Here are seven places you should definitely not stick your purple-headed love monster. You can be warned.

A vacuum cleaner

stevepb / Pixabay

If you’re looking for some suction, please do not put your bellend into a vacuum cleaner. Although the suction power of a standard cleaner might not cause too much trouble, some more powerful cleaners could rupture the blood vessels of your penis and a trip to the A&E could be in your future. Although it has to be said, nurses and doctors at an A&E probably won’t be surprised to learn of what you’ve done.

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