With the Valentine’s nuts going crazy for the impending day of “love” we reflect on why it’s great to be single.
1) I don’t have to worry about you want to eat.
Tonight I want tacos. You want spaghetti… Tachetti it is then… Damn compromising.
2) My bed, my farts.
I don’t have to worry about trumping in bed. Hurrah. Trump trump trump.
3) My remote.
Ha ha ha! Netflix and chill has a whole new meaning for me.
4) Self loving.
I know exactly what gets me off and I ain’t afraid to do it.
(while you’re at it listen to this song about the act of self loving!
5) Time to think
We’re all time poor and being alone gives me time to spend doing things that I wouldn’t otherwise get the chance to.
6) Dates, dates and more dates
Nothing like a bit of date night and the expectation of that first kiss
7) My cat is the only relationship I need
My cat loves me unconditionally… sometimes.
8) I get to keep up with who’s who on Grindr.
Yep. Even though I’m single I see so much peen. So much peen.
9) There’s literally no one to tell me that I shouldn’t drink anymore.
10) I don’t have to sleep on that one slither of bed
Or deal with stolen duvet all night.
11) I cannot be cheated on.
No broken hearts for me.
12) I can listen to all my coupled mates harp on about their woes and partner troubles and think.
Thank f that ain’t me
13) Life is one sexabout.
Like picking apples from the tree. I’m out testing the orchard and having a lot of fun on the way.
14) I can have a threesome
and be the one to walk away
15) I have a tonne of horrifying date night stories for my friends.
I’m literally a walking standup show with my tales.
16) I can relax.
No one is going to come in halfway through my House Of Cards marathon and start blathering on about their day
17) I don’t have clear my browser’s history.
“The internet is for porn”
18) I never have to see a movie with Lindsay Lohan in it ever again.
Wednesday’s we wear vomit.
19) Every outing is an opportunity to meet new guys…
It’s a big world out there.