The Missing Reality in Gay TV Sex Scenes like Heated Rivalry
Television has made real strides in how it portrays gay relationships. Where gay characters were once relegated to subplots or stereotypes, many shows now allow them complexity, intimacy, and genuine sexual agency. Gay sex, in particular, is no longer automatically tragic, shameful, or implied off-screen. That progress matters. But for all this newfound visibility, there remains one oddly persistent fantasy: the idea that penetrative gay sex requires no preparation at all.
Across television and film, gay sex scenes often follow the same script. Two men come together in a moment of emotional or physical intensity. There is urgency, attraction, sometimes vulnerability—and then, almost immediately, sex happens. Smoothly. Effortlessly. As if the human body is always perfectly prepared for penetration, regardless of timing, context, or reality.
Anyone familiar with gay or indeed anyone par-taking in anal sex knows this is not how it usually works.
Preparation is a normal part of many people’s sexual lives, particularly when anal sex is involved. It can take time. It can require planning. It can even influence when and how sex happens. Yet TV narratives consistently erase this aspect, presenting a version of gay intimacy that is permanently spontaneous and frictionless.
Recent series like Heated Rivalry are far from alone in perpetuating this myth. I sat aghast (clutching my pearls) as Smootie making genius Kip – up early, busying himself in Hunter’s kitchen to make his famed Banana and Blueberry drink – only to be thanked by Hunter with a “can I fuck you” to which the answer is yes, presumably – Kip had the opportunity, before Hunter awoke to brush teeth, floss, morning poop and then douche, before digging into cupboards to find Blueberries, bananas and a nutribullet.
After work, in the middle of the night, during emotionally charged reunions—there is never a pause, a negotiation, or even a hint that logistics might play a role.
From prestige dramas to rom-coms, bottoms are routinely portrayed as being perpetually “ready,” no matter the circumstances. After work, in the middle of the night, during emotionally charged reunions—there is never a pause, a negotiation, or even a hint that logistics might play a role.
The problem isn’t that these shows feature sex. It’s that they strip sex of the realities that many people navigate, creating a polished fantasy that subtly reshapes expectations. For viewers who are young, inexperienced, or still figuring out their relationship to sex, these portrayals can suggest that readiness should be instant—and that anything else is awkward, inconvenient, or somehow undesirable.
There is also a quiet stigma embedded in this silence. By refusing to acknowledge preparation, television implies that it is too unglamorous or too bodily to belong in a romantic narrative. But bodies are part of sex. Planning is part of care. Communication is part of intimacy. None of these elements diminish desire; in fact, they often deepen trust and connection.
Importantly, realism doesn’t require graphic detail. No one is asking for explicit depictions or instructional moments. Small narrative choices would suffice: a delayed hookup, a brief exchange about timing, a moment that acknowledges sex sometimes requires coordination. Even subtle signals could normalise the idea that sex is something people plan with each other, not something that simply happens on cue.
Gay representation on television has matured enough to embrace complexity. It can handle conversations about consent, vulnerability, and emotional stakes. It should also be capable of acknowledging a simple truth: spontaneous desire is real, but sexual readiness isn’t always instantaneous. Recognising that wouldn’t make gay sex on screen less appealing—it would make it more honest.
When it comes to lube, I believe that silicone lube is king for all things anal. It’s super long-lasting, it’s less tacky than water-based, it warms to body temperature super quick and generally speaking, things (dicks) just basically slide on in. However, unlike its water-based brethren, silicone lube is a pig bastard to shift from your clothes.
I found this out the hard way last week when a small bottle I had in my pocket leaked.
I have had silicone lube stain my towels before now, but hey, towels can be hidden, or put out of guest room circulation (if you’re posh and have a guest room) but a brand-new pair of jeans… come on, I wanna wear those, plus my butt looks great in them.
Silicone lubricants are known for their long-lasting lubrication properties, resistance to water, and their ability to remain slick even under high temperatures, which can make them tricky to wash out of your clothes.
So I looked online for some answers – and website after website was telling me to buy expensive products from Amazon, left right and centre to help get a pesky silicone lube stain out of my clothes. Now, I’m not a cheapskate, but, oh okay maybe I am, but I thought I’d give a simple household product a go first and it worked!
Here’s all you need to get a pesky silicone lube stain out of your clothes.
Now all the current advice is to act quickly, but to be honest I left the stain for about 36 hours and I still managed to get the stain out, but I had to wash the jeans several times. Now, if I had acted quicker maybe this would have made the stain easier to shift that stain in just one wash.
So what magic solution do you need to remove silicone lube? All you need is some washing-up liquid, a soft cloth and some rubbing action. Yep. That’s it.
After you rubbed in a fair amount of washing-up liquid (I’d suggest enough to cover the stain) leave it for 5 minutes and then chuck it in your washing machine with the rest of your wash. I put my jeans on a 40-degree standard wash and because I was feeling swish I even put them on the drying cycle.
However, on the first attempt, the stain was not gone. It had diminished greatly, but it was still there. So I did it all over again. Put them in the wash with some more clothes and this time, did a tumble dry on low heat and the stain had completely gone.
Magic. That’s my home goddess moment done for the day. Until next time.
Is the time you’re spending on Grindr time well spent? Are you getting what you want out of it, or do you find yourself spiralling after a night of tapping, blocking and messaging? Do you think you might have a Grindr Addiction?
Table of Contents
What is Grindr Addiction?
Addiction is a complex and chronic brain disease that is usually characterised by compulsive drug seeking and use, despite the harmful consequences that may result. It is often characterised by a physical and psychological dependence on a substance or behaviour, such as drugs, alcohol, gambling, food or yes, even Grindr.
Addiction is considered a chronic disease because it often involves long-term changes to the brain’s reward system and other areas involved in motivation, memory, and decision-making. These changes can make it difficult for individuals to control their impulses and make rational choices, even when they are aware of the negative consequences of their behaviour.
Addiction can have a significant impact on someone’s physical and mental health, relationships, and overall quality of life. It is treatable, but recovery can be a long and challenging process that requires ongoing support and commitment.
To be fair it doesn’t have to be Grindr it could be any of the dating / hook-up app, but Grindr is, by far the most used and wide spread of the hook up apps catering for gay, bi and curious men.
During the pandemic it was one of the only ways that gay guys could keep in touch with other gay guys. It was and still is a community. In many ways it has become what gay bars used to be for the gay community. It’s a place were people can meet, chat, talk sex and well, you get the picture.
In fact for many guys it’s become a way of life, for some it is life.
Grindr Addiction. Spending too much time chatting can be a sign of addiction.
There are several signs and symptoms that may indicate a grindr addiction. These can include:
Feeling a compulsive need to check dating apps throughout the day. Are you sneaking a peak during work hours, or even during times when you really shouldn’t be checking them? Like on a date with another guy?
Neglecting other responsibilities, such as work, school, or social activities, in favour of using dating apps. Is the pull of dating apps so strong that you can’t focus on work anymore? Spending too much time doing this could lead to issues at work such as bad performance reviews, poor co-worker relationships and potentially the inability to complete tasks.
Feeling a sense of anxiety or withdrawal when not using dating apps. Do you get a dreaded feeling when your battery starts to die or there’s no wifi so you can’t log in to your favourite dating app? Do you start to get agitated, angry or withdrawn when you can’t log in?
Continuing to use dating apps despite experiencing negative consequences, such as failed relationships or social isolation. Despite the fact that the apps can leave you feeling depressed, dejected and lonely, do you find yourself still using them?
Spending excessive amounts of time swiping or scrolling through dating profiles. Swiping or tapping over and over, on a never-ending quest to find Mr Right?
Giving up activities. Giving up hobbies, social activities, or other interests in favour of spending countless hours online.
Changes in behaviour. Changes in personality or behaviour, such as mood swings or becoming isolated or secretive.
Is there a way of overcoming Grindr Addiction?
If you or someone you know is struggling with a dating app addiction, here are some steps that may help:
Acknowledge the problem: The first step to overcoming any addiction is to recognize that there is a problem. Acknowledge that your use of dating apps has become compulsive and is having a negative impact on your life.
Set goals: Decide what you want to achieve by reducing your use of dating apps. Setting specific goals can help you stay focused and motivated.
Create a plan: Create a plan for reducing your use of dating apps. This might include setting limits on the amount of time you spend using them or deleting the apps altogether.
Seek support: Reach out to friends, family members, or a mental health professional for support. Talking to others about your addiction can help you feel less isolated and more motivated to change. You could even check out self-help groups like Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous.
Find other activities: Identify other activities that you enjoy and that can serve as a healthy distraction from dating apps. This might include exercise, hobbies, or social activities with friends.
Practice self-care: Taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally is important for overcoming addiction. Make sure you are getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, and engaging in activities that promote relaxation and stress reduction.
If you or someone you know is struggling with dating app addiction, seeking professional help is recommended. Visit our wellness resource page for phone lines and help charities.
Listen up, sweetie – emojis are no longer just cute little icons to spruce up your messages. They’re a powerhouse of expression that can make or break any conversation.
Need to add some sugar to a potentially awkward message? Choose your emojis wisely – not all are created equal, you know. And if you want to keep things interesting, toss in the most random emoji you can find and watch as your group chat loses their minds. But let’s be real, we all know what the real MVP of emojis is: the horny ones. Whether you’re trying to turn up the heat in your sexting game or simply wanna make your man know that you’re ready and waiting, a well-placed horny emoji can work wonders. Just remember, with great emoji power comes great emoji responsibility.
Not all horny emojis are created equal. Some are so blatantly, unapologetically horny that even your grandpa would know what you’re up to. But don’t underestimate the power of the sneaky emojis – the ones that carry a subtle, sexy undertone. It’s actually pretty impressive how we’ve managed to turn innocent little images into filthy symbols of our depravity. I mean, who could have predicted that a peach and an eggplant would one day become the most sexually charged emojis on our keyboards? Definitely not us, that’s for sure. It just goes to show that when it comes to our collective gutter-mindedness, the possibilities are endless.
Let’s be real, the peach 🍑 and eggplant 🍆 have been hogging the horny emoji spotlight for way too long. It’s time to give some credit to the sneaky little numbers hiding in your emoji keyboard, just waiting for their chance to shine. Sure, they may not scream “I’m horny!”, but that’s the beauty of them – they provide a subtle, understated hint of sexiness that can take your conversation to the next level. Trust me, when used correctly, these innocent little pics can pack a powerful punch of suggestiveness. So don’t overlook them – give these low-key sexual emojis a chance to show what they’re made of.
The golden shower ⭐️🚿
Oh, the shower emoji – innocent enough on its own, but connect the dots and things get steamy real quick. When you add the gold star, your shower time can mean only one thing. But here’s the thing: this emoji should only be used with caution. Save it for partners who know the deal, or when you’re feeling bold enough to give a detailed description of your shower shenanigans. Trust me, you don’t want to accidentally send this one to your boss or your grandma. Unless they’re into that kind of thing, in which case, go ahead and live your best life.
The Man Kneeling 🧎🏼
If you’re in a sub/dom relationship and you’re texting your dominant partner, there’s one emoji that speaks volumes without even needing an explanation. I’m talking about the collar emoji, folks. You know what it means, your partner knows what it means, and everyone else can just mind their own business. It’s a simple yet powerful symbol of submission, and when used in the right context, it can be seriously hot. So go ahead and embrace your inner submissive – just make sure you’re sending this emoji to the right person.
Give him the bone 🦴
Let’s be real, the bone emoji is just as (if not more) obvious than the infamous eggplant. It’s the perfect choice when referring to their boner, peen, or how hard they are or might be. It’s also great for alluding to the next time you’re getting it on, reminiscing about the last time you got down and dirty, or expressing just how badly you want to jump their bones. I mean, it’s right there in the name – the bone emoji practically screams “I’m horny!”. Also great if you’re into pup play!
Pinched fingers 🤌
Now, you’d think the fist would be the perfect emoji for fisting, but apparently, it’s the pinched fingers.
The screw and the hammer 🔩
Let’s talk tools, shall we? When it comes to horny emojis, the screw and hammer are two classic options that speak for themselves. The screw emoji may not be the sexiest-looking symbol out there, but it’s a great alternative to the more explicit words like “fuck” and “bang”. Send it to your FWB out of the blue and they’ll definitely get the message. As for the hammer emoji, it’s another tool that can be used to tell your partner exactly what you want – namely, for them to come “pound” you. There’s really no ambiguity here, folks. So whether you’re into screwing or hammering (or both), these emojis are here to help you get your point across.
Cum on then 💦
It’s not just sweat, it’s not just spray, it’s the 💦 emoji – a true master of horny subtlety. Is it a little bit of sweat after a hot and steamy session? Is it a naughty reference to cum? Or is it just a playful way to hint at your naughty intentions without being too explicit? The beauty of this emoji is that it can mean all of the above, and more. It’s a little droplet of mystery that leaves your recipient wondering just how wet things are going to get.
Bareback 💦🍑
Yep… but you kinda knew this already didn’t you?
Rimjob? 🍑😛
So if rimming is your thing and you wanna show that you want it, you put the peach on the left (you) and the tongue on the right. If you want to do the rimming then you put the tongue on the right and each on the left 😛🍑. Simple hey!?
The salute 🫡
Is it a cock or is it a hand? Either way, we’re happy. On one hand, it means we’re getting some peen to the face, on the other, it means we’re happy to obey you, master.
Should putting your pronoun in emails, zoom calls and texts become standard practice? It can be a brilliant way to show allyship, but it can be deeply scarring for those who are still figuring it out.
I’m going back to school. Yep, I decided that I’m about to change the direction of my life and I’m retraining to become a therapist. It’s been a long time in the making. I used to volunteer for a well-known helpline and I’m always being told that I’m a good listener – heck, interviewing hundreds of people for this publication has really help hone my skills as a listener and good and inquisitive questioner.
But as I readied myself for the classroom, albeit online for the first semester, I was forced to confront an issue that i wasn’t quite ready to confront.
I‘ve spoken briefly before about my own gender identity and the trouble I’ve have it, and whilst I do identify as gay, I’m not entirely sure I identify as a man and whatever that means in today’s society. I’ve written before about how it just doesn’t feel right when someone refers to me that way, but weirdly I don’t mind the he/him/his pronouns, but wouldn’t necessarily attach them to myself. I’m definitely not a they, them their, perhaps more of a Ze/Zim/Zir. I just don’t know and that’s the issue.
This week I received a message from the institute where I’m about to start my course telling all students that pronouns would now be a requirement on Zoom calls. I know that the policy was written without malice and was a well intended piece of inclusiveness, but there’s a couple of reasons why pronoun usage should be encouraged rather than required.
I don’t mind admitting I’m already having anxiety pangs about starting a new course, but the idea of having to write a pronoun next to my name, felt like a chasm, that I’m just not ready or don’t know how to bridge just yet.
I know there will be people who will roll their eyes and say, “get a grip man,” but honestly aren’t we striving for a future where we’re all accepted and included, no matter how we identify or don’t?
I remember a conversation at that well-known helpline where a similar debate raged. Should we include our pronouns on emails and to callers. At the time, I didn’t really take that much notice, except being aware of a dark stirring of being uncomfortable about having to disclose something I haven’t come to terms with myself. A number of issues were raised by some in that meeting about pronouns, mainly that 1) if forced, or required that everyone disclose their identity it might force someone who hasn’t or isn’t quite ready to admit or confirm their identity to come out about it before they are ready. The second point was that if someone is forced to choose a pronoun before they are ready, the identity that they actually share maybe a lie – in order to fit in or because they fear judgement from others. Sitting with that lie next to their name would feel awful and deeply damaging.
The more I thought about it the more I started to tailspin about the first day and about how uncomfortable it might be – not just for me, but someone else who’s really not ready to have the conversation about their identity, especially in front of a group of new people – and over a Zoom call.
So should we use our pronouns wherever and whenever?
Gender is a spectrum and it’s not always easy to find the right words to describe it. Photo by Laker on Pexels.com
I would say this. If you’re comfortable doing it, then do it, particularly if you fear that you might be misgendered. It’s really important that you do let people know how you want to be referred to as.
But if there’s no fear that you will be misgendered, give a moment’s thought about why you’re doing it. It’s an awesome thing to do if your intension is to be an ally, but if it’s anything else, just stick with your name. When enforcing pronouns becomes a blanket policy – a requirement, it stops being a allyship move – and can actually cause more harm than good.
It could also lead employers open to legal issues. Speaking to THEGAYUK back in 2019, Helen Hughes, legal director and employment law specialist at the law firm, Shakespeare Martineau spoke about the legal ramifications on employers asking their employees to state their gender publicly. Hughes told us,
“Although this may be introduced with the best intentions – to address individuals with respect and courtesy in the way that they wish to be referred to – employers must be wary about requesting information from employees that could impact the way they are treated. Although they can’t force you to disclose this kind of information, you should feel comfortable sharing preferred pronouns if you feel it important to do so.
“Forcing employees to reveal their pronoun preferences could leave employers open to discrimination claims, and employees feeling alienated.”
Helen hughes
Luckily after speaking to the institute they reversed the policy and added that people were encouraged to share their pronouns.
Christmas is an expensive time of the year. There are socials, parties and a tree that needs lots of gifts beneath it. So here are some hacks to keep you financially buoyant this winter.
Make a list
First of all, you should make a list of all the people in your life that you’re likely to meet between now and Christmas. Once that list is made check it twice. How many of those people do you need to buy for and what level of present do they need and remember not everyone will expect a present from you. I’ve bought people presents when they weren’t expecting it and it got a little awkward. So don’t feel the need to splash out. Perhaps a bottle of plonk and a poinsettia is all you need!
Agree on a budget with your partner
Our very own Daniel Browne suggests on agreeing on a budget with your partner, “I really panicked about buying him presents. His income was much higher than mine at the time and I worried that my presents for him would be paltry compared to what he bought me. To alleviate those worries, agree on a budget. It’s good to be upfront about what’s affordable. For example, if your budget is only £10, explain that and agree to only spend £10 on each other.”
Vouchers
There are some incredible deals to be had on one of the many many voucher sites where you can pick up deals on spa days, theatre tickets and even home learning courses. That’s a gift that keeps on giving.
Make It Yourself
For those of you who have a little extra spare time perhaps you can give a DIY gift. This book has lots of ideas.
Secret Santa
If you’ve got a huge family why not suggest doing Secret Santa. This will save you lots of cash, but also so much time trawling the high street looking for that must-have washing up brush for long-lost Aunt Petunia.
The year-long saving challenge
I heard an ingenious saving tip. A pound for the week number. So on the first week you save £1 the second week you save £2 and the third £3 and so on. By the end of the year, you’ll have saved up £1,378!
Spend time, not money
Daniel Brown suggests that spending time with someone is worth more than gold. He says,
“More important than the presents is the time you’re spending with each other. If you’ve found yourself a good ‘n’ he will be fine with that.”
How to save money on your night out
Office parties, social gatherings they’re all pretty pricey. So try these simple things: Have pre-drinks (have a few before you leave). Get to the club early so you don’t have to pay entry and prepare your post-boozing carb-fest before you leave the house. That way you won’t be tempted to get that pricey dirty kebab on the way home.
I’m 16 and I just wanna know when it gets better. I’m subscribed to a bunch of TikToks of cute gay couples and guys who look like they are having an amazing time, but I don’t match. I feel fat and ugly and that no one is going to want me. All my classmates around me are pairing up with each other, but that’s not going to happen for me, there’s no one gay around and I feel quite alone and down about life rn.
Just want to know when it starts to get better?
Justin
Dear Justin,
It would be so easy for me to say, “all in good time, Justin”, but that doesn’t help you right now. Being 16 means that you can feel adult enough to make your own decisions, but legally you’re kinda stuck in education and at home, which can suck, especially if you feel you’re the only LGBT+ person in the class. Although I can say with almost certainty that you won’t be.
So, I would suggest making a few quick searches for local LGBT+ groups for young people in your area. You might be surprised to find that there are a lot of groups out there.
If you’re not sure, it might be worth finding the website or social media profile of your local pride event. They should have lots of info about what’s going on in the area. Another good place to start might be the Allsorts Youth Project.
On to the FOMO that you have about other couples. Let’s be clear, guys and couples who upload their 30-second videos of TikToks or Snap are curating an ideal for their fans to watch. Lives aren’t perfect… And people only ever show their followers the best bits, the highlights. What do you suppose happens in the 23hours 59 minutes and 30 seconds when they’re not tik tokking?
What I’m saying is don’t believe everything you see coming out of your screen.
Dating at school
Because high school life can feel it is centred around heteronormative activities, young LGBT+ people can really feel like they’re missing out.
As for getting a boyfriend, there’s no rush, weirdly these things tend to happen when you least expect them to. Please don’t feel that just because other people are dating and pairing up that you need to. Go at the pace that’s right for you, not the pace you think you should be going. There’s a huge difference and it can cause a huge amount of pressure and stress for you.
American politics was filled with a sea of heterosexual faces, sometimes fiercely homophobic, but mostly irreverent towards the gay community, that was until Harvey Milk entered the political arena.
Daniel Nicoletta – Provided by author, Daniel Nicoletta
Harvey Bernard Milk was born in the cold and wet winter of 1930, his birthplace was Woodmere, a small, hard-working, middle class, close-knit hamlet in Nassau County in the state of New York. After graduating in 1951, Milk joined the United States’ Navy, during the Korean War, he served aboard a rescue submarine, the USS Kittiwake – and later transferred to San Diego to serve as a diving instructor. He was discharged from the Navy in 1955.
Harvey Milk could be described as one of life’s wanderers until he moved to San Francisco he was a teacher, an actuarial statistician, a researcher, and a presidential campaigner, he worked in investments and for a theatre company.
He was a drifter, moving from California to Texas to New York and back again, without a steady job; eventually, Milk with his then-partner Scott Smith opened a camera shop on Castro Street in San Francisco with their last $1,000.
He moved from New York City to San Francisco in 1972, amid a mass migration of gay men to the Castro District. The gay’s growing political and economic power ensured that people like Milk could take advance to promote their interests.
Milk ‘s initial reception by the already installed gay political establishment could be described as cold, Jim Foster who had been active in gay politics for ten years resented Milk asking him for endorsement to becoming a City Supervisor, Foster told Milk,
“There’s an old saying in the Democratic Party. You don’t get to dance unless you put up the chairs. I’ve never seen you put up the chairs.”
Undeterred Milk won the support and endorsement of local gay bars and business owners, who had become disillusioned by the slow-moving pace of the already visible gay political movement.
Milk had an inimitable political style; his exuberant speeches and his astute media skills earned him significant press during the 1973 election, however, he failed to win.
Although Milk was a newcomer he had shown flair for leadership, he was starting to be taken seriously as a candidate and decided to run again as a City Supervisor and started using his camera store as a centre of activity in the Castro neighbour. The community rallied around Milk and voluntarily helped run his campaigns for him.
This time round Milk came 7th in the election, just one place away from earning a Supervisor seat.
Milk became the first openly gay commissioner in the United States after the newly elected Mayor George Moscone appointed him to the Board of Permit Appeals in 1976 where he worked just 5 weeks in the job before running for the California State Assembly.
Milk was described as a man of mixed temperament and of disorganisation. His campaign volunteer database comprised of just scraps of paper and his campaign manager’s assistant was an 11-year-old girl.
His accounting was erratic, reportedly grabbing fistfuls of cash from his store’s cash register. He was prone to amazing outburst of momentary temper before shouting excitedly about something else. Described as manic, one could not fault the man for his dedication and general good humour.
In 1977 his last campaign to become a City Supervisor, Milk’s showboating, handshaking and manic campaigning tactics won him a position, but with his victory came the distinct threat of assassination. He began to record his thoughts for preservation in case he was killed, stating, “If a bullet should enter my brain, let that bullet destroy every closet door”.
As the first openly gay, non-incumbent man in US history his swearing in as City Supervisor made national headlines, giving the gay community a positive visibility that it hadn’t enjoyed before. He started in office sponsoring a civil rights bill that outlawed discrimination based on sexual orientation, it was met with no opposition apart from Dan White, who Milk had increasingly bad relations with after Milk switched his vote in supporting a health facility for troubled adolescents be placed in White’s District.
His personal life at the time was one filled with sadness; he had long split with Smith and had begun a relationship with a man 18 years his senior; Jack Lira who hanged himself after being consumed with sadness with the anti-gay campaigns of Anita Bryant and John Brigg.
The John Briggs Initiative known as Proposition 6 would have made the firing of any gay teacher or public school employee who supported gay rights mandatory. Brigg’s stated that gay teachers wanted to recruit and molest children; Milk refuted this with statistics compiled by law enforcement that most paedophiles were identified as heterosexuals.
Brigg’s campaign came off the back of singer Anita Bryant’s “Save Our Children” campaign in Florida which repealed a law which ended discrimination based on sexual orientation.
During the summer of 1978, gay pride marches found their attendance level rise, with over 250,000 people attending San Francisco’s Gay Freedom Day Parade. This is where Milk gave an impassioned ‘Hope Speech’
“On this anniversary of Stonewall, I ask my gay sisters and brothers to make the commitment to fight. For themselves, for their freedom, for their country … We will not win our rights by staying quietly in our closets … We are coming out to fight the lies, the myths, the distortions. We are coming out to tell the truths about gays, for I am tired of the conspiracy of silence, so I’m going to talk about it. And I want you to talk about it. You must come out. Come out to your parents, your relatives.”
Even though Anita Bryant’s campaign had been successful in Florida, Brigg’s initiative failed by more than a million votes. In San Francisco alone 75% voted against the proposition.
On 10th November 1978, Dan White resigned stating that the yearly salary of $9600 was not sufficient to support his family, days later he asked Mayor Moscone for his resignation to be withdrawn, although the Mayor initially agreed, after further consideration and consultation with the other city supervisors, Moscone was persuaded to install someone who represented White’s district which was growing in ethnic diversity.
On 27th November 1978, Harvey Milk would wake for the last time, in his beloved adopted town of Castro.
Half an hour before the press conference in which Mayor Moscone was to announce White’s replacement, White entered City Hall with a gun undetected and made his way to the Mayor’s office. Witnesses recall hearing shouting, between the two men followed by four gunshots.
White had shot Moscone once in the shoulder, once in the chest and twice in the head.
After reloading his gun, White intercepted Milk – an argument ensued, followed by more gunshots as he emptied 5 hollow-point bullets into Harvey Milk’s head and body.
The President of the Board of Supervisors, Dianne Feinstein found Harvey Milk and identified both bodies.
It was Feinstein, who announced to the press,
‘Today San Francisco has experienced a double tragedy of immense proportions. As President of the Board of Supervisors, it is my duty to inform you that both Mayor Moscone and Supervisor Harvey Milk have been shot and killed.”
Milk was 48 and Moscone was 49.
Milk’s legacy is still felt to this day, in the last year of his life, he empowered gay people to be more visible; to help themselves to end the discrimination and violence against them. In his final statement during the taped prediction of his assassination he said,
‘I cannot prevent anyone from getting angry, or mad, or frustrated. I can only hope that they’ll turn that anger and frustration and madness into something positive, so that two, three, four, five hundred will step forward, so the gay doctors will come out, the gay lawyers, the gay judges, gay bankers, gay architects … I hope that every professional gay will say ‘enough’, come forward and tell everybody, wear a sign, let the world know. Maybe that will help.
Although his time in politics was relatively short, Milk’s untimely death at the hand of Dan White, ensured that Harvey Milk would forever be held up as one of the most powerful and iconic men of politics the world has ever seen.
In the olden days (I’m talking about G-A-Y at the Astoria), when I used to go out as an excitable newbie gay and was able to wear stomach revealing tees, Pop music was my haven.
Pop music of the late 90s and early 2000s seemed to know my man loving ways and was only to happy to deliver thumping after thumping hit for me to perform my little camp heart out on the sticky floors of that old, fondly missed haunt.
1) Geri Halliwell, the official gift to gay men delivered ‘Lift Me Up’ / ‘Look At Me’ / ‘Bag It Up’. No list of coming out songs is complete without one Ginger song and she’s given us at least 3. Geri’s debut solo album Schizo-Phonic offered up a plethora of camptastic tunes. I still put on ‘Bag It Up’ from time to time and it still makes me jig. Yes, I said ‘jig’ and I’m owning it.
2) ‘Get This Party Started’, When Pink slammed onto the scene with this song it almost became a homo chant. “I’m coming out, so you better get this party started’. Its place in the annals of gay culture was cemented when the Dame of Bassey made her almost definitive version of the classic for that M&S advert.
3) ‘One Day In Your Life’, at the height of Anastacia’s greatness the ab’d goddess with the huge voice was churning out stompers like nobody’s business. ‘One Day In Your Life’ has such a seriously strong chorus that it has become one of my all-time club classics.
4) ‘I Am What I Am’, The Dame of Bassey (Shirley Bassey). Ok, this isn’t one that featured much in the clubs – but sexuality affirmed men (and some who are yet to discover their true selves) with feather boas across the nation kick out their legs in unison whenever this track is played. It is against the law not to do some kind of jazz hand whilst this is playing – fact.
5) ‘Can’t Take That Away’, just before the true madness of Mariah Carey was unleashed upon the world, the stratospheric octaved diva delivered probably her most camp, dramatic and butterfly filled song ever – with a ‘love and respect’ yourself theme, what self-respecting gay can’t listen to this with a tear in his eye and a knowing in his heart?
6) Britney was on fire (and had a full head of hair) at the beginning of the noughties and ‘Stronger’ was a killer track. Pre ‘Madonna kiss’ post ‘I’m a naughty school girl’ – Brit knew the way forward was her gays.
7) ‘It’s Raining Men’ is a track, which just needs to feature on this list. It’s a floor filler. Geri’s is okay, but you can’t beat the original Weather Girls’ version, it only counts if you clap in the right place – those who miss the double clap HANG YOUR HEAD IN SHAME.
8) Remember Holly Valance, that Neighbours’ star turned pop princess? Vaguely? Well, she burst onto the scene with a seriously sexy number ‘Kiss Kiss’, which I remember making an impact – in my bedroom, but that’s not for here!
9) ‘Beautiful’, by XTina featured a rather hot gay couple in the video – which gets my vote and the song, has a gooey, lovey vibe, which makes me feel my most beautiful.
10) ‘I’m Coming Out’, Diana Ross sang this song either with full knowledge of the gay anthem she was about to create or in complete naivety. It features one of the longest introductions in the world, but lyrically this song has to come in at number 1. It says what it does on the tin (if it had a tin).
So what happened to the cast of Brokeback Mountain?
It was one hell of a game changer. A short-story from Ang Lee that was turned into a major Hollywood film. It raked in millions in Box Office receipts and home / rental sales, but where is the cast now?
Jake Gyllenhaal
When Brokeback Mountain was released, Jake was already a renown Hollywood star, having made his name in films like Donnie Darko and The Day After Tomorrow. However, after appearing as Jack Twist in BBM, Jake’s stock as an actor had a phenomenal rise. His appearance in films has netted film studios nearly a billion dollars in box office revenues. Brokeback Mountain is his third biggest movie, preceded by Prince of Persia, The Sands of Time ($90.7m) and The Day After Tomorrow ($186m)
Heath Ledger
Heath Ledger was big box office news up until his untimely death in 2008. He died of a heart attack brought on by prescription drug intoxication. The lifetime gross box office of his films is over $955,000,000, with over half of this coming from the smash film, The Dark Knight in which he played one of the scariest Jokers of all time. Again, like Jake, Brokeback Mountain was his third most financially successful film in which he played Ennis Del Mar. This success was preceded by The Patriot and followed by A Knight’s Tale. The last film in which he starred was 2009’s The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus.
Since Anne was in BBM as Jack’s wife, she’s not stopped working, becoming one of Hollywood’s most bankable actors. Since 2005 she has starred in over 19 films, the highest grossing was The Dark Knight Rises. She outstrips the boys’ lifetime grosses by over a $1bn with a stunning worth of $2.4 bn in box office receipts.
Michelle started her film career in the family favourite Lassie in 1994. BBM was her third film of 2005, where she played the wife of Ennis. At the time she and her co-star Heath Ledger were a couple, however, they split in 2007. Since BBM she’s appeared in 16 feature films. The best-selling was Oz The Great And Powerful which grossed $234m at the Box office.
Randy Quaid
BBM is Randy’s 2nd best-selling film, the first being Roland Emmerich’s’ Independence Day in 1994 where he managed to save the world by flying a jet into the Alien’s mothership. The 66-year-old has appeared in over 90 films and grossed a stunning $948m in box office receipts.
