So much happened… but at the same time so little did!

We thought we’d take a look at what HASN’T happened since marriage between two people of the same gender got the right to be treated like everyone else. Despite the warnings from right wing, religious fundamentalists these are the things that have failed to happen.

1) The sanctity of straight marriage will crumble, wilt and die.

Except of course for divorce, which has always been a bit of blight on the ‘death-do-us-part’ bit of marriage

2) The floods…

Won’t somebody think of the floods and the pestilence, the fire and brimstone? Some UKIPPER, whose name I can’t remember, not really care to remember said that gay marriage would bring about lots and lots of rain, of a Noah and Ark amount. Okay, there has been a little more precipitation than usual scientists are putting that down to global warming rather than gay marriage, because you know, that’s actually what’s happening…

3) Children are still being born in and out of wedlock.

The world realised that you don’t need a man and a woman to marry in order to have kids. Children are still being born, they are still being educated, fed and loved by their parents. Bob and Fred getting hitched at the end of the road had no impact on parents being able to have children – and actually, people understand that you don’t need to be married to make children – there isn’t a switch that is suddenly turned on when you say “I Do”.

4) Pastor Rich Scarbrough didn’t combust or set himself on fire.

Yep, this saint of a Christian man threatened to set himself on fire if marriage equality passed. We’ve been waiting patiently with a fire blanket in hand, but nothing. Not even a puff of smoke.

5) Parents will have no say in the sex ed that their kids are taught in school…

Well they do… and if you don’t want little Joanie to find out that actually what she’s feeling is totally normal, rather than her hiding away, feeling shame and alone – then perhaps you need to look at your parenting credentials.

6) Equal rights for gays, bis and lesbians

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Even though we have marriage equality, we’re still not actually legally equal. Non-consummation doesn’t count (meaning basically that the law doesn’t recognise gay sex as equal to straight sex) for grounds for divorce…

7) Bakers will be forced to make gay cakes.

In the UK you can’t discriminate against people because of their sexuality or gender identity – but you can just refuse an order and not give a reason… So if you’re still a total f*ckwit bigot you still have your rights, you just have to be quiet about them, but actually when you do, it lets us all know to avoid you like the plague.

8) Churches will be forced to have gay marriages.

Nope. We’re still not allowed to get married in your sacred places. But we can come and be a guest and totally upstage your day with how fabulous we are. Especially if we start on the white wine before the first note of “Here Comes The Bride” starts.

9) Man will be able to marry his pets

Nope still not legal. And dear god Mary, why are you even thinking about animals marrying?

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10) Straight marriage will carry less kudos.

People were concerned that gay marriage would cheapen the brand. Not like Britney’s 55-hour marriage.

11) The world’s end

Those fascinating people (read in a sarcastic tone) at the Westboro Baptist Church said that we’d all die and go to hell, but as I sit here – in Cashmere and I look out of the window, we’re still very much here.

About the author: Jake Hook
The editor and chief of THEGAYUK. All in a previous life wrote and produced songs on multi-platinum records.