    The language of sex is simple. Point, pull and force. You point to the person within the area you are in. You pull them to a private room and you force them onto your cock. In this case, the young Italian man had the upper hand. He was cute, we spoke not one word of understandable language and we had sex.

    He waved his erect penis at me in the private room that was no more than a toilet cubicle with a medical type examination couch in and we did the deed, hooded for safety. Later that evening I caught up with the Brits. In this case, the ex in the hot tub. He had suggested we start something off to get it rolling. I then stopped him to say I had already been involved in something. So off to the steam room we head.

    A French man is standing nearby. His English isn’t too bad. In fact, it’s quite good, better English that any I have heard on the Jeremy Kyle show.

    “I like to finger” in any accent is pretty much the same. Outside the steam room, he fingers and all of a sudden a strapping Italian man lifts up his towel and pushes my mouth over his hard cock.

    I reciprocate and perform oral sex on the man of no name. The event comes to an end and we all go our separate ways home.

    England, France and Italy. It was an event as you can see I still have fond memories 17 years later. I am yet to step into one again. I think it would be quite hard to match this. I did try a men-only club in London recently, however, it just wasn’t the same. I am (we hope) taking the Fiat X1/9 to Italy in October and passing through Turin.

    Who knows but I’d quite like to revisit a foreign sauna again.

  • So what’s it actually like to work out naked in a room full of other naked guys?

    Yeah, it’s a thing. Exercising and group training in the buff is a relatively new concept (no, those “squats” you’ve been doing do not count as training) and NKD Training’s founder Paul was kind enough to invite me along to try it out.

    I’ll be honest, this whole endeavour started as an excuse to ogle hot guys working out veiled under the thin disguise of journalism. As the day of my naked group training drew closer I began to have some serious doubts. What if the group was full of creepy fat old men? Or worse, what if it was full of hot young men and that I would actually be the creepy fat old man?! As it turns out, there was a healthy mix of both. NKD Training is run at the Gym Clinic in West London, a small but well equipped (that’s what they say about me … sorry, too many penis jokes) gym not far from Gunnersbury tube station. The main entrance is closed off during naked training so you have to enter through the back door (not saying a word) into the clean and professional workout space. That just happens to be full of naked men exercising.

    The session is divided into two parts: the first is an hour of free gym time in which you are invited to use the facilities as and how you want, dressed in as little as you want – as long as you’re wearing trainers. You can wear shorts during this time, as I did, but you will be silently yet harshly judged by the guys training in the altogether.

    The second half of the session is similar to a circuit class, during which Paul takes you through a warm up – set to your favourite drag queen lip sync music – and then through a solid 45-minute workout. Newcomers are likely to feel strange and probably a bit uncomfortable when first stripping off, but after a while of lunging and crunching and curling, you almost forget that your dick is hanging out while you do it. Almost.

    There were some aspects to naked training that were more complicated than I had anticipated. Running on a treadmill was obviously more uncomfortable than I’m used to, but trying to do squats without giving the guy behind you an eyeful of ass-crack, that was damn near impossible.

    I can certainly see the appeal of naked training and, as Paul explains, the benefits of a personal trainer are significant. “As a trainer, there are a lot of benefits. I can see more of the muscles that are working and I can see if there’s an imbalance, say when they’re doing a chest press. You don’t just see the bar moving, you see the muscles that are working, the ones that aren’t and the ones that should be. And it builds a bond, being naked. I don’t know how to explain it.”

    It was definitely a unique experience for me, but one that I really wanted try. Not so much to see hot naked guys (again, yes there are plenty of them there) but to come more to terms with my own nakedness. Gay men are often plagued with insecurities about our bodies and the act of stripping off completely in a bold attempt to better yourself takes balls and not just the ones on display.

    For most of the men in that room, being naked was the most normal and natural thing in the world. It was the realisation that whether your body is perfect or not, it’s the only one that you’ve got. So learn to love it while you work to make it better. And go on, have a sneak peak at yourself training naked in the mirror. You may be more impressed than you thought.

    NKD Training takes place every Sunday in West London and costs £15 per session.

    You can also book naked personal training sessions either in your home or Paul’s.

    Contact paul@nkdtraining.co.uk or visit nkdtraining.co.uk for more information and to book.

  • What’s it like getting a Back, Sack and Crack wax by a perfect stranger

    We sent brave Aaron Holloway to get waxed. Firstly we wanted to know how much it hurt and secondly we wanted to know what it was like to have a perfect stranger fiddle about with your junk.

    CREDIT: Dmytro-Sidelnikov-bigstock
    CREDIT: Dmytro-Sidelnikov-bigstock  (FILE PHOTO)

    Looking for that “perfect” no hair look – then a professional wax might just be the ticket.

    It was a surprisingly sunny morning in London when I arrived at the Chelsea office of Wax in the City.

    The front desk assistant was especially friendly, helping me with a place to store my many bags since I had just arrived from the airport. Wax in the City has a drop-in style service, so you don’t need to bother with an appointment, and the wait time was short when I arrived.

    I had just enough time to catch my breath and have a nice cold, albeit super wanky lemonade at a local café (where I was later informed the real housewives of Chelsea – apparently that’s a thing – meet for brunch or whatever) before I was called in to see my expert ‘Depiladora’ (Wax in the City’s own word for their hair removal experts).

    My Depiladora was a very friendly young lady, who made me feel very comfortable before leaving the room so I could undress and lie on the table. I was there to have my back waxed, so I wasn’t expecting it to be too painful. The process used by Wax in the City was different to my previous experience with waxing strips. Here they use a larger patch of hardening wax, which is removed after a few minutes of cooling. This process allows for larger areas to be waxed than cloth strips, and this means less time, and less pain overall. I was informed that they use different waxes for different areas, so if you have a more sensitive region done, you may have another type of wax applied.

    During the process we chatted about what she was doing to me, and how long she’s be working there. I got the feeling that I was the only chatty-Cathy because there seemed to be a lot of silence coming from the other booths in the salon. Perhaps we were alone, or maybe women just don’t like to chat while they’re having hair ripped out of their naughty-bits. Who knows.

    After only about 30 minutes my back was ready to go and I was brushed off and given a few care tips to look after my newly bare back.

    Waxing offers a few benefits over shaving in that the regrowth is much longer coming in, and is also softer than shaving stubble. I did notice a slight amount of itching about 3-4 weeks later as the hair began reappearing on my back, but this soon passed and was not as irritable as shaving stubble. The other obvious benefits are that the waxed area is hairless for much longer than shaving, and never has the feeling of dry sand when running your hand over the regrowth when it does come in. The pain is minimal, and worth the results.

    Wax in the City in London can be found at 370 King’s Road in Chelsea, SW3 5UZ, and is close to transport stops. They are open every day from 10am to 8pm, except Sundays when they are open from 12 – 5pm.

    Not so brave but want to try waxing at home – we’ve got some advice for waxing your bum and your sack.