Troubling with topping a guy
What if you're just not into topping?

One guy recently admitted on Reddit, that he liked the idea of topping but after his first attempt during a hook up his dick wasn’t playing ball and it just wouldn’t “stay in his ass”.

He said that it wasn’t an enjoyable experience for him or his hook up, so he turned to the Internet on advice on how to stay hard during sex.

The mood passed?

User inlarry said that during a hook up a lot of guys “psyched themselves out” before an encounter, only to find that mood has passed. Suggesting that the issue is probably 90 per cent more mental than physical.

Erection Dysfunction

Then there was the suggestion about ED (erectile dysfunction) by whatthefuckpare, who added, “Some people maintain an erection for jacking off just fine but have mental barriers against being able to penetrate well”.

There is loads of information about ED here. If you’re very concerned you should book an appointment with your doctor.

And ED can affect any penis at any age.

User jjaekkak said, “Common misconception and unnecessary stigma! No shame in the game. Some people need glasses. Some people have ADD. Some people’s erections need some help. None of it makes anyone any less human/worthy/sexy.”


Of course, there are some devices that can help you stay erect, once you’ve managed to get it up. A cockring is one such tool. It works by slowing down the rate at which the blood leaves the penis – while still allowing blood to flood into your member – meaning that you’ll most likely stay hard and larger for longer. Check out the cockring pictured above here.


What if the person you’ve hooked up with doesn’t do it for you in the flesh? The trouble with apps like Grindr is that you can fall for the guy in a picture rather than his reality – and that’s okay. Attraction is a totally subjective thing.

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Make a polite excuse or be totally honest (still polite) and leave.

It’s hard being at the top

Especially the first time you top. There’s a lot of stress and performance anxiety for top and a lot of that comes from the porn we consume. Porn’s tops tend to be large, vigorous and have the stamina of a mountain goat. Most guys just aren’t that way. So try not to compare. Be in the moment.

Maybe an issue with your condom size.

One guy suggested trying a larger size condom. He found that he was losing his erection and when he spoke to a health care professional about it, they suggested trying a larger sized condom, “Game changer regular sized condoms were cutting the blood supply from my above regular dick! Also the best day of my life… Try the big condoms … Validation!”

Maybe you’re a side

Maybe, just maybe, you’re not into anal. There are guys who much prefer to do everything else but the butt stuff – many call themselves, “sides“.

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Change positions

CREDIT: © dnf style| Depositphotos

Some positions work, some don’t. Try out different positions and see which one works for you.

Sobering Up

Another erection killer is drugs and alcohol. Brewer droop is a thing. Also, it’s worth noting it’s not just non-prescription drugs that can affect your ability to perform, prescribed meds can also have an effect. Speaking to THEGAYUK, Dr Nitin Shori said, “It’s important that you treat your depression and tackle the underlying factors that might be causing it.

“If you speak to your GP they may be able to change your medication to one that has less of an effect on your libido or consider whether your depression itself is the cause”.

About the author: Agony Uncle
The resident Agony Uncle for with over seven years of counselling experience with the LGBT+ community.