We Are Gay UK

Are you guilty of glistening?

No, it’s not a sexual thing or even a fancy, expensive skin trick.

eak_kkk / Pixabay

Glistening is short for “gay listening” which Alan Downs PhD discusses in his book, The Velvet Rage and apparently we’re all a little guilty of it from time to time.

Glistening is when you’re sort of (but not really) listening to the guy right in front of you, but scoping out other men in the room – and being relatively obvious about it, so that the man you’re actually conversing with notices that you’re not 100 per cent focusing on him.


Recounting a story from one of his patients, Alan says that one guy he knows missed out on a huge job opportunity from a guy who was trying to get his attention at a dinner party. The would-be employee barely even noticed the potential employer right in front of him, because another, more fanciable man entered the room, stealing his attention.


The job opening would have been of huge benefit, but because of his behaviour, the employer was ultimately put off, because the would-be employee wasn’t present in the moment and actually hugely disrespecting him.

So the moral of the story is make sure you’re giving people the respect they deserve and listen, fully listen to those who are speaking to you.


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