Editorial note:
For those of you who are wondering why we used the female pronouns “she” and “her” in our latest reports about Jack Monroe and her legal case against Katie Hopkins, we approached Jack to find out which pronouns she would prefer us to use before filing our article.
Jack Monroe told us that female or the plural pronouns (their, them and they) were acceptable to use.
If you have comments about this please email: newsdesk@thegayuk.com
So, as I sip on an ice cold glass of Sauvignon in an empty gay pub in the heart of Uxbridge, (no wonder it’s empty, it’s Uxbridge!) I overhear some rather slutty looking queens talking about a sauna in Soho. And they say it’s such a great place to meet men. My ears prick up like a cat’s tail when they’re after a mouse.
Wonderful, I think to myself, that’s where I can meet the man of my dreams, m Mr right, the man I’m meant to share my living days with; in a sauna.
As I walk into the entrance of this sauna, I find it’s very dark. Cor, my old apple pies ain’t the best in daylight, let alone in this dimly lit setting.
Luckily I’ve got my contact lenses in so it’s only the darkness I have to contend with. I’m so excited for my sauna experience. I think to myself, even if I don’t meet a man, it’s still going to be a relaxing and rejuvenating evening.
I enter the locker rooms and see men walking around in their birthday suits. I go into a sheer panic.
I don’t think I can walk around in mine. I grab a rescue remedy pastille from my Superdry bag and suck on it. I need it to calm my nerves. I’ve always got pills in my bag for any eventuality. My friends call me a walking pharmacy. If you’ve got the sh*ts, a bad head, feeling sick or you just need a vitamin boost, I’ve got the solution.
After sucking on my pastille for a few moments and giving myself a good old slap round my Botox-ed boat race, I decide that I’m a young, attractive gay boy and I can walk around naked! And I thank god I stuck to my New Year’s resolution of swimming. I’ve got biceps that would make Tom Daley swoon. So I whip off my clothes and open the door.
Once in the sauna, I see a man’s genitalia, practically starring me in the eye. He is naked with a boner, in this sauna. What a saucy minx, I think.
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We are practically eye to eye and I’m talking the eye on my face and his special downstairs eye. Cor, I bet that hurts, I find myself thinking. He winks at me. With the eye on his face, I’d just like to point out. I shyly say hello. He just shakes his head to the left and walks off into a locker. Well, it looks like a locker. It’s got a black bench in it that looks like a bed.
Maybe he’s feeling sleepy. F*cking rude, though, I think. What was the point of winking at me? And then just walking off. I shouldn’t be too judgemental, though, maybe he’s got a nervous twitch.
I decide that I should find the jacuzzi. Oh yes, that’d be bloody lovely. A warm bubbly bath to soothe my achy muscles after a 70 length breaststroke marathon in the pool. I see two old men sitting in the jacuzzi, I mean they must be at least 75. I see a walking stick hanging from one of the hooks. Bless them, I find myself thinking. At least they still get out the house and look after themselves. I smile at them as I get in, which as you will discover, was my downfall.
As I sit my naked body down in the jacuzzi, the two geriatrics grin at me with their false gnashers. I mean, I don’t know that they’ve got false ones, I’m just being ageist. I lay back and close my eyes, enjoying the bubbles fizzing around me. Cor, I suddenly feel bubbles bubbling quite ferociously around my man bits. As I start to feel slightly aroused from jacuzzi fizz, I put my hand down to check it’s not being fizzed away from my pubic bone. And my lord, I get a shock.
My hand bumps into another hand and as I look up, I see the geriatric grinning at me, a full display of false Steradent cleaned gnashers glistening in my apple pies. At least his false teeth aren’t stained, I think to myself. So it could be worse.
He has got his bloody hand on my penis. The dirty old perve. I’m old enough to be his great grandson. I protest and start to pull away but he grabs my leg and pulls me towards him. Cor, he’s strong for an old bugger.
“Now, I’m not really interested!” I start to protest.
“Oh come on! Make an old man happy!” He seedily says.
“No, I will not!”
Well, as I went to get up from the jacuzzi, he pulled me towards him so fast that I slip off the seat, screaming as I go and my head slips under the water. And I can still feel the bloody old bugger’s hand on my manhood. But right now, I’m more annoyed that my whole head and hair are under the water and wet. I finally manage to pull myself from his grip and I storm out the jacuzzi. And out of the sauna. I don’t think this is the right place to look for love…
Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.
Extricating yourself from a relationship isn’t easy. We’ve all been there; watching a once-promising union limping sadly towards the end, trying to fan the fire of a lukewarm love life or just living through that daily battle of trying not to slip a pinch of Arsenic into his latte. I’ve been through a few relationship breakdowns and my behaviour can be charted somewhere on a continuum that ranges from psychopathic maniac to saintly martyr. One thing I wish though is that my ex-partners had sometimes been more truthful.
Here are my top 5 pieces of crap which have been uttered to me over the past 20 years:
1) It’s not you, it’s me: This one is a total classic and is invariably nonsense. Of course, it was me too. I made that remark about your mother, didn’t put out as often as you wanted and was often snippy and critical. Yes, you were pretty dire at times and those nasty clothes and the penchant for 80s soft rock was hard to tolerate but let’s be honest. We both played a part in causing this once quite promising future to turn post-apocalyptic.
2) I need to find myself: Seriously? How careless to mislay something so important. In my experience, this one always means ‘I need to spend time on Grindr and see what I can find within a 3-mile radius that is willing to take his pants down and lube up for me.”
3) I want an open relationship: See above. This is also often the cowardly way of saying: “I want an affair or ten and you to stay at home, ask no questions but remain totally faithful to me. If you so much as brush up against another man on the tube I’ll get all psycho on you but please don’t complain when I bring home pubic lice and my phone buzzes with texts from morning till night.”
4) I’m not sure that I’m really gay: This one was uttered by a very plausible and slightly mixed up man and got my sympathy (albeit in a puzzled way). I felt sorry for his messed up emotions. This sympathy lasted until I spotted his new Gaydar profile two weeks later in which he was seeking: ‘Young good looking versatile men who want to be pounded and give some cock back”. That’s not normally the request of someone who is feeling all hetero all of a sudden. Don’t they like fishing, football and tits? I’m not sure they’re always so keen on hard anal with another man. That desire implies leanings, to me.
5) I love you but you’re impossible to be around: If you love someone then surely being around him or her is easy or something you’ll work to be able to do. You love them and that involves you wanting to be with them however difficult they can be. This actually translates as: “I’ve finally woken up to what a nightmare you can be and realised we’re not compatible. Don’t feel bad but I now regard you in the same light as an episode of Friends. It was once endearing, funny and I kind of liked it but now it makes me wince and wonder what the hell I was thinking.”
I accept that honesty isn’t always good. We all need some sugaring of the pills from time to time but there’s dishonesty and there’s downright ridiculousness. Sometimes a pinch of honesty peppered with a smidgeon of tact is really the best policy of all.
Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.
Perry himself is not only a Turner Prize winning artist but also a prolific cross-dresser, and he speaks with flair and intelligence as he critiques the prominence of what he calls default man. This tribal identity, which is characterised by a sober dress sense, a steely bravado and an apparent lack of empathy, accounts for only 10% of the population but dominates the spheres of business, politics, sports and the media.
It’s little surprise, as Perry points out in his book, that majority of those who kill, rape and go to war fit the obtuse criteria and are bred from what he denotes the department of masculinity. Bankers typify default man – they are also renowned for possessing psychopathic tendencies.
But no longer are these proclivities reserved for straight males, they’re now abundant in the gay community. The most transparent illustration of this is the term ‘straight acting’. This vexatious use of language now adorns the profiles of many, along with their beards, biceps and tangible disdain for all thing considered effeminate. And this isn’t mere conjecture. A recent study found that those who identify as ‘straight acting’ were more likely to agree that feminine guys give the gay community a bad reputation and were also significantly less likely to experience homophobia themselves. It’s not about raising ideological warfare and dictating the gender performance of any individual or subculture. The diversity of men, from twinks to bears, is what makes the gay community such an eclectic collection of personalities and individuals. It is this very cacophony, brimming with colour and verve, that we should be striving to maintain. Instead, we seem to be diluting our eccentricities, losing our individualism and with it what makes us special.
We need to ask ourselves if this pernicious desire to conform to this ideological stereotype is healthy.
This issue isn’t the exclusive domain of homosexuals, indeed Perry’s book largely addresses the hetero masses but given that we already know that the gay community experiences increased rates of bullying, substance abuse and mental health issues, these findings are at best regressive and at their worst pervasive and dangerous to the health of gay men. Trying to live up to false ideals never leads to happiness and contentment in the end, even if society seems to applaud and ratify the notion of default man.
Suicide is the biggest killer of men under 45 in the United Kingdom – something is clearly going wrong.
To some degree or another we’re all bound by the confines of our biological sex – but what lies ahead in a world of pass privilege is the eradication of gay culture and identity. Is it any coincidence that as our community becomes more hetero-normative equality seems to be finally on the up? The motivations for aspiring to this so called ‘pass privilege’ are not difficult to identify: bullying, stigmatisation and loneliness are all too familiar tropes – but the acceptance of difference, not assimilation into the uniformity of default man is what is needed if we are to move forward in a healthy and progressive manner.
Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, it’s management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.
It has now been 13 months since the last embryo transfer with my (now ex-) surrogate failed. I am pleased to be able to report that finally, I have a new surrogate, the paperwork is signed, and we will try for an embryo transfer in March 2017. If successful, it will have been 25 months since I signed the original surrogacy paperwork.
Secondly, not one but two of my close friends have died, literally a week apart. I went to the first funeral a week ago and will attend the second funeral in two weeks’ time. In my third column, I spoke about the reaction by close family and friends. Well, one of the friends who has now died, was one of the original three who was virulently against my becoming a father. I hadn’t spoken to him for just over a year because of this. I was hoping to re-ignite our friendship (17 years to that time) once a baby was born. I can’t tell you how sad I was and how regretful I am that I had not had the opportunity to make up with him before he died. I sit here now as I write with a heavy heart.
To balance this, the other friend who has died was very much for me becoming a father. He had a large party when he knew he had a week or two to live, there were over 50 people and it meant that I saw him five days before he died. Again, our friendship had lasted 15 years and I was able to say thank you for the loyalty and happiness that he had brought to my life.
Following these two deaths, I’ve recently been reflecting on what’s important to me and what sort of person I am. Without the news of the new surrogate signing contracts, I had become very depressed. I still have a good job, a now older BMW, and live in a new house which I have bought (still dreaming of two children). But, my friends’ deaths really made me reflect on what I think is important in life, which remains: family and friends, the people that we surround ourselves with. For me, this continues to justify my reasoning for starting a family.
Speaking of family and friends, my third profound effect is that having spent Sunday afternoon walking with my mother, as we got to the car, she said to me “and now if you can provide me with a grandson, I will be very happy”. Back in column three, I wrote how my mother reacted one afternoon and ever since it’s been a tricky balancing act to keep mum onside. Gone are the hysterics management and my mother has taken time, but now seems to be coming around to the idea of me having a child. I am very thankful for this.
I certainly feel that I am ‘paying my dues’. I have kept hold of my job in some tricky situations, started to build a home ready for a child, and am now making financial sacrifices as I start to save £1000 a month, in order to meet the increased costs of the new surrogate. For example, this year I will be 40. When I was 35 I rented a house in Torre Del Lago in Italy and for two weeks friends flew in and out. On my 35th birthday, we ate by the lakeside, followed by open-air opera. Saving a £1000 a month means that I won’t be hiring a house in Italy this year. Instead, I am now on the path laid out by my life coach, £1000 a month for the next year covering surrogacy costs and once a child is born, child care for three or four years.
I look forward with hope to sharing with you the success of an embryo transfer at the start of April 2017.
So recently I have been asking a series of questions ‘for a friend’ about anal sex and being a top, bottom or versatile.
For those that may no know, a top is someone that inserts their penis into another man’s butt, a bottom is someone who has another man’s penis inserted into his butt and a versatile, as you can imagine, does both.
I’ve always been a top but I have experimented being a bottom in the past. But before we go on can I just have a moan to tops out there. YOU WILL NOT BE THE ONE TO CONVERT ME. The number of times a top responds with “well I’ll do it with you and I’ll do it right” when I say I’ve tried and didn’t like it. Every top seems to think they are god’s gift to bottoming and I’m sorry boys but you are not. No one knows my butt better than I and believe you me, if it’s not going in, it’s not going in (protest all you like).
Now, where was I? Ah yes, are all tops lazy? Do versatile guys have more fun? Why do bottoms bottom?
Before I begin may I just say that this is in no way scientific. This is just a social media poll, on a whim, usually while bored on the train to London. I asked Twitter a series of questions and mine and THEGAYUK’s followers were kind enough to respond. In the first question, 88 people responded to the question ‘Why are you a top?’
Of those 88, 41% said it was because they liked a sense of dominance it gives them, 25% simply found bottoming too painful, 20% were fearful of an accident and 14% just saw bottoming as too much effort.
A little bit of a mixed bag there but 45% highlight issues with going down there (pain/potential for the mess). A couple of guys even messaged me directly sharing that concern about accidents down there and even just a lack of wiring for it. And I have to admit as a top I share some of that concern. Who teaches someone how to bottom successfully? Is there a class on how to douche? Certainly, no one has ever shown me so you either google it, use your imagination or go on what friends tell you (for douching at least). That be why, as a top, myself and a few of the other guys that responded, all shared a sense of patience and understanding for bottoms (especially if an ‘accident’ was to occur).
ALSO READ: I’m thinking about bottoming for the first time, how can I make sure I’m clean?
As for how to bottom, everyone’s advice is just to grin and go with it. But what does that actually mean? So, again on my way into work one day, I decided to follow that up by asking twitter the question “why are you a bottom?”
69 people replied and 54% said it was because it felt good, followed by 30% saying that they enjoyed a feeling of submission (and 14% said size concerns (too small) and 2% thought it was expected of them).
54% said that it felt good.
54%! As a top that has only every gotten pain from the whole experience (even after various methods) you do start to wonder if you’ve been wired incorrectly. I’ve seen partner’s eyes roll over in pleasure and that just baffles me. You clearly have something that I (and indeed 88 others) simply do not have.
Now for others that it also baffles they seem to get jealous and a little nasty about it.
ALSO READ: 13 myths about gay sex
And this is where bottom shaming comes it. Almost turning the term ‘power bottom’ into a negative thing that the person should be ashamed of. Well to those people I say bugger off. As a top that knows how painful it is, if you can get pleasure from that then you crack on my sweet and be proud. I’m mildly jealous and will give you my number.
;o)
We cannot all be blessed with the ‘g-spot’ it seems, and maybe that’s a good thing for world balance? If were all bottoms how would we get anything done?
But then that brings me to my next question that I decided to inflict on the good people of twitter. I asked people “do versatile guys have more fun?”
145 people came back to me on that one (so clearly they do). The majority 69% (teehee) said that yes they did.
And you can see the appeal. You can insert and be inserted into and get pleasure from both. It adds variety and spice to your sex life and means you can experience a wider range of feelings.
As for me, my mind is very much in the versatile space. In my head, I like the thought of a nice rogering as much as the next man but in reality, it just doesn’t happen. To tops (and indeed bottoms) out there that connect with this feeling in any way, I would say don’t feel like you need to be both. Enjoy what you enjoy and experiment if and when you want to experiment. Sex has always got to feel right and comfortable for you. If it
doesn’t don’t do it.
Except it doesn’t.
So this week there’s been a lot of talk about banning homophobes from sports’ arenas and stadiums if they shout anti-gay, homophobic, biphobic or transphobic abuse and I’m flabbergasted. Since when did banning anything actually solve any problem?
And who exactly is the banishment going to help?
Whilst I agree that something must be done to solve the anti-gay culture that you’ll find on many of the UK’s sports’ grounds. This toxic environment means that gay or bisexual sports stars and athletes find it impossible to come out – why are there so few openly gay or bisexual sportsmen and women?
But isn’t this part of the problem? There’s a complete dearth of out and proud athletes in sport, particularly men. There’s a handful of noteworthy sports professionals in diving, a sprinkle in rugby and absolutely none in football. Perhaps if we had more out and proud players homophobic fans would be exposed to other types of gay or bisexual men – not just the overtly camp fodder that entertainment formats on TV rely on to provide entertainment. Some could argue that stereotyping feeds into a homophobic mind frame. Gay and bisexual men, still in 2017 aren’t seen by some as “real men” but campy, effeminate and weak and these people need education. We are all types, shapes, sizes, colours and creeds – and all of us are worth protecting.
Organisations that own the grounds have a responsibility to keep its patrons safe but it does not, I believe, hold the remit to educate or punish people with bigotted opinions. That responsibility lies with the police and society. Homophobes need education. Not the naughty step and time out.
That’s why I would advocate an anti-discrimination workshop for those who are found guilty of hate speech – whether it’s gay, religious, race or other hate speech. These classes could run just like the speed awareness classes – when you’re caught speeding.
You’d pay £100 for the class, money which could be ploughed into running the courses. On that course, you’d be given the opportunity to learn about discrimination and it’s damaging effects. You’d learn about equality and other lifestyles. Once you’ve completed the course you’d be allowed back.
Surely this would be a better option than banning a homophobe indefinitely and letting him fester in his own hatred, as he watches the match in front of his TV. How does this help the LGBT+ community?
It doesn’t. Instead, he’ll continue to live in his own echo chamber, feeding his own negativity.
I agree with MP Damian Collins, who chaired the Culture, Media and Sport Committee who found that there should be “a zero-tolerance approach to the use of all homophobic language and behaviours”, but the sanctions that are implemented against those who are homophobic must be thought out as to not exacerbate the problem.
Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, it’s management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.
Dating apps taboos: the other side of the coin
If, like me, you’ve been single for more than 1 month of your life then you have, at some point, used online dating apps (or a website). You would have definitely experienced at least one of the following;
To name just a few!
Now these are all very annoying but generally go with the territory, But, why do they? I was sat chatting to a group of friends and were talking about in one form or another we had been one of these things. So, does that mean that we are all one of these at some point?
All of us in the group said that we had never been a catfish BUT had considered it. And you can see why there is a certain appeal, especially if there is a really really hot guy that does not have you on their radar. You’d never do it, but the mind does fantasise about pretending to be someone equally as fit and flirting with them. No? Just me? Oh, well pours another gin.
What about a Dorian Grey? This is something I believe I’ve named myself (and a quick search online didn’t seem to find anything). I’ve noticed that as gay men approach key milestones they tend to fog the lines around a set age. I’ve seen a few friends do it, they extend being 30/31 (or even in their 20s) when in fact they are a little older than that. And we all do it. I’ve recently turned 30 and while I proudly put my age on my profile I did often refer to myself as a late 20s guy (more for a joke but nothing is ever done without meaning). At least half of the friends in the group admitted to doing it, having done it in the past or were considering it.
ALSO READ: Ten things gay men love to hate about dating apps.
Time wasters are the most common and the easiest for ‘your average guy’ to fall in to. Picture it, you’re all set for a ‘meet’ but as the day approaches things come up, stuff happens, and suddenly it’s 19:30 on a Friday night and the prospect of going out just seems a mission. So, they get a politely worded “sorry I can’t make it’, I’ve got this thing’ or ‘I forgot I had to do X’. We’ve all done it at some point and don’t you dare try and claim that you haven’t!
Now hot n colders are definitely people we have all been and they are very literally people that blow hot and cold. A flurry of interest one day then naff all the next. I know that I do this. But not always through choice, sometimes life just takes over and responding to that text works its way down the list of things to do. There, in most cases, isn’t any malice in it but as the person on the other side waiting for that text the only way to really take a lack of response is badly. It is a sure-fire way of harming your ‘dating chances’ and yes you can argue that maybe you shouldn’t be online if you can’t handle online but when has anything ever been that simple?
ALSO READ: 12 mistakes gay guys are making on their dating profiles.
Finally, droughts aren’t something you can be but they can push a person in need into being one of the above. No ‘booty’ equals a horny moment, an approach to a fellow app user for a ‘meet’ which then loses its appeal after a ‘self-release’. Hence, time waster. Droughts come to us all and they can have the ability to make us to things that we wouldn’t consider doing. I do have a story about a guy that didn’t get any action for 4 weeks, but that’s for another time.
So, while I don’t look to excuse or validate such things, as they are annoying, instead aren’t we all guilty of being one of these at one point or another? Maybe with a little more acceptance of that when it does happen we can just accept it as a fact of life and move on. If ‘online behaviour’ really is an extension of ‘physical behaviour’ then just as we do silly things when nervous in real life maybe, we do silly things in our electronic one.
Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.
None of the top twenty most viewed films of the last year are up for any of the important Oscars which shows the disconnect from what the chattering coffee swilling elite of Soho want you to see – usually involving an ex-war refugee with family issues and a terminal illness as opposed to the latest Star Wars, Pixar or Superhero which actually put bums on seats and made it way beyond a single art house screen in a leafy part of West London.
Has anyone actually seen Moonlight, Hidden Figures, Loving or Fences anyway and if you have, tune in on Feb 26th to see the results from The Kodak Theatre with the ever decreasing viewing figures the show now attracts.
If you are a movie fan read on and see what the Oscars should be like if they gave statuettes to people and films folks have heard off.
BEST PICTURE – Should Win: Hacksaw Ridge…Will Win: La La Land (The most predicatble in years watch those viewing figures plummet)
BEST ACTOR – Should Win: Channing Tatum’s 12 incher in Vacation or Andrew Garfield/Hacksaw Ridge…Will Win: Casey Affleck/Manchester By The Sea (Total yawnfest).
BEST ACTRESS – Should Win: Amy Adams/Arrival…Will Win: Natalie Portman/Jackie (Pure boring Oscar bate, not made to entertain but just collect gongs)
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR – Should Win: Chris Pratt’s naked ass in Passengers or John Goodman/10 Cloverfield Lane…Will Win: Mahershala Ali/Moonlight.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS – Should Win: Nicole Kidman/Lion… Will Win:Viola Davis/Fences.
ANIMATION – Should Win: Sam Worthington’s acting or The Secret Life of Pets… Zootopia Will Win: (Because it’s about serious issues!)
Best Foreigh Language Film – No such thing!
Costume Design – Should Win: Fantastic Beasts & Where To Find Them…Will Win: Jackie (1963 is so hard to do!)
Directing – Should Win: Damien Chazelle/La La Land… agreed!
Editing – Should Win: Hacksaw Ridge…..Will Win: La La Land (Long tracking shots are hardly editing but it was shot in the Hollywood Hills so…)
Make Up & Hair styling – Should Win: Suicide Squad… Will Win: Harley Quinn and her mates, yippee a Superhero Oscar.
Music – Should Win: Eddie The Eagle (Pure 80’s Pop)… Will Win: La La Land (Because it is so full of hit songs… not!)
Original Song – Should Win: Can’t Stop The Feeling/Justin Trousersnake from Trolls… Will Win: City of bloody Stars (that will get you dancing if you don’t have a pulse)
Sound Mixing – Should Win: Rogue One : A Star Wars Story…Will Win: La La Land as the voters don’t really know what Sound Mixing is but it’s a musical so it must have some, right?
Visual Effects –Should Win: Brexit or Doctor Strange… Will Win: The Jungle Book (We won’t complain either way on these two)
Adapted Screenplay – Should Win: Arrival…Will Win: Moonlight (God help us – we give up!)
Original Screenplay – Should Win: Deadpool…Will Win: La La Land (you bored yet?)
The Gay Oscar Film of the Year – Absolutely Fabulous a real crowd pleaser.
Stunt of the year – Climbing into the Elephant’s asshole in Grimsby. Sascha Baron Cohen has the laugh out loud scene of the Year.
Hunk Of The Year – Zac Efron for his eight pack in Bad Neighbours 2 – We are counting down the days to those beach scenes in Baywatch.
Lifetime Gay UK Achievement Award – Jason Statham with The Mechanic: Resurrection making 29 films in a row where his shirt falls off showing his hairy chest and muscles.
Obituary of the Year – Martin Scorsese for Silence what on earth were you thinking man; with runner’s up the Ghostbusters franchise, anything with Daniel Radcliffe in and anyone who stayed awake all the way through The Revenant.
Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.
More-so relating to the old school ways of the Beetle and bus. Most things during my school days related to the little VW even down to my GCSE art project. Outside of school I could always be found with my head in a VW book or making models of Beetles. I even made a radio controlled Beetle similar to the one Barbra Streisand was in from the film What’s Up Doc? I suppose it isn’t surprising then that there is a 70’s camper van in the garage and a Mk2 Golf on the driveway.
Indoors, I am strict and have nothing car related in the lounge or my bedroom. A petrol head needs a place or two to get away from the motor vehicle. That said, the man lab has plenty of Beetle based memorabilia on the shelves and there is even an engine deck lid stuck to the shed disguising the pots my creepers grow from. There is also a Beetle bonnet behind the garage that I’ll make into something for the garden.
So it might come as a surprise to you that I find the Beetle an absolutely awful car.
Anyone who has owned one will be getting ready to scratch my eyes out with that above statement but I stand by it. Anyone who has just driven one may actually agree with me. They are an acquired taste and are like nothing else out there, from way back in 1948 to the day in 1978 when it was discontinued in Europe, although the convertible did continue until 1980.
The driving position was cramped. The doors were just millimetres from your elbows. The pedals mounted from the floor giving an unusual feel. The extremities of the vehicle were impossible to see and there were no parking sensors in the 70s. The steering wheel almost horizontal and there wasn’t really any kind of dashboard until the arrival of the 1303 with its panoramic windscreen. Come to think of it the passenger compartment was cramped.
One thing I will say is that the heating was good. It’s a complicated system full of levers by the handbrake and relies on engine speed. Badly maintained it is also prone to haemorrhaging vital air reducing the output to the breath of half a dozen kittens. Citroën’s 2CV wasn’t this bad and that relied on little heat exchangers and two cylinders.
Considering its overall length of over 13 ft, it also lacked luggage space of anything reasonable. The bulletproof engine took up the boot area leaving the front compartment under the bonnet to resemble what should have been a spacious area for luggage. Though it was essential in propelling the Beetle forward, the fuel tank sat in the boot area along with the spare wheel. It left you with 4.9 cu.ft of space. despite it not being the easiest car to clamber into, there was some extra space behind the rear seat. The rear seat did fold down but it never turned it into an estate.
The ride could best be described as entertaining and bouncy made even worse when lowered. The 1302 and 1303 models with McPherson struts was better. The swing axle rear end was lively.
After the second world war, AC cars, Ford and Rootes group performed a vehicle analysis on the Beetle. None found the Beetle particularly good. It’s interesting that Baron William Rootes of the Rootes Group who owned Humber taking a dislike to the vehicle. During their testing using a Mk2 Hillman Mink, Rootes were quite keen to penalise the Beetle for the smallest indifferences. Ironic then that the flawed Beetle would go on to become a market leader, world conqueror and champion of the people’s car while his company failed and in 1979 was bought by Peugeot.
Looking at two group tests from 1968 and 1976 one thing remains: the Beetle. In ’68 the Beetle was pitted against the Austin 1100, Ford Escort and Vauxhall Viva. In ’76 it was relegated to the cheap end of motoring with the Citroën Dyane, Honda Civic and Reliant Kitten. The Beetle was consistent in two areas. It was expensive. It was well made. It was also not the best in many areas where others were doing it so much better. FYI in ’76, the Beetle was more expensive than the better packaged VW Polo.
Today the Beetle is still regarded by many as a wonderful car. I’m sure in some ways Disney are responsible for a generation who love the little bug. It’s true that after the first feature film, sales grew in the US.
The Beetle had its heydey in the UK in the 80s when the Cal-look became popular. It continued to grow into the 90s. The scene for the Beetle shows no signs of slowing down. It’s true that the club scene has changed over the last 10 years. The bus that could once be bought really cheaply took over but looking around, there is a resurgence for the Beetle once-more. Probably in some part due to the bus being so expensive and the Beetle being so cheap. The trend at the moment does look set to change. The bus will never be cheap and the Beetle isn’t looking that cheap now either.
Here then is my dilemma. Despite its flawed ways I still want one. I almost bought one 3 years ago. I want to make a Herbie replica and the one I found was perfect. I just wasn’t the highest drunken bidder on a Saturday night.
And why do I want one? There hasn’t been a car made since the Beetle that has so much character. The sound of that engine talks to you. You can’t help to smile when you see one. It’s classless, that can cause great envy. A vehicle designed to move people from A to B and yet it moves them in other ways too.
Watch this space.
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In a barnstorming speech he discussed his history of standing up against LGBT persecution and how, though things have improved, we should never be too relaxed when it comes to fighting for our rights. Then, he ended his speech with this:
“Our defence of you is a defence of all of humanity and the right of people to practise the life they want to practise, rather than be criminalised, brutalised and murdered, simply because they chose to be gay, they chose to be lesbian, they were LGBT in any form.”
What followed was immediate anger from LGBT people on the left and on the right. The use of the terms “practise” and “chose” is something that can be quite inflammatory because that sort of language is often used by anti-LGBT people who seek to harm us via correction or conversion therapy as well as being the go-to phrase for bigots everywhere. So surely this means “homophobic” Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn must resign immediately?
No. Look, what he said was wrong. I am absolutely sick of seeing it being explained away as Corbyn ‘mis-spoke’ because he had his speech in front of him. He would of practised that speech, ran through it with his team and they would’ve all had input on it. He’s a politician, a smart man who knows the importance of words. This sort of language has a detrimental effect and, as Jeremy has realised, cannot be unsaid.
I am not a fan of Jeremy Corbyn. I think he has destroyed the Party. However, this is a man who has consistently and unrepentantly voted in favour of rights and freedoms for LGBT people. He has supported everything from same-sex marriage to same-sex adoption. He continues to argue for the rest of the UK to get in line. He is not a homophobic man and it would be unfair to accuse him of being so.
What he and his supporters are, however, are hypocrites. This is a man who has openly supported regimes in which LGBT people were persecuted. When he died in 2016, Mr Corbyn referred to Cuban despot Fidel Castro as a ‘champion of social justice’. Castro once referred to being LGBT as a ‘deviation incompatible with the revolution’. Castro bragged of his genius when setting up cruel work camps where many gay men, without so much as a trial, were sent with little food or water to work camps. They received telegrams telling them they’d been called up for service, only to be rounded up with other men like them and captured. How is that social justice, Mr Corbyn?
In his speech which launched the aptly named ‘choicegate’, Mr Corbyn denounced the UK strengthening any relationship with other countries, particularly via trade deals, where the Government in that country were anti-LGBT. It was a thinly veiled and unsubtle reference to Theresa May’s recent visit to the US. Yet, Mr Corbyn was set to travel to Turkey in a pre-Brexit referendum speech where he was set to demand that Turkey join the EU. This visit and speech was scrapped in fears that it would give the Leave campaign more ammunition. Turkey is another country with a spotty LGBT history as its President, Recep Tayyip Erdogan, last year lambasted the Western world for prioritising gay rights and animal rights over the lives of Syrian refugees.
Mr Erdogan said,
“Shame on those who in the West divert their sensitivity to the so-called freedoms, rights, and law shown in the debate over gay marriage away from Syrian women, children, and innocents in need of aid. Shame on those who divert their sensitivities to the living space of the whales in the seas, seals, [and] turtles away from the right to life of 23 million Syrians. Shame on those who put their security, welfare [and] comforts ahead of other people’s struggle to survive.”
LGBT rights and animal rights being treated as one of the same. Same-sex marriage considered a ‘comfort’. Yet Corbyn wanted them to join the EU?
Jeremy Corbyn is not a homophobe. Choicegate is a complete storm in a teacup without measured debate. I do not believe he ‘misspoke’ but simply just didn’t consider the power of the language he was using. He is absolutely an ally and the LGBT community on both the left and the right would be wrong in attacking him as being anti-LGBT.
Yet, my biggest gripe is that Mr Corbyn and his supporters are openly lambasting Theresa May’s relationship with Trump whilst they sit back and allow Mr Corbyn to praise people who have committed heinous crimes against their LGBT population. Trump recently reaffirmed commitment to President Obama’s 2014 Executive Order to protect LGBT rights in the work place and then swiftly leaked a proposed Religious Freedom Executive Order which allows LGBT people to be discriminated against by businesses and other entities based on their sexuality. Mr Corbyn would be absolutely right to say that, if the US Government does proceed to introduce anti-LGBT executive orders and laws, that the UK must strongly consider our relationship. But, in the meantime, he must also remember the old adage that one should get their own house in order before telling others what to do with theirs.
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