Dating apps taboos: the other side of the coin
If, like me, you’ve been single for more than 1 month of your life then you have, at some point, used online dating apps (or a website). You would have definitely experienced at least one of the following;
- Catfish (people using other people’s pictures deliberately to be someone they are not).
- A Dorian Grey (someone who ages in real life but doesn’t seem to online until their online picture is wildly different).
- Time wasters (all chat and no trousers (sometimes literally))
- Hot ’n’ colders (interested one day then cold the next)
- Droughts (weeks if not months of nothing)
To name just a few!
Now these are all very annoying but generally go with the territory, But, why do they? I was sat chatting to a group of friends and were talking about in one form or another we had been one of these things. So, does that mean that we are all one of these at some point?
All of us in the group said that we had never been a catfish BUT had considered it. And you can see why there is a certain appeal, especially if there is a really really hot guy that does not have you on their radar. You’d never do it, but the mind does fantasise about pretending to be someone equally as fit and flirting with them. No? Just me? Oh, well pours another gin.
What about a Dorian Grey? This is something I believe I’ve named myself (and a quick search online didn’t seem to find anything). I’ve noticed that as gay men approach key milestones they tend to fog the lines around a set age. I’ve seen a few friends do it, they extend being 30/31 (or even in their 20s) when in fact they are a little older than that. And we all do it. I’ve recently turned 30 and while I proudly put my age on my profile I did often refer to myself as a late 20s guy (more for a joke but nothing is ever done without meaning). At least half of the friends in the group admitted to doing it, having done it in the past or were considering it.
Time wasters are the most common and the easiest for ‘your average guy’ to fall in to. Picture it, you’re all set for a ‘meet’ but as the day approaches things come up, stuff happens, and suddenly it’s 19:30 on a Friday night and the prospect of going out just seems a mission. So, they get a politely worded “sorry I can’t make it’, I’ve got this thing’ or ‘I forgot I had to do X’. We’ve all done it at some point and don’t you dare try and claim that you haven’t!
Now hot n colders are definitely people we have all been and they are very literally people that blow hot and cold. A flurry of interest one day then naff all the next. I know that I do this. But not always through choice, sometimes life just takes over and responding to that text works its way down the list of things to do. There, in most cases, isn’t any malice in it but as the person on the other side waiting for that text the only way to really take a lack of response is badly. It is a sure-fire way of harming your ‘dating chances’ and yes you can argue that maybe you shouldn’t be online if you can’t handle online but when has anything ever been that simple?
Finally, droughts aren’t something you can be but they can push a person in need into being one of the above. No ‘booty’ equals a horny moment, an approach to a fellow app user for a ‘meet’ which then loses its appeal after a ‘self-release’. Hence, time waster. Droughts come to us all and they can have the ability to make us to things that we wouldn’t consider doing. I do have a story about a guy that didn’t get any action for 4 weeks, but that’s for another time.
So, while I don’t look to excuse or validate such things, as they are annoying, instead aren’t we all guilty of being one of these at one point or another? Maybe with a little more acceptance of that when it does happen we can just accept it as a fact of life and move on. If ‘online behaviour’ really is an extension of ‘physical behaviour’ then just as we do silly things when nervous in real life maybe, we do silly things in our electronic one.
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“Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our greatest source of magic, capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it” Albus Dumbledore
Hi there! I’m Scott and I write, I promote LGBT rights, I’m an Uncle to 2 amazing nieces and to some I am a nutter…I’m just me, trying to find my way in the universe. Catch me on twitter for more nonsense via twitter.com/i_scotty.
Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you'd like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.