A reader falls in love with a guy who is giving off mixed signals. We ask some of our writers to give their best advice.
Dear TGUK
“I’m so confused. I’ve met this guy online and we’ve met a couple of times. He even invited me to his place to sleep over – in his bed – but he rolled over as soon as we got in and fell fast asleep.
I’m really into him, but I’m not sure he’s into me. He pays compliments and tells me I’m hot but when it feels like something more intimate might happen, I feel like I’m getting shunned.
He’s incredible looking and funny and I’d really like a relationship with him – or at the very least have some sex – but not sure what to do next.” IDS: Male, 25, Yorkshire
Stuart Bird (Motoring Editor)
Oww sausage. I feel for you. Been there many times but I’ve also been on the other side of it too.
Attraction is a complex subject. Like the insides of a toaster. They look simple enough but there is a fine line in getting that bread not burned. That simple wiring and dial on the outside do a lot more than we give it credit for. It takes time and experimentation.
It’s not always the visual they/you see. Sometimes they just aren’t into you. There are times when a relationship is better as a plutonic relationship. Getting into the nitty gritty can sour the good fun.
Enjoy the fun and flirtations. You never know, it might happen. But if it doesn’t, never mind. You’ll have a fabulous friend for life.
Daniel Browne Columnist and Warwickshire Pride Founder
Firstly, I feel for you and can totally relate to this situation.
Being into someone who doesn’t reciprocate those feelings can be crushing. However, because things haven’t gone further with this incredible looking, funny guy it doesn’t mean that he’s not into you. Perhaps he likes to take things at a slower pace and get to know someone before he becomes intimate with them.
Maybe he’s absolutely into you but is not ready to take the next step yet. Of course, it is possible that he doesn’t have the same feelings for you that you have for him. If that’s the case, then it sounds like you’ve made a great friend and that’s something to treasure. Give this relationship time and see where it goes. If it doesn’t develop into something more than friendship then as upsetting as that may be, you do have that companionship to enjoy. If it does develop into something more intimate, that’s something you can equally enjoy and it will have been worth the wait.
What do you think? Have your say in the comments below.
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The resident Agony Uncle for THEGAYUK.com with over seven years of counselling experience with the LGBT+ community.