4 Ways To Increase The Number of Blow Jobs You Receive This Year By 50%
Don’t let the holiday decorations and music playing in the shops fool you boys–despite what you may have heard, it’s definitely not the season of giving.
At least it shouldn’t be where blowjobs are concerned.
This season it’s all about receiving and if you’d like to send 2014 out with a bang, and make it the year you received 50% more blowjobs than last year, read on.
Use your words…or your sounds.
Asking for a blowjob is quite annoying and boring, isn’t it? In dreamland, all of our partners would eagerly approach us on their own, begging for the opportunity to go downtown, however this is reality, so when they don’t demand go down we are left miffed AND bj-less. Lose lose. However, there are ways to verbally express your desires that don’t involve an awkward “Babe, can you…” because heaven knows, that is not sexy. It’s all about the delivery and it’s like the old saying goes you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Rather than complaining that your partner doesn’t go down on you enough, make sure he feels like the most amazing oral magician on the occasions when he does head south. Get really, really excited about it, and make sure he knows that he is making you feel incredible. Use those vocal cords of yours and show him versus straight up telling him that he sucks like a champ and you’d like more of that on the daily, please and thank you.
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Some men are surprisingly insecure about their oral skills and seem to buckle under the pressure of getting their partner off. A bit of reassurance from you that what he’s doing is working will prevent him from shying away from oral sex and will kick his nerves to the curb.
Go Where the (New) Men Are
If you’re single and looking to increase the amount of blowjobs you get this year, you’ve got to figure out where the boys are and don’t stay in one spot. Don’t go to the same neighborhood bar where everyone knows your name and where you’ve probably already hooked up with every attractive guy anyway. This is your chance to break out of your normal routine and meet loads of men you might not have otherwise. While I still think it’s important to be selective with your time and your penis, the name of the game is more blowjobs, and you’ve got to play smart. When you do go out, take time to make yourself look and smell as attractive as possible. No self-respecting man is going to want to put his mouth on you if you look like you can’t be bothered to bathe or put together an appropriate outfit. Oral sex is more intimate than just a casual makeout session, you’ve got to make sure that you’re in tip top shape, so to speak.
Have a Plan
Picture this, you’re chatting up a cute guy in the corner of the bar and it’s clear that things are getting steamy. You’d both like to take your private party elsewhere but can’t decide-his place or yours? Which one is closer, should you google map it? Is his roommate home? Oh crap, your bedroom is a mess, you can’t possibly go to your house and you both don’t want to spring for a hotel room….and on and on, until the half-erections you were both packing have faded away completely, and you find yourself resorting to exchanging numbers hoping to meetup next weekend. Yeah right. What is that noise my friends?
The sad sound of a missed bj opportunity. Look at that! You’ve bored your penises to death.
This is why it’s so crucial to have a plan when you’re on the blowjob prowl. When you hit the clubs and bars, make sure you know exactly what you’ll want to do and where you’ll want to go if you find someone to hook-up with. If your plan is to bring a guy back to your house, make sure it’s not in complete shambles–put the dishes in the sink, change your sheets and clean the bathroom. If you prefer not to bring men back to your place, check the area for hotels, or, as a last resort if you really want to get scrappy with it, make sure your car is clean.
You’ve got to capitalize on that blessed moment when you both realize that you’ll be seeing each other naked soon, don’t ruin it with boring logistics.
Give First, Receive Second (Hopefully)
You know all of those slightly hippie sayings like “What you put out into the universe is what you will get back”, well, I’m fairly certain they (who is they, anyway?) are referring to things like positive energy and gratitude and all of that, but why can’t we apply the same rationale to blowjobs?
If you’re in a relationship, take the initiative and start giving more blowjobs to your partner than ever before. I’d be willing to bet that your receiving rate will skyrocket as well, tenfold!
If you’re single, don’t be shy when it comes to oral sex. By surprising a casual hook-up with a little oral play, chances are he’ll repay you with your morning wood in his mouth come sunrise.
Don’t view this as giving only with the hopes of receiving. Is it a bit selfish? Maybe. But you’re also making someone you care about or are interested in feel good, and that should make you happy as well. Not as happy as a BJ, but you know what I mean.
Go get em gents. Tis the season, afterall.
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