COMMENT | So… when it comes to gay sex, are you top, middle or bottom?

Top, Bottom or Versatile: Are tops lazy, do versatile guys have more fun and what is bottom shaming?

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So recently I have been asking a series of questions ‘for a friend’ about anal sex and being a top, bottom or versatile.

For those that may no know, a top is someone that inserts their penis into another man’s butt, a bottom is someone who has another man’s penis inserted into his butt and a versatile, as you can imagine, does both.

I’ve always been a top but I have experimented being a bottom in the past. But before we go on can I just have a moan to tops out there. YOU WILL NOT BE THE ONE TO CONVERT ME. The number of times a top responds with “well I’ll do it with you and I’ll do it right” when I say I’ve tried and didn’t like it. Every top seems to think they are god’s gift to bottoming and I’m sorry boys but you are not. No one knows my butt better than I and believe you me, if it’s not going in, it’s not going in (protest all you like).

Now, where was I? Ah yes, are all tops lazy? Do versatile guys have more fun? Why do bottoms bottom?

Before I begin may I just say that this is in no way scientific. This is just a social media poll, on a whim, usually while bored on the train to London. I asked Twitter a series of questions and mine and THEGAYUK’s followers were kind enough to respond. In the first question, 88 people responded to the question ‘Why are you a top?’

Of those 88, 41% said it was because they liked a sense of dominance it gives them, 25% simply found bottoming too painful, 20% were fearful of an accident and 14% just saw bottoming as too much effort.

A little bit of a mixed bag there but 45% highlight issues with going down there (pain/potential for the mess). A couple of guys even messaged me directly sharing that concern about accidents down there and even just a lack of wiring for it. And I have to admit as a top I share some of that concern. Who teaches someone how to bottom successfully? Is there a class on how to douche? Certainly, no one has ever shown me so you either google it, use your imagination or go on what friends tell you (for douching at least). That be why, as a top, myself and a few of the other guys that responded, all shared a sense of patience and understanding for bottoms (especially if an ‘accident’ was to occur).

ALSO READ: I’m thinking about bottoming for the first time, how can I make sure I’m clean?

As for how to bottom, everyone’s advice is just to grin and go with it. But what does that actually mean? So, again on my way into work one day, I decided to follow that up by asking twitter the question “why are you a bottom?”

69 people replied and 54% said it was because it felt good, followed by 30% saying that they enjoyed a feeling of submission (and 14% said size concerns (too small) and 2% thought it was expected of them).

54% said that it felt good.

54%! As a top that has only every gotten pain from the whole experience (even after various methods) you do start to wonder if you’ve been wired incorrectly. I’ve seen partner’s eyes roll over in pleasure and that just baffles me. You clearly have something that I (and indeed 88 others) simply do not have.

Now for others that it also baffles they seem to get jealous and a little nasty about it.

ALSO READ: 13 myths about gay sex

And this is where bottom shaming comes it. Almost turning the term ‘power bottom’ into a negative thing that the person should be ashamed of. Well to those people I say bugger off. As a top that knows how painful it is, if you can get pleasure from that then you crack on my sweet and be proud. I’m mildly jealous and will give you my number.

;o)

We cannot all be blessed with the ‘g-spot’ it seems, and maybe that’s a good thing for world balance? If were all bottoms how would we get anything done?

But then that brings me to my next question that I decided to inflict on the good people of twitter. I asked people “do versatile guys have more fun?”

145 people came back to me on that one (so clearly they do). The majority 69% (teehee) said that yes they did.

And you can see the appeal. You can insert and be inserted into and get pleasure from both. It adds variety and spice to your sex life and means you can experience a wider range of feelings.

As for me, my mind is very much in the versatile space. In my head, I like the thought of a nice rogering as much as the next man but in reality, it just doesn’t happen. To tops (and indeed bottoms) out there that connect with this feeling in any way, I would say don’t feel like you need to be both. Enjoy what you enjoy and experiment if and when you want to experiment. Sex has always got to feel right and comfortable for you. If it
doesn’t don’t do it.

Newsdesk

The news team for THEGAYUK. Got tips? Go to www.thegayuk.com/newsdesk to tell us something.

Newsdesk

Newsdesk

The news team for THEGAYUK. Got tips? Go to www.thegayuk.com/newsdesk to tell us something.