Tag: Dating Apps

All the latest breaking news on dating apps. Browse The THEGAYUK’s complete collection of features and commentary on dating apps and the LGBT+ community.

Watch out for this clever Grindr Scam

Have you received a message from a really cute guy, only to be asked to sign up for a verification service?

Be warned – it could well be a scam.

Some guys on Grindr are being asked to visit a website called IPHSID.com in order to verify their identity. The site claims to be the only “website that links public state, territorial, and tribal sex offender registries from one national search site” however, there’s no evidence to back this up – what’s more if you want to join the register you have to pay – $1 for a month or $39 for a lifetime membership.

How does it happen

Well, out of nowhere a guy – with a super hot picture slides into your DMs – and says something like “Hey dude, how are you? Into kissing, cuddling, rimming, 69 – 8 inches open for anything, what are you looking for?” which is followed up by a topless picture and a dick pic.

After you reply – a seemingly standard reply is sent, “nice, that’s great, I’m down to hook ups. I can do travel or host. BTW do you have IPHSID – I will meet you if you already had it”

And then he sends another hot pic.

Then an explanation about IPHSID “Let me explain it to you. It is an IPHS identifying and preventing harassment system to protect, lesbian gay bi-discreet trans in meetup. This is the safe way to check you’re an LGBT sex offender. There’s nothing wrong if we talk about our safeiness [sic] right?

And then a picture of the same dude with a badly busied and cut face, to show that he’s been a victim of an attack.

“I’m not saying you’re one of a [sic] bad guy I just want you (to) get a IPHSID so we can know that we are both safe to meet up – can I sent [sic] you a link if it’s okay?”

The guy then sends a picture of his “profile” and tells you that the $1 will be donated automatically to an “LGBT harassment victim”

1% Trust rating

CREDIT: Ryazan / BIGSTOCK

According to ScamDoc, the site has a 1% trust score – which is very very bad.

But just taking a look around the site you’ll notice that there’s no evidence or links to any of the partnerships they say they work with.

It even uses a Gmail account for contact – not a branded one. Sounds kinda phishy right?

If you need any other reasons not to 100% trust this, its links to social media have nothing to do with the site – the Twitter one goes to an account that hasn’t been used since 2017, the Facebook link goes to Facebook’s own LGBT+ page, the Insta goes to news-brand LGBTQNation and the YouTube links to a SoulPancake video.

Dodgy? We’d say so.

THEGAYUK.com reached out to IPHSID for comment and guess what – the email bounced right back.

Our Advice

If someone asks you for money or links away from Grindr to another site which asks for personal details – don’t. Instead, use our safety guidelines on how to have safer dating hookups.

30th January 2025
How not to be a douche on Grindr

Do… Use your best pic

TheHilaryClark / Pixabay

Dig deep into your Facebook tagged photos and find a nice when in the sun with a cocktail and a decent backdrop. If you’re stuck for choice, perhaps do what every other Grindr user does and take a selfie in the mirror of your local gym changing room. That way, at least everyone knows you keep fit.

Don’t…immediately send a dick pic

Striking up a conversation via a picture of your penis is like Victoria Beckham singing – sin against nature. Sending a blurry photo of your willy is not going to make anyone think “Let’s go Prezzo”. If you, for whatever reason, have an urgent need to send one, do it after at least a day of conversation and, as with your profile picture, make sure it is the best it could be. I’m talking about the right angle and the right filter – no one wants a photo with dodgy lighting.

Do…be grammatically correct.

“Hello, how are you?” sounds far better than “hey, u alrite?” so make sure to use your best grammar when trying to secure a date or even a bit of fun. No one is going to be enticed to have sex with you when you chat like a 14-year-old on MSN.

Don’t…slate gays in your bio.

“I like my men to be men”; “straight acting guys only; “if I can’t see your eyebrows then I don’t want to see you”. When devising your bio, try not to come across as a wanker. Some gay men decide to be their own enemy and it doesn’t exactly scream, “date me”.

Do…talk about safer sex.

Let’s be honest – most gay dating apps amount to anonymous sex with someone you’ve never met before and don’t really know much about except for the size of their penis so, let’s be clear, condoms, PrEP and regular testing if you’re sexually active are absolutely essential…

This article was first published in August 2015 and has been updated.

27th January 2025
How to use Grindr Discreetly
Using a dating app like Grindr, discreetly can be important for maintaining your privacy and personal boundaries.

Here are some tips on how to do so:
1. Create a Separate Email Address: Use a dedicated email address for your dating app. This will prevent any potential matches from finding your personal or work email, and it adds a layer of anonymity.
2. Use a Nickname: Don’t use your full name on your dating profile. Use a nickname or just your first name to maintain some level of anonymity.
3. Turn Off Location Services: Many dating apps use your location to match you with potential dates. You can disable this feature in your phone’s settings or within the app itself.
4. Limit Profile Details: Don’t share too much personal information on your profile. Avoid posting specific details like your home address, workplace, or phone number. Be cautious about sharing sensitive information.
5. Adjust Privacy Settings: Most dating apps offer privacy settings that allow you to control who can see your profile and contact you. Review and customize these settings to your comfort level.
6. Use Private Photos: Many dating apps allow you to set some photos as private, meaning that they’re only visible to people you approve. Consider using this feature to protect your images from anyone who might stumble upon your profile.
7. Chat Within the App: Stick to the messaging platform provided by the dating app. Avoid sharing your personal phone number or other messaging apps, like WhatsApp until you are comfortable and have established a level of trust.
8. Be Cautious with Personal Information: When you decide to share personal information like your phone number, do so only when you feel comfortable with the person and believe they’re genuine. Always use your judgment and be cautious.
9. Meet in Public Places: If you decide to meet someone you’ve connected with on the app, always meet in a public place. Inform a friend or family member about your plans and whereabouts.
10. Protect Your Conversations: Dating apps have options to report and block users. If someone is making you uncomfortable or acting inappropriately, don’t hesitate to use these features.
11. Log Out When Not in Use: Log out of the app when you’re not actively using it. This helps prevent others from accessing your profile if they have access to your device.
12. Regularly Review Your Profile: Periodically review your profile to ensure that you are comfortable with the information you’ve shared. Update or remove details as needed.
13. Consider Premium Features: Some dating apps offer premium features that provide extra privacy and control over your profile. Evaluate whether these features are worth the investment for you.
Remember, discretion is a personal choice, and it’s essential to prioritize your safety and comfort while using dating apps. Trust your instincts and take things at your own pace. If you ever feel unsafe or uncomfortable, don’t hesitate to remove yourself from the situation or report the issue to the dating app administrators.

You can also change the way Grindr appears on your phone by changing the app’s icon on your screen. Find out how here.
2nd November 2023
How to reply to that standard “into” message on Grindr

So, you’re trawling on Grindr and the very standard convo goes something like this:

Hey

Hey

Horny

Yes…

Into?

That “into” can turn into a bit of a ballache if you have a list of things that you’re into, willing to try or dying to do with someone new, but can’t be bothered to write it out each time. Especially if like us, it’s pretty extensive.

Sure you could just send the standard “wank, suck, fuck” reply, but wouldn’t it be cool to let the guy(s) you’re chatting to know exactly what you’re looking for?

So, we have a suggestion. Introducing The List.

“The List”

It’s a prewritten list of all your turn-ons and what you’re looking for that’s ready to go at a moment’s notice.

It’s really simple and easy to do, plus it’s a great conversation starter.

Simply open up your phone’s notes app and list those kinks and quirks. You can be as specific as you want or leave a couple of things out, for later conversations. Even if you’re a basic member (like us) you can actually save it as a “saved phrase”. If you’re a Xtra member you can save more than one phrase.

Getting what you want

Using The List or saved phrases, firstly saves a lot of time, not having to type it out over and over and secondly, you’re putting it all out there, increasing your chances of a) getting exactly what you want and b) finding someone who’s into the same things as you.

As it is, you shouldn’t really spring fetishes or sexual kinks on a hookup when you’re actually in person, unless it’s part of a wider conversation.

Ideally, you need to lay all of that out before you set off so that the person you’re going to hook up with is informed.

You’re very welcome.

25th October 2023
7 signs you have a Grindr Addiction
Is the time you’re spending on Grindr time well spent? Are you getting what you want out of it, or do you find yourself spiralling after a night of tapping, blocking and messaging? Do you think you might have a Grindr Addiction?
Table of Contents
What is Grindr Addiction?
There are several signs and symptoms that may indicate a grindr addiction. These can include:
Is there a way of overcoming Grindr Addiction?
What is Grindr Addiction?

Addiction is a complex and chronic brain disease that is usually characterised by compulsive drug seeking and use, despite the harmful consequences that may result. It is often characterised by a physical and psychological dependence on a substance or behaviour, such as drugs, alcohol, gambling, food or yes, even Grindr.

Addiction is considered a chronic disease because it often involves long-term changes to the brain’s reward system and other areas involved in motivation, memory, and decision-making. These changes can make it difficult for individuals to control their impulses and make rational choices, even when they are aware of the negative consequences of their behaviour.

Addiction can have a significant impact on someone’s physical and mental health, relationships, and overall quality of life. It is treatable, but recovery can be a long and challenging process that requires ongoing support and commitment.

To be fair it doesn’t have to be Grindr it could be any of the dating / hook-up app, but Grindr is, by far the most used and wide spread of the hook up apps catering for gay, bi and curious men.

Grindr’s rise to success has been quick, in fact when we interviewed its creator back in 2012, the service had already aquired millions of users and it’s a hot internet property. The price tag recently was pinned at $600m.

During the pandemic it was one of the only ways that gay guys could keep in touch with other gay guys. It was and still is a community. In many ways it has become what gay bars used to be for the gay community. It’s a place were people can meet, chat, talk sex and well, you get the picture.

In fact for many guys it’s become a way of life, for some it is life.

Grindr Addiction. Spending too much time chatting can be a sign of addiction.

There are several signs and symptoms that may indicate a grindr addiction. These can include:
- Feeling a compulsive need to check dating apps throughout the day. Are you sneaking a peak during work hours, or even during times when you really shouldn’t be checking them? Like on a date with another guy?
- Neglecting other responsibilities, such as work, school, or social activities, in favour of using dating apps. Is the pull of dating apps so strong that you can’t focus on work anymore? Spending too much time doing this could lead to issues at work such as bad performance reviews, poor co-worker relationships and potentially the inability to complete tasks.
- Feeling a sense of anxiety or withdrawal when not using dating apps. Do you get a dreaded feeling when your battery starts to die or there’s no wifi so you can’t log in to your favourite dating app? Do you start to get agitated, angry or withdrawn when you can’t log in?
- Continuing to use dating apps despite experiencing negative consequences, such as failed relationships or social isolation. Despite the fact that the apps can leave you feeling depressed, dejected and lonely, do you find yourself still using them?
- Spending excessive amounts of time swiping or scrolling through dating profiles. Swiping or tapping over and over, on a never-ending quest to find Mr Right?
- Giving up activities. Giving up hobbies, social activities, or other interests in favour of spending countless hours online.
- Changes in behaviour. Changes in personality or behaviour, such as mood swings or becoming isolated or secretive.
Is there a way of overcoming Grindr Addiction?

If you or someone you know is struggling with a dating app addiction, here are some steps that may help:
1. Acknowledge the problem: The first step to overcoming any addiction is to recognize that there is a problem. Acknowledge that your use of dating apps has become compulsive and is having a negative impact on your life.
2. Set goals: Decide what you want to achieve by reducing your use of dating apps. Setting specific goals can help you stay focused and motivated.
3. Create a plan: Create a plan for reducing your use of dating apps. This might include setting limits on the amount of time you spend using them or deleting the apps altogether.
4. Seek support: Reach out to friends, family members, or a mental health professional for support. Talking to others about your addiction can help you feel less isolated and more motivated to change. You could even check out self-help groups like Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous.
5. Find other activities: Identify other activities that you enjoy and that can serve as a healthy distraction from dating apps. This might include exercise, hobbies, or social activities with friends.
6. Practice self-care: Taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally is important for overcoming addiction. Make sure you are getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, and engaging in activities that promote relaxation and stress reduction.
If you or someone you know is struggling with dating app addiction, seeking professional help is recommended. Visit our wellness resource page for phone lines and help charities.
20th April 2023
This dating site for small penis guys is apparently a hit with gay and bi guys

SMALL PENIS? Great things come in small packages

A dating app designed for guys with smaller penises has become an unexpected hit with the gay and bi male community according to its creators.

Nearly one-quarter of the guys who have registered on the app identify as gay or bisexual. The app, which is called Dinky Ones was only launched in March 2020 and has already had over 100,000 men join.

According to the app’s founder, David Minns, Dinky One has registered nearly 25,000 gay or bi men registered and over 800 of them log in every day.

For the super nerdy, they swapped 1955 messages.

All about normalising penis size

Of course, penis size is a source of great discussion on gay dating apps, like Grindr and Scuff and many guys have a warped sense of what is normal when it comes to penis size, thanks to media and unrealistic porn scenes. Our sexpert Jack Devon told us, “Penises come in all shapes and sizes and most of them are smaller than you think, as gay men we tend to watch a lot of gay porn, which usually has two or more penises involved, but guys who work in porn tend to have larger cocks – which gives us a warped perception of what is actually average”.

Dinky Ones says, “In addition, the internet is packed with false claims and products to increase penis size. Many young men now think that you need a 12-inch penis to satisfy your partner. This is simply not the case and our dating site is here to normalise the situation.”

[totalpoll id=”124541″]

Big market for small penises

This dating app isn’t the only business marketed towards guys who have smaller penises (or their admirers), no, there’s also a small penis festival and there could be a range of other services as guys become more comfortable with whatever size they’re packing, even if they have a micropenis.

What is the average penis size and what is a small penis?

According to research conducted in 2015, the average penis size worldwide is around 5.5 inches (13.9 cms) when fully erect and according to the research, the UK’s men are exactly in that spot – so the average erect penis size for men in the UK is 5.5 inches.

[totalpoll id=”126197″]

The average girth according to research by the British Journal of Urology International is 4.3 inches (10.92 cms).

Those figures were come to (no pun intended) by studying the cocks of around 17,000 men.

3rd December 2020
Be a gay dating app expert with these five etiquette musts

Do… Use your best pic

TheHilaryClark / Pixabay

Dig deep into your Facebook tagged photos and find a nice when in the sun with a cocktail and a decent backdrop. If you’re stuck for choice, perhaps do what every other Grindr user does and take a selfie in the mirror of your local gym changing room. That way, at least everyone knows you keep fit.

Don’t…immediately send a dick pic

Striking up a conversation via a picture of your penis is like Victoria Beckham singing – sin against nature. Sending a blurry photo of your willy is not going to make anyone think “Let’s go Prezzo”. If you, for whatever reason, have an urgent need to send one, do it after at least a day of conversation and, as with your profile picture, make sure it is the best it could be. I’m talking about the right angle and the right filter – no one wants a photo with dodgy lighting.

Do…be grammatically correct.

“Hello, how are you?” sounds far better than “hey, u alrite?” so make sure to use your best grammar when trying to secure a date or even a bit of fun. No one is going to be enticed to have sex with you when you chat like a 14-year-old on MSN.

Don’t…slate gays in your bio.

“I like my men to be men”; “straight acting guys only; “if I can’t see your eyebrows then I don’t want to see you”. When devising your bio, try not to come across as a wanker. Some gay men decide to be their own enemy and it doesn’t exactly scream, “date me”.

Do…talk about safer sex.

Let’s be honest – most gay dating apps amount to anonymous sex with someone you’ve never met before and don’t really know much about except for the size of their penis so, let’s be clear, condoms, PrEP and regular testing if you’re sexually active are absolutely essential…

This article was first published in August 2015 and has been updated.

16th November 2020
Eyes are your most important feature when it comes to online dating

A new study has found that eyes are the most important feature when it comes to getting hooked up online.

The eyes are definitely the window to a soul-mate – with four in 10 singletons naming them the most important tool in the online dating game.

Although most are dating from behind a screen these days, a poll of 1,000 adults found 43 per cent flirt with their eyes more on a virtual date than they would in real life.

A further 44 per cent feel more comfortable making ‘eye contact’ when dating online – which subsequently increases feelings of attraction and connection by half (49 per cent).

Don’t hold someone’s gaze for longer than 9 seconds!

But nine seconds was found to be the optimum time to hold eye contact in order to make a connection, with 52 per cent feeling anything longer comes across as ‘creepy’.

It also emerged that three in 10 make more effort to hold someone’s gaze on camera to make sure their interest isn’t missed.

The research was commissioned by Virgin Media, which has teamed up with body language specialist Adrianne Carter, to offer guidance to singles looking to make lasting connections online.

Adrianne Carter said: “If you can master the right flirting technique using eye contact online, you’re already halfway to getting a second date.

“When we’re separated by a screen, we have fewer cues to rely on to ascertain if we’ve made a true connection with a date, or if they just want to turn us off – literally.

“When we are into someone, our subconscious sees us instinctively mirror their behaviours, looking away from the screen to check we’re holding our date’s interest and gazing back into their eyes.”

The study also found that with digital dating ruling out traditional body language cues that convey interest, more than two fifths of singletons claim facial expressions are more important than ever when flirting, and in working out if dates have potential to progress to something more.

Cheeky winks are the way

Photo by Jonathan Safa on Unsplash

Flirty looks (37 per cent) and a cheeky wink (17 per cent) also ranked as sure-fire ways for daters to tell if a new beau-to-be is into them.

But 22 per cent said looking down could signal a premature end to a budding romance, along with avoiding the camera – or eye rolling.

As well as using their eyes to flirt, 48 per cent of digital daters admitted to deliberately avoiding eye contact if they are uncomfortable.

While 37 per cent of those polled via OnePoll do so as they don’t want to lead them on by appearing too into them.

Virgin Media’s spokeswoman Cilesta Van Doorn added: “When we can’t all be physically close to each other easily, connecting online is more important than ever.

“It’s been fascinating to see the important role the eyes play in helping us to make genuine connections with each other, even when we might be separated by a screen.

“By sharing our digital guide, created with the expert help of Alix Fox and Adrienne Carter, we’re helping people across the UK keep those special relationships as fresh and stimulating as the first time they connected”.

TIPS ON VIRTUAL DATING FROM ADRIANNE CARTER

Perfect your online eye gaze

(C) BIGSTOCK

Although you’re behind a screen, eye contact online should be made in the same way it is physically; by looking into the person’s eyes.

Focus on their eyes and face area when you’re on a video date – don’t look into the camera.

By doing that you won’t actually be looking at your date’s face, meaning you’ll miss cues – such as eye flirting and their reactions to questions – and it will be harder to make a genuine connection.

Look, look, and look again
There’s an easy trick you can try to see if your virtual date is feeling your vibe.

Look at their face on the screen and then look away to the left – repeat this three times.

If your date’s still looking at you when your gaze returns to the screen, then they’re interested.

Let’s have a show of hands
Traditional body language indicators of interest aren’t possible on a video date, as you’re usually only visible from the shoulders up.

Alongside our eyes, the way we hold ourselves and the gestures we use convey emotion and aspects of our personalities.

Using lots of open gestures denotes an expressive and open personality, whereas suppressed and contained hand movements indicate a quiet and low-key personality type.

22nd October 2020
This dating app has put “social distancing reminders” in between its user’s listings

Just in case you weren’t aware that you’re required to socially distance at the moment as the Covid-19 infection rate continues to climb, one dating app has put a visual reminder in its listings.

So aside from signs in supermarkets, on pavements, on public transport, on TV, radio and billboards, you can now get social distance reminders in your dating app.

Butterfly Dating, which is a “transgender first” dating site and app, has put an actual physical space in between its users and put a mask and “social distance zone” warning on its search results screen, to remind its users to keep their distance.

David Minns – Founder of Butterfly Dating, said “Many regions of the world are now seeing accelerated cases of COVID-19 and additional restrictions. Adding a social distancing zone into the app and site is a simple way to remind people.

“A small graphical change today could save several lives in the coming weeks and months.”

12th October 2020
8 tips on how to be safer when using dating apps

Author Tom Driver and editor Jake Hook give us their top tips on making sure you’re more informed before setting out on a date.

Prove the picture is him

Photo by fotografierende on Pexels.com

If he has a profile photo and you are meeting through an app, right-click the image and do a google image search it to make sure it is him. It will be very clear, quickly if the picture is a stock photo.

Name check

If you have a forename and surname back to the search engine and check out social media accounts, Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.

Web trawl

Your research could mean you will be able to cross-reference the image to make sure it is current. Find out about his hobbies. Read his posts and find out about likes and dislikes. Check out his family and friends.

There may be professional profiles enabling you to look at the work play contrast.

Chat with him before a date

CREDIT: Ryazan / BIGSTOCK

Is the guy a big drinker? If so go for a meal unless you are thinking of loosening him up and getting into the sac.

For a meal, you may already know where he likes to eat or perhaps a favourite food. Coffee or Cognac? All this insider information could make you look intuitive and compatible. Just remember if he knows all there is about you too, it is time to smile at each other and reveal you are both members of Stalkers Anonymous!

“STOP THE BUS!” You will have a foot in the door and established a rapport with these cheats, but now it is time to interact.

First Date Advice

Best advice for a first date is listen and learn. You already know about yourself, so give the guy some time to tell you about him. Wait and see if he wants to learn about and ask about you.

If he loves puppies and brought you flowers (did I mention a small gift as an icebreaker) is attentive and smiles a lot, brushing aside questions about himself, he could be a keeper.

Get Out Clause

Have an out option in case he is not for you and the thought of spending another minute with him is hell on earth. I usually have a text ready to send and a friend primed to call me if I am bored, frightened or falling into the whirly pits of despair with a guy on a first date.

Bring an extra battery

PaliGraficas / Pixabay

Don’t get caught out with the dreaded 5% battery warning. Make sure your phone is fully juiced and that you have a charging cable and an extra battery pack. Having an UBER account (if they operate in your area) on your phone with an up-to-date credit card is also essential.

Let someone know

Letting your flat/housemates, or friends or family know you’re out for the night is a good policy to have. Write down the address of the place you are going. Also, let your date know that you’ve let other people know that you’re out with them.

7th October 2020
How to use your desktop to chat on Grindr Web

Sitting at your desk and want to keep up-to-date with what’s going on with Grindr? Now you can, thanks to Grindr Web.

Instead of using your phone and zapping up all that valuable battery power, you can log onto Grindr’s chat website using your computer – all you need to do is log on to web.grindr.com/mail.

To make it look like you’re actually still doing some work, Grindr has come up with an “office view” which makes it look like a work-type chat system – it basically removes all the user profile pictures, so it’s safe for work!

Pretty handy to keep your boss off your back (unless of course, he happens to be online too!)

How do you log into Grindr’s Website?

You’ll need to open the app on your phone and open up Grindr on your desktop computer. On your phone, go to settings (by clicking on your profile and clicking on to the settings options) You’ll see an option saying, “Log in to Grindr web”.

You’ll then have to scan the QR code, with your phone, shown on your desktop screen and voila, Grindr will link your phone and your computer.

Once linked, you’ll be able to see all your previous messages, respond to them, check profiles and basically use Grindr as you normally would.

It will require access to your location details in order to use the GPS function.

Where is Grindr’s web login site?

To log into Grindr desktop service, just head on over to https://web.grindr.com/mail. There you can start the process of logging into your account.

26th September 2020