It has taken me a while to sit down and write this. To sit down and write anything. In fact, it has taken me a while to want to write anything. Mainly because I’m not entirely sure what it is I want to say. And, if I’m honest, I’m still not entirely sure, so bear with.
My lack of willingness to put down my thoughts is because my thoughts are fighting with each other. I have no idea what thought it is I should listen to. I have no clue as to which emotion I should let take the forefront of my mind-set. Sadness? Anger? Confusion?
I am, of course, saddened. Horribly so, down to my gut. I am, of course, just as angry and outraged and mad as I am saddened. I am greatly perplexed. Confused as to the actions of this man, yet just as confused as to the lack of action by the American government. And then I am lead to, in some respects, the most frightening reaction of all, I am unsurprised. Unsurprised that this has happened, yet again. Of course it was going to happen again. America has not changed anything to do with gun law so of course a man – a man known to the FBI – can still purchase a gun and spread his hate and end the lives of those so opposite to him. So different to him.
I am not just talking sexually here. But in open-mindedness. He hated what he didn’t know. He hated them because they were so unlike him. A man kissing another man, to him, was wrong. Morally wrong. Yet, to him, murdering them was not morally wrong, but acceptable. Falling in love with a man if you are a man is outrageous. Killing them because of that fact, is not. To him murder was more honourable than love. Natural love killed by manmade weaponry.
Maybe he thought he was freeing them? Curing them of their gay lives. Healing them of their gay wounds. But how can someone be freed from freedom? Two definitions of freedom so horribly different. Their freedom, my freedom, so loving, so celebratory, so real. His freedom, so damaging and demented and vile and unethical.
Then comes the anger. The anger for him. The anger for American gun law. The anger that a Kinder Egg is banned for consumption in the USA because it is threatening to the American people. A choking hazard. A piece of confectionary is deemed more damaging than a gun. Nice one America.
The statistics of these mass shootings are ludicrous. In 2016 so far, just this year alone, there have been 133 mass shootings in America. That’s 133 in just 164 days! It took the UK just one mass shooting – the 1996 Dunblane massacre – for our own gun law to change. In Australia the gun law was reworked after the horrific Port Arthur massacre of 1996. Yet in America, 133 in just one year and still nothing.
How many people have to die?
In light of the most recent mass shooting, the 133rd shooting of 2016. Where the death of 49 (at present) members of the LGBT community occurred, LGBT is pretty apt, pretty ironic for the occasion. LGBT: Legal Guns, Ban Them.
I am proud to be LGBT. I am proud of how our community stands tall. Stands together. United. I may feel many things at present. I may feel angry and sad and confused. But thanks to the support of this community, I have never for a second felt threatened.
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Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, it’s management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.
Writer,photographer and general creator of anything you want so long as it keeps me out of working in retail. I have recently returned to the UK after an amazing round-the-world year long adventure and now spend most of my time looking at my photographic memories and crying.
Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you'd like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.