Another year another Hack comes forward talking about the virtue of having a gay best friend and why they are essential. I’ve done the check list to make sure all the clichés are covered so you don’t have to do read it.

• In touch with his feminine side
• Identifying female attribute to male (Queen, flouncing ET all)
• “soul mate”
• List of things that we share in common
• Allusion to gay best friend being better than a partner.

Of course all the girls want a Stanford character in their life’s so they can play at being Carrie. The gay best friend figure is seen as someone there to provide unconditional support, impeccable fashion advice, hugs and sympathy that a straight friend are magically unable to offer. They are camp and hilarious always ready to provide some kind of double entendre. They will joke about sex but essentially they are sexless.

This isn’t a TV show.

My best friend is Nina, female and we’ve been friends for the past 15 years. We used to work together while going through uni. We’ve both gone into different careers. She is a solicitor I’m a therapist she has a term for me, it’s “best Friend”. The fact that I am gay is totally irrelevant.

As she will no doubt attest to having lived with me, I am not in touch with my feminine side and my fashion advice is anything but impeccable. We have similar interests, movies, music books etc. but don’t all best friends? After all why would you be friends with someone that you have nothing in common?

We have supported each other through so much over the years; to list it here would be the most depressing checklist ever. The respect and support is mutual. As is the judgement that comes from your best friend when you are in the wrong, is always conveyed in no uncertain terms. We laugh together and cry together, we have seen marriages and relationships of our mutual friends fall apart while we are still standing strong.

If I marry my partner, she will be the best Woman. I’m still a groom and she is still a woman. We have joked that on the wedding day I will make her wear a wedding dress for the photos. Mainly just to mess with people’s minds. We also have the same warped sense of humour.

We’ve fallen out of bars together, seen each other through bad relationships, embraced new fads that have come along and now quite happily exchange recipe tips over a brew. We’ve changed and evolved together and provide each other with a mutually supportive relationship. We both have partners that we are quite happy with and there is nothing lacking in our lives.

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So is it time to retire the “GBF” title?. Last year Tesco had a gay best friend doll on sale as a novelty gift that was swiftly withdrawn. Why? Maybe the times has changed, a friendship should be based on commonality and loyalty rather that sexuality. Every so often another one of these articles will appear praising the attributes of the gay best friend and talking about how essential they are to the authors lifestyle. But ask yourself this, are they describing a caricature from a bad movie or a real flesh and blood person. By using the term “Gay Best Friend” , they are prioritising the sexuality and losing the essence of the person and the relationship. Its not homophobic just a narrow-minded and outdated way of thinking.
I am not her gay best friend, she is not my straight best friend. We’re best friends


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About the author: Barry Heap

Back, back back again!

Fatter, more ginger and gayer than ever. Enjoying stints as a burlesque performer and stand up comedian, I bring a well travelled perspective.

I like video games, axifi, budget travel and cheap wine

Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you'd like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.