Top tips to get ahead and save you from meeting a man like your granddad unless, of course, that is your thing.

Prove the picture is him

If he has a profile photo and you are meeting through an app, right-click the image and google it to make sure it is him.

Name check

If you have a forename and surname back to the search engine and check out social media accounts, Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.

Web trawl

Your research could mean you will be able to cross reference the image to make sure it is current. Find out about his hobbies. Read his posts and find out about likes and dislikes. Check out his family and friends.

Lookout online for Ex’s they will almost certainly have a story to tell or have poured it out all over their timeline and feeds. Follow the trail of crumbs.

Somewhere in all of this, you may find out about his sexual health and preferences.

There may be professional profiles enabling you to look at the work play contrast.

If you still want to meet him and you have not been put off by your research, now is the time to use the insight you have gleaned.

Chat with him before a date

Is the guy a big drinker? If so go for a meal unless you are thinking of loosening him up and getting into the sac.

For a meal, you may already know where he likes to eat or perhaps a favourite food. Coffee or Cognac? All this insider information could make you look intuitive and compatible. Just remember if he knows all there is about you too, it is time to smile at each other and reveal you are both members of Stalkers Anonymous!

“STOP THE BUS!” You will have a foot in the door and established a rapport with these cheats, but now it is time to interact.

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First Date Advice

Best advice for a first date is listen and learn. You already know about yourself, so give the guy some time to tell you about him. Wait and see if he wants to learn about and ask about you.

If he loves puppies and brought you flowers (did I mention a small gift as an icebreaker) is attentive and smiles a lot, brushing aside questions about himself, he could be a keeper

Get Out Clause

Have an out option in case he is not for you and the thought of spending another minute with him is hell on earth. I usually have a text ready to send and a friend primed to call me if I am bored, frightened or falling into the whirly pits of despair with a guy on a first date.

Leave the house empty

Finally, before leaving the house, have a wank. There is nothing worse than being so eager for “an empty” that it blurs your senses.


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About the author: Tom Driver

Disillusioned and back in the closet man who likes other men.

Strongly opinionated, possibly outdated. Genuine, cynical, candid and consider I have a humourous outlook.

Older than acceptable in Gay circles, larger of frame than is fashionably desirable.

Looking for a platform to share my views and listen to others