Now he’s been seen dancing and smooching with sexy Carl Loughlin for the short film Just Me, due to be released by Peccadillo Pictures next year.
In the film, Philip plays Scott who is about to be married until a stranger from his past turns up on his doorstep. Carl plays a policeman who hides a secret life and whose fate is changed after being reunited with a stranger from the past.
Using dating apps takes up a lot of time and effort, with the average user spending around ten hours a week swiping! There are so many lost hours making small talk with screens and sending dead end messages to strangers, just to get nothing in response.
The gay dating scene is a minefield and finding a man can be difficult enough, especially for people who work long hours and lead busy lifestyles. Whether you’re just looking for a bit of fun or after a bit of romance there is not enough time for all of this runaround!
Tech guru Kal Kingsley believes that technology has exploded the dating industry and now there is a way to date for everyone – no matter how unconventional. Here are their top ways to date when you’re too busy for love.
Speed Dating
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The clues in the name – speed. There are so many organised speed dating events across the country, that are gay and bispecific. The traditional format of these evenings allows you to work your away the room have conversations with other daters. Each round is usually only 1-2 minutes so you don’t need to extend the small talk if you’re not interested. It’s like a series of mini first dates all in one night!
Hook-up apps
CREDIT: Ryazan / BIGSTOCK
This one’s for the more casual daters. Instead of having to sift through the romantic hopefuls on normal dating apps like Tinder, there are specific ones that cater for those after some no-strings-attached fun. For example, although the likes of Grindr and Hornet market themselves at ‘dating’ apps, they are generally used in the community as hook-up platforms.
Group Dates
CREDIT: bigstock / Rawpixel.com
Similar to speed dating, group dates bring your date to you. Meeting someone face to face cuts out the back and forth messaging so it’s much quicker to know if you like someone or not. Companies such as ‘My Friend Charlie’ are launching LGBT dates where they organise unusual events such as a ghost hunt or a chocolate making class, – you choose an event, not a profile! This lets you meet and chat to like-minded people that you already know have similar interests to you.
Hire an escort
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Escorting isn’t the seedy, underground arrangement that it used to be. If you have a bit of disposable money, it’s a great way to get a bit of convenient companionship. On apps such as Smooci, you can choose an escort to take on a date or meet up with and they will instantly respond. It’s a quick and easy of meeting someone, without having to put the groundwork in.
Adult parties
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This is probably one of the quickest and easiest ways of having a bit of fun if you’re too busy for strings. There are many adult parties that cater to everyone, whether you want a swinger’s event or a quick hook-up in the gay sauna. Just remember to always play safe.
*The app Smooci, mentioned in this post was created by the author
Joseph Mellors chats with Chris, the Brand Manager at London’s Pleasuredrome sauna, about the future of gay saunas.
Ah, good ol’ gay saunas. Whether you love them or loathe them, there’s something undeniably curious about them. I know that it sounds odd, but I describe myself as somewhat of a gay sauna geek. (I repeat, I know it sounds odd.) But the fact that they attract such an array of commentaries, makes them, well, intriguing.
Not sure what I’m talking about? Allow me to explain a little. At one end of the spectrum, it is said that gay saunas provide much-needed safe spaces to explore both social and physical sexuality. At the other end of the spectrum, it is said that gay saunas must be closed down for the community to be “taken seriously”. And, of course, there are many commentaries in-between.
This said, it is only natural that I have become interested in the widespread closure of gay saunas in recent years. Why so many saunas have closed, or are closing, is not an easy question to answer. It is argued that a whole host of economic and sociocultural reasons are at play. But generally speaking, increasing business rates and rents, and the proliferation of gay apps and websites, are cited as the main reasons.
This being the case, I am led to question whether or not there is future for gay saunas. To investigate, I interviewed Chris, the Brand Manager at London’s Pleasuredrome sauna.
“The one common reason [why people come] I would say, is that they want a real-world connection, which in this day and age … is increasingly harder to have, despite the apps and ease of hooking up.”
When questioned about the future of gay saunas, Chris said, “There will always be a need to escape the realities of the world to unwind and relax. In London, several saunas haveclosed down, but I suspect that this is more to do with rising rates and rent than popularity. At Pleasuredrome, we have never been busier! Hence why we are currently undergoing an expansion to increase the size by 50% at the end of this year.”
I then asked Chris about the tendency for saunas to be shunned as ‘sleazy’. He responded, “We find more and more of our customers come to Pleasuredrome to socialise and be in a safe gay space.
“Some want a massage. Some are not out yet and want to discover what it is like to be intimate with other gay men. Tourists, locals, young and older gay men all come.
“The one common reason [why people come] I would say, is that they want a real-world connection, which in this day and age … is increasingly harder to have, despite the apps and ease of hooking up.”
After this, we discussed some of the more negative critiques about gay saunas. “I am not sure how the closure of gay saunas is a positive sign. The closing down of any LGBT businesses due to gentrification, increased rents and rates, is harmful for the next generation, who may wish to explore their sexuality in a like-minded community.
“The less venues for them to access, the less chance they will have to do this. It is the same in publishing. If gay magazines like Attitude were to close down, the next generation would only have the mainstream press.
“It would be a sad day if LGBT venues, including gay saunas, were to disappear.”
“Whether or not the gay and bisexual community need to rally to sustain saunas is … hard to say because, ultimately, businesses will stay open when they have customers.”
Towards the end of the interview, I asked Chris whether or not the community should try to save gay saunas. He said, “Whether or not the gay and bisexual community need to rally to sustain saunas is … hard to say because, ultimately, businesses will stay open when they have customers. The same goes for gay bars, clubs, shops, and magazines.”
He added, “Lots of gay men are disenfranchised with dating apps and social media, and are going out, specifically to gay venues, more often.”
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My interview with Chris has left me feeling positive about the role of gay saunas in our community. To hear first hand about how gay saunas provide safe spaces for men to explore their sexuality, especially for those who may not be able to, or may not feel able to, explore it in the outside world, evoked admiration. It has also led me to believe that we really need to move beyond the ‘sleazy’ stigmatisation of these venues.
More pertinently, the planned expansion of Pleasuredrome has left me feeling slightly more optimistic about the future of gay saunas. Many gay saunas may have closed, or be closing, but Pleasuredrome, at least, seems to be a firm fixture on the scene.
The idea of Melmoth Travel came out of a number of conversations with our great friend David Melmoth, a lively and thoughtful older gay man and an experienced traveller.
We asked David to summarise his views about gay holidays for this article and we have invited him to join us on our Krakow tour in December to access how well we’ve acted on his advice.
So here are his top tips…
1 Places that are about people
I like people. They are what most interests me when I travel. Even when I am looking at ancient ruins, it is the people who lived in them that stir my imagination. I also love stories – especially new ones. So when I got on holiday it’s a plus for me if I don’t know the historical background to the place I’m visiting.
Destinations in Eastern Europe have a strong appeal. Now that we have Estonians and Slovaks living in the UK you frequently hear their countries mentioned but what are these places like? I only have vague, fairytale impressions: forests, castles, handsome heroes and beautiful flaxen-haired maidens. All wrong, I’m sure, but tantalising …
One place I would love to visit is Transylvania. I find the Dracula legend so compelling but, to be honest, I am not sure the famous castle even exists. How amazing it would be to find out!
Sun and sand holidays, on the other hand, are not really my style. I’ve done the Costa del Sol and the Greek islands in August. Now it’s the Mediterranean in winter that speaks to me. I’d like to climb Mount Etna when the temperature isn’t in the nineties, find out whether the Greeks eat hot puddings in winter, look at some serious archaeological sights and museums. These are the sort of holidays I would go for now, holidays with magic where new stories are always beginning.
I’m single at present and a gay group holiday would be far preferable to holidaying on my own. There’s less of a gay scene in my area these days so I don’t socialise too much. I tend either to go on dates or I trek to London for an evening in a pub where I’m mostly mixing with strangers. A holiday in the company of other gay people would be just up my street.
The dynamics of a group on holiday allow you to get to know people better than a string of one-to-ones. You see them in different situations interacting with each other. That’s certainly what I found when I used to go abroad with friends from Uni. And everyone is different. Some people are good to talk over experiences with while others will buck you up if you need encouragement. When I’m in countries where English isn’t spoken, I sometimes have to swallow hard before going into a bar or cafe on my own. Those sort of nerves don’t even happen when you’re in a group.
I think some people might prefer a holiday where the destination is a backdrop for the group: that would apply to stag weekends for example. But it’s not quite me. I would prefer to be in a place that’s fascinating in its own right with the group making it a shared experience. That would strike a better balance.
3 Guide
A guide on a group holiday is a necessity. Particularly on a short break. Particularly in unfamiliar places. The main reasons are practical. We’ve all been on tours where the guides have been charming and obliging. However, that is not the essential thing about guides. It’s the time and stress they save you. Of course, you know that you could actually do most of their work for yourself but who wants to spend a holiday navigating a strange city, working everything out by trial and error? I once spent a whole weekend in São Paulo without realising it had a Metro. That’s the sort of thing that can’t happen when you have a guide.
By the way, when I say a guide I’m not just talking about a knowledgeable person who shows you around ancient monuments. I mean someone who is part of the group and can resolve any difficulties almost before they happen. That’s especially important when the group members are gay men. There may be information they need and are shy about asking for: where to buy things, where to cruise, local sensitivities or whatever. The guide needs to be well-informed, discreet and ready to help with any of these issues.
4 Financial security
Boring I know, but if I’m splashing out on an all-inclusive package then I want the confidence that I’m getting what I’ve paid for. That means an ATOL certificate and the necessary bonding arrangements to ensure that if the operator goes bust I’ll get a similar holiday or my money back. This isn’t negotiable for me. I haven’t heard of cowboys in the gay tourism sector but it’s a rapidly developing market so you can be sure there are a few out there. I like adventures and I like the unexpected but some risks I don’t take. For me, financial security is a red line.
5 Freedom
After everything I’ve said about groups and guides and financial security, it may sound a bit rich saying I want to be free on holiday. But I do. Although I’m pretty gregarious but I also like to get away from time to time. I can see myself spending a few hours with just one or two other members of the group or maybe just going off to explore on my own. I’m quite typical of many gay men in that I know how to enjoy my own company. I’ll be frank too. If I’m going to visit a sauna or somewhere like that I don’t necessarily want to be surrounded by people I know.
From the tour operator’s point of view, giving people freedom means making some excursions optional but it’s also a question of approach. Right from the start, in the marketing, it should be clear that the tours are for people who don’t want to socialise a lot as well as those who do. The attitude of the guide should reinforce this. It’s imperative to avoid people being pressured into more involvement than they want.
6 Gay means gay
If a holiday is sold as “gay” then that’s what it should be. “Gay-friendly” doesn’t pass muster. I realise that most of the barriers between gay and straight have come down in recent times, but that makes me more, not less, interested in services that are specifically designed for gay people. Virtually all hotels, restaurants and bars welcome gay customers now but that doesn’t make them particularly gay. It just sends out the reassuring message that they’re homophobia-free which is great but doesn’t make for a gay experience in any positive sense.
What I would really like to do on holiday is meet other gay people socially. That is not going to happen in a gay-friendly hotel if there don’t happen to be any gay people in it! I’m not saying I want to time-travel back to a 1970s ghetto where everyone’s a friend of Dorothy and speaks Polari. But I would like to experience things with other gay people so that we can talk about them over dinner in the evening. That sort of relaxed approach increases the possibility of making friends, perhaps even long-term friends. Of course, no tour operator can guarantee that but it ought to be possible to make it a bit more likely. It’s certainly worth a try.
A new way of getting new music to the masses or just music to chill to?
RealityDudes have released their latest scene, (starring muscular hunk Dustin Steele and buff babe Julian Knowles) except, slightly unusual we think, as the website, WeLoveGayPorn.com (NSFW) has pointed out they’ve used an actual song as the sound bed for the scene.
Now, there was a time when most porns had a cheesy euro dance track behind the action, but lately, most studios just go with the sweet sweet sounds of the plunge and an occasion “ah yeahhh… f**k yeahhh etc etc”.
So naturally, we were inquisitive as to the song and the singer, if you’re wondering it’s an Andy Powell track called, “Pretty Little Lies” featuring Linda Roan. It was released in 2017. Stream it here
What do you think? A good addition to the action or a slightly creepy distraction?
Wanna check out the porn promo? Click here (NSFW obviously)
Fans of vibrant ITV Saturday Night shows may recognise race driver Charlie Martin from the muscle-fest that is Ninja Warrior. Managing to get up The Wall first time, she showed the world what an athlete she is in front of millions of viewers.
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The Wall, however, was far from the first huge obstacle Charlie’s had to overcome. Being gendered male at birth, Charlie had previously taken on greater challenges than anything Ben what’s-his-face and the giggly moustachioed one from football (Klammy, or something, I think he’s called) could throw at her.
After decades rising through the motorsport ranks, during which time she made the transition to female, Charlie found a race seat in the popular Protyre Motorsport Ginetta GT5 Challenge with a race-winning team, Richardson Racing.
The aim? To fight her way up the Ginetta motorsport ladder, all the way to Le Mans and the famous 24-hour race. No transgender driver has ever taken part in this icon of world motorsport – and so a chance to add her name into the annals of history beckons.
When I first spoke to Charlie, she was adjusting to life back in the UK after years of racing in France on the hill climb circuit. She raced everything from Peugeot 205s and Westfield sportscars, to single seater ‘Formula’ cars (principally a Formula Renault she engineered herself) and Le Mans style prototypes like her Norma M20. During her time she made a habit of winning (and breaking course records by huge chunks – over two seconds at one track), until she felt she could progress no further within French hillclimbing, and decided to move to more traditional circuit racing.
So now you can race my NGK Spark Plugs car on @thegranturismo ! You can even wear my suit and helmet, so awesome – just search #gocharlie 👍😁
Back in the UK she’s been racing wheel to wheel with highly-successful drivers in the GT5 category. And Charlie has continued to shine. Straight away Charlie found her way onto the podium over and over again, and now, towards the end of this first season back racing in the UK, she is causing quite a stir in the championship.
Currently backed by Bloc Eyewear, NGK Spark Plugs and more, she’s attracting big-name sponsors, too.
Her highlight? Well, during the year she was invited back over to France to test a V8-powered Ligier JSP3 LMP3 car, as close to a true Le Mans competitor as it’s possible to get, so maybe her circuit racing is not necessarily the highlight of 2018 after all. The Ligier packed over 480bhp into a tiny weight, and with oodles of downforce to force the car into the tarmac the cornering speeds were much more like what Charlie was used to from her single-seater days. Again, Charlie shone.
Go Charlie Go!
Could Charlie do it? Could she get her name into the history books for breaking new ground at Le Mans? Time will tell – and even if it does not happen for a couple of years, she is certainly in a fantastic position. Not only is she quick, but her prowess on Ninja Warrior leaves no doubt as to whether she is physically fit enough to cope with the unique demands of endurance racing, too.
She is also a big advocate for equality, and speaks frequently at events such as Rainbow Laces Summit by Stonewall. She’s also encouraged her fellow competitors to wear rainbow stickers on the race cars; to show their support too.
In motorsport, the stopwatch could not care less about your gender, sexuality, age, disability or anything – it can only record time – and if Charlie continues to smash lap records and win silverware, there’s no reason to think she could not go all the way.
Will you lend her your support? I know I’ll be cheering her on.
See more of Charlie’s progress and learn about her experiences at her own website http://www.gocharlie.co.uk/ and follow her on social media at https://twitter.com/GoCharlieM https://www.facebook.com/charliemartinofficial/ and https://www.instagram.com/gocharliem/?hl=en
This week is Suicide prevention week, a chance to be informed of how to prevent a friend or loved one from taking their life. Advice that, sadly, is much needed in the LGBTQ community.
One in four! With most recent tragic victim 9-year-old Colorado boy Jamel Myles fresh on our minds these figures now have a face, and we need to think of ways to stop adding to this count.
Over the last few months more terrifying statistics have been released: According to the Metropolitan Police, the number of homophobic hate crimes being committed in London has doubled over the last five years. But not just there, searching through online reports homophobia is on the rise around the world (in every walk of life) and so is the bullying of queer youth – apparently even by teachers in several cases.
The first thing that needs to be done is more attention to bullying prevention, as this is where it starts. These are dangerous times to be young and “different”. With bullying seemingly legitimised by the internet, media and politics adults feel they have the right to point, judge and hurt; whether through social media or verbally. This behaviour rubs off on young children and teens, leading them to judge others the same way.
“It is horrifying to know that bullying has become even more vicious and unrelenting since the 1990s, especially since the “invention” of online bullying. It is a horrific idea that these days the harassment just continues at home, in what should be the safety of your bedroom”
Bullying has always been around amongst children, of course. I too was a victim; different, mixed raced and shy I was an easy target. It too drove me to try and take my life, my mother saved me, and for that, I’ll always be grateful. This was in the 1990s, and it is horrifying to know that bullying has become even more vicious and unrelenting since then, especially since the “invention” of online bullying. It is a horrific idea that these days the harassment just continues at home, in what should be the safety of your bedroom.
What is needed is more help and support for young LGBTQ teens: an appointed counsellor (preferably LGBTQ themselves) in every school would be a step in the right direction. Children and teenagers talk easier if they feel the person is “like” them or “gets” them. Educating teachers about bullying and other problems LGBTQ teens face is important too.
More bullying prevention and a zero tolerance against bullying and discrimination are also very important. Far too often the bully gets validated in his or her behaviour with alarming future consequences.
Bullying leaves lifelong scars that can be damaging. It can cause a crippling lack of confidence, PTSD, internalised homophobia and lots of other mental health issues. Protecting LGBTQ and other bullied children now is protecting their future. Protecting LGBTQ and other bullied children GIVES them a future!
Dolly Parton is coming back to the UK – with her musical 9 to 5 – and it stars, Louise Redknapp, Brian Conley, Amber Davis and Natalie McQueen.
To celebrate, the Queen of Country Music uploaded a camp AF promo starring the cast mates. Check it out
So excited to announce that @9to5MusicalUK is hitting London’s West End! It’s inspired by the film and features all original music written by me. Y’all don’t want to miss this!
Once again, the excellent photographer Verner Degray, offers us the superb photos of his last shoot “secret intimate” where nature and muscle are one.
Watch the video here:
Verner Degray is the must-have male photographer. His exhibitions around the world have been a huge success and have given him the title of Best Photographer USA by Advocate Magazine 3 years in a row.
Hunky Dan Osborne has revealed the reason why “human Ken doll” Rodrigo Alves left the Celebrity Big Brother house. The reason has been shrouded in mystery.
Following his exit, Rodrigo took to Instagram to say, “It was a great experience while in the #cbb house thank you all for the love and support. After @realmissnatalienunn Natalie left I started to think how I was getting seen by the public after making a language mistake while DRUNK. I am deeply sorry to have let the viewers down and my Fans now I just need to have some ice cream and rest and life goes on….”
However, Dan has stepped in revealing in The Sun, that there was an unaired incident. saying, “There was an incident in the house, it was just something inappropriate, I didn’t appreciate it.”
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Rodrigo, who is openly gay, caused outrage with the show’s audience on his first night after using the n-word twice, when explaining why Dan Osborne wasn’t his type. He was reprimanded by CBB producers but was able to stay in the house.
Dan hasn’t explained what happened but producers were clearly so jolted by whatever the incident that they resolved to never air the footage.
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Rodrigo did not appear in the live final nor have an exit interview with Emma Willis or Rylan. He has not responded to Dan’s allegations.
A letter signed by Stephen Fry, Will Young and Sadiq Khan and 127 others is urging journalists to stop using the phrase “commit suicide”.
The letter which was signed by 130 celebs, authors, politicians and community leaders is calling on journalists to stop using the terms “commit suicide” when writing about suicide.
Along with Stephen Fry, Will Young and Sadiq Khan, Fearne Cotton, Ed Balls and DJ Lauren Laverne have signed the letter urging media outlets to “portray suicide in ways which reflect our modern understanding of this phenomenon.”
The letter was released on 10th September, which is the World Suicide Prevention Day.
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The letter calls for alternatives to be used, such as “died by suicide” as “committing suicide” suggests that suicide is “either a sin or a crime, or both.” Suicide has not been a crime in the UK since 1961. The letter also suggests that “committing suicide” also implies, “that to take one’s own life is a selfish, cowardly, criminal or irreligious act, rather than the manifestation of extreme mental distress and unbearable pain.
Each year over 6000 people in the UK die when they take their own lives – and worldwide this number is a shocking 800,000 people per year.
Reaching out to editors the letter states, “The language and images we see and hear in the media naturally shape our understanding and view of the world. This is why journalism will always be so important – we are influenced by the kinds of stories you choose to cover, the language you use in those stories, and the images that are chosen to illustrate them. This places an enormous burden of responsibility on editors, reporters, photographers, sub-editors, producers, presenters and all of the other people engaged in bringing us news, editorial and comment”.
THEGAYUK.com has updated its style guide and adopting the suggestion by TalkingSuicide.co.uk to change the language it uses and will no longer use the term “commit suicide”.
The Samaritans is available 24 a day on telephone number 116 123 if you are having suicidal thoughts, suffering from depression or anxiety or just need to talk.
