Category: Comment

  • COMMENT | Being homosexual is not a commodity you can buy online

    COMMENT | Being homosexual is not a commodity you can buy online

    I saw a homophobic comment on Twitter today that really made me angry and I just couldn’t keep my mouth shut. I had to retaliate. 

    “I don’t mind you lot being gay as long as you don’t promote it to my children.”

    Oh yes, because it’s advertised on big billboards and television adverts. “BE GAY. BUY YOUR SEXUALITY ONLINE TODAY!” We even have Buy one Get One Free sales in some of the supermarkets. I don’t think. The idiocy and bigotry of some people really gets on my goat.

    Have we not evolved enough by now that people cannot see? Homosexuality comes as part of your gene package. It’s not a choice or a bargain you can pick up in Harrods. The sheer fact that there are still many human beings who do not feel brave enough to ‘come out’ proves we cannot choose who we are. You cannot pick your sexuality. If you could, why do we hear these endless heartbreaking stories of people who commit suicide or are in ‘straight’ marriages just because they can’t face their homosexuality?

    As for promoting it to children. I have three nephews. My eldest is almost 18 and we are incredibly close. When he was growing up, we would go to the theatre, football matches and restaurants together. At eight years old, he asked if I was gay. We never lied to him. 

    So he has lived in the knowledge that his Uncle Mark is gay for a decade. He has had a couple of sexual encounters with girls and a girlfriend. We obviously haven’t turned him gay by educating him about different sexualities from an early age. I’ve been surrounded by a football-mad family all my life. And I still can’t stand football. 

    So would this Twitter troll who says we should not promote homosexuality to children for fear we will turn them gay like to stand up please. And admit your statement is ludicrous and unfounded. Otherwise, why are my nephews not gay? Because you can’t choose it, that’s why.

    What we are actually achieving by being honest and teaching children that not everyone conforms to the straight mould is enhancing the world with acceptance. And hopefully saving some of these poor souls who are too scared to accept their own sexuality.

    In fact, I jokingly called myself a poof recently. My nephew and his same age best friend told me off for using such language. “It’s not PC!”, they shouted at me. Now that was refreshing.

    And this is the kind of valuable gain we get from promoting homosexuality to children, Mr Twitter Troll.

  • THE UNDATEABLE GAY – How I came out to my parents

    THE UNDATEABLE GAY – How I came out to my parents

    It was the summer of 2001. Bridget Jones’ Diary had just been released at Easter and Tullene and myself had already seen it five times. It was a few weeks until my 18th birthday and I’d just passed my driving test.

    I can still remember my first car to this day. It was a Talbot. I don’t even know if that make of car is still in existence. Car make and models are not my specialist subject. It was my pride and joy though, a beautiful silver colour and I called it Toby. Toby the Talbot.

    I bought it off my mum’s mate, Barbara for fifty quid. Apparently she didn’t want to charge me anything but my mother insisted she make me pay something. She was very keen on teaching me the value of money!

    Many a night after the passing of my driving test, Tullene and I, along with our fellow best friends Amber and Gemma would often be found driving aimlessly around Central London. Well, it was something to do. We clearly thought we were hard nuts.

    We’d blare Destiny’s Child’s ‘Bootylicious’ from the car CD player, windows down, partying through the polluted London streets in my Toby. 

    I remember one particular night when we stopped at some traffic lights on Oxford Street. I hung out the window with a frying pan. (Don’t ask me why we had a frying pan in the car. We were 17!) Clutching onto the random cooking utensil, I asked a woman if she fancied a fry up. I’m guessing she didn’t fancy one by the disgusted look she threw my way.

    The lights turned green and we sped off towards Bond Street. The woman looked at us as though we’d escaped from the asylum and we all laughed hysterically. Oh the idiocy of youth.

    I’ve completely digressed off the subject of my coming out story to my parents but I feel describing my beautiful Toby Talbot is important in setting the scene. He played a vital role in the story.

    I was fast approaching my 18th birthday and I’d fallen in love with a boy in the year above me at college. Darren. But he’s a story for a later date. I decided that before I declared my love for Darren, I had to tell my mum and dad I was gay. 

    I pulled up outside Tullene’s house and beeped my horn. I heard Mummy Pat (Tullene’s mum) shout out the window. “Keep the noise down!” Tullene came running out the house and jumped in Toby.

    “We’re going to see Mummy and Daddy Woollard”, I told her.

    “Why?”

    “Tonight’s the night.”

    Being my best friend, she knew exactly what I meant. I couldn’t do it on my own. I needed Tullene by my side. And she still is by my side through most dramas, twenty years later.

    Driving onto the council estate where I lived, I could feel my hands getting clammy and beads of sweat on my forehead. Yes, I could sweat back then. I was only 17 remember and hadn’t a need for botox yet.

    We parked outside the back gate and Tullene went to open the passenger door. 

    “NOT YET!” I screamed, unnecessarily loudly. I saw her wig nearly hit the roof as she jumped as a reaction to my bellowing.

    I say wig and not head, as Tullene has a vast collection of wigs that she adorns on her scalp. She would be the envy of any drag queen. She has a hairpiece for every occasion.

    “I need a cigarette to calm my nerves.”

    I grabbed a Marlboro light from my glove box and puffed on it like my life depended on it. 

    How could that 17-year-old boy afford Marlboro lights?, I hear you cry. Well, this was 2001 remember and they were only £3.99 for a packet of twenty in those days. I don’t smoke any longer but I believe they are about twelve quid a pack now. I don’t know how anyone affords to smoke these days.

    As we sat there, chugging on a ciggy, I saw my sister Clare pull up in her car. She had a purple Fiesta which was later to become my car after Toby Talbot went up to motor vehicle heaven. And she would become Fiona Fiesta.

    “What are you doing out here?” Clare enquired as she came up to say hello.

    “I’ve got something to tell mum and dad.”

    “What?”

    “I’m gay.”

    “Okay then. Let’s go inside and tell them.”

    I lost my bottle. I quickly started the engine and swore my sister to secrecy. And then me and Tullene sped off. Driving around Central London, I heard a beep from my Nokia 3310 to indicate a text message. It soon became apparent my sister was no good at keeping secrets.

    “Read the message to me Tullene.”

    It was from my mum.

    “We still love you”, it said.

    And there you have it. No fanfares or whistles in this coming out story. Just a sister with a big gob.

  • These are the five most annoying things you can say to someone who is deaf

    These are the five most annoying things you can say to someone who is deaf

    We asked DEAF IDENTITY entrepreneur Luke Christian what the most annoying thing you can say to a person who is deaf.

    Read his interview with us, in which he tells us why it’s not okay to fetishise people are deaf.

    So here are his most annoying AF thing to say to someone who hard of hearing or deaf.

    1. For a deaf person, you have good speech.

    2. Well you don’t look deaf!

    3. Oh you’re deaf? Aw I’m so sorry to hear that!

    4. It turns me on knowing you’re deaf.

    5. Just turn your hearing aids up, I cba repeating myself.


    Luke added, “Honestly, I could go on!”

  • GAY HISTORY | Remember the opening of the Crew Gay Bar in London

    GAY HISTORY | Remember the opening of the Crew Gay Bar in London

    After being served one too many warm beers at a rival, Crews was born. “Chris” takes us down memory lane.

    CREWS: 1990-1998 St Martins Lane, next to Stringfellows

    Crews came about after I was served yet another warm beer at the Brief Encounter and the manager asked me what I would do, lose him his job?

    I said “no”, far worse. 

    From the outside, you could not see the 3000 sq ft inside and the plan was just to be the biggest gay bar in London, not nightclub.

    The agents were only interested in it being let as a restaurant until I told them that my cousin was, a renowned architect, and they thought we would spend a fortune on it. However, our plan was to be cheap and cheerful, cruising and carefree so dark blue paint and murals of sailors went up on the walls.

    After a hiccup with early management, the bar became the first to introduce straight forward pricing of £2.50 a pint, the reason being that there was no time to give change, such was the demand.

    In addition, free nuts and crisps were offered. Two GoGo dancers would give performances on the bar. Crews became the busiest gay bar in London and was responsible for dragging the gay scene from Earls Court to the West End. 

    The year Crews opened saw the Edge, CXR, Admiral Duncan, G-A-Y Bar and The Village really take off.

    Have you got memories of a venue from the past which has now closed? Check out our list of venues at our Lost LGBT Scene Project.

  • GAY HISTORY | Remembering the first time at The Catacombs

    GAY HISTORY | Remembering the first time at The Catacombs

    A contributor to our Lost LGBT+ Scene project left this recollection of his first encounter at The Catacombs as an 18-year-old in the heydays of the early 70s.

    Vivid memories of The Catacombs…..

    At the tender age of 18, new to London, very green and exceedingly shy and discovering freedom!

    Soon discovered Gay News (a now-defunct gay newspaper) and the gay scene at Earls Court. Must have been incredibly brave to go on my own.

    Saturday nights. There were bouncers on the door, and the club used to provide square gold coloured metal keyring fobs with raised lettering CATA top-line COMBS bottom line to help ID.

    There was a steepish narrow flight of steps down to the dance floor and a bar on the right I think. I THINK they did sell beer, but I only ever drank Coke, so might be mistaken.

    The dance floor was always dark, illuminated with numerous flashing disco spotlights. I vividly remember the packed floor and the heads bouncing to Motown, Stevie Wonder-Superstition, Temptations-The Law of the Land, Timmy Thomas-Why cant we live together.

    I hear those on the radio sometimes, shut my eyes and I’m back there in 1971/2 such was the huge impression. Around the dance floor which was circular or multi-sided such as Octagonal was a series of arches which led on to a corridor around the dancefloor.

    There was a series of arches into open rooms around the outside of this corridor, each room with tables and seating around. There was always a row of stationary figures around the wall just watching the dancefloor and a similar row around the corridor, all awaiting the next pickup. I don’t remember where the toilets were, very shy and maybe didn’t use them, nor the disco, nor if there were any emergency exits and looking back.

    I always think the place could have been an inferno if the worst happened, but oh! such happy memories.

    Written by Paul

    Have you got memories you’d like to share? Check out our list of now-closed LGBT+ venues and leave you recollections in the comments.

  • THE UNDATEABLE GAY – That time I got pissed on

    THE UNDATEABLE GAY – That time I got pissed on

    The year Mark Haddon’s novel “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time” was published. The year Dirty Den made his comeback in EastEnders. And the year Jemini entered the Eurovision Song Contest with “Cry Baby.” The song which gained the worst placing ever for the United Kingdom. I personally quite like the song. It’s even on my iPod to this day.

    It was also the year when I still considered myself to be dateable. I had been with my current boyfriend for almost six months and I was head over heels in love. I thought I was going to marry this man, Sam.

    We first met when I was still a customer service manager for Budgens’ supermarket and he worked in the hairdressers next door. I would often walk past the salon, slyly looking through the window using only my peripheral vision. And more often than not, I would see him staring back at me. And then I would feel my heart flutter inside my chest.

    SHEER CHEESE, I know, but I was still a hopeless romantic back then. Years of unsuccessful dating hadn’t yet made me bitter or cynical. 

    One day, I finally plucked up the courage to ask him out. Well, I say I plucked up the courage. What actually happened was that I made my friend Tullene go inside the salon to hand him a piece of paper. On said piece of paper, I had written my phone number.

    That night, I was pissed in the local pub. Quelle Surprise! And up popped a text. Yes, a text. Not a WhatsApp. It was 2003 remember. It was from the hairdresser of my dreams. I was so excited and almost hyperventilated. Tullene had to give me a little slap.

    Before I knew it, I was in G-A-Y at the Astoria on a date! YES, The Astoria! Oh my god. How I miss that place. All through my late teens and right into my twenties, I would spend Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights in there, dancing the night away. I look back and I think, ‘how on earth did I afford to be out that much?’ And then I remember double vodkas were only £1.50 and you could get a blow job for a quid.

    No, you youngsters reading, prostitutes were not that cheap back in 2003. A Blow Job was a delicious shot available in many gay venues. It may well still be in this day and age but my clubbing days are over, so I’m less informed of the shot menu of gay establishments.

    For those who have never had a Blow Job, make one at home. Pour Amaretto in the base of a shot glass and top with coffee liqueur. Layer Irish Cream on top of that and then squirt on some whipped cream. Delicious! I might actually make one tonight now. It will certainly be the first blow job I’ve had in a while. Cue violins.

    Anyway, I’ve digressed. This is meant to be a tale of being pissed on and not actually being PISSED.

    After six months of sheer cheesy love and romance, I decided it was time we took a mini-break. So off we went down to my favourite place in the whole of the United Kingdom- West Wittering.

    Driving along the A3, “Crazy in Love” by Beyoncé blaring from the speakers, windows down and the wind blowing through our hair. Yes, I still had hair back then. I hadn’t succumbed to the fate of my Dad’s gene pool quite yet. 

    And out of nowhere, the wind lifted the baseball cap from my bonce and we saw it blowing away down the A3, back towards London. Very Bridget Jones-esque. 

    Lying on the beach, sand between our toes and the sea glistening in the June sunshine, I looked across at my perfect boyfriend and held his hand. I had never felt so happy. I was a naïve 19-year-old and now, almost twenty years later, I can see it was never going to end happily. But hindsight is a wonderful tool.

    To end the peace and romance of the moment, Sam suddenly screamed.

    “OH MY GOD! It’s a Jellyfish!”

    And all of a sudden, I felt a large splat on my chest. The bastard had thrown it at me. Jumping up, I screamed.

    “YOU IDIOT!”

    I saw seaweed fall from my chest to the sand below. It had been a practical joke.

    Within seconds, I had returned the joke by flinging seaweed at his face (yes, his face. No half measures for me, I go straight for the jugular!) I screamed,

    “JELLYFISH!”

    His camp scream and running, well, mincing actually off down the sand made it all worthwhile. A few minutes later, I felt another splat against my chest. Within a few seconds, I felt an intense stinging. As the culprit slipped from my chest, it was clear to see it was an ACTUAL Jellyfish this time.

    “You Prick!” I bellowed as I began to go red and blotchy.

    We went up to the shop, desperate to find some E45. But, not surprisingly, the beach shop didn’t stock it as part of their product range.

    “I could piss on you”, Sam suggested.

    “Now is not the time or place to begin acting out your sexual fantasies!” I retorted.

    He reassured me that urine is apparently a good ointment to deal with a Jellyfish sting. And as this was 2003, I didn’t have the luxury of Google on my Nokia 3310 to support his claims. 

    Desperate, red, itchy and stinging, I threw myself to the floor, well hidden behind my car and Sam whapped his cock out. Before I knew it, my chest was being used as a urinal.

  • ASIFA LAHORE | Brown Drag Artists Exist, so start including us

    ASIFA LAHORE | Brown Drag Artists Exist, so start including us

    SOAPBOX /

    South Asian Drag has been kept behind the veil for far too long. Brown Drag Exists and it is time for it to be made visible in all spaces, virtual and physical. 

    On the 11th April Buzzfeed released a list compiled by The Drag Bible, an influential platform highlighting drag performers and drag culture. This list, titled ‘Forty Drag Queens You Need to Follow On Instagram’ was globally diverse in terms of race and geography, however, it failed to include any drag artist of South Asian heritage. After social media commentary on this omission which resulted in the deleting of the list by Buzzfeed, the Drag Bible publicly acknowledged this mishap and strived to be fully inclusive. Buzzfeed however, is yet to comment. 

    Unfortunately, this is a trend prevalent in mainstream drag and LGBT+ communities, be them virtual on social media platforms, or in physical spaces such as bars, clubs and Prides where few or no South Asian drag performers are featured talent. It is particular to note that the RuPaul’s Drag Race franchise has not featured a single queen of South Asian heritage in its many international variants. The South Asian subcontinent does not have its own Drag Race yet, however, the diaspora is far and wide, permeating all corners of the globe including the USA, Canada, UK, New Zealand, Australia, the West Indies and Africa. To suggest that queens from a South Asian background don’t exist internationally is to be a perpetrator of erasure. 

    Blocked by The Drag Bible

    This is a harsh reality facing those from a South Asian background wanting to follow a career in drag, cabaret, burlesque and the performing arts. 

    We have to fight the hardest and the loudest in order to be heard or our art to be seen. In many cases we are denied work and opportunities because our art is either not understood, too political or too risky. More often than not this is down to pure ignorance, a lack of research, the unwillingness to listen, understand and blatant racism. 

    Not ensuring to include a diverse panoply of performers encompassing all diverse backgrounds is risking contributing to the erasure of identities and experiences.

    “Erasure is tantamount to racism”

    Erasure is tantamount to racism and as performers, we wish for opportunities to be included at the table of mainstream drag.

    In this spirit, South Asian Drag Artists from across the world and different spheres of drag [AFAB, Trans, Drag Kings, Drag Queens etc.] came together to compile this campaign video and spill the masala tea. 

    #BrownDragExists

    #BrownDragExists

    A response from The Drag Bible was made on their Twitter account on the 16th April:

    https://twitter.com/thedragbible_/status/1250863113982947331
  • 6 Gay Simpsons episodes you need to watch

    6 Gay Simpsons episodes you need to watch

    Disney + hit the UK last month giving the gays unlimited viewing of princess films, High School Musical and Marvel hunks. However as Disney bought Fox last year and gained access to their back catalogue, For the first time every series of the Simpsons is available to stream online, every episode from the past 30 seasons.

    Debuting in 1989 The Simpsons have become a television staple and global phenomenon. The series itself focuses on the family but part of its endearing charm and endurance has been its expansive cast of neighbours, relatives and townspeople. Over the course of the show’s history, there has been an inclusion of LGBT characters and storylines. With every episode available at the click of a remote I thought it was time to take a retrospective on some of the landmark episodes.

    Homer’s Phobia

    The first episode to tackle LGBTQ issues head-on was “Homer’s Phobia”  Featuring “pink Flamingos” director and writer John Walters as John the owner of a local Kitsch shop that the family stumble upon. They become fast friends and John explains the concept of camp. The next day Homer remarks to Marge and Lisa that they should invite John and his wife over. Once it’s explained to him that John prefers the “company of men”  homer remarks “who doesn’t”, Homer then gets the gay panic which is played for laughs with Marge being the voice of reason. He comments that he is a simple man who likes “beer cold, tv loud and homosexuals flaming”. There is also a discussion on the reclamation of the word queer.

    As the episode progresses Bart begins to copy John’s mannerisms leading to his fear that his son might be gay. This leads to homer taking Bart on a conversion therapy road trip including looking at soft porn cigarette ads and a trip to -ironically- an all gay steel mill. After enlisting Barney and Moe on a hunting trip the quartet ends up cornered by some frenzied Reindeer. John Saves the day with a robotic Santa and earns Homer’s respect.

    This episode debuted in 1997 and I was worried it might not have aged well given the attitudes and representations of the time. However, and I suspect due to Walters involvement, it feels as fresh and relevant today as it did back then. John is never the subject of the joke and Homer’s fear and ignorance is largely framed and ridiculed.

    Three Gays and a Condo

    The next episode came in 2003 “Three Gays and a Condo” sees Homer move out of the family home after feeling Marge only married him because she was pregnant and trapped. Homer moves into a condo with Grady and Julio. Homer embraces the trappings of a gay lifestyle, Brunch, designer clothes, skincare and dancing shirtless in a gay bar. He is trying to reconcile with Marge but still carries doubts. Grady kisses him and Homer’s heterosexuality is confirmed as he runs back to Marge and tells Grady “I’d only break your heart”.

    This episode introduces Julio played by Simpsons MVP Hank Azaria who is basically an animated version of the character he played in The Birdcage opposite Robin Williams. This episode feels a lot more pun and cliche based than the previous episodes’ social commentary. We are introduced to “West Springfield” the gay district. The shops include Fab Abs, Armistead mopeds, Stonewall bakery and Victor/Victorias.

    It also has a cameo by Weird Al Yankovich.

    There’s something about Marrying

    Attitudes had begun to change by 2005 and same-sex marriage was no longer considered abnormal and laws were being changed. The Simpsons presented “There’s something about Marrying” where Springfield passes a law allowing same-sex marriage as a cynical tourism move to grab the pink pound. The only issue is that the church won’t allow it. Ever the opportunist Homer gets ordained as a minister online and sets up a registry office in the garage.

    It’s popular and queues form. Homer’s best line is “who’s next Adam and Steve or madam and Eve”.

    The drama comes one step closer to home as Marge’s sister Patty wants to be married to another woman. This comes as a shock to Marge, who through the use of a montage is shown to be in deep denial over her overt lesbianism. Marge discovers that Patty’s bride is actually a man posing as a lady golfer to get a competitive edge, all secrets are exposed at the wedding and Patty and Selma walk off into the sunset as chain-smoking spinsters.

    It’s nice to see cracks in the usually tolerant Marge, who struggles when it’s a member of her own family. It’s also nice to see the show establish an existing character as being something other than heterosexual. Homer being a minister marrying gay couples is a nice growth, yes it’s motivated by greed but it’s still nice to see. However when he offers to marry anyone to anything, it’s a little bit of a back step when framed against same-sex marriage, but that’s 2005 I guess!

    Flaming Moe

    Smithers gets his first feature in 2011’s “Flaming Moe” having long been Mr Burns’ closeted right-hand man, he had always had a nod and a wink in the previous episodes. He takes centre stage her after learning Mr Burns did not respect him and has not included him in his will. Feeling dejected he attempts to enter the local gay club but is not allowed in as he is too average looking. He finds himself at Moe’s tavern and learns that Moe is broke. The two go into business turning Moes into a gay bar for the average man. The men assume Moe is gay and get him to stand for public office. Smithers is against it as he knows Moe is straight. The plot comes to a conclusion when Moe is unable to kiss Smithers in public and comes out as straight much to the crowd’s dismissal. Once they have dispersed, Moe kisses him and remarks “like frisbee golf, glad I tried it, won’t go back again”.

    This is an odd episode, it fits into the “Moe’s tavern gets a makeover” and lampoons previous episodes of this type. Smithers’ plotline never seems to go anywhere, the focus shifts to Moe halfway through and there’s a weird subplot involving Skinner falling in love with a substitute music teacher with guest voices of Kristen Wiig and Alyson Hannigan. It feels like there are three episodes in one and none really gets the time to develop. There’s literally one scene of the Moe’s regulars dealing with the culture shock of their regular bar becoming an LGBT space. It feels like an earlier season would have got more humour out of that rather than just having it immediately accepted.

    Burns Cage

    By 2016 it was finally time for the Burns/Smithers’ relationship to take centre stage. “Burns Cage” sees Smithers’ realise he will never get the attention he craves from Burns and question his future. His co-workers decide to help. Lenny declares “we need to find him the right woman…who can find him the right man”.

    They go onto Grindr (finding George Takei and Gay Homer). Smithers ends up with Julio and falling in love, and walking out of the plant. But ultimately after living his own life, Smithers ends up returning to Burns and the pair reach a new understanding, with Burns grading Smithers work as “excellent”.

    Smithers gets some long-overdue focus and resolution to one of the series longest subplots. It’s great that they have managed to move away from stereotypes and stunts and back into character-focused comedy. However, the unnecessary subplot with Milhouse playing a lead role in the school production of Casablanca rumbles along. However, it intersects with the main plot when Smithers and Milhouse have conversations around unrequited love. It gives the characters a nice parallel.

    Werking Mom

    The most recent episode from the latest season is “Werking Mom” which involves Marge becoming a Tupperware saleswoman and getting successful after a drag makeover gives her confidence. The gay community assumes she is a drag queen and embraces her. It’s a Marge story about embracing her “inner warrior woman”. Homer accidentally outs her and apologies by getting his own drag makeover and understanding her journey.

    Honestly, this feels like a story based around having a RuPaul cameo, It’s a wafer-thin plot that feels very much tied into the current pop culture explosion of drag. If anything it highlights how far the show has come in its portrayal of LGBT culture. Being in drag and a gay bar are just plot points when it comes to telling Marge’s story. It’s interesting that they choose to put a female character in drag to embrace their inner diva. 

    I’m sure in years to come there will be more episodes and changes to both acceptance and portrayal. We have seen Gay, Bisexual and Lesbian characters represented in Springfield, the next logical step would be to see a trans character. Ideally, an established character transitioning would be great to see, however, I’m not sure how well this could be handled within a 22-minute episode, especially if they contain an unrelated subplot as seems to be the show’s structure.

  • GAY HISTORY | Remembering sexual encounters at Biograph cinema

    GAY HISTORY | Remembering sexual encounters at Biograph cinema

    Oh, the “Biograph” was a grubby, run-down, sordid, glorious place. I’d first heard about it in 1965, from friends that lived in Pimlico, and who constantly made jokes about the alleged goings-on.

    I already knew that I wouldn’t be averse to something like this. I’d had a friend in school that I used to “play” with, but that had been more adolescent discovery than anything serious.

    I’d left school in 1962, started work, got a girlfriend, who wouldn’t go all the way, because nice girls didn’t do that, but she provided “relief”. Even with this, I still couldn’t get the stories of the “Biograph” out of my head.

    A couple of times, after work, I’d saunter past on the other side of the road, watching the men going in. This graduated to crossing the road and slowly walking past the entrance, but I couldn’t get up courage to go in.

    Eventually, my thoughts and feelings became so overpowering that, one evening in 1966, 20-years-old, with my heart beating loudly, I entered the cinema, paid my money, and stepped into the darkness.

    “Nobody stood up to let me pass; instead, they would half-swivel in their seats, clutching their coats in position over their laps as I squeezed past”

    Turning left, I walked to the start of the left aisle and stood there, letting my eyes get used to the darkness, and the movements of the audience. The cinema was full but seats were constantly being vacated and occupied. As my eyes got accustomed to the darkness I spotted 3 empty seats in the middle of a row, eight or nine rows down, so, taking a deep breath, I walked down the aisle to the row and started to squeeze past the sitting members of the audience. Nobody stood up to let me pass; instead, they would half-swivel in their seats, clutching their coats in position over their laps as I squeezed past.

    This worked until I reached the first person who didn’t move his knees, forcing me to step over him, one leg at a time. Standing with my back to him, with my legs astride his knees, his hand coming up to grope me from behind caused me to moan, which drew the attention of the people in the row in front of me to my predicament. As I stepped over the second person, he also groped me, whilst the first person proceeded to massage my arse. Then someone in the row in front turned around and squeezed my cock through my trousers. I was in heaven! I finally made it to a seat and almost fell into it, with my heart fluttering wildly.

    Whilst I was recovering from this greeting, the two empty seats to my right had been occupied.

    The serious stuff quickly started, with a slow, steady, mounting pressure of a thigh against my left thigh. I returned the pressure and was rewarded with a hand slipping over my knee, and then moving up my thigh to squeeze me between my legs. After helping the fumbling hand to undo me, I half-sat half-lay there, being wanked off, encouraged by the man on my right who proceeded to kiss me.

    I couldn’t hold on; with spunk shooting out, my half-stifled cry of horrified joy caused those sitting around to laugh, with one man saying “Oh, you really must come again!”.

    I slowly cooled down and began to play with my new friend on the left, managing to help wank him off, before doing the same to the one on the right.

    I left the cinema floating on air.

    Photo by Adrien Olichon from Pexels

    After that, there was no holding back, and I was there at least once a week, sometimes twice.

    I was young, hot, and eager, so I was popular with the middle aged guys, which turned me into a bit of a precocious tart!

    The encounters developed into their own routine – knee pressure, the hand up the thigh, then both sitting there rubbing each other’s cock. If the other one was fanciable, there would be the furtive whispering of “Where do you live? Can we go there?”, then the zipping up and leaving together.

    One American was so overjoyed to find that I was wearing stockings, a suspender belt, and black satin panties (all bought from Axford Clothing Store, 306 Vauxhall Bridge Road. The two male owners were so kind and understanding to a young man exploring a facet of his sexuality) that we jumped straight into a taxi to get to his hotel as quickly as possible.

    The audience always varied; on the weekends the place was full, whereas in the week it could be half-empty and quiet, with nothing going on at all.

    Then you watched the films before going to the toilet to wank yourself off in front of anyone who cared to watch, usually with them staring at your cock and furiously wanking themselves off.

    Over the years the “Biograph“ changed; there was with more hassle from the usher, although once he’d gone past it was back to normal until his next round; the lights were turned up, but it was still possible to have fun.

    Walking down the right-hand aisle, towards the screen, led to the first door to the men’s toilet. Opening this led you into a fairly dark passage, about 5 yards long, at the end of which was another door which opened to the toilet proper .

    This passage could also be a source of enjoyment, especially when the cinema was full, and the passage crowded, with the fanciable ones going in having their thighs rubbed, or even being groped, in passing by the fanciable ones coming out, and vice versa.

    The men’s toilet itself could also be lively, depending on how crowded; I got there one time and stood next to a young guy who was being seriously sucked off. As I rubbed his arse, he looked round to his right at me, and I was kissing him as he came. I can still feel him trembling!

    One thing that I eventually noticed was that there being only men in the cinema, the women’s toilet was never used, and so, if I met someone who was very nice, we could discretely go to the women’s toilet for a fuck!

    Buying a motorbike gave me a justification for wearing tight jeans and knee-high leather boots.

    With braces to hold up my jeans and no panties, I would arrive, undo the top button and unzip my jeans, sit down with my long jacket undone but covering me, and wait for the first knee pressure and hand moving up my thigh. There was no more fumbling, just a hard cock, ready and waiting!

    I went to the “Biograph“ for 13 years, until I moved.

    Even after all these years, after relationships, experiments with SM, and cross-dressing, I have never experienced anything to match the sheer excitement of my first visit to the “Biograph”. It was simply wonderful!

    This post was uploaded anonymously. If you’re the author please get in contact if you’d like to be credited.

  • Gardening. It’s Good For The Soul

    Gardening. It’s Good For The Soul

    Remembering John Slavin 1988 – 2018

    We are told that gardening is good for our wellbeing but more importantly, our mental health. Several community gardens have popped up over the past few years with this in mind and thanks to Gardeners World, it has highlighted the important impact of these and in someways championed them. They have become popular. BBC’s Gardeners World has also been mentioning the importance of gardening on our mental health almost weekly over the 2019 season.  

    On the 21st June 2019, I was watching Gardeners World with Joe Swift interviewing musician Will Young at his Cornwall home. Will was particularly open and candid about how his garden had helped alleviate his suffering from his anxiety disorder and how gardening grounds him with its sensory pleasures and the patience and nurturing it requires to help nurture himself. He went on to say that gardening and nature are brilliant healers. Will deliberately puts some form of gardening into his daily routine and he was more excited about his dahlia coming back than his first number 1. And quite a feat because dahlias can be fussy flowers demanding care and attention. 

    Is there is a link to health and wellbeing within the garden? If you’ve never been keen on gardening, find it boring, slow-paced, a bit shit, a thing your grandmother did, then you probably won’t understand the importance or get it. I’ll speak candidly about myself here and say that from a personal point of view, since having a garden I feel much more at ease with myself and the world around me. Now, this could also be because I started gardening when I turned 40 with a house move. Prior to this, I was in a flat, we had grounds but it was just grass. I never really found time to switch off when at home. I was always on the go. So it was quite a shock what happened when I got my own plot of dirt.

    Now I’m not sure what happened but there has always been a nagging voice in my head called anxiety. I’ve only suffered from one serious panic attack and I can tell you, it wasn’t pleasant. I was shopping at the time and suddenly out of nowhere, I HAD to get out. I wasn’t in danger and I didn’t feel violated. I just needed to get away from the people. It took me ages to work out why my supermarket club card didn’t work for some time afterwards. I’d dumped the trolley and the scanner and legged it!

    That has been my most extreme. I’ve had moments when I’ve had to return home to check the front door or most recently, the cooker. Going to my GP to discuss these symptoms and my keen interest at just going to bed and not waking up again resulted in a relatively long talk, a blood test and the offer of NHS counselling. I’ve been here before and it took over 6 months to get an appointment. That was back in 1992 and the waiting list is now much longer. 

    One question I was asked was “What stops you from ending it?”

    Quite a finite question and to be honest, I’ve got too much to live for. And one of those things is my garden. I enjoy watching things grow. Nurturing a plant to give its fullest in its season, cutting it back and then watching it all start again in spring is quite joyous.       

    Evidence has shown that just 2 hours a week in the garden or a green space is good for you. Two hours. That’s not a lot of time. I can do more than that in a day on social media. Broken down, it is just 15 minutes a day. Now I can tell you, as a new gardener with a garden the size of 4 cars in length and 3 cars wide, I can spend more than 15 minutes a day in there even when there isn’t much to do.

    The joy of gardening comes from experimenting and never being afraid to mix plants up, move them around or be aggressive with them. My loosestrife is an absolute bully and needs to be kept in check otherwise it’ll take over four other plants near it. And pulling out the wayward growth might be extreme and not in-keeping with well being, but in doing so I am looking after the others around it like my banana plant and daisies. 2019 saw the daisies shine with me taking control.

    And this goes someway with your mental health. Taking control of a situation, no matter how insignificant it might be at the time, can have massive benefits in its outcome. Likewise, tackling the ongoing battle you have when you grow lilies with lily beetles. I wasn’t going to let them decimate my flowers and so I went to battle. I have since dug up the bulbs and moved them to pots. Again it is that going headstrong into the problem, coming up with a solution and controlling it as best you can. 

    But never fear to try something in the garden. It doesn’t always work. I’ve lost several plants over the years and two plants needed to be moved three times before I found their spot. Now the hypericum thrives and the bees love its bright yellow flowers. How ironic then that Hypericum (St John’s Worts) is used to support a healthy nervous system and yet here it is growing in my garden and giving me visual pleasure in all that it now does.

    Ⓒ Sylvia Slavin

    On January 2nd 2018, we lost motoring journalist John Slavin to suicide. He was struck by a train. He was just 30 years old. John had succumbed to his own inner demons and mental health issues. Long-standing battles with depression had started in puberty and there were many crisis episodes where John had felt suicidal. Never wanting to burden others, John had developed skills to hide his depression from those around him. I sadly never got to meet John but I remember the day well thanks to Twitter and it has stayed with me. I can’t explain it other than I could feel empathy for him and his family. It also wakes you up a bit too about your own mortality and your own health of mind, body and soul.

    John loved sunflowers and following his death, motoring Journalists and friends of John, Simon Harris and Adam Binnie started up a sunflower challenge game called the John Slavin Sunflower challenge with money raised going to the CALM charity. CALM Campaign Against Living Miserably. Offers support and information to people when they need it. They exist to prevent suicide which takes 18 lives everyday and is the single biggest killer of men under 45 in the UK.

    CALM were unable to respond to a request regarding statistics from their call centre but the Samaritans website shows a dark picture when you look at the statistics.

    Since I started to write this piece we have now been under lock and key by the Coronavirus outbreak. As a keyworker, I have the ability to legitimately leave my home and go to work but for those who don’t, not being able to do those things we took for granted can be harrowing for most but more so if you feel isolated and alone. And that’s when having someone to talk to on the other end of a device or phone is important.

    Ⓒ Stuart M Bird

    Now here is the fun part. I’m told by John’s mother, Sylvia, that he wasn’t much of a gardener and preferred to grow decaying motorbikes in the soil but he did enjoy growing things especially edible produce. And that’s all that is needed. A little bit of enjoyment from seeing something grow from seeds. Gardening is all about growing and nurturing. And there is a reward at the end. Like nurturing yourself, you can be rewarded with great blooms, misshapen peppers that you won’t find in the shops but taste 50 times better because you grew them yourself. And sunflowers are the perfect way to get quite a lot from not much so why not try.

    And the growing doesn’t stop there. For John, he is remembered with growing sunflowers and sunflowers are one of the easiest things to grow. They also grow really tall from one seed so they give you so much. What’s more, sunflower seed sowing starts in April and can be done indoors from a window sill. And despite the lockdown, you can still buy sunflower seeds online so there really is no stopping you.

    As for me, I’ve sort of cheated. From last year’s growth I’ve had random sunflowers start popping up around the garden. You’ll be amazed just were the seeds end up but that hasn’t stopped me starting from ground zero again. 

    Ⓒ Simon Harris

    So far the John Slavin Sunflower Challenge has raised £3,453. Come and join in the fun and the remembrance of John for 2020 here at Adam’s Just Giving page. Proceeds going to www.thecalmzone.net. 

    Share the link on your social media and get others on board. It’s easy to do.

    https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/johnslavinsunflowerchallenge2018

  • What can you do if you’re in a violent LGBT+ relationship

    What can you do if you’re in a violent LGBT+ relationship

    LGBT and in a violent relationship? Your step by step guide to seeking help from the Family Courts

    I hope you have managed to read it in peace. I hope your friend, work colleague or family member has bookmarked it and saved it for you. I hope the person causing you pain sees this article and seeks out help for themselves. This article could save both of your lives.

    Am I a victim?

    This isn’t a silly question. Everyone reacts differently under pressure, everyone has failings. Everyone has lost their temper at some stage in their lives, and in doing so has reacted in a way they never thought they would. Some may even have behaved terribly for a few days or weeks or even months. However, you know this is not what I am talking about. 

    A victim of domestic abuse suffers harm at the hands of a family member or partner. The harm is physical, mental, financial or sexual. The abuser targets you, hounds you. You find yourself giving over personal details that you wouldn’t ordinarily, change your behaviour in an attempt to soften theirs and you lie to others about you’re suffering because your abuser has blamed you for their hideous behaviour.

    So what next?

    Do not feel alone, sadly, in such a small minority of just 1.1 million, at least 1 in 4 victims of domestic abuse are lesbian and nearly 1 in 2 victims are gay. The figure rises to nearly 80% if you identify as transexual. 

    If you reach out there are people there who can and will help, so ditch the embarrassment. There is nothing you can say to the charities listed below or perhaps your lawyer, that hasn’t been said, sadly, a million times before (over a million calls to the police are made every year citing domestic abuse).

    Charities will not only signpost you to other charities or support groups, but can also help identify legal routes available and continue to support you through the process. 

    Ⓒ Yogendra Singh / PEXELS

    If you do go down the legal route you will be offered protection and even protection for your home, whether you own it or not. This could be via the criminal courts or the police who have the power to offer immediate protection for up to a month, securing you and your home under a Police Protection Notice (or Order if there are children in the household). However, this could lead to criminal proceedings which would be public.

    Family Courts can offer you protection by making a Non Molestation Order (an injunction) and/or an Occupation Order (forbidding the abuser from returning to the home you shared) for a minimum of 6 months. Such an application can be made urgently, even over the phone during lockdown, and most importantly, it is private.  

    The statistics tell us that it takes on average 2 1/2 years for a victim of abuse to seek help. By reading this article you are taking the first step, take the next by making contact with one of the organisations below.

    Stonewall: https://www.stonewall.org.uk/help-advice/criminal-law/domestic-violence 

    Galop: https://www.galop.org.uk and their national helpline 0800 999 5428

    Government website: https://www.gov.uk/injunction-domestic-violence/eligibility-non-molestation