Tag: Running w-Heals

COLUMN | Back to models… I love the Tamiya’s Hilux Little Bruiser

During the summer of 2018, THEGAYUK was fortunate enough to be given the keys to Toyota GB’s homage to Tamiya’s Hilux Bruiser for a week. It was a sad day when they came to collect it.

Shortly afterwards there was word on the street that model giant, Tamiya, was going to release a new radio controlled model based on that very Hilux Extra Cab model. And to really get the excitement up, they displayed it with stickers identical to the one Toyota GB had made.

This new model wasn’t to be based on the original Hilux Bruiser 3 speed chassis and as a result, it has made it more affordable to every enthusiast by basing it on the tried and tested CC-01 chassis.

Tried and tested, this chassis certainly is. It has been around for 25 years! That in itself sounds insane and yet there is still plenty of life in this chassis. It has seen 28 changes in body shell though some have been re-released.

Sometimes, if it’s not broken, don’t fix it and that really is something you won’t be doing with the CC-01 chassis. They don’t break. I used to run one year ago with the Subaru Brat body on it. So without further ado let’s quickly look at the chassis and its build.

It’s simple with a few surprises. Not all the screws are the same and within the first few instructions, you’ll notice that the front diff has smaller screws. Here is a useful tip for you. If you plan on using it off road, try stuffing the front diff with blu-tac. It will lock the diff up but allow some movement, sort of like a very limited slip diff. It helps when off-roading.

The rear diff comes with the option of locking it with 2 useful inserts. The rest of the chassis is pure off-roader in design. The rear has the ability to carry out to scale articulation with a live rear axle while the front is suspended by wishbones and all is damped by oil filled shock absorbers.

With a proper off-roader like this old faithful, it isn’t about speed. The CC-01 was never about speed. It’s all about torque with power to climb and crawl along. With that in mind, you will want to make sure you waterproof the radio gear.

The chassis is tough, rugged and never goes wrong. Even cleaning and maintenance are quick and easy. I could go on about what to do with the chassis for maximum off-road fun, but I’ll leave that up to you to discover. It’s truly will sort of go where you point it.

And now to the best part. The body shell. For years, Tamiya shells were intricate pieces of craftsmanship. Suddenly they started issuing stickers in place of paints for lights and door handles on their polycarbonate shells. It made bodybuilding quicker without the painstaking wait for bits to dry. Even the stickers were pre-cut. To me, that always felt a shame.

Thankfully, the shell for the Hilux Bruiser does have light inserts for the front and rears and the kit comes with a basic front and rear light kit. And there is more too. Masking. The extra cab needs masking up for the application of pearl white so this shell is turning into an intricate one after all that is worthy of extra attention.

What I choose to do however was paint it metallic blue. Tamiya recommends a solid blue colour. Having been up close and personal with the real thing, I can tell you that it is a sparkling metallic blue in colour. So there was no way I was going to paint it solid blue.

As for the stickers, they look daunting. There are plenty of them and all have to be cut out. This was a joy for me and should be for you too. It’s intricate and makes building the model more intricate while developing those modelling skills. I must add that I did get sticker fatigue with this but that only extended the joy of the body to another day. Saying that it took over a week to build the body. A WEEK! The chassis was built within hours!

There is the need to also buy some black paint too for the load bed area and radiator grill. None of this comes in a sticker. The rear light units need to be painted along with the mirrors. So this shell really did turn into a feast for the modeller like a gift that kept giving. And for that, I’d like to thank Tamiya.

12th January 2019
Die-cast Dreams

I had some fun thinking about this article. Motoring writer and author, Richard Gooding recently posted up on Twitter pictures from his visit to the Hornby toy museum in Kent. This got me thinking about the toy cars that I longed to own as the real thing. Namely those from Corgi and Matchbox.

There is no sense of occasion with die-cast toys anymore. In the ’80s, a new Matchbox or Corgi release was AMAZING. Imagine the rush for the latest iPhone, to a young boy, it was exactly like that.

I can still remember certain releases with fondness. Even a rehash of an old model in new colours was a worthy occasion. 1985 was a particularly hot year for releases and first to get the new Golf GTi, BMW 325i cab, Escort cab or Lamborghini Countach was frantic.

I would save my £1 a week pocket money and once I had got to the usual £4.99 (I think), I’d treat myself to a large Corgi or for about a quid, I’d buy one of the 75 small Matchbox cars available, choosing it from the rotating Matchbox stand in our local toy shop, Chapmans. The nostalgia I am feeling right now is unbelievable.

The small Matchbox and larger corgis were the ones I loved. I wasn’t so keen on the larger Matchbox or the smaller Corgi’s. Matchbox Superkings lacked details and the small corgis were just cheap. That said, I still had some because, well because I wanted that car like the Peugeot 305 saloon from Matchbox, so don’t judge me.

The die-cast toy was a gateway to driving and car ownership. It taught you about keeping the paint pristine or what would happen in the real world when a brick was dropped onto say, a Rolls Royce. I did end up with a fair number of convertibles and a scrapyard worthy of a lot of money had it been real.

There were also adventures to be had with a die-cast and dream garages could be built from new or exchanging with friends. In some ways, it really is little different to car ownership. So without further ado, let us look at my dream garage of die-cast.

One particular model jumps out. The Corgi Fiat X1/9. It was blue with some racing decals. It looked the nuts. Sleek and wedge-like. There was nothing else like it in my toy box. What’s more, this came with a tow hook. What a stupid option.

That’s what I thought until I was given the Carlsberg X1/9 with the boat on a trailer. Forget the silly little boat you could win on Bullseye, this was a real speedboat with a Cosworth engine. Both of these models I still have and to that, I also have to add a real Fiat X1/9.

Another model was given to me second hand. A small matchbox VW camper van. It was wicked at rolling down the hill. Sadly by the time it got to me, it had lost its pop-up roof. That didn’t stop me from prizing it apart and painting it white over orange. That was always the dream.

Didn’t quite work out that way in the end because I ended up with a yellow VW camper van instead.

Another die-cast hero of mine was made by Solido, the French die-cast manufacture. Always a little more expensive. They made an Alfasud racer. Not quite the Alfasud I wanted but that never stopped the hankering for one. And again I would eventually own the real car. Sadly, like the Solido model that came apart quite easily for restoration, my Alfasud came apart too.

I’ve since managed to make die-cast replicas of practically all the cars I have owned. Sadly Corgi and Matchbox aren’t really the same anymore and what they sell aren’t really what I aspire to own. Instead, I have to turn to the many other makers of die-cast out there for my dreams or more importantly, to remake into my current garage. Thankfully Vitesse made some truly unusual models so I have been able to make the last addition to the fleet, the Berlingo.

Where it goes from here, why knows. I’m hankering for a Lancia Beta coupe, Solido made one of those. I also want another Citroën Dyane and I know Corgi made that because I’ve already got one.

14th December 2018
This is how you put a classic car to bed for winter

Any car lover hates this time of year, especially those with old classics or cars known for being a tad “delicate” in winter. For me, I am talking about my Fiat X1/9.

This year, the summer was cruel. It was hot. Too hot to get the little open-top Italian out. Yes, I know there is a lot of irony there but this Fiat just doesn’t like getting too hot and documented problems of fuel evaporation are not stories of make-believe. With the X1/9 it happens and it has done so on numerous occasions.

And so the hot summer went and having had a number of press cars for TGUK, I went on a press car break so I could use my own and enter stage right, the X1/9. I managed to do 303 miles this year. And I can tell you every single journey it took including one to an Italian car breakfast morning on a Saturday that I attended on Sunday!

So you can see, winters arrival is cruel because of 2 things; This is an 80’s Fiat and not know for longevity in wet salty English conditions, and the thing is ruddy awful in the wet. That said it can be fun but the concentration needed to drive it in the dry needs to be ramped up to 11! And the wipers are set for Italy, so not very good.

Preparing a car for winter hibernation isn’t that straightforward. It could be I suppose but if you like to tinker and fanny around, then it isn’t. I use a system called a “Permabag”.

It’s a massive bag of tarpaulin fitted with a divers zip. In it go 2 desiccators that absorb moisture within the bag and from the car and it keeps it all dry and the humidity within it controlled.

I’m fortunate to be able to park up the X1/9 and leave it there, undisturbed for great lengths of time. The makers of Permabag also recommend that it is best left. Opening and closing the bag are not what this system is about. The idea is to reduce the humidity and leave it in its current state. This system doesn’t require any power either, so it is ideal for any garage, anywhere. If you need to move the vehicle regularly and have power, I can recommend the Carcoon system that I know many use. Check out the differences in the links below.

So it would seem strange when I tell you that what I did next was to wash the car. Ideally, you should clean any car you put away. After washing, a good polish is a great idea. It’s also a time to make a note of any areas of the body that will require attention next year. I spotted 2 areas of rust and then added another by pulling a drain pipe off from the engine bay. That is going to be fun trying to reattach that!

Now is a good time to attend to 1 or 2 of those small annoying jobs. One in particular for me was the moss and grime around the rear light seals. Quick wash and scrub with an old toothbrush and a poke with a cotton bud, and now all clean.

So this is something to do next year. It’s not recommended to do paint work and then store away with the system that I use.

I would normally recommend an oil change too. Reasons being are that old oil contains contaminants that can attack things like bearing surfaces. The oil has done just 1400 miles and still comes out clean on the dipstick so this time I’ve left it. I will do an oil change this time next year. Also, check the concentration of antifreeze and add any if needed.

Now, this part might be a bit OTT but screen wash bottles, remove, empty, clean and leave empty. Several reasons why I do this. Firstly is stagnant water can breed legionnaires disease. You don’t want this. You’ll be horrified by how old the water is in your screen wash bottle if you don’t empty regularly. So bottles are very big, the X1/9’s is about 7 litres in capacity. I don’t use 7 litres of screen wash.

Secondly, the system I use removes moisture. A washer bottle is not sealed. So you can see where that is heading. It’s also a good idea to wash it out every so often because it’s an excuse to fanny around and tinker.

If you are lucky to have a spare set of wheel, now is a good time to fit them. It doesn’t do a tyre any favours sitting in one place for any length of time. Even my Tamiya shelf queens models are on raises to stop the tyres from getting flat spots!

I don’t have a set of storage wheels for the Fiat, so I tend to over-inflate them by about 8-10psi. Doesn’t sound a lot I know but over time the car can lose tyre pressure and as the X1/9 can’t be seen inside the bag, I have no idea what it is doing so this offers me some piece of mind.

Now you may just be about to stop me from putting the X1/9 away in the bag having only washed it and you would be right. I leave it in the garage for another week or so to dry out as best it can.

Then I’ll put it away, under a cover, zipped up in its bag and leave it. Leave it dead of power because whatever you do, don’t forget to disconnect the battery. And then count down those days. One Hundred and Seventy-Five I said and if April looks promising, it’ll be less.

Opening it up will bring its own problems so I’ll let you know how that goes after 175 days time.

https://www.autopyjama.com/permabag-engl/

https://www.carcoon.com

2nd December 2018
COMMENT | These were cars we really wanted to drive growing up

There was a time not so long ago when models within a model range varied according to affluence. There was also a bit of what the decade dictated in there too. If you are as old as me, we are not talking that long ago either. Less than 50 years in fact.

Ok so 50 years is perhaps a lifetime away for some of our readers but long ago in the motoring world far far away from where gloss and add-ons were essential in demonstrating your wheeled wealth, there were motoring gems to be had. From poverty to racing and somewhere in-between specs, it all added up and made the Jones’s at 69 twitch the lacy nets in either disgust or envy.

Sadly these days you can’t tell the difference between a poverty or a luxury model from the visual aesthetics. Alloy wheels and glitz are pretty much the same available across the ranges. And chrome and elaborate badges seem passé these days. So l am going to take you back to 5 decades of motoring and pick out one of my favourites that were stand out models within a range of specific models and you didn’t need a Rolls Royce to show off your motoring wealth either.

1970

Mk2 Escort Ghia

The Ford Escort was a top seller in the UK. The Mk2 had form and looks. Its model range catered for every walking person in the world. It was available for not a lot of money to quite a huge sum. It was a car you could aspire to. And that’s why I am choosing the Mk2 Escort Ghia.

The Escort range had circular headlights on its lowest and sportiest models. Not so on the Ghia. It had square lights and silver edging around the grill. And if that wasn’t enough it also had added brightwork to cause sparkling glare through the nets of the neighbours. Not only was there side mouldings and a vinyl roof but sports wheels with chrome beauty rings. Best of all was the metallic paint that was at one time only available for the Ghia model. It also had splashings of wood trim and an internally adjustable door mirror. This was stuff that wowed the crowds and made lesser men cry. All of this was then given the kiss of a Ghia badge.

1980

Austin Rover Maestro Vanden Plas

Be it the humble Metro, the great white whale that was the Maestro or the Sierra nibbling Montego, Austin Rover added the ‘Vanden Plas’ moniker to these 3 models. However, the Maestro is my worthy winner. It was like nothing else on the market. For a start, it had wood where others were going for plastic and it was given a chrome grill and embellished wheel trims. Little VP decals on the rear wings along with a coach line, all complimenting the chosen metallic paint choice were subtle in showing off your wealth over a lesser HL or Mayfair model.

It got even better inside too. Along with the wood trim, there was shoulder to shoulder leather-covered seats. Then to drive your senses crazy, you were presented with a digital dashboard that could give out over 30 voice commands usually at will and for reasons, only the car knew, for seat belt, petrol and anything else you could think off wanting a car to tell you in 1982.

Remember this was also the year of Knight Rider and the talking car. This was seriously cool. All the fun the Maestro had to offer was narrated by New Zealander Nicolette McKenzie.

1990

Jaguar Sovereign (XJ40 model)

Somewhere in between the base Jaguar XJ-6 and top of the range, Daimler sat the very British named Sovereign. It stood out from the lesser model sister due to more brightwork and alloy wheels. And then there were the headlights. Rectangular units instead of the two separate lights of the lesser model. The added bonus of these lights was that the Daimler also had them. To distinguish itself from the higher model it still kept with the Jaguar grill instead of the convoluted trim of the Daimler.

Inside it was treated to standard features like air conditioning and leather everywhere.

Ford took control of Jaguar and following a facelift, the kings of giving took away the visual impact of the affluent range and all models then looked the same

2000

Ford Focus Ghia saloon

The millennium decade gets difficult. Cars all pretty much looked alike. One car does stand out to me from the crowd and ironically, it was from where we started, back at Ford. The Ford Focus. Not just any Focus for it has to be the saloon purely because the shape looked better than the dumpy fat arse hatchback. The fact you could also get a Ghia in estate form showed that times had changed and affluent luxury was now available even for the universal man who had loads to carry.

Focus Ghia had the usual items that we had now come to expect like the chrome on the front bumper and a dollop of wood in the centre of the facia. By now that wood was beginning to look more like the wood was harvested from a Lego land forest of plastic. That said it wasn’t the worst faux wood you could get. The French were even worse at it. There was also an option for leather seats but sadly the alloy wheels were no longer exclusive to this model. The lesser LX could often be seen parading around in them like some irksome oik in knocked off £700 Manolo Blahnik cum fuck-me heels.

And beyond…

It’s hard to tell where or how it will go. From the list above you can see that the top of the class at this was the British. For some reason, we Brits liked an add-on which probably accounts for the sheer amount of money we spend on our cars after purchase. We are good at adding a touch of luxury to a car and probably why the British are good at modifying them. That is if you don’t look at Barry Boys on the internet.

http://www.barryboys.co.uk/phpBB2/portal.php

25th November 2018
She Is A Model, And She’s Now Looking Good

Autumn is here and before you know it, we’ll be into winter. I turn my attention away from working on the fleet to playing with toy cars. Even at the age of 43, I still can’t pass a car boot sale toy box without taking a look for something a bit scabby that I can turn into something loved again.

I’d bought this Fiat Panda as a new toy back in 2000 from Beatties toy shop. Now for the toy geek in you, the Bburago Panda model was released sometime in 1982. It was 17 years old now and still being sold as a new toy car. The Fiat Panda hadn’t been sold in the UK since 1996 but would soldier on until 2003 in Italy. So this probably explains why it was still sold by Bburago.

I digress but perhaps this is to do with the paint I’ve been sniffing this weekend. The weekend I decided to strip and rebuild my battered Panda.

There is something quite therapeutic in taking a rough model and making it good again. This time you get to choose the colours, the spec, the interior layout and/or colours and wheel choice. It’s almost like buying a real car without the expense except for paint.

This weekend, the Panda has cost me £12 in paint. Or around £30 if you add the other paint needed that thankfully I have in stock from other projects. Model building is fun but from an initial layout, it can look expensive especially when you need just need 3 dobs of clear orange for the indicators for instance.

I wanted to do a Sisley 4×4 in metallic green. That was the plan some 18 years ago. So I’ve scrapped that idea and decided to go back to basics like the Panda was. A nice shade of pastel blue with the lower half in grey.

Thankfully with Bburago, they screw together so dismantling is easy. I try and dip the shells in paint thinners but the 1/24th scale body was too large so a soft fire brush on the workbench was used to strip the paint down. You don’t always have to strip the paint. Some paints won’t react to thinners so a good rub down with wet and dry is sometimes all that you need.

Primer is essential. Grey or white dependant on the colour you choose. Now I did use a rust inhibitor primer on the lower half of the Panda. A bit overkill for a diecast model that won’t rust but this is an old Fiat so I wasn’t going to take any chances. OK, that is a bit OTT but I needed grey and that was all I had in stock.

Allowing a few hours to dry and the use of the airing cupboard (always helps to have access to the hot room of the house to aid model paint drying) the drying time was accelerated. Next was to mask up the lower section for another coat of grey in the form of plastic primer that is sort of the correct shade for the lower panels on Panda Mk1.

The rest, as they say, is a walk in the park. Top coat paint colour applied in light even coats and then once dry, adding the details and reassembling.

OK, so it’s not that easy. Like painting a real car, you need to do the door shuts and inside areas first. Easier to do inside parts because the paint finish doesn’t matter as much if it has some overspray or flat areas.

The details are what can make a model. For your £1.99 (1999 prices) Bburago were not going to paint the lights for you. So I went wild and added those three dobs of orange for front and rear indicators.

And now I am left with a bespoke Fiat Panda model that looks like the launch model that as one critic rudely or rightly said, was as square as the box it had come in. Now isn’t that the truth.mo

7th November 2018
COMMENT | Accessories

Now for an article about adding things on, I am struggling for a title for this piece other than “Accessories” which is a bit ironic. Anyway, let’s crack on…

Ever since man has had wheels, he has had this propensity to add, personalise or make his own, the car that he drives. Now I say he but I could very well say she too. And indeed where I am about to take you, the man was the chooser of the car, the woman did the dishes.

I was recently thumbing through Jaguar’s accessory and options list the other week. I was astounded to see £15 jump leads being sold for £126. Even Rimmer Brothers sell “genuine” Jaguar jump leads for £125.12p

And then I started to look over the other goodies (or lack of) you could get for the Jag and it didn’t stop there. Other manufacturers are also slack in their personalisation of your vehicle. It’s all so ordinarily dull. So I decided to delve back into a time that us old enough to remember haven’t forgotten and look at who did the great extras. We go back, right back to the 1970s. You see a time when men chose the car which is why I said it to start with. Have you never seen Mike Leigh’s Abigail’s Party?

I have my own list of goodies that I like to add including spotlights, over mats, wind deflectors, and mud flaps if available. I spent many hours pouring lustfully over the accessory brochures in my time. There were things you could get for the Citroën Visa that to this day I still dream off. They were awful! By the time I got my Visa, Citroën had stopped selling these extras so I was never able to dress my own with genuine naffness. And this is probably for the best.

The French were always good at the accessory. Both Citroën and Renault played on their Frenchness by using French words on their accessory brochures. Citroën had “Accessoire” while Renault were the kings with “Boutique” and my word what a boutique it was.

You could dress your 70’s Renault up to be the talk of the town either stylistically or in a way that your neighbours would wish for it to be hit by a bus. Renault Boutique had a stripe to suit (or not as the case sometimes was) for your car and the worst culprit would go to the R4. In fact, everything extra they sold for the R4 was vile.

Renault did redeem themselves with the Starsky and Hutch stripes on the R17. Citroën, on the other hand, could not and by the 1980s, they had lost the plot. Wheel arch finishers could be bought for the CX. Now those who know will know that the CX didn’t really have rear wheel arches. Well, think again. Those pesky spats that covered the rear wheels could be replaced with a lipped piece of plastic.

Not ones to waste money because they didn’t have any and because they didn’t want to be without some accessories, BL with Unipart, demonstrated their collection of aftermarket tat for the Metro with cartoons. Knorr used cartoons for serving suggestions for Aromat. While aromat was the finest MSG available for food, Unipart extras were not. You really could get everything you’d never want for your Metro like cruise control and air conditioning.

VW UK was mean to us when compared to VW USA. The humble T2 bus could be got with 2 pieces of chrome and a choice of roof racks. In the US, you could get EVERYTHING. And the Golf was left short-changed too. 1975 Golf had no reverse lights while the Beetle and Bus had them there and ready to go with a bit of wire. Never mind because VW could sell you a pair for the Golf that resembled porch lights that you have outside your front door.

The final word goes to the Italians and in particular, Lancia. They offered you the driver much more than a pair of spotlights and a body kit to cover up the rust and stripes to hold it all together. They offered a range of clothing before it was seen as enthusiastic wear. Forget rally jackets, they even sold shirts. Not just any old shirts that you could get in Marks and Sparks, oh no, they had genuine polyester cotton ones. So basically it was exactly the same as Marks and Sparks and the Grantham catalogue. What those two didn’t have was the suave man in Lancia sunglasses and to a 10-year-old Stuart, he was frigging HOT.

21st October 2018
COMMENT | The Best Car I’ve Driven

Motoring journalist, Neil Briscoe, on Twitter recently posted up that the best car he’d ever driven was a Mercedes pagoda. It got me thinking. I get to drive lots of new and old cars and those in the middle. But which is my favourite?

This is difficult because my driving career spans 26 years and when I look back I could say the 1979 Mercedes 280SL but I was 18 when I drove one of those and compared to my second Citroën Visa, it was powerful and luxurious. Likewise I was also 18 when I first drove a VW Beetle and that’s enough to put you off motoring despite wanting one.

No, it’s taken me some serious thinking, a little bit of drinking and a thumbing through photos and books to come up with my best car I have ever driven. It’s the Peugeot 104 ZS.

I’ve had 2 of them. Both 1980 models, both blue and both ZS models. The first was quite the wreck but the second was much better. It wasn’t the best car in the world though. In refinement and luxury departments, it was overshadowed by the likes of the Ford Fiesta and Renault 5. It was rather crude and basic despite having electric windows and alloy wheels. It had rubber mats in the rear, piss poor ventilation and a tiny boot.

What makes it the best car I’ve ever driven was one fundamental thing: I’d look at it and for unquestionable reasons, I’d dread the drive where I had to go. Yet it always entertained. It’s diminutive size and 1360cc engine with 72bhp was hardly left embarrassing itself in traffic of the day. I also had a comfy luxo barge, Peugeot 504 Ti automatic in the garage at the time too.

On the motorway, it kept up and beyond despite only having a 4-speed gearbox, it was never tiresome or overly noisy. The 12 CD changer in the boot, 6×9 speakers in the rear side panels and 7” in the doors put pay to excess noise by drowning out the cacophony of mechanical screaming to Kylie Minogue and Duran Duran.

It was also one of the last cars I have owned where I’d just jump in it late at night and head for the roads in the dark. I’d be out for hours and hours, yellow Sev Marchal headlights cutting through the worst of the night. I did some stupid things in it and yet I lived to tell the tale. It never once got so out of hand that it ended up facing the other way. Something that could not be said for the Peugeot 205!

The entertaining also stretched to its ability in the snow. Being a home carer at the time, I needed to get out and about in vile weather and that car was amazing in the snow. Small wheelbase with all the weight over the front wheels certainly helped. Its Achilles heel was its wipers. They were slow.

So here we are, 2018 and the 1980 Peugeot 104 ZS has to be the best car I have ever driven though probably not owned. Oh crap, now I’m thinking about that one. Be right back…

21st September 2018
COMMENT | When I Grow Up, I’m Going To Drive

Something popped up on Twitter recently. An advert for a 1980’s Peugeot 305 GTX diesel estate.

About 18 years ago I’d promised myself one of those. It won’t happen now though. I don’t need another diesel on the fleet and l certainly don’t need another old car with the ever-increasing difficulty in getting parts when l have three others.

You see, I am a bit of a motoring pervert. I’m realistic and as a child, my dream-car choices of car reflected this. Despite them being new at the time, they were cheap. I’m a realist you see and it’s probably why I never ended up with a coke habit because, let’s face it, coke is expensive! A Lamborghini is expensive. A Morris Ital estate isn’t.

So I thought about those other cars I’d promised myself and picked the top five that I won’t buy.

Morris Ital Estate

In 1980 I didn’t know the Ital was in actual fact a Morris Marina. To me, the Ital looked great. It wasn’t. It was a Marina and those were dreadful. The Ital was an end of life crisis revamp for the Marina to buy British Leyland sometime before the replacement was available. Judging by the number of model designation changes that the Ital went through, it didn’t work. They were just desperate to sell it like Ital design studio were to distance itself from the project.

I won’t buy one now. I know what it is but a little part of me shall always have a little soft spot for an estate. A little bit, like a fingernail clippings worth.

Austin Ambassador

WHAT THE F**K AM I DOING! The Ambassador. Another rehash from BL to buy some time. This time, around two years. The Ambassador wasn’t a bad car. It was the Austin Princess that we should have got in the first place. In that, I mean a hatchback. Why the Princess was a saloon is a question flat earthers really should be spending their time wondering about.

I won’t buy one now. I like them though. I think they still look rather good but not in Vanden Plas guise. That chrome trim on the bonnet looked stupid. A bit like the name really. This Ambassador wasn’t really spoiling us at all.

Austin Montego Saloon

Now, this is the dirty secret I have held until recently. Andrew Ryan on Twitter ( @andrewryan100 ) recently posted a huge factoid on the Montego. Kept me enthralled and the fire for the Montego was re-lit. The styling of the car was always a joy to look at so don’t get me looking at that three-piece rear window. It was like a bay window for a car and no other car out there had one. I like bay windows. It’s a suburban thing I suppose. A place for nic-nacs like a nodding dog or box of tissues!

I won’t buy one now. The trouble with the Montego was that it wasn’t that well built, every one I looked at as a child always had mis-match alignment between the headlights and bonnet and a dashboard was rather bland.

Renault 17

These always looked like they were fun. The 17 was the elegant sex pest to the frumpy 15. The rear side windows, covered with louvres, popped inwards. The quad headlights were surrounded by an extension of the bumper. They looked amazing. To top it off, you could get them with an electric folding roof. This was 70’s Europe and such things were frivolous craziness that your grandmother, who’d still wave her ration-book at you, would not approve. Matchbox toys got involved and made a small model of one.

I won’t buy one now. This really is a sad moment that I admit that I won’t but I did get to drive one from a guy I started dating. The car wasn’t quite what I expected and as for the date, that wasn’t either.

Visa GTi

I started my driving career with a Visa. And I progressed steadily through the many engine changes including the 2-cylinder and the diesel. I even had a convertible one too. Trouble was, insurance for a young man back then on a GTi was impossible or expensive. And then you had the fuel economy. I was used to the high 40s and beyond with the diesel. The GTi couldn’t do that.

I won’t buy one now. Most have rusted away sadly or their thin bodywork has gone all crinkly and out of shape. And to be honest, I have had five of them and you can have too much of a good thing.

So there you go, 5 cars I’ve hankered after for all these years that are not going to happen. That said it does mean I am not ruling out a VW 411 or Lancia Beta coupe. Watch this space.

17th September 2018
MOTORING | My week with the 4×4 Tamiya Toyota Bruiser

A week in Toyota Toy Town

I’ve just spent the past week pretending I was Calvin Brookman. Never heard of him? Then you need to brush up on your Tamiya history. Calvin was the driver of the Tamiya 1985 model 58048, the Toyota 4×4 Bruiser. Now bizarrely for Tamiya, this model never came with a driver so for all intents and purposes, he looked exactly like me. How uncanny.

Fast forward 32 years or 471 models later and Tamiya has re-released the much often drooled over model that most of us wanted from the top shelf. To celebrate this release and an almost 40-year partnership Toyota have with Tamiya, Toyota GB set about turning their current Hilux Extra Cab vehicle into a real-life homage to the Tamiya model.

I met with my R/C hero in the carpark at work. It sat there as bold as brass. You couldn’t miss it and did I laugh. This thing is a bit of a monster. Subtlety is not its strong point and yet it does have an air of soft cuddliness about it. We’ve all taken our favourite R/C model to bed and this 1:1 scale model is no different. I got it dirty and washed it for crying out loud. I just didn’t want it going home dirty!

Toyota has done an amazing job in its recreation. In doing this they have also done something else to the Hilux which I’ll discuss later. A snazzy wrap of camp sparkling blue and Bruiser graphics would fall flat on there face if it wasn’t for the fact that this truck has been given the kiss of the lift by Arctic Trucks. Gone are the standard Hilux 265/65 17 wheel combo for a more robust 305/80 17 mix. It’s a lot of chunky rubber.

There’s also a reworking of the bits underneath too, with uprated Fox Shox suspension and to maintain the speedometer accuracy, they reworked the differential gearing. Quite important this when on the M23 with average speed cameras in operation.

Now you won’t find any of the extras on the Bruiser in the Toyota Hilux accessory brochure. Toyota teamed up with model maker Robert Selway who had the task of adding the all important on/off switch as well as the bumper bars.

So the time arrived for me to slide the switch to ‘on’ and roll out with my battery pack fully charged. OK so the switch wasn’t that in the rear bed but the ignition key in my hand and this isn’t powered by batteries but a 150bhp 2.4-litre diesel engine going through a 6-speed manual gearbox.

One thing that becomes apparent is the tyre noise. Over 40mph and these things make more noise than RuPaul’s Drag racers at full bitch.

Girl, they are chatty! That, however, is the only fault and even then it’s hardly a problem. This new set up makes the Hilux even better to drive than the one we tested in 2017. There is less pitch and the ride is more compliant. There is an element to understeer if you press too hard and an amount of tail out in the wet. Like any pick-up though, 4 wheel drive is best selected in the wet when the rear is light of a load.

And you best get used to the stares the truck gets. It’s not for the shy. Like a secret cult, those who know give you the thumbs up or a knowing nod. It’s appreciated. This is when you suddenly really start to fall in love with the truck. It lacks the luxury features of the Hilux Invincible but this is only because they are not available on the extra cab model. Shameful really because this model with its mini suicide rear doors really is a handsome beast.

Now down to the nitty-gritty. Would I have one? No is the answer. It’s just too big to park in the high street. And it is totally unnecessary for me in this guise. My daily commute route had to be altered to accommodate its bulk. That said, just look at it. What’s not to love? I tell you what, not a lot. The wheels are impossible to curb and the thing sort of glides over speed bumps. Toyota GB, I’ll swap you my much-prized Sand Scorcher? I WANT THIS!

3rd September 2018
COLUMN | When music leads you down memory lane (and the boys we used to lust over)

It Really Was Just “Wishful Thinking”

from a great song

Music is a funny thing. It does evoke such memories and for the majority of the time in my life, they are good ones. Even if the outcome hasn’t been as I had wished for, I can still see the goodness in it. Misinterpreting, however, is easily done when it seems to offer an escape or fits a situation even if that wasn’t what the artists intended. One song in particular just does it for me.

“China Chris” ‘Wishful Thinking’ came on the radio the other day. I loved that song. Even though the song was released in 1984, I loved it even more back in 1994. I’d bought a CD titled Electric Dreams and at the time it was the only album l played. It also went well with a 1980 Citroën GS Club estate l had at the times.

Anyway back to the song in hand by China Crisis. Apparently, it’s not a gay song and yet when you look at the song cover sleeve you can see why I thought it was. Lead singer Eddie Lundon was fit. Bandmate Gary Daly was looking up at him sort of in my eyes wishfully thinking what I was.

Listen to the song and you can quite easily see why, as a confused 19-year-old youth with a longing for the man from Securicor deliveries, that I made it about him.

“It’s time we should talk about is

There’s no secret kept in here

I see the likeness in his smile and the way he stands

Makes it all worthwhile”

Just those last two lines from that chorus did it. I would stand at the window of the awful soft furnishing shop I worked in and look out for him whenever the blue Securicor Ford Transit van would pull up down the high street.

My word, l was in lust with him. I’ll spare his name though don’t think for one second I haven’t looked him up on Facebook. I’m not very good at stalking and I failed miserably. I’ve either not quite got the last name right or he simply isn’t there. Just getting his name was a feat of success that I remember it well. I can’t tell you how I kicked myself with joy when l did. I even kept the piece of paper with his name in and I still have it to this day.

Life was simpler for a 19-year-old Stuart with no mortgage to pay.

I can’t quite admit that l would find fault in fabrics and curtains just so they would be returned and that he’d have to come in to collect but I did. Lust is a silly thing. Makes you do silly things. Didn’t resort to stalking though, as I say I’m not very good at it. I didn’t have time either. To be honest, where do people find time to stalk people?

Back to Mr Securicor, he was just perfect. Or so I thought. One day he came in and told me he was leaving to become a supervisor. He broke my heart. He left me, stranded in the shop I hated and never to be seen again and he wasn’t. I never saw him again. Except for today when that song came on the radio and again after that when l played it on loop for about 15 times not sobbing uncontrollably into the sleeve of my jumper. If I can’t be an excessive stalker, then at least let me stalk with a song and happy thoughts.

Our returns reduced quite dramatically after that and where is he now? Haven’t a clue. It was a silly lustful crush and “Wishful Thinking”… only just.

10th August 2018
Haynes Pictures Tell a Thousand Words

…well 958 actually.

Someone l follow on Twitter recently mentioned about looking at the car pictures in the Haynes manual and it got me thinking. A lot of my misspent youth was spent wasting hours and hours of it reading through the Haynes manual when l should have been studying or doing homework. You see, I started to buy Haynes early in life. I was about 13. My first was a for the 65-75 VW Beetle 1300 and 1500.

30 years later and I still have it.

Apart from Terry Davey’s art illustrations on the front, it was always the actual picture inside that l would while away the hours dreaming about. And my addiction for the Haynes didn’t just stop at a few. It didn’t even stop at the cars I owned. Remember I was 13 when I started to buy them. Correction, collect them. I had all sorts. My addiction was fed with a super injection of Haynes workshop manuals that my father’s friend was throwing out.

So 30 years later and I hate to admit that I did cut some of them out of my collection but only due to space. Out of the 26 left, how many of the cars have I owned? 9 which now I look at it I don’t think was so bad.

OK, it was bad, that’s a third and spread over 3 decades. But what about the ones with the pictures I lusted after. Well, I sat down, pondered, regaled in the joy as I thumbed through a few and put together my top 3.

3) The Citroën Visa 79-88 652cc – 1580cc

This is a bit of a cheat because at the time the family had a Visa. It would become my first car. That didn’t, however, stop me from lusting after the picture of the Visa GTi in the supplement section.

It sat there on a wet floor in an industrial estate. It wasn’t even registered. There was no need for Haynes to cover the licence plate. This was fresh!

The crazy headiness of what a Visa with a 1600cc injection engine would feel like over my fathers 954cc 10E almost feels me to this day with an actual squeal and bust blood vessel. Forget all this though as the GTi had 4 headlights!

Now in my day, a fast sporty car had extra lights. Those quad lights gave the humble French hatchback as an aggression that belied its humble beginnings.

2) Fiat X1/9 74-89 1290cc – 1498cc

Top off, wind in the hair, mid-engined handling and pop-up headlights all contained in a little package that your hairdresser drove. Actually, ours drove a Golf convertible, same difference really just different car.

I did manage to get to touch the inner working of an X1/9 at a young age of 15 when I used a friend’s for an art project. I have to admit it now that I was obsessed with the pop-up headlights. THEY POPPED UP! So I had pictures of it with lights up and lights down. I’d watch them with amazement.

The picture was of a ‘Series Speciale’ complete with ladder graphics but no alloy wheels that we got in the UK. This was also left-hand drive thought this didn’t worry me one jot.

The roof was off. The sun was streaming onto the fabrics and it looked the nuts. I would lay on my bed thinking about storming up the lanes near our home and taking sweeping corners that I was only then able to do so on my mountain bike.

I’ve owned this car and the reality is quite different. Mine tried to kill me on a corner once.

1) Volkswagen Transporter 72-79 1700/1800/2000

This is a special one. Haynes did 2 for the Transporter and I picked this one by mistake. It had this funny engine that I had not seen on a VW. The pictures were a young boy’s wet dream of fantasy rolled into 2 pages.

The cutaway illustration was a mass of details and based on the Microbus deluxe. That extra trim still makes me giddy though I have never been able to work out why there is a bumper bracket when there isn’t one?

Cut to the picture inside and it wasn’t the camper that I wanted but the 7 seat microbus with US side markers. I said to myself there and then that I would have a bus from the US.

Now what made this picture all the more dreamlike was the lady in saddles who sat by the open sliding door. The dogtooth tartan print of her slacks did it. I wanted those slacks.

Many years one and I have been that sad to track down an original press picture of that, VW 2863-73 and the sales pamphlet that it came from that year. Sadly I haven’t been able to find the slacks but I did recently buy bedding from Dunelm that matched. And that’s good enough for me.

Ownership has been every bit as joyful as the picture even though mine is a camper model because I like to have somewhere to sleep. What it never told me was the abysmal 18 miles to the gallon you got. How did the hippies run these things?

I’ve managed to own two of these dream cars of mine, all three if you include the Visa as a collective of the range. It has taken some time and the odd distraction along the way but don’t ever let your focus be blurred.

Dreams are achievable, just be realistic and don’t aim for the Lamborghini Countach. Haynes never did a manual for that one any.

21st June 2018