THEGAYUK

Category: Comment

  • OP ED | Smaller Prides Matter Too

    On Saturday 20th August, the fourth Warwickshire Pride festival will take place at the Pump Room Gardens in Leamington Spa.

    For a small town in a rural county, it’s a massive achievement that the festival happens each year. With many LGBT people living in villages and not necessarily having access to other LGBT people or services, Warwickshire Pride is an important event in the calendar as it provides the types of opportunities that are non-existent for much of the year.

    Warwickshire Pride is a colourful celebration of LGBT life and culture, but also aims to channel the spirit of the Pride movement in its original form. There is a lot of campaigning and interesting talks on the day that cover a variety of important topics. There is also an opportunity for Warwickshire’s LGBT community to access services that they may not ordinarily feel able to, with organisations such as Terrence Higgins Trust, Mind, and a plethora of other voluntary sector groups in attendance. If LGBT people need help with housing, substance abuse, mental health issues, sexual health concerns or anything else, they can access support at Warwickshire Pride.

    Unfortunately, in Warwickshire hate crimes against LGBT people are relatively common. In fact, due to a perceived rise in hate crimes against LGBT people in Warwickshire over the past two years, I launched the Leamington Spa Equality Rally in 2015 and lobbied the Police in order to gain more support for the community. Sadly, smaller towns and villages can have quite narrow minded views of the world, and they’re not necessarily the most LGBT friendly places to be. This is another reason why Warwickshire Pride taking place is so important; because it provides a safe and welcoming environment where LGBT people can be themselves.

    Although it’s important that Pride events in smaller, regional, rural locations take place, it is also a huge struggle to continue to put them on. At Warwickshire Pride we have minimal sponsorship, not a great amount of funding, and it’s a seriously hard task every single year to get enough money together to make the event happen. I keep being told that gaining sponsorship is the way forward. Believe me, I’ve tried. Every year I contact a large amount of companies in an attempt to build a relationship with them and obtain some form of sponsorship. Sadly, I rarely receive a response. When I do, it’s to say that they don’t sponsor events.
    This has been the case with one of Britain’s largest supermarkets in each of the past four years. Despite them proudly sponsoring Pride In London this year, I am told by that supermarket that they do not sponsor events. I can only come to the conclusion that they want to tick a box and be seen to support the LGBT community, but when it comes down to showing some support at a grassroots level, they’re not interested.

    Luckily, I have an LGBT friend who works as a community champion at my local branch. He has kindly agreed to supply water for the volunteers at Warwickshire Pride, but that’s as far as it goes.

    It’s not just this one supermarket. Another well-known retailer have also said that they don’t sponsor events, yet I’ve seen them support larger Pride festivals in the past.

    A world-famous locally based underwear specialist also said they don’t sponsor events. One week after telling me that, it was announced that they were sponsoring another local event that’s probably seen as being more family friendly.

    The lies genuinely bother me. Sometimes I’d rather companies were honest and said that they don’t want to support a small event or they don’t want to support an LGBT event. I’d respect them slightly more for that.

    The media can be a nightmare too; even the LGBT press, with THEGAYUK being a fine exception to the rule. Locally, an event like Leamington’s carnival gains huge local press coverage and front page stories whenever they like. Yet, when I contact the press or send press releases, they’re not always covered. When they are, it’s always about mid-way through the paper where many people may not see the article. With the LGBT media, it seems to be about making money out of Prides rather than genuinely supporting them. For example, a very well-known gay magazine got in touch because they wanted to support Warwickshire Pride, but when it came down to the details, they actually wanted hundreds of pounds to send out one post on Facebook that promoted Warwickshire Pride. Similarly, a regional LGBT magazine said that they could sponsor Warwickshire Pride. However, it involved us paying them £500 for the privilege. In the end, I reluctantly agreed to it because I’m aware of the need to promote the festival and the magazine reaches Warwickshire Pride’s primary target audience.

    All of the above has at times made me feel disillusioned with it all.

    If I’m being truly honest, I sometimes wonder why I bother organising Warwickshire Pride when it’s always a struggle and there is such a lack of support compared to that which other Prides receive. But then I remind myself of the thousands of people who attend each year and how important it is to the local LGBT community that they have a Pride event. It’s the only thing that keeps me going.

    The point of this article isn’t about having a moan about how hard it is and saying “poor me” or “poor Warwickshire Pride”. It’s more about highlighting the challenges of putting on a Pride event in a smaller, regional, rural location, and having a bit of a call to arms. I’d like to encourage everyone to support smaller Pride events.

    They’re the ones that make a huge difference to the lives of their local LGBT communities. Without them, there would be nothing for LGBT people in those areas. It’s fantastic that Prides such as London, Brighton, Birmingham and Manchester take place, and it’s great to see them do so well. But please don’t forget about the small, grassroots Prides. They need your support now more than ever.

    Follow Daniel Browne on Twitter

    The opinions expressed in this opinion piece may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management, editorial or connected 3rd parties. If you wish to contribute to you can click here to find out more.

  • OP ED: Cameron had us believe that the Tories had changed but in the end… it’s just business as usual

    OP ED: Cameron had us believe that the Tories had changed but in the end… it’s just business as usual

    David Cameron painted a picture at the turn of this decade. The Conservatives were new, brand new and very gay-friendly. But as it stands we have three out of five PM candidates whose voting history on LGBT rights is deplorable (or non-existent) and two who have a fair weather relationship with the gay community.

    Painted as the party that brought in same-sex marriage, David Cameron would have had us believe that the Tories had finally changed.

    But it seems all he had actually created was the almost perfect veneer.

    Modern, forward thinking and accepting, but like all veneers, it’s what’s behind all that shine that really matters and what I’m seeing is rotten.

    With the departure of Cameron, we’re on the edge of having a country run by those who either wouldn’t vote on LGBT issues – so beneath them apparently is our humanity  that they wouldn’t even vote on life changing legislation, or those who, some might say are sheep in a wolf’s clothing, having had a long history of voting consistently against gay rights – and then almost like a light switch, all change, just like that.

    And while voting for equality for the LGBT community is commendable and admirable if it’s just lip service or a ploy to further career prospects – I’d rather not have you on our side. I’d rather deal with one face rather than two, at least you know where you stand.

    It’s becoming patently clear that same-sex marriage, the most historic piece of legislation this decade and one of the cornerstones of Cameron’s progressive Tories, was only won because of the coalition government with the Liberal Democrats.

    It might surprise you to find out that the majority of Conservative MPs voted against marriage equality including two of the current Prime Minister candidates: Stephen Crabb and Liam Fox. Michael Gove voted yes for gay marriage but then was absent for other key elements that would complete that equality.

    In total 136 Conservative MPs voted against the ability for gay and lesbian men and women to be treated equally under the law.

    Andrea Leadsom couldn’t be persuaded either way. She found parts of the new law “unacceptable” and abstained from the vote. In fact, she’s not voted on any LGBT legalisation since her 2010 induction to parliament.

    So here we are, five candidates, all vying for the top spot in Westminster. All of them have dubious voting, three of them clearly aren’t in our corner despite any backtracking they may have done in the past few days – and for this we, as a community, need to be worried.

    If nothing else the vote on the EU has lifted the lid on a Britain that many of us thought we’d left behind in the last century, we’ve had racial and homophobic tensions on the streets – with an increase of hate crime being reported, Brexit it seems, has given some on that side of the argument a feeling that open bigotry is acceptable.

    I’ve written to all five candidates about allaying legitimate fears our readers have put forward about LGBT protections as a new government forms – nearly 24 hours later – nothing.

    Like all veneers, the shine is only skin deep and eventually, it will crack. If we’re not careful it’s wholly possible that our rights, our freedoms could be rolled back.

     

    The opinions expressed in this comment piece may not reflect those of the management or editorial of THEGAYUK. If you’d like to write a comment or column for THEGAYUK click here.

  • COMMENT | A journey to Orlando

    COMMENT | A journey to Orlando

    As a writer, I know better than to write about happenings when they evoke intense emotions, straight away. The consequence of this tends to be anger and a skewed message. It tends not to be the truth of what one has to say. So, for days now I’ve tried to keep quiet while everyone around me spoke about the murder of forty-nine people, and the attempted murder of fifty-three others. This is the journey I’ve been on since 12th June 2016.

    CREDIT: WalterPro/FLICKR CC

    Let me get this straight, I’m not from Orlando. I wasn’t even in Orlando at the time of the shooting. I was at home in Liverpool, England, in my bed, probably dreaming about cookies and books. But in the morning, I heard. People in Orlando were dead, shot and killed. People who identified as Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender +, and their friends, were targeted because they went to a safe place to be themselves: a gay bar. How many of us have been to gay bars, how many of us go every weekend?

    Within twenty-four hours, many cities illuminated town halls, buildings of importance, with the colours of the rainbow; the rainbow flag hung at half-mast above town halls; people took to the streets with candles and prayers, not just to mark their respects, but more importantly to show solidarity. But underneath those expressions, we held our partners closer, made sure all of our family and friends were safe. We were thankful.

    I had to work hard to avoid interviews with the parents and friends of those who had lost their lives. I wasn’t ready for that, and to be honest, I’m still not ready. It wasn’t until a few days later, when I sat down to watch a news report and heard more about Omar Mateen that the full impact of what had happened struck me, full force right between the eyes. I couldn’t hold my tears back, and had to go out of the room, away from my mum. It could have been someone I cared about, or knew. I thought about my nephews and niece and my friends children, who I’m so close to.

    What world are we leaving for them to inherit? It’s still filled with hate based on a person’s religion, skin colour, background or sexuality. I don’t want that for them, especially if one of them grow up gay. This hate crime wasn’t committed in a country where homosexuality is outlawed, punishable by death. This was America, the land of the free. It could easily have happened here in Liverpool. I became angry and frustrated. How dare he. How dare he have the right to own a gun, bought from a store, and take it to a safe place and gun down innocent people. How f***ing dare he! I was glad he was dead, too.

    It was dubbed a terrorist attack. I don’t know how I feel about that label. When I first heard it, I knew it didn’t sit right with me. This wasn’t a plane hitting a building, or bombs on a bus, this was someone taking a gun, bought entirely legally, to a group of other people. But then, isn’t that terrorism? The purpose of terrorism is to promote terror, and on that night this objective was violently met. I’ve read a dispatch where Mateen states, “… I pledge of allegiance to Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi of the Islamic State.” If Mateen has done this in the name of Islamic State, a terrorist organisation, does this not make it a terrorist attack? Or was it a justification, a way to vindicate his actions? We may never know.

    It’s confusing, trying to piece together the fragments we’re fed by the media, and finding the facts among the quagmire of theories and rhetoric is daunting and almost impossible. Inevitably, we are left to draw our own conclusions, which is what I did next. I read more stories about Mateen and his many visits to Pulse, and his profiles on gay dating and sex mobile apps. I told myself there had to be more to it, because of this. I had his reason for doing this all plotted in my head, bound and ready to present to anyone who would listen. Mateen was a man whose supressed sexuality had driven him to violence. In my mind, his lifestyle, his upbringing, perhaps his parent’s staunch religious beliefs meant it was impossible and impractical for Mateen to come out as gay. His mind had become distorted and he was unhappy, seeing LGBT people living as themselves right in front of his face, and nobody batted an eyelid. I was upset that our society would allow organised religions to spout ancient teachings in a modern world, that people like Mateen had nowhere to go to be told ‘it’s okay to be gay, despite what your family and friends think.’ I think organised religion is the most dangerous thing in the world. I believed in my invented Mateen story right up until I started work on this piece, when I’d finally come to accept what happened. I’m just about ready to see the reactions and aftermath of the shootings, the gaps left in family circles.

    Even in the wake of such hatred, there are ripples of abhorrence toward homosexuals from some areas of the world. Twitter was brim-full of Tweets about how the gunman had done right. How ‘fags’ deserved to be killed, and what a good job had been done. Have you ever scrolled through Twitter and found messages of hate about a community you belong to? It’s sickening. Even more sickening that they were still there some days later – no immediate removal.

    I still maintain that Mateen may have been struggling with his own sexuality, and couldn’t cope with the pressure he placed on his own happiness. But then something dawned on me, it plucked at the tattered edges of theories and ideas, and unpicked every loose stitch. Perhaps, I thought, Mateen had visited Pulse, had downloaded gay apps, as a form of research, to get to know faces and names … to plan. Now that idea haunts me even as I type. How horrific. I know that we will never fully comprehend what happened in Mateen’s mind that night, but you know what? I feel lucky …

    I don’t have friends who ask ‘you weren’t in Orlando, why are you upset?’ or ‘it’s not like you knew them’. They get it. I’m a member of a community that has been ridiculed, imprisoned and hurt just for existing. Like any community that has endured this kind of treatment throughout history, we won’t give up fighting and speaking out and kissing our partners, because we know there can be something better; you can’t fight hate with hate because there’ll be no victor.

    As I come to my conclusion, and read over what I’ve written above, I realise something more. I have psychologically processed grief from the time of the shooting up to now: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. That is what separates a human from homosapiens.

     

    Follow Sean Watkin on Twitter

     

    The opinions expressed in this comment piece may not reflect those of the management or editorial of THEGAYUK. If you’d like to write a comment or column for THEGAYUK click here.

  • OPINION | Why “They” Matters

    In this game we weathered old showgirls have to sell ourselves to sell seats, giving interviews, waffling away on the radio, and generally generating promotional content (such as this very article) when we have an upcoming performance. There are protocols in place, one mustn’t swear on the BBC, one shouldn’t leave a journalist waiting in Pret for 45 minutes, and one should send one’s press releases out in clear, concise, proper English. Here we get to the cut of the jib…

     

    I prefer the pronoun “they”, with the understanding that it refers to me as a person who recognises themselves to be neither a man or a woman, but both simultaneously. This is pretty straightforward in practice, EG “Did you see La JJ on TheGayUK? Their article was so enjoyably informative! How do they do it?” As such I am using singular “they” in my press releases, to the chagrin of certain writers who feel it is incorrect English and therefore either decline to write about my new hit show GEIST (which is at the Arcola July 2nd & 3rd btw) or else just use the pronoun they feel best suits me, which is actually quite rude when you think about it.

    Perfectly reasonable people, people who are allied to queer and trans causes, will say, “I’m not opposed to using ‘they’ in principle, it’s just that it’s not grammatically correct.”

    But aren’t we already using it on the daily? Don’t we say things like, “Everybody wants to think that they’re cute”? That’s singular “they” right there babes! Technically we should be saying, “Everybody wants to think that he or she is cute”, but obviously we don’t because it’s such a cumbersome mouthful. Yet even that unwieldy sentence is a recent modification, made by the Feminist impulse to rectify a sexist bias in the English language. Why should every writer, “Pick up his pen and set about his work”? Exactly – it’s bulls*it.

    Victorian grammarians set “he” as the universal English pronoun, though a quick Google will tell you from around 1300, and through the Middle Ages, singular “they” was common. Chaucer uses it as does Shakey themselves, as in The Comedy of Errors, when Antipholus says, “There’s not a man I meet but doth salute me as if I were their well-acquainted friend.” Shakespeare chooses to use “they” instead of “his”, just as Jane Austen does countless times, 200 or so years later. Whilst we’re at it why is nobody up in arms over the loss of formal/informal distinctions in English? Why aren’t we upset that we can no longer choose to speak intimately by employing, “Thou art” (in place of “You are”) without coming off as a Fantasy Fiction dork?

    That’s because language evolves babe, for better or worse, even The Washington Post managed to get their heads around “they” when it was pulled into their style guide last year. People start sentences with “And” and “But” all over the shop with little furore arising, though until recently the very suggestion of it sent editors apoplectic. Likewise, when a writer asks if they can interview me, I don’t reply tartly, “No, but you may conduct an interview with me,” do I? (Well not unless I’ve had a double shot in my skinny latte at least). An insistence on alleged grammatical righteousness is actually a determination to prop up the prejudices built into the English language and shrug it off as out of one’s control. By dismissing singular “they” what you’re actually saying is, “I’d really love to help you feel like you have a place in the world, but sadly this copy of Grammar for Dummies from 1909 just won’t let me, sad face emoji.”

    Third gendered, non-binary, trans, gender fluid and transdrogynous people have tried out several new pronouns over the past few decades. From the lumpy “Zir” which was all the rage a decade ago, to Justin Vivian Bond’s famous “V”, and Theo Addams’ playful “tree”. All of those choices are beautiful and valid, but “they” works best for me. It’s already in the language we use, it expresses the multiplicity which many of us gender outlaws experience, and remarkably it’s 100% gluten free. Try it, you might like it! And share it with your lover – they may get a kick out of it too.

    Catch La JohnJoseph in GEIST at the Arcola Theatre 2nd and 3rd July at 8 pm. For a chance to win a pair of tickets to the show, simply enter your name below. The winner will be announced on the 30th June. Good Luck.

    THIS COMPETITION HAS NOW CLOSED

    Terms of Competition

    1. You have until the 30th June 2016 9:00 AM
    2. Entries made after this time will not be counted.
    3. Winner must be over 18 and reside in the UK.
    4. Offer is not-transferrable and no cash equivalent will be given.
    5. Entry is free of charge.
    6. Winners will be notified by email from TheGayUK by the 30th June 2016 by 2:00 PM.
    7. Winners will have one day to claim their prize. Afterwards, a new winner shall be drawn and previous claims will be forfeit.
    8. All entries will be added to TheGayUK and TheGayShop mailing list which you can unsubscribe from at any time.
    9. The prize is tickets only. Winners must make their own travel arrangements.
  • Seven Days Later – The Legacy of the Pulse Nightclub Shooting

    Seven Days Later – The Legacy of the Pulse Nightclub Shooting

    Seven days ago my usual Sunday morning routine was in full swing. I was making a cup of tea, picking up my tablet and heading back to bed to eat biscuits, listen to the radio and browse the net. Seven days ago my usual Sunday morning routine was broken rather abruptly by the eight o’clock news as it reported the shooting at the Pulse Nightclub in Orlando, Florida. Seven days ago, my usual Sunday morning routine was interrupted for me to write an article on the breaking story for THEGAYUK.

    Photo Credit - Paul Szabo
    Photo Credit – Paul Szabo

    For the remainder of the day, as the events of the night before unfolded and the scale of the tragedy became apparent; I eagerly listened to the news for developments in a story that we all wish we had never had to hear.

    In the last week, I have felt many emotions about what happened that evening. Those people were groups of friends enjoying themselves in a nightclub, quietly getting on with their lives in a space that was meant to be a safe place for all members of the gay community. There are been times when I’ve been angry. There have been times when I’ve been sad. There are times when I have felt despair and there are times when I wondered exactly what this world is coming to.

    But despite all of these feelings, there is one which has always bubbled to the surface and has always seemed to have overridden all of the others, forcing them to be no more than temporary swells in a turbulent sea of emotion. And, believe it or not, it has been an enduring feeling of hope.

    On Monday evening, I attended a vigil in Sheffield, my home town. Sheffield does not have a particularly large gay scene and I felt it was important to go along not only to pay my respects to the victims of the tragedy but also because I felt that those who had organised the vigil at such short notice, who had publicised it and who were wanting to share their feelings with others should be supported. I wanted to take a stand and publicly say that this was not the type of story I ever wanted to hear about or write about again. As I approached the square where the vigil was to be held I was completely taken aback by the number of people who had attended. There were so many people who had come to express their sadness, their anger and to share in a common experience with others who felt the same.

    And that’s when I started to look at social media. Vigils were taking place not only in my home town but all over the UK. Whilst Compton Street made national headlines and was widespread across the media, there were pockets of people; in great numbers and in few; all over the UK who were coming together as a community to be unified in their grief, anger and support. It didn’t stop there. All over the world, vigils were being held and people were uniting.

    Both Twitter and Facebook were awash with rainbow flags, with the hashtag #loveislove, and with people outpouring not only their grief but also their support of the gay community. World leaders stopped to draw attention to the tragedy. All across the globe, people both gay and straight were coming together to tell the world that this tragedy is not acceptable. They were coming together to tell the world that prejudice will not be tolerated and they were coming together to tell the world that the fight will not cease until equality is achieved.

    And if there is a silver lining to this blackest of clouds, it hit me as I stood in the rain, surrounded by around 200 other people and holding a candle in Hallam Square in Sheffield. Despite the hatred that we so often see, hear about and experience; thankfully incidents like this devastating tragedy are rare. What it has highlighted to me is not the hate for the gay community that people hold; but actually how many people love, welcome and embrace the gay community; how many people support the gay community and, in particular, how the gay community support each other.

    I’m writing this article on Father’s Day. I can’t stop thinking that there are fathers in Orlando who are missing their sons or daughters today. I can’t stop thinking about how, for the husband of murdered MP Jo Cox, Father’s Day is going to have a very different meaning this year. It made me realise even more that all over the world there are fathers and mothers who are missing their sons and daughters because of hate crime and homophobia. But the outpouring of love and support across the globe in the wake of the Pulse nightclub shooting proves two things to those who hate – that love is stronger and that the numbers of people who offer love far outweigh those who offer hate.

    Whilst nothing can bring back those were needlessly murdered 7 days ago, we should celebrate their memory and their lives by remembering that on that very bleak day of the 12th June 2016, the World stood together and said that “love is love”; and that those taken from us left not only many happy memories for their family and friends, but also left the global gay community with a legacy of hope.

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, it’s management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

     

  • OP ED: LGBT – Legal, Guns, Ban, Them

    OP ED: LGBT – Legal, Guns, Ban, Them

    It has taken me a while to sit down and write this. To sit down and write anything. In fact, it has taken me a while to want to write anything. Mainly because I’m not entirely sure what it is I want to say. And, if I’m honest, I’m still not entirely sure, so bear with.

    My lack of willingness to put down my thoughts is because my thoughts are fighting with each other. I have no idea what thought it is I should listen to. I have no clue as to which emotion I should let take the forefront of my mind-set. Sadness? Anger? Confusion?

    I am, of course, saddened. Horribly so, down to my gut. I am, of course, just as angry and outraged and mad as I am saddened. I am greatly perplexed. Confused as to the actions of this man, yet just as confused as to the lack of action by the American government. And then I am lead to, in some respects, the most frightening reaction of all, I am unsurprised. Unsurprised that this has happened, yet again. Of course it was going to happen again. America has not changed anything to do with gun law so of course a man – a man known to the FBI – can still purchase a gun and spread his hate and end the lives of those so opposite to him. So different to him.

    I am not just talking sexually here. But in open-mindedness. He hated what he didn’t know. He hated them because they were so unlike him. A man kissing another man, to him, was wrong. Morally wrong. Yet, to him, murdering them was not morally wrong, but acceptable. Falling in love with a man if you are a man is outrageous. Killing them because of that fact, is not. To him murder was more honourable than love. Natural love killed by manmade weaponry.

    Maybe he thought he was freeing them? Curing them of their gay lives. Healing them of their gay wounds. But how can someone be freed from freedom? Two definitions of freedom so horribly different. Their freedom, my freedom, so loving, so celebratory, so real. His freedom, so damaging and demented and vile and unethical.

    Then comes the anger. The anger for him. The anger for American gun law. The anger that a Kinder Egg is banned for consumption in the USA because it is threatening to the American people. A choking hazard. A piece of confectionary is deemed more damaging than a gun. Nice one America.

    The statistics of these mass shootings are ludicrous. In 2016 so far, just this year alone, there have been 133 mass shootings in America. That’s 133 in just 164 days! It took the UK just one mass shooting – the 1996 Dunblane massacre – for our own gun law to change. In Australia the gun law was reworked after the horrific Port Arthur massacre of 1996. Yet in America, 133 in just one year and still nothing.

    How many people have to die?

    In light of the most recent mass shooting, the 133rd shooting of 2016. Where the death of 49 (at present) members of the LGBT community occurred, LGBT is pretty apt, pretty ironic for the occasion. LGBT: Legal Guns, Ban Them.

    I am proud to be LGBT. I am proud of how our community stands tall. Stands together. United. I may feel many things at present. I may feel angry and sad and confused. But thanks to the support of this community, I have never for a second felt threatened.

    Follow Mark Goggin on Twitter

     

    ALSO READ: Nearly one quarter of LGBTS are scared for their safety on the scene after the Orlando shootings

    ALSO READ: Who were the 49 victims of the Orlando shootings

    ALSO READ: How to survive a terrorism attack

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, it’s management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • OP ED: Post Orlando, Is this the end of an era or a re-birth of the gay scene?

    The Gay Scene: End of an era or a re-birth?

    Embed from Getty Images

    I submitted this article before the tragic events occurred in Orlando but after the attack I’ve decided to edit it slightly and reissue as this is definitely relevant. In this entry I’m talking about the need for the gay scene when put alongside the ‘straight’ scene. One positive thing that could come out of recent atrocities is that people come to see and appreciate gay venues and ‘the scene’ more.

    Almost all the time now you see various people saying “well if gay people can go to ‘straight’ bars and not get kicked out then why do I need a dedicated gay bar?”. In 2014 the BBC even had an article labelled “Do gay people still need gay bars?” which looked at the history of gay venues and some of the purposes they serve.

    But to these people that don’t see the point and question others for going on “the scene” I say yes it is brilliant that we as a community can walk amongst our fellow communities and mingle without fear of attack or exclusion but I don’t think that’s quite true for everyone and gay bars aren’t just for ‘having a drink’.

    In the UK, gay bars were seen safe haven during a time when being LGBT was illegal or still something that would result in you suffering verbal or physical abuse. So yes they were bars and pubs but they were also places where people could socialise with others, have a drink and feel ‘secure’. When the Admiral Duncan was attacked in 1999 it shook the community and people lost their lives but ultimately that determination to have somewhere safe for the community lead the venue (and others) to continue to this day.

    In the UK today yes we have far less abuse than way back when and indeed being LGBT is no longer illegal (we can even get married) so our world is a bit more brighter. But does that mean that the LGBT community is dead and gay bars (“the scene”) along with it? I was at the vigil for the Orlando victims in Soho and I can safely say our community is very much alive and kicking.

    If you in your life can live and breathe your sexuality with no fear of bullying, abuse, or negativity of any kind then I envy you as that is indeed something to be treasured and proud of. And I can see that for you there probably isn’t much of a ‘need’ in that sense for a specific gay scene. But if you do face abuse of any kind, or bullying, or negativity then surely having somewhere where you can express yourself, meet friends and have a drink isn’t a bad thing?

    For some of you reading this your local bars will vary greatly from other areas. For example, whenever I visit Canal Street in Manchester I am always envious of the consistent and visual sense of community that the bars, their owners and their customers have. Generally, they stick together to support the street and the community in which they serve. But when you come down south, London doesn’t really have that sense of community amongst the bars. So while each venue is different and does engage with its punters they do seem to operate for themselves only coming together in a real crisis. If all gay scenes operated the same way as Manchester I think the question for what purpose do they serve wouldn’t come up as much, if at all.

    So the scene means different things to different people. Historically it has been a shelter and does continue to be for some people. But in today’s ‘more tolerant world’ while there is a need to be a shelter there is also a need for the scene to be a place for the LGBT community to come together, meet, greet and have fun. What is so bad with that?

    Personally for me I have only ever suffered directly very mild homophobia (my bullying at school was for my distinctly Harry Potter like looks) but I have worked with and supporting those who have seen some extreme homophobic bullying, even in this day and age in 2016. For them, places like gay charities, the gay scene and other places where being LGBT is not judged these places are a lifeline and a key part of their life.

    On a more practical note (as a single gay man) we are also forgetting one of the key things that bars and clubs provide – a chance to meet people! Even the straight community go out to bars and clubs ‘on the pull’ to either have some fun or meet a potential date for another day. If there is nothing but mixed venues not exclusive either way your chances of striking lucky with a gay man (or woman) and not hitting on a straight person in error aren’t great. So if you can’t meet people on a night out what’s left? Grindr? Tinder? I’ll stick with my 12 cats thanks!

    So for me, I prefer having a gay venue where I can actually meet and interact with people in real life and actually have a bat in hells chance of hitting on someone and it actually being someone I have a remote chance with. The fun and excitement of eyes meeting across a busy room, initial questions and discussions, and even a drunken (usually) first kiss.

    I also often hear people saying that they don’t go anywhere near the scene as it’s “full of queens and bitchyness”. Well if that is your opinion then you’re focusing on the wrong things. Every bar, pub, local venue has its dramas and its cliques, the scene is no different, so to accuse gay bars of being unique to everywhere else says more about you than it does about the gay scene. If you don’t need the scene then fine and you should be proud of that but don’t attack something you don’t understand or don’t appreciate. Yes, there is that element but to many people it’s their home.

    The gay scene and its venues are part of our communities’ and this country’s legacy and to so many they represent a place of sanctuary so I say long may they continue!

    My heartfelt condolences go out to those we have lost in Orlando. I am proud of how our global community has come together. Never shall we be beaten.

    Love wins!

    Follow Scott Sammons on Twitter

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • OP ED: Orlando reminds us that the battle for acceptance is far from over

    “I realised that this is a battle won by love, laughter, acceptance and knowledge.”

    Dear World, From Rob (a gay man)

    I never really write anything personal on the internet, I’ve always had the opinion that my personal life is mine, and people probably don’t want to know the boring details anyway, so I post things that I think might be entertaining, and I keep in touch with my friends. After all, I don’t want to come across all soppy now do I?.

    But in the wake of the last couple of days, I’ve been itching to write something, to do something with the feelings I’ve had. Something horrible happened across the world, yet it has affected myself and the LGBT+ community as if were on our doorstep.

    Now, I probably know a few of the people reading this personally, but if I didn’t know you, I’d usually introduce myself by my name, where I come from and how old I am. Simple little details. However, I was thinking today, I’ve never even thought about introducing myself as gay. Not because I’m embarrassed, I’m so, so proud to be gay. Not because I think the other person would be offended, because I honestly wouldn’t give a shit. But because, for me, it’s not even an issue that passes through my mind. I’m a gay man, yes, but my sexuality kind of starts and ends with who I love, it doesn’t affect anything else.

    I thought to myself shortly afterwards that the only reason I have this privilege is because there are generations before me who have fought hard to get us here. Was I being selfish by not realising how much privilege I have in this day and age?
    After facing terrible adversity, the LGBT+ community has got itself to this place, where love is slowly conquering hate, and we’re progressing every day.

    But recent events remind you that it’s not over. Whilst I am lucky to enjoy all of the amazing things that come with being gay in 2016 – holding hands in public, being confident that we can go out and get home safe as a couple – there are so many others who are unable to have this, and it can’t be fair for me to have this and not others.

    I felt hesitant to finish this post because I didn’t have an amazing call to action. I don’t know if I have the words or knowledge to spur on a whole community, or to change the minds of the 1% who hate us. But I realised that this is a battle won by love, laughter, acceptance and knowledge. We are having a vigil in Portsmouth outside the Guildhall, at 6pm on Friday, if anyone wants to join us.

    We’re going to get there, and know that I love you all, regardless of your gender, sexuality, race, class or whatever. It’s a cliché but it’s true, and I’m not afraid.

    -Rob
    ‪#‎loveislove‬ ‪#‎orlando‬

    Follow Rob Ulitski on Twitter

     

    The opinions expressed in this comment piece may not reflect those of the management or editorial of THEGAYUK. If you’d like to write a comment or column for THEGAYUK click here.

  • OP ED: Pride needs to keep hold of its roots

    It’s Saturday 28th May 2016 and I’m at Birmingham Pride. I attend each year and always have a great time. However, I cannot help but have mixed feelings about it too. Something sits very uncomfortably with me, despite the fact that I have a good time.

    Before I continue, I must first congratulate Birmingham Pride for successfully running a festival of such magnitude. It’s not an easy task, but year after year the organisers do an amazing job of it and for that they must be praised.

    As a fellow Pride organiser, the last thing I want to do is criticise another Pride event, as I know how difficult it is to put everything together. However, there is an aspect of Pride that worries me. That is the fact that the spirit of Pride seems to be getting lost along the way.

    When the Pride movement began, Pride was a protest. People marched for their rights and what they believed in. Now that LGBT people have almost full equality in law, I can’t help feeling that the true meaning of Pride is being lost, despite parades and marches still being a part of such events.

    I’m sure we are all aware that the larger Prides are now commercial machines that do not fully represent LGBT people or the spirit of the Pride movement. An example of this can be seen when looking at main stage performance line-ups. I only attended Birmingham Pride on the Saturday, but to my knowledge there was only one LGBT performer on the main stage that day. The rest were heterosexual and cisgender. It lacked the kind of representation that LGBT people deserve at a Pride festival.

    It appears to be increasingly common these days for Pride festivals to book lots of straight acts to appear on their main stages. Having looked at several Pride line-ups, I’ve wondered where the LGBT representation is. Recently, somebody was protesting on Twitter that a certain Pride didn’t have any LGBT acts booked. I don’t know if that’s actually the case or not, but the lack of LGBT performers at LGBT Pride events is a worrying trend.

    At Warwickshire Pride, 90% of this year’s main stage line-up is LGBT. It’s a percentage that we strive to increase or at least maintain each year in order for the festival to truly represent the people it primarily caters for.

    That’s not to say that Warwickshire Pride is leading where others should follow. Far from it, in fact. It’s entirely up to the organisers of each Pride event to book the acts they want, move in the direction that they view as being best, and to respond to the wishes or needs of the community that they represent. At Warwickshire Pride, we pride ourselves on being a little bit different to other Prides and a lot of that comes from the feedback that local LGBT people provide. Yes, we have some fabulous elements such as Angie Brown and Wagner from the X Factor performing last year, but ultimately we try to create something in the spirit of the original Pride movement.

    Perhaps it’s the activist in me. Every part of my being is about furthering the rights of LGBT people, both legally and socially. I believe that Pride is absolutely a protest, but do acknowledge that it’s a celebration too. There is nothing wrong with celebrating. However, I also feel that as a Pride movement we are in danger of losing touch with our roots.

    What I’d like to see is more Prides having actual LGBT performers on their main stages, not just confined to cabaret tents. I’d also like to see more protesting and highlighting of social issues that our communities face. Finally, I’d like to see Prides being more inclusive. There are four letters in the acronym LGBT and it’s important that the B & T are remembered and included. This is something that the smaller, grassroots Pride events do very well, but it’s time that the larger Prides stepped up and truly represented their communities once more.

     

    Follow Daniel Browne on Twitter

     

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  • Why Is The Government So Interested In Our Porn Habits?

    Why Is The Government So Interested In Our Porn Habits?

    Thousands of innocent people in the UK could be incriminated and face jail time because of the Government’s “draconian” porn laws.

    CREDIT: ©-lofilolo-Depositphotos

    CREDIT: ©-lofilolo-Depositphotos

    A new report reveals that thousands of innocent porn consumers and in particular gay men could find themselves facing jail time because of the UK’s laws surrounding porn consumption.

    The Adam Smith Institute who released the report are calling on David Cameron to abandon the “absurd” pornographic laws. The report argues that there is no concrete evidence that pornography increases cases of sexual violence, and that the laws – designed to convict paedophiles and necrophiliacs – are so broad that they threaten the private sexual matters of over half of Britain.

    The report suggests that obscenity law needs to be redrafted as the current legislation is so sweeping that even those who receive unsolicited images on Whatsapp, for example, could find themselves charged with possession of extreme pornographic images.

    What are the UK’s porn laws?

    In December 2014 pornography produced in the UK was subject to strict rules. The types of scenes which studios could film were severely restricted with an amendment to the 2003 Communications Act.

    Some of the activities banned by the Conservative government could overtly affect the porn consumption of gay men in the UK – including those who watch BDSM, rimming (facesitting) and fisting.

    The two latter viewed by the BBFC as potentially “life endangering”.

    A  list of banned scenes in the UK was drawn up by the Independent and includes:

    Spanking

    Caning

    Aggressive whipping

    Penetration by any object “associated with violence”

    Physical or verbal abuse (regardless of  if consensual)

    Urolagnia (known as “water sports”)

    Role-playing as non-adults

    Physical restraint

    Humiliation

    Female ejaculation

    Strangulation

    Facesitting

    Fisting

    A survey by the British Sexual Fantasy research Project in 2007,  of 19,000 adults in the UK, found that 86% of men and 56% of women admitted to having viewed pornography, with a third of adults fantasising about playing a dominant or aggressive role during sex, and a third fantasising about being submissive.

     

    ALSO READ: The UK’s Government refuses to ban gay cure treatments

    ALSO READ: The UK Government UTurns On Poppers Ban

     

    Six per cent of UK adults, or approximately 2.9 million men and women, admitted to privately having violent sexual fantasies of some kind, meaning that hundreds of thousands of normal people who pose no specific risk of committing sexual offences could be targeted as criminals under the extreme porn law.

    Sam Bowman, Executive Director of the Adam Smith Institute said,

    “Most people don’t want the government in their bedrooms, but that’s what extreme porn laws do. This report highlights just how bad these laws really are – they turn millions of law-abiding adults into potential criminals simply for enjoying consensual spanking or dressing up in the bedroom. The evidence is very clear that pornography does not drive violence, and indeed it may reduce it. These are badly drafted laws that should never have made it to the statute books, and this report confirms the urgent need for the government to scrap them.”

     

    Nick Cowen, author of the paper said,

    “The extreme porn ban criminalises depictions of sex acts even if they are safely performed by consenting adults. We have seen the law used, in particular, to target and expose gay men. Each such case represents a personal tragedy and a disgraceful use of our criminal justice system’s scarce resources. The costs of the law are disproportionate to any public benefit, and as implemented cannot plausibly protect women’s interests for which the ban was supposedly introduced.”

  • THE UNDATEABLE GAY | Don’t Let Your Best Friend’s Mum Choose Your Dates

    He looked like Roy Cropper it was never going to work out.

    I’ve had a flashback to a date I went on when I was just a young whippersnapper of a 19-year-old.

    Christ, that means I’ve been undateable for a total of 14 years. Yes, I hear the sound of shocked voices. That man can’t be 32! But yes readers, I am. It’s amazing what a bit of exfoliation can do for your skin. Oh, and not forgetting the needle full of Botox I regularly get pricked with. Well, I have to get a prick from somewhere. (Clears throat)

    Anyway…

    Back to my flashback which takes us back to the wonderful year of 2002. The year that bought us the Queen’s Golden Jubilee and Girls Aloud! The latter being my most memorable and personal favourite. But back to something else that wasn’t my particularly most favourite memory of that year, the date that was organised by my friend’s 50-year-old mum.

    So, there I am this one morning, having coffee with Gwen. I mean, she isn’t the most sane of people you’ll ever meet, but I’ve had my fair share of mental institute moments over the years myself. So who am I to judge? As I take a sip on my mocha. I’m sure I would have been drinking a mocha. It’s only since I’ve hit my 30s have I become partial to an espresso. So as I sip the mocha, she announces she’s set me up on a date with this lovely man she works with on check in.

    An airport worker.

    Now, my dear Nan, God rest her soul, taught me I should never sit in judgement of others. But sometimes I find that piece of advice very hard to swallow. For some reason, in my sinful judgemental mind, I associate anyone working at the airport as a slag and having a man in every country. I know my face needs a slap as obviously he only works on check in, so unless he has a very long lunch break, I rationalise that he can’t make it to other countries.

    After I’ve given my chops a quick swift slap, I take in the details of the date. It’s this Saturday, at 7pm and I’m to meet him at the Birdcage. Cor, the Birdcage in Chiswick, now that is showing my age. As I take the final chocolatey sip of my mocha, she throws the final, and possibly most vital, piece of information at me.

    My new date is 50-years-old. My jaw slaps the ground, like a concrete slab thrown from the top of Big Ben.

    As I look in the mirror at my fresh, youthful, wrinkle free face, I tell myself age is but a number. I mean, what does it matter that he’s 31 years older than me? Not a problem. He could be the man of my dreams, I shouldn’t be ageist, I tell myself. As the stark realisation dawns on me that he’s the same age as my dad, I begin to gag but a shot of vodka and a Marlboro Light soon slaps that image out of me.

    I walk up to the bar of the Birdcage. I’m unfashionably early, purely because my best friend booted me out the car as she wanted to get back to see the Pop Idol final. I order a pint of Fosters. I decide beer is the best drink for me to consume this evening, it gets me less pissed and if I’m dealing with a senior citizen, I must keep my wits about me. I grab my pint and take myself to a small round table and perch myself on a bar stool.

    As I finish off my first pint of Fosters, a man with a shopping bag approaches me. He asks me a question but my eyes are firmly placed on his shopping bag. Had Roy Cropper just walked in? (For those of you who have never seen Coronation Street, Google this man and you will have the image of my date).

    Let’s call my date Roy from now on, as his actual name escapes me. Call it the early onset of Alzheimer’s or even just my own mind’s ability to block it out. As this is a date I have tried to forget all through my twenties. And it’s also the date that set the precedent: never let your friend’s mum set you up on date.

    Now I wouldn’t have minded being on a date with a 50-year-old, had Roy not acted and looked like he was 75! I know I’m partial to being a little dramatic, but on this occasion I really don’t think I am being. I mean, the shopping bag said it all! He bought me a pint of Fosters, so that’s a point in his favour but I needed another one to block out the dull tone of his voice as he discussed trains and planes that he liked to spot. Wonderful, I’m sat with a train spotter. I really should have remembered to cross dear old  Gwen off my Christmas card list. But I don’t like to think of myself as a bitter old queen.

    Five pints of fosters later (all bought by Roy, may I add), and I am somewhat tipsy. I notice his body language. He starts to touch my hand, then my arm. He must have thought all his Christmases had come at once. This young pretty boy sat in front of him, pissed on Fosters, who needed looking after. After the sixth pint (also bought by Roy) I started to feel myself returning his body language gestures. A metaphoric slap later and I was in the toilet, on the phone to my best friend.

    “You must pick me up!” I pleaded with her.
    “But the winner of Pop Idol hadn’t been announced yet.” Came her reply.
    “Oh, don’t worry about your best friend, sat here, about to be taken advantage of by Roy Cropper”, I barked back.
    Luckily for me, I heard Girls Aloud be announced the winners, so she left her house to rescue me. Whoever thought I’d owe Cheryl Cole for saving me from Roy Cropper?

    As I returned to the table, I saw my seventh pint of fosters slammed down on the table by Roy.

    Phew! I’ve made the right call by phoning my best friend, pardon the pun. I see the intentions in Roy’s eyes. They’re glistening like a magpies whose just seen a diamond ring. Just as I pick up the fosters, my best friend runs in, like the hero of the hour.

    “You must come quickly! My mum’s been taken ill and I need you!” She screams.
    Oh the lies and drama of the youth.
    I look at Roy, feigning upset.
    “I’m so sorry, but I must go!”
    “Will I see you again?” Roy is like a lost puppy dog.
    The lies of the youth came rolling out of my mouth like a red carpet at the Oscars.

    “Of course, give me call. I’ve had a really lovely evening!”

    I’m going straight to hell, I tell myself.
    My best friend drags me from the Birdcage, and I notice Donna Summers has started playing. I join in on the chorus, rather loudly and as we leave, Roy is following us. I turn round and in my Fosters induced state, I sing at him,
    “Enough is enough is enough, I can’t go on, I can’t go on no more, no!”

     

    @MarkyWoollard83

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.