“He’s the greatest dancer”, so says the song – well ever wondered what goes on in the head of a go-go boy?

1) White Pants are a wardrobe must.


Don’t ask us why. It’s the go go law.

2) You must be tanned – from top to toe.

Your tan will be beautifully set off by those tiny white trunkies.

3) You can be a fronty or a backy…

Those are the rules – you’re either a bubble, bootilcious beauty or a elephant’s trunk. Them the rules. Not many people can be both.

4) Everybody spends the whole evening looking at your package

Which is fine. Actually it’s kinda hot.

5) Men are gropers

Which is not that fine… actually – and the Hen nights can be even worse.

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6) We’re not sex workers or porn stars so don’t ask about our rates…

You can go window shopping, but don’t expect to use the credit card. Some guys might be, but generally not.

7) When the money comes in it washes away the ick feeling

8) Vogueing is a key move, if you don’t know how to do it you’re destined to fail.

Go back to go go school if you don’t know it.

9) We’re freakin’ trained dammit.

Not saying we’re beneath this, but three years at Arts Ed for this? There’s actually knowledge I’m pulling off here. Fosse Fosse Fosse.

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10) We see you try to dance up on this…

The only difference is, we’re sober and you’re a drunken mess. So quit while you’re ahead.

11) If you’re dancing in a jockstrap – don’t bend over.

CREDIT: Mbruxelle-bigstock
CREDIT: Mbruxelle-bigstock

Showing the entire bar your chocolate starfish isn’t the way forward.

12) For some reason, long striped socks seems to be a “thing”

Go for it. We really found out that people are calling them “sex socks“.

13) We’re dying for a freakin chocolate bar/burger/pint of Stella.

You have to gym it, eat clean and be bloat free. All those boring things in order to be picture perfect.

14) Why can’t there be a plus size or even an average body go go boy.

I mean come on bar owners – we’re not in the 90s anymore.

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15) If you offer us a double vodka/line of coke/a small holdings in Dorset/blow job

We’ll probably say no…

16) We know you’re trying to get a sneaky peak at our junk when you’re putting cash into our jocks…

The more established of us will be on to this and be wearing a discreet smaller pair of undies…

17) Every Halloween, you must must must

CREDIT © Meggan | Depositphotos
CREDIT © Meggan | Depositphotos

Wear Angel wings.

About the author: Jake Hook
The editor and chief of THEGAYUK. All in a previous life wrote and produced songs on multi-platinum records.