Why does fingering hurt
This week a reader asks why ass play hurts with his partner.


Well, every time I have anal sex or am fingered it’s really fun at the time but really hurts after. Is there something I’m doing wrong or what can I do to make it pleasurable?


why does it hurt after I get fingered?

Hello Simon,

The ass is pretty darn resilient and there’s a pleasure to be had from anal sex, but there are a few golden rules to make sure you keep safe and reduce pain.

  1. It can’t be stressed enough lube is your friend. Use a good amount – and have a towel handy that you can wipe your hands, as it can get quite messy. **That** scene in Brokeback Mountain – as hot as it looks, is just not that realistic. A bit of spit and shove isn’t going to cut it. Use a good lube – and there are loads of lubes to choose from on the market. You might find that you get on with some better than others. Try the trial sizes until you find the perfect lube.
  2. Take your time. One of the most misleading things about porn is that you can’t just stick it in – and that includes fingers. You need to take it gradually. You could start off with a bit of rimming and then move on to a finger – then if that feels good maybe two. Don’t just go for it. You will cause yourself a lot of pain.
  3. Warm yourself up. You could do a bit of prep yourself before sex. Perhaps while you’re in the shower – or if you douche you could get your butt used to the feeling of a finger or two up there before you get down with your partner. Using warm water to douche could help you relax as well.
  4. Anal Training. Why not try a set of dilating anal training toys. The toys vary in size and girth. You start small and gradually get bigger as you become accustomed to the size.
  5. Finger maintenance. You say that it hurts after fingering, are your boyfriend’s fingernails ragged? If he’s got claws that a Gruffalo would be proud of it’s time to invest in some nail clippers for him. He may be, unknowingly tearing your insides – which will make the whole experience uncomfortable.
  6. Keep the action smooth. Keep the fingering motion smooth and long and thin (goes right in). He shouldn’t curl up his fingers inside you – this is going to cause discomfort. No vigorous finger jamming like he’s Donald Trump giving a speech.
  7. You could always try a desensitising spray or lube.

So to recap: take time and use lube.

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If you’re really concerned that there’s something wrong book an appointment to see your GP.

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The advice listed above is not intended to replace or take the place of that of your own doctor, GP or medical professional who knows your full medical history. If in any doubt make an appointment with your doctor as soon as possible.

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