THEGAYUK

Day: 3 December 2017

  • 11 times guys’ peens will just have a mind of their own

    From my teenage years through into my 30s I could depend on my cock to misbehave, at the wrong time and in the wrong place.

    11 times guys' peens will just have a mind of their own

    1. Driving. In the back seat of the family car on our way to visit relatives, and the vibration of travel would wake him. “Hey, I’m here” Always the last to get out and carrying my coat!
    2. In the bath. Up Periscope “Wanna play submarines?”
    3. In school.  Just sat in class. Failure to concentrate would result in my trouser buddy jerking me back to reality.
    4. On The Buses. On a bus going to my first job. A guy in front got up, turned and smiled at me, and I shot my load there and then. Nothing worse than a pocket full of cum and no tissue. I just knew it was going to run down my leg as my stop was next.
    5. In church.  Please God NO! I think it is the low resonance notes of the organ, and mine is an instrument up for playing accompaniment.
    6. Road workers beware! Not a high viz fetish, but I just know if he reaches for that pneumatic drill I am going to “pop a boner!”
    7. Drill and Fill. A visit to the dentist – I know so sad. The thought of a cavity needing attention and my tool was ready, to drill and fill.
    8. Cinema. I am never going to the cinema again. The sound system they have, war movies, explosions and the loud noise of battle and the pocket rocket in my pants is locked and loaded, ready to aim and fire.
    9. Baking. I make cakes manually. The electric whisk and blender are instruments of torture, designed to leave a man with a leaking willy and pants soggy. I can’t watch Masterchef, and “Ready Steady Cook” might as well be “Ready Tom to F**k!!”
    10. Motorbikes. Never going on a motorbike again. He loaned me a set of leathers, and then I got up behind him. How much more erotic can it get? Mounting a machine and straddling a man in leather. Then the engine roars, my cock just throbbed and pulsed in response. After a high-speed ride of leaning, heavy braking, and racing acceleration, we arrived at his. I am spent many times over, and he wants SEX! I had just been having it for the previous 20 minutes. I had to walk home, with a shrivelled nut sac and a gait like I was mounting a Motto Guzzi or riding an invisible Shetland pony.
    11. Washing day. In my 20s I lived in a flat and found the pleasure of the washing machine on its final rinse and spin cycle was like the world’s largest sex toy. As soon as it started, I would hop up on the work surface and indulge in a wild wank. Even now the aroma of fabric softener is like an airborne aphrodisiac to me; nasal Viagra – one whiff and I’m stiff!

     

     

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.

  • Here’s why your breath stinks in the morning

    Here’s why your breath stinks in the morning

    Even the dog leaves the room

    Kjerstin_Michaela / Pixabay

    Have you ever wondered why your breath is foul in the morning? Well here’s the surprising reason why it’s stinky and what you can do about it.

    Bad breath – morning or otherwise is essentially caused by the millions of bacteria that you have in your mouth – when you sleep you produce less saliva, which means there’s more of them around your mouth.

    Keciaf Byer on Quora broke it down for us,

    “The key to understanding why our breath smells first thing in the morning is to first understand why it doesn’t smell the rest of the time. As we go about our usual daylight business, bacteria are at work breaking down all the amino acids, proteins, and other chemicals left behind in our mouths from our last meal. This process produces volatile sulphur compounds (VSCs) like hydrogen sulphide, dimethyl sulphide, and methyl mercaptan, which are responsible for the funk.

    “In our waking hours, our own saliva washes away the bacteria before they can do their smelly damage; when we fall asleep, our saliva production calls it a night, too. In the absence of much saliva, the VS C-causing bacteria run wild, and the sulfuric compounds build up until their grand unveiling in the morning.

    “It’s a simple equation—mouth plus bacteria minus saliva equals yuck”

    So what can we do about it?

    Chinmoy Hazarika, who is a Dentist, gave a few suggestions on Quora to help you awake feeling a little more humane.

    Brush your teeth

    Make sure you actually brush your teeth before you go to bed – even if you’re really, really drunk…

    Flossing

    Flossing “is a good way to keep plaque and tartar buildup at bay. Oral-B, Colgate etc manufacture good dental flosses that help clean areas between your teeth that normal tooth brushing may miss out”.

    Mouth Rinse

    “Is another good way, though it works as an add-on to your mechanical method of brushing and flossing”. Check out Amazon’s range of mouthwashes here.

    Have a glass of water by your bed

    Keciaf Byer also suggests having a glass of water by your bedside.
    So apart from that, the best thing to do is either have a pack of fresh mints by your bedside to pop the moment you wake up or keep your mouth clamped down until you can reach the bathroom to give your pearly whites a good going over with your toothbrush.

  • The best naughty 2018 Calendars

    It’s that time of year when we look to the year ahead…

    52 Naked Rugby players await you in the official Naked Rugby Players’ Calendar 2018

    And what will be hanging on our walls.

    People, we present the hottest calendars that need to be in your life for 2018

    Red Hot 2018

    Go follow @chrisjammer Mr July in our Red Hot British Boys calendar. Out next Wednesday 25th Oct ?Pre-Order now from www.redhot100.com/shop A few tickets left for launch party available – link in bio ⚡️

    A post shared by RED HOT (@redhot100) on

    There’s two version of this calendar, the truly naked one and the more SFW one… Shot by Red Hot photographer Thomas Knights and art director Elliott James Frieze, the calendar raises money for the Movember Foundation’s Testicular Cancer Awareness.

    Available for £20.00

    The Naked Rugby Players 2018

    Get your #MondayMotivation with @kxsrfc from www.TheNakedRugbyPlayers.com #nakedrugby #gay #charity #mondays #balls #rugby

    A post shared by The Naked Rugby Players (@thenakedrugbyplayers) on

    52 guys got completely starkers to raise money and awareness for Balls to Cancer and inclusive rugby… Shot by THEGAYUK’s very own photographer, Monty McKinnen. Available to buy from their website TheNakedRugbyPlayers.com from £10.00

     

    The Dreamboys

    Bring the world-famous Dreamboys in your home with this stunning calendar, just £13.26 on Amazon

    The Farmers Calendar

    I’ve got a brand new Combinharverter… Available on Amazon from £9.99

    Dieux du Stade

    Our second Rugby player calendar of the year, who could not fall for these ridiculously hot guys in the world famous, Calendrier Dieux du stade. Available on Amazon  from £22.30

    Meat Magazine

    Described as a f**k you to body shaming, the Meat Calendar promises to deliver page after page of guys of all shapes and sizes. The calendar’s cover star Fernando, a hunky, down-to-earth HR professional in London’s busy Mayfair, said, “It wasn’t an easy decision to pose naked for meat but, now I’m absolutely proud of myself for doing it. I thought I would never be picked because of my body shape and I wanted to prove that you can be hairy and have a belly and it can be sexy.” Available from Amazon for £19.62

    Steve Grand

    I am now selling 2 Limited Edition, Photo Calendars on my web store so you can pick from either the First Edition, the Second Edition, or get both for a discounted rate so you don’t have to choose! 😀 Order now: Shop.SteveGrand.com�� We got so many amazing shots, I just had to make 2 Calendars worth of images. So yes, both calendars have their own unique set of photos, although all the photos came from the same photoshoot. ��13 full resolution, never-before-seen full color photo prints make up each limited edition, spiral bound 8.5″ x 11″ 2018 monthly calendar. Autographed and Personalized Options available! �These photos were taken by the very talented Zack Zerbe this past summer while I was living and performing in Ptown.� The photos in the images are a sample of some of the photos that will be included in the calendars There will be 13 pages of photos total for each calendar. Enjoy! :D

    A post shared by Steve Grand (@stevegrandmusic) on

    Australian Firefighters Calendar

    This doesn’t really need any comment, introduction or further push to buy…

     

  • HOTEL REVIEW | The Seven Hotel & Wellness, Gran Canaria

    I shelved travelling to Gran Canaria for many years because I had horrors of being surrounded by youngsters on their first holiday along with every other restaurant serving a full English Breakfast.

    I would have probably been close to that dread if it wasn’t for the tranquillity of The Seven Hotel & Wellness – Gay Only. After a comfortable 4 hour flight from London to Las Palmas airport (LPA), it was a smooth 25-minute drive to the area of Maspalomas.

    When I arrived, I began to ponder the undeveloped surrounding areas and wondered where the ocean was hiding. All the rubble from the airport journey was left behind and forgotten about as soon as I walked through the resort doors and confronted with the dramatic backdrop of the island’s impressive mountains, endorsed by deep blue clear skies. This gay resort in Gran Canaria has perfectly set itself in a surprising picturesque landscape. You might find it a struggle to leave the grounds especially when you’re spoilt by attentive staff, spacious raindrop showers, 24hr access to the sauna, heated outdoor Jacuzzi, loungers inside the pool and of course temperatures reaching a steep 25 degrees (Nov ‘ 17).

    kasabubu / Pixabay

    With a somewhat struggle, I managed to pull myself away from the resort and took a 5-minute drive to the ever so talked about Yumbo Centre. The Yumbo Centre is not an area, it’s not a village, it’s not an attraction, it’s an exasperated outdoor shopping centre that looks as though it can’t be bothered. Don’t go searching for authentic Spanish food at Yumbo (or anywhere in the area), having spoken to some of the locals the general consensus is that they don’t have to improve Yumbo or renew the area as tourists settle for the wreck and continue to flock in and out each week. I wonder how many gay tourists would return to Yumbo Centre after leaving the island? So when it comes to choosing where to spend a few precious days on a winter break, food is almost as high in my priorities as sunshine. Not in a Michelin restaurant sort of way – but with local restaurants more in mind. Where can I eat well – and affordably?


    After seeing what was on offer at Yumbo, I was extremely content with my dining option at Abora Restaurant a Dégustation experience every night in the good company of the staff, guests and the mountains all without the high prices that such an experience can fetch. The oceanfront lined restaurants in Meloneras was an eye opener for not settling on Yumbo as a gay hotspot Gran Canaria. The word of mouth – Restaurante Borneo was a high point of my trip, home cooked food with care and attention also where else in the world can you get kisses and hugs from the fantastic Chef.

    All the gay bars are in the Yumbo Centre and opened every day with the majority of them starting to peak evidence of life past midnight. Many of the gay guests at The Seven Hotel opted to socialise at the resort bar, exchanging stories and laughs among gay travellers from Sweden, Italy, Germany, UK, Russia, France and USA.

    Seven Dos:

    1. Accept that this is part of Spain even though it doesn’t feel like it should be
    2. Stay in a Suite at The Seven Hotel & Wellness and opt for half board
    3. Spend half a day in Las Palmas and get an overview from the Sightseeing bus tour
    4. Hire a car (if only to do your airport to hotel transfers – very inexpensive )
    5. Avoid Yumbo Centre and take a long walk on the sand dunes or book a massage
    6. Dine at the word of mouth Restaurante Borneo
    7. Have a glass of something and people watch in the Meloneras area

    For a real understanding of what makes Gran Canaria tick start by deciding if you want to retreat or not – whatever you choose it will be worth the trip and a Grand Canary-On!

     

  • What’s it like to have a doctor check your balls for lumps?

    Oh no; not a third bollock! I had found a lump!

    Nothing significant but it was a lump on my right testicle. I had woken one morning stretching, raking, scratching, checking and there it was. I did nothing, well not precisely nothing I kept checking every day to see if it would just go. It didn’t. After about a week I knew I should see a doctor just to be safe.

    Having recently moved into a new area I had yet to register with a surgery. I lived in an apartment in a large converted Victorian house, halfway up a hill. At the foot of the hill was the nearest clinic. Registering as a new patient seemed to be a good idea, so I filled in the form when I went to ask to see a doctor. There were no appointments, but I could sit and wait to see the duty doctor. I was told the duty doctor for today was the GP I had just registered for and I would be his first patient on his first day.

    It was the summer of 1992, a hot August day. I sat in the waiting room, worried about sweating in the heat and wondering if this was the best time to be here. How long would I have to wait? Long enough to be considered of dubious personal hygiene? I hoped not. I wanted to be cool and calm, but I just felt hot and sweaty.

    Surrounded by seniors, some with quiet dignity, an old lady with her head to one side. “Earache,” the old man accompanying her said sharply as he looked across at me. Oops had I been staring? Small children, some running around, others looking very sorry for themselves and clinging to their parents.

    “Tom Driver to Doctor F……..”, the loudspeaker announced. I followed the instructions the receptionist had given me and went up the stairs to the door on the left. I knocked and almost immediately heard back “Come in.”

    Deep breath and in through the door and shocked, absolutely stunned! Sitting in the chair, formally attired, smiling back at me was a young man who was the spitting image of England Rugby Union Captain Will Carling. “Tom isn’t it? Do take a seat.”

    Take a seat? I wanted to run out of the door. This man was wank fantasy material incarnate, and I was going to tell him I had a lump on my right bollock!

    Pleasantries over and I had made my disclosure, while mumbling, looking away and staring at the floor. “Well, we better have a look then. Stand up and drop your trousers and underwear.”

    Mentally I was in agony dreading what would happen if my cock reacted during the examination. In my head, I was watching the Salvation Army marching band and old ladies knitting while reciting “Bromide in the NAAFI tea keeps the cock at half-mast or lower.”

    In the time I had been having these thoughts and thinking of what excuse to offer should he excite me, the doctor had got on his knees in front of me. Oh My God, focus on the matter in hand, IN HAND, he has my balls in his hand fondling squeezing and checking. He reached to his desk and took from it with his right hand the instrument they use to look into mouths and ears (Otoscope). With his torch in his right hand and the lump exposed by his positioning of my testis with his left, he shone the light. I thought; ‘he really wants a good look’. Then he got up, and I heard him say “All done, pull them up.”

    I had to ask, “What were you doing?” He explained to me that he shone the light because cellular tissue is denser than fatty tissue. Having this knowledge and the fact the light shone into and through the lump indicated it was not cellular (potentially cancerous) and was most likely a polyp, a lump of fatty tissue the body would probably reabsorb over time. I was told to keep an eye on it and if it changed, itched or grew to come back. I thanked him and left.

    On the stairs, on the way down I stood back to let an elderly couple pass on their up. It was the old lady with the earache who was his next patient. I smiled, knowing where the instrument he would use to examine her had just been.

     

    If you are concerned about lumps on your testicles, you should make an appointment with your GP as soon as possible.

    THEGAYUK.com has teamed up with The Naked Rugby Players to help raise money and awareness for testicular cancer with the Balls To Cancer charity, through their Naked Rugby Calendar 2018. To buy a copy click here.

    Opinions expressed in this article may not reflect those of THEGAYUK, its management or editorial teams. If you’d like to comment or write a comment, opinion or blog piece, please click here.