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Getting your profile picture is so important – first impressions count.
Your dating profile picture is the first thing that other members will see of you, so take some time to get it right. We’ve put together some tips on what works and what doesn’t work for the perfect profile picture.
It goes without saying that your profile picture should be of you. We’re not fond of catfishing, fraud or just pictures of cartoon characters. You’re a real person, so a real picture of you is best.
Remember what they say first impressions can last a lifetime so make sure, when you’re choosing yours, that it reflects exactly how you want to portray yourself.
So here are our top tips:
Recent photos
Make sure your profile picture is recent. We’ve all heard the stories of people turning up to dates only to discover that the person they meet is a good ten years older than their profile photo. It’s a bit like trades description. People want to know who they are meeting – a trustworthy and honest person will have an up-to-date, recent picture of themselves. It’ll also help identify you if you guys actually meet in real life.
I used to be a regular on Gaydar chat. I enjoyed that it was all-encompassing; in that, I could elect to be in rooms that were either fetish or location driven and that I could see them all at the same time. Then one night it all changed as Gaydar had a makeover. Less of a makeover really, more of a demolition.
It went from being something similar to a magazine one might find on the top shelf in the newsagents and changed in likeness to the reading material in a doctors or solicitors waiting room.
It had metamorphosed into what I would describe as “coffee shop gay”, having been ethically and morally cleansed, and coming out the other side as Conservative with a small “c.”
There are those who are still reeling from the change to the site. I laid a small posy on my router to mark its passing. I sent an email to PinkNews asking they put a notice of obituary as a gesture at its loss.
Then came the attempted resurrection, the chat facility had a couple of new rollouts. Early indications suggested from my appraisal it had been written by someone in London who felt the place was the centre of the gay world as whilst there were rooms for every direction in the capital those of us from the provincial hinterlands were left out in the cold, though this was subsequently addressed.
I try it again every month or so. I miss it. Reminds of the line in the Billy Joel song Italian Restaurant “but you can never go back there again,” because it has changed and so have I.
Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.
In my mind, this is how I imagine the closet to be. A crowded dim place, smelling of hay, stale clothes, and dried semen. Somewhere a dog had whimpered, but now fallen quiet having relieved itself. The warm stench of canine urine adds to the atmosphere. The silence is broken only by the notification sounds of mobile phones.
Once in this dank place, men stood shoulder to shoulder, but these days there is more space as most have one hand held high trying to get a signal on their mobile device. Where previously the darkness was only ever broken by someone “coming out” and leaving the door ajar, now there is the constant glimmer from various apps as men try to hook up.
Thirty years ago it was all so different. The rural closet of old, required an energy and commitment. Some might even say it was healthier; as before technology brought available cock through the electronic ether, men cruised and cottaged.
There was a community of nodding acquaintances. Friendships were created through the frequenting of a familiar hunting ground. Regulars were known and most visited at around the same time of the day and night, on their way to and from work, or perhaps walking the dog later at night.
Knowledge and warnings were shared of those who could be discrete, others who could not be trusted and some who engaged in unsafe acts. Some would come and go in total anonymity, their only desire being to purge themselves of an urge, by way of quick grope and fondle of another similarly excited.
The characters had nicknames such as Picnic Paul, or Coral Colin, the Raven, Whopper of a chopper, earned from bringing a sandwich and a flask, working at the local bookies, just watching and never playing and an endowment to behold.
There was a sense of camaraderie, people watched out for each other, and even cared to inquire if someone was not seen for a while, “Is he ill?”, “What’s the matter; cock gone soft?”, “Warned off by the Police”, and the worse thing of all that could happen?
“Prosecuted for importuning and named in the papers!”
The fellowship that was once synonymous with the male seeking like-minded company would often take up a whole evening for no reward. Then quite by chance, it could sometimes pay dividends with a little pleasure and relief. I remember being told it’s not what you get, for it does not last that long; it is more the thrill of the chase.
The meeting places of convenience by name and nature are mainly boarded up, demolished or converted to snack bars on the highways and byways. The cruising grounds are still there but now, a more aware public is suspicious of a man alone.
Not all change is for the best. Some if it although safer now lacks humanity, being so clinical, so antisocial and just seems to be nothing more than”a meat rack in the cloud.”
Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.
The research found Tinder users reported lower levels of satisfaction with their faces and higher levels of shame about their bodies. And users were also more likely to view their bodies as sexual objects.
This is hardly surprising given that Tinder’s “evaluative factors” have the potential to intensify preexisting cultural beauty ideals. The app’s “swipe right to dismiss” facility, along with the limited number of words a user can write on their profile means appearance take centre stage. In other words, the more conventionally attractive your photos are, the more likely you are to be clicked, swiped or hit upon by other users.
But whether men use Tinder or not, most will report dissatisfaction with some aspect of their appearance. This could be anything from height, body hair, muscularity, skin tautness, shoe size, penis size, facial symmetry, head hair amount and more. Sadly there are few areas of the body men do not find fault with.
The body beautiful?
Over the last few decades, boys’ and men’s appearances have come under increasing scrutiny. This is largely because in the 1980s businesses finally started exploiting a relatively untapped market: the appearance insecurities of men.
To demonstrate – today men are sold anti-cellulite cream for their pecs, hair transplants for their facial hair and “manscara” for their eyes. Then there are the boys’ action dolls that have gained muscle and lost body fat with each successive edition. Add this to the fact that 80% of the men featured in popular media such as Men’s Health magazine are of a muscular body build – with many of these models taking drastic measures in the weeks leading up to photos shoots to make sure they look lean.
These models also tend to have a full head of hair and symmetrical faces. The same goes for porn sites – where almost all of the men featured are equally ripped and stereotypically “handsome”.
Love your selfie. Shutterstock
It’s unsurprising then that boys today feel they are growing up in a world which focuses heavily upon their appearance. Of course, this is a problem that has plagued women and girls for decades. And in the way that this has impacted girls for so long, now this pressure is impacting on boys’ well-being. One recent study found almost one in five boys had resorted to diet pills, purging, skipping meals, steroids or tanning products to change their appearance.
White washing
But beyond appearance pressures, dating apps are doubly damaging because they often operate in a sphere where sexual racism is commonplace.
The dating app OKCupid recently analysed sexual racism among 1m of its male site users. The company found that compared to black, Asian or minority ethnic users, white users got more messages. White users were also found to be less likely to reply or match with users of a different race to themselves, and more likely to question interracial marriage.
Online dating comes with its own rules, preferences and prejudices. Shutterstock
Recent research from Australia also found that 15% of gay men on the dating app Grindr included sexual racism on their profiles. This was more likely to be the case if the profile user was white, and if the user held broader racist views.
I too have noticed gay men who write offensive terms that specify race preferences on their profiles – such as “Black=block”, “no gaysians” or even “no chocolate or rice”. In its terms and conditions, Grindr bans offensive speech. Which is in part why, three years ago, I started a Twitter account, @GrindrRacism to encourage Grindr to remove offensive profiles. Disappointingly Grindr has often been slow to act though – meaning sexual racism is still present on the app.
Dating elite
Of course apps aren’t the cause of racism around sexual preferences. Instead like appearance pressures, users are influenced by what’s going on in wider society. By not tackling those problems in society, however, – for example cracking down on offensive speech – apps can act as enablers for racism and insecurity.
Ultimately given that more people are using dating apps than ever before, they need to work for everyone – not just those who are “attractive” or white.
Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.
The researchers interviewed 21 gay men who had recently been diagnosed with HIV in London or Brighton. Most of the men thought that a combination of factors contributed to risk behaviours and HIV infection.
Each year, more than half of HIV diagnoses in the UK are in gay and bisexual men. A new study paints a picture of the complex reasons, including chemsex, use of dating apps, childhood trauma and stressful life events, that are associated with gay men acquiring the virus. Because of the success of HIV medication in treating HIV and extending life expectancy, changing ideas about how serious it is to have HIV was also seen to be a factor.
Childhood trauma
Many respondents in the study described difficult experiences during childhood, including dysfunctional relationships with parents and bullying at school, which had long-lasting impacts on their mental health. A few men grew up in environments where gay men were highly stigmatised, which could result in low self-esteem. Some respondents linked such experiences with subsequent drug use. One man said,
“I mean it probably was the perfect storm you know, they [drugs] got me at a time…mid-forties when I wasn’t that secure, there were a few issues, I was looking for fun…it was an escape and it seemed at the time that it was…enjoyable.”
Drugs and apps
The researchers interviewed 21 gay men who had recently been diagnosed with HIV in London or Brighton. Most of the men thought that a combination of factors contributed to risk behaviours and HIV infection. Another interviewee said:
“The sex and the drugs and the apps all intertwined simultaneously and I can’t really say which one led to the other.”
Matthew Hodson, Executive Director of NAM aidsmap commented, “All too often discussion of HIV within the gay communities is reduced to gay men being somehow ‘irresponsible’. The reality is that gay men’s lives are complex and the reasons that gay men may engage in sex that carries a risk of acquiring HIV are complex too. The homophobia which underpins the idea that gay men are irresponsible, in itself, seems to have played a role in many men not finding themselves able to avoid HIV infection.”
Recent stressful events caused psychological distress for many participants. These included the death of family members, relationship break-ups, violent partners, loss of friendships and health problems. A number of men were exposed to multiple psycho-social risk factors and the combination could be devastating.
Valuing your own life
“I didn’t value my life… Because so much had happened and I’d been through so much in the past three, four, five years with…break ups and losing everything and emotional things and deaths and God knows what else, it almost becomes a bit “all my life has just been so crap anyway what’s the point, do I really care if I get it [HIV] anyway?”
Dating apps provided convenient access to multiple sexual partners for many participants, regardless of age. They could also introduce men to chill outs and chemsex.
HIV is managed by taking “a few pills a day”
Some interviewees, especially middle-aged men, talked about the shifting perception of HIV in the gay community. Thanks to the availability of effective HIV treatment and good medical care, HIV was widely perceived to be a manageable condition.
“Everyone knows somebody positive now and knows that they’re fit and healthy and they take a few pills a day…That’s a huge factor in why so few people use protection anymore…because it has become a treatable illness…I think it changed everyone’s risk calculations, because even if the worst did happen, it was no longer the worst.”
Psychological issues and drug use were often mentioned in combination. For example, a man in his forties identified the important factors in his HIV infection as:
“The drugs…but also depression because I didn’t care about taking risks…I gave up.”
When thinking about why gay men have risky sexual behaviour, the researchers say that individual factors (like difficult childhood experiences) are important to take into account. At the same time, we also need to think about the wider community and society. For example, some interviewees felt that recreational drugs were too easy to come by or that risk taking was normalised in some parts of the gay scene.
“Recently acquired HIV infection among (gay and bisexual men) reflects a complex web of factors operating at different levels,” says Annabelle Gourlay of University College London.
Matthew Hodson of NAM aidsmap added, “There is a wide variety of factors involved in gay men being vulnerable to HIV infection. HIV prevention can be most effective when it identifies the individuals who are most likely to acquire HIV, the times when they are most vulnerable, and the strategies that will work for them. A ‘one size fits all’ approach to prevention is not sufficient to deal with such complex needs.”
It’s so easy isn’t it… being totally basic on a dating app – we’ll here are five tips on how not to come across a complete pratt on Grindr.
Do… Use your best pic
Dig deep into your Facebook tagged photos and find a nice when in the sun with a cocktail and a decent backdrop. If you’re stuck for choice, perhaps do what every other Grindr user does and take a selfie in the mirror of your local gym changing room. That way, at least everyone knows you keep fit.
Don’t…immediately send a dick pic.
Striking up a conversation via a picture of your penis is like Victoria Beckham singing – sin against nature. Sending a blurry photo of your willy is not going to make anyone think “Let’s go Prezzo”. If you, for whatever reason, have an urgent need to send one, do it after at least a day of conversation and, as with your profile picture, make sure it is the best it could be. I’m talking about the right angle and the right filter – no one wants a photo with dodgy lighting.
Do…be grammatically correct.
“Hello, how are you?” sounds far better than “hey, u alrite?” so make sure to use your best grammar when trying to secure a date or even a bit of fun. No one is going to be enticed to have sex with you when you chat like a 14-year-old on MSN.
Don’t…slate gays in your bio.
“I like my men to be men”; “straight acting guys only; “if I can’t see your eyebrows then I don’t want to see you”. When devising your bio, try not to come across as a wanker. Some gay men decide to be their own enemy and it doesn’t exactly scream, “date me”.
Do…wear a condom.
Let’s be honest – most gay dating apps amount to anonymous sex with someone you’ve never met before and don’t really know much about except for the size of their penis so, let’s be clear, condoms are absolutely essential.
Yes, you read that right, according to sources a dating app aimed at connecting sugar daddies to younger men was screening out people living with HIV.
The app, DaddyBear, aimed at connecting richer older guys to younger guys has come under intense criticism after it was revealed that it was banning men who are HIV+ from joining the service.
A statement on the website, at one point, claimed,
“Most mature gay daddies grew up under the macro environment of AIDS epidemic and scare, so they know how to protect themselves and you, and enjoy safe sex with you.”
That message has now been removed and has been changed to:
“Gay Daddies have greater life experiences which allows them to have more opinions of different things to help younger men to have a better life.
“Usually, they pay more attention to their health, making it safer to develop a relationship with them.
“Moreover, gay sugar daddies are way more mature than most younger men, which is one of the biggest advantage for them because they can help gay bears to explore more and become a more responsible man. They tend to be more caring, generous and sensitive than most of the guys younger men have dated before.”
“Healthy and Without HIV”
A spokesperson from the App commented in Queerty’s comment section,
“With the fact that most gay men care more about health than sex when seeking gay relationship, we create this gay dating app to meet their needs.
“If you are worried about meeting gay men who are living with HIV, then you can feel relieved with our App because we are trying our best to make sure that all users you meet will be healthy and without HIV, starting from adding a feature to allow users to verify their health condition.”
“No one would like to date people living with HIV unless he is living with it. Most gay sugar daddies are not living with HIV, so they don’t want to bring home any unwanted souvenirs. However, we support that gay men living with HIV have the right to date with other gays with HIV. But many rich and successful gay sugar daddies do not want to date with gay men living with HIV, which is the reason why we launched this app to meet their needs.
A new app has launched which aims to help older and younger gay men meet.
CREDIT: Pixabay / bykst
GDaddy is set to match sugar daddies with guys looking for wealthy older guys. According to its marketing department, it’s taken 6 months of serious research and the owners promise a clean design and feature rich app.
Speaking about the app, Marketing Manager Lawrence Young said,
“There is no lack of gay dating sites and apps online. But the fact is that none of them are especially designed for gay sugar daddies and gay sugar babies. Now, you can put your problems to rest as we have come up with the first gay sugar daddy dating app online – GDaddy. Our purpose of creating GDaddy is trying to offer a private and comfortable all-male dating platform for successful & wealthy men and attractive & ambitious boys to get connected with each others.”
If, like me, you’ve been single for more than 1 month of your life then you have, at some point, used online dating apps (or a website). You would have definitely experienced at least one of the following;
Catfish (people using other people’s pictures deliberately to be someone they are not).
A Dorian Grey (someone who ages in real life but doesn’t seem to online until their online picture is wildly different).
Time wasters (all chat and no trousers (sometimes literally))
Hot ’n’ colders (interested one day then cold the next)
Droughts (weeks if not months of nothing)
To name just a few!
Now these are all very annoying but generally go with the territory, But, why do they? I was sat chatting to a group of friends and were talking about in one form or another we had been one of these things. So, does that mean that we are all one of these at some point?
All of us in the group said that we had never been a catfish BUT had considered it. And you can see why there is a certain appeal, especially if there is a really really hot guy that does not have you on their radar. You’d never do it, but the mind does fantasise about pretending to be someone equally as fit and flirting with them. No? Just me? Oh, well pours another gin.
What about a Dorian Grey? This is something I believe I’ve named myself (and a quick search online didn’t seem to find anything). I’ve noticed that as gay men approach key milestones they tend to fog the lines around a set age. I’ve seen a few friends do it, they extend being 30/31 (or even in their 20s) when in fact they are a little older than that. And we all do it. I’ve recently turned 30 and while I proudly put my age on my profile I did often refer to myself as a late 20s guy (more for a joke but nothing is ever done without meaning). At least half of the friends in the group admitted to doing it, having done it in the past or were considering it.
Time wasters are the most common and the easiest for ‘your average guy’ to fall in to. Picture it, you’re all set for a ‘meet’ but as the day approaches things come up, stuff happens, and suddenly it’s 19:30 on a Friday night and the prospect of going out just seems a mission. So, they get a politely worded “sorry I can’t make it’, I’ve got this thing’ or ‘I forgot I had to do X’. We’ve all done it at some point and don’t you dare try and claim that you haven’t!
Now hot n colders are definitely people we have all been and they are very literally people that blow hot and cold. A flurry of interest one day then naff all the next. I know that I do this. But not always through choice, sometimes life just takes over and responding to that text works its way down the list of things to do. There, in most cases, isn’t any malice in it but as the person on the other side waiting for that text the only way to really take a lack of response is badly. It is a sure-fire way of harming your ‘dating chances’ and yes you can argue that maybe you shouldn’t be online if you can’t handle online but when has anything ever been that simple?
Finally, droughts aren’t something you can be but they can push a person in need into being one of the above. No ‘booty’ equals a horny moment, an approach to a fellow app user for a ‘meet’ which then loses its appeal after a ‘self-release’. Hence, time waster. Droughts come to us all and they can have the ability to make us to things that we wouldn’t consider doing. I do have a story about a guy that didn’t get any action for 4 weeks, but that’s for another time.
So, while I don’t look to excuse or validate such things, as they are annoying, instead aren’t we all guilty of being one of these at one point or another? Maybe with a little more acceptance of that when it does happen we can just accept it as a fact of life and move on. If ‘online behaviour’ really is an extension of ‘physical behaviour’ then just as we do silly things when nervous in real life maybe, we do silly things in our electronic one.
Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.
I’m going to jump right into this one, partly because I have a word-count to stick to, but also because it’s a pretty important point that I need to discuss with you this time. One of the best parts of having a big gay time machine to contact my younger self through is knowing that I can potentially stop you from making some big mistakes. One way you’re going to make mistakes in the near future is through the fabulous world of mobile dating apps, so listen up, kiddo – it’s about to get real.
Firstly, even at the age of 25 I’m still somehow
the naive gay who sees them as Dating Apps – maybe it’s all the musicals, or Julia Roberts movies I’ve seen, that have convinced me love comes first and always wins in the end. However, here’s the truth, a lot of -and perhaps most – guys don’t view or use these apps in this way. For a lot of guys these apps are more about hooking up than they are about dating, and they’re more about sex than they are about love. This will cause some confusion, and a fair bit of wasted time, in conversations you have with guys you envisage as possible suiters. Yes, there will be those guys who are upfront about it from the get go; they’ll ask for pics, or they’ll send pics, or you’ll be greeted with the stunningly eloquent opening question that is, “top or bttm?” You’ll get used to these guys, and you will even get used to explaining that you’re after a little more than they are. It’s the others that really breed confusion – the ones who talk like they want more, staying full Dr Jeckyll until the night hits and Mr Hyde emerges. Let’s cut to the chase, don’t fall for these guys.
Secondly, remember to always put safety first. Of course, this comes into play just as much in the bedroom as it does on the apps, but I’m referring to the latter now. Avoid being too open and vulnerable on these Apps, maybe even to the extent of not showing your face in your profile picture – it will definitely help to avoid unplanned chance meetings, after all. Other than that it’s all the usual points, no addresses, of course no banking information, and no deep dark confessions to that faceless torso with glistening abs.
When it gets to the real world part, which it will on more than a few occasions, listen to what your parents have always told you. Strangers = Dangers. Meet in a public, well lit place – and make sure there are people who know your exact plans, that you keep them updated on all the while, of course. There are going to be couple times you don’t follow these rules and you’re pretty lucky nothing bad actually happens, but just FYI they’re super awkward encounters and not worth all of the risk and worry at all.
Finally, don’t fall for anyone before actually meeting them – this even goes for the good ones you might find. You’re going to do it, and you’re going to feel stupid. At the end of the day dating apps are like Facebook or any other kind of social media, people show what they want you to see, and hide what they don’t. You can’t fall for a concept of a man.
Yours sincerely,
Twenty-Five Year Old (Somewhat Regretful) You
Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.
Ultimately given that more people are using 
