There's a relatively new term for guys who don't like having anal sex. Yep, guys who aren't into topping or bottoming. Some are identifying themselves as "sides".

Not into topping. Not into bottoming? What are those guys called?

What does side mean with gay men
(C) BIGSTOCK

There’s a relatively new term for guys who don’t like having anal sex. Yep, guys who aren’t into topping or bottoming. Some are identifying themselves as “sides”.

Although the term itself is not getting the love it might deserve. As the LGBT+ community expands and adds more identities shouldn’t Sides be getting the recognition they warrant?

There’s a lot of emphases on anal sex in the gay, bi and curious community. Editor of THEGAYUK.com, Jake Hook says, “We are in a world where we’re expected to make instant proclamations on what we’re into. There’s a lot of pressure to define yourself as one or the other and the assumption that sex has to end up with penetration. Where does that assumption come from?

“First on the list is gay porn. All scenes tend to end up in anal sex. It’s become the standard.

“Secondly, the apps we used often ask us to pigeonhole ourselves into tribes including whether we’re tops, bottoms or vers.



“Thirdly, penetration is the world’s goto sex act – and it’s pretty heteronormative. In media we constantly see people going at it. One moment they are kissing the next he’s whipping off his trousers and she’s hitching her skirt. Straight to the penetration, without too much discussion about the other types of sex you can have.”

So who or what is a side?

(C) BIGSTOCK

It’s a guy who’s not into anal sex of any type instead he’ll be into kissing, hugging, oral and other types of sexual activity. Also, guys who cannot have anal sex might be considered a side. For instance, those who have had prostate surgery may not be able to have penetrative sex. It doesn’t mean that sex stops. It changes as prostate cancer campaigner Martin Wells told us.



So what are the other types of sex you can have without penetration?

There’s a whole world of sex that doesn’t end up with P in A action. Mutual masturbation, cock2cock frot, frottage, scissoring, oral, rimming, digital penetration, tantric, toy play, role play. Take your pick. All of those can end up with one or both of you climaxing, without the need to put a dick in an ass.

Where does the term “side” come from?

It appears that the term “side” was coined by Joe Kort Ph D in an article written for Huffington Post. Unfortunately, the author doesn’t explain the reason behind the word.

Defining Sideism he said, “Sides prefer to kiss, hug and engage in oral sex, rimming, mutual masturbation and rubbing up and down on each other, to name just a few of the sexual activities they enjoy. These men enjoy practically every sexual practice aside from anal penetration of any kind. They may have tried it, and even performed it for some time, before they became aware that for them, it was simply not erotic and wasn’t getting any more so”.

A note from the editor.

These are tough times for us all. Without a doubt. But we're here for you and want to continue being here for you for the foreseeable future. THEGAYUK.com needs your help to survive. Due to the nature of the articles that we publish, we find it very hard to monetize our site and have been heavily restricted by ad platforms. This leaves us two ways of making money to keep this site going. 1) We run an online shop which we encourage you to visit and if you can make a purchase and 2) We run popup shops at the prides we media partner with. As you'll no doubt be aware the majority of pride events have been cancelled or postponed for 2020, which leaves our site at risk of closure.

Around 70 per cent of our funding comes from these popup shops. So we have a severe funding shortfall for 2020.

If just 100 people who use this site each donated £2 per month we'd be able to pay for the hosting for the rest of the year - meaning we can continue to keep THEGAYUK online. Please, if you can, consider donating £2 or whatever you can to keep us going.

Thank you.

Jake

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