I’ve always felt that Horror movies were a bit gay. So I’ve decided to take a look at the top 10 homoerotic horror movies.
The way-to-good looking heartthrob, who incidentally always has great hair, teeth and wears Daz white Ts only to eventually get ripped and shredded by an ugly monster, it’s a bit like Saturday nights at The Black Cap.
10. Jeepers Creepers 2
First in our list of homoerotic horror movies is the 2005 flick Jeepers Creepers. The first time we see the winged monster from Jeepers Creepers (in the first movie) he’s preying after some boy in a cornfield, clearly after tasting boy fear, he can’t help himself but go after an entire bus load of jocks. It’s a bit like Bait Bus but messier, a bit like HazeHim.com but deadlier. So after the bus, they are all travelling on, suffers a flat tyre, the boys proceed to lie on top of the bus half naked basking in the sunshine as well as taking extended urinating breaks together.
After doing away with the grown ups on the trip the Monster starts picking on the jocks, leaving the first victim half naked and provocatively draped on the ground for the remainder of the film. Hot and Homoerotic.
Prognosis Gay 60% BUY DVD FROM AMAZON
The first in the terrifying Hostel franchise fixates on the mutilation of younger, beautiful men by older, corpulent ones. Fresh faced studenty types find themselves in the perverted hands of a snuff company which facilitates a service whereby rich men can commit hideous bodily harm and eventual murder to young backpackers. It’s for this very reason I’m only sleeping 4 stars or above now, preferable a Hilton.
Clean freak, misogynist, Christian Bale naked. Gay. The way in which he kills his female callers, hookers and models suggests a certain, I dunno, hatred of women. Potentially afraid of the moose knuckle? I’m not sure, but it’s a theory and I’m putting it out there. However he does put an axe in Jared Leto‘s face and let’s face it, if that isn’t a euphemism I’m not sure what is…
Johnny Depp in a tiny, itty bitty crop top, with TV on his crotch, being pulled through a bed. Gay. End Of.
Prognosis Gay 83% BUY DVD FROM AMAZON
6. A Nightmare on Elm Street 2
More boys in various state of undress being chased by an over active Daddy with a skin disorder. Gay. End of. A Totally Homoerotic Movie.
Prognosis Gay 84% BUY DVD FROM AMAZON
5. Return Of The Living Dead
Camp mid 1980s Zombie horror. You can’t get a much camper cult horror than Return Of The Living Dead. They bring Liza back from the dead. Oh no wait. Sorry my mistake. It was an actual zombie. (love Liza). Watch for the effects, remembering its production date and the incredible acting. I’m being Sarky, if you couldn’t tell.
Prognosis Gay 86% BUY DVD FROM AMAZON
Just look at them two lads Young, in love and stabbing each other. Reminds me of happier times. Seriously though, it’s quite homo-charged to want to get ‘stabbed’ by your ‘friend‘ in a pact. I mean really, what would a psychologist say about that relationship? There are definite codependency issues here.
Prognosis Gay 92% BUY DVD FROM AMAZON
3. Twilight (All Of Them)
I’m not even going to attempt to argue this one. It just is gay ok? Robert Patterson pouting and brooding and that Taylor WhatsHisFace topless the whole time. It’s just all too homoerotic. It’s making kids of America gay. That is a fact. Look out for picketing from Westboro Baptist Church soon.
Prognosis Gay 96% BUY DVD FROM AMAZON
2. The Lost Boys
<Donning spectacles and putting on a lecturer’s voice> According to Pajiba.com Lost Boys was ‘one of the first popular films among teenagers to feature a strong, homoerotic subtext.’
It’s about burgeoning teen sexuality. Init. Has vampires – and vampires suck blood and neck each other. I tell you it’s G-A-Y any night of the week, minus the blood bit. Okay well maybe some people. The Lost Boys found their sexuality. Pretty darn gay.
Brad, Tom, Ian, Antonio. All your favourites in one box. It’s like Roses before they took all the good ones out. I don’t care if it’s got homoerotic subtexts, subplots or sub pig bottoms. It’s got freaking Brad Pitt tashing on with Tom and they’ve got girlie hair. This might be the kinf of homoerotic horror movies.
Prognosis Gay 101% BUY DVD FROM AMAZON
The cookie settings on this website are set to "allow cookies" to give you the best browsing experience possible. If you continue to use this website without changing your cookie settings or you click "Accept" below then you are consenting to this.